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dsync

Conquering HPPD - What worked for me

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Reading through the posts on this board reminds of myself a while ago 9 years or so ago a DXM experience gone bad thrust into a world of anxiety, memory problems, depersonalization, and ridiculously annoying visual problems. Today, other than an occasional halo, and very occasional squiggly lines (which only seem to occur during intense stress/hardcore workouts) I don't really have any problems.

Time heals all wounds as they say.

What I did notice:

1. Working out hardcore and getting involved in "contact" sports was immensely helpful. It helped reestablish the connection to my body. I really felt out of place in my own skin for a while, but its kind of hard to feel like that when every part of you is incredibly sore.

2. Doing Math, so this sounds pretty arbitrary, but I found activities which hyperfocused and challenged my mind got me to help ignore the symptoms and additionally provided confidence in my intelligence. One thing i've noticed about folks with HPPD is they are almost universally also folks with ADD.

3. Owning the perceptual disorders. I really hated walls with separators or rows, or things like shades anything really with vertical or horizontal divider lines, or tiles. as they would cause me extremely annoyances in how they "Shifted" my vision in clicks - if that makes any sense. So I finally got fed up and forced myself to count the number of dividers. I made this a habit, when taking a bath i would repeatedly count the tiles forcing myself to to slowly shift my vision between each tile and forcing my perception to focus without skipping. This helped immensely.

With Trails I would blink a lot and follow the object that was the cause- sound stupid - but it helped

Visual Artifacts pretty much required ignoring, they will eventually go away, it does however take a while.

The psychological symptoms were the hardest to deal with. I was never really a particularly confident, or well grounded in reality person prior to having the HPPD hit so when it did anxiety and detachedness was particularly bad. I was forced to rebuild my ego essentially. For a while nothing worked, I was resigned to the fact that this was it, i had "ruined myself" for life.

What turned it all around for me was something pretty ridiculous - I got into a fight. I was coming out of a club and walking to my car and all of a sudden something hit me in the back of the head and i fell in pain and felt two people going through my back pocket. For a very brief few seconds I forgot about all the anxiety, all the little reminders of hppd (even while looking at the static night sky) and everything else. I was just afraid of losing my life. So I fought, and i'm by no means a big guy hell at the time i was a wimp, but I swung and hit one of my attackers and managed to create some distance, picked up a rock and threw it the other one narrowly avoiding getting hit by the bottle that had not broken on my head (which they had hit me with previously). I knocked the other one to the ground again out of sheer desperation and he got up and pulled out a knife. I was afraid but luckily for me a few other people were leaving the club and saw this and started to come over to where I was and my would be muggers ran away. I sat down, bleeding, concussed but (at least in my own mind) victorious, and more importantly I had clarity for a few minutes. The fear and pain i had felt reintroduced me to my body and my mind/spirit, the feeling of victory to my ego.

From there on in, I was driven, I didn't want to lose to anyone, i didn't want to feel afraid of anything, HPPD be damned. I did a ton of brain tests, IQ tests, brain visual tests, video game tests etc. and I joined a regular gym, and also started taking maui thai lessons. I researched and tried out a lot of brain oriented substances. All the Racetam's (PIracetam worked amazingly the first time I took it - I remember because i was taking a shower and all of a sudden the fog I had lived with faded away and I could every perceive every drop of water). I also worked hard at trying to learn new things, languages, medical info, math, computer programming etc.

The hppd didn't go away 100% instantly, but i started to not care about it anymore, and it faded into the background, and gradually it disappeared.

This may not be the case for anyone else, but this is how my life unfolded.

This may be the wrong advice but based on my experiences:

Force yourself to have intense natural experiences that connect you to your body/mind. Adrenaline rushes, things that you will remember with an intensity that the fog cannot deny.

Train the body hardcore - be able to run 10 miles non stop at a fast pace, be able to bench your weight + 100lbs, get fit, get cut, get strong.

Train your mind, try some brain software which focuses on visual perception, utilize IQ tests, mensa tests, try hard logic problems, do math!

Gain confidence - Learn to defend yourself, learn to take care of yourself, learn to compete and win at something, games, sports etc.

Feed your ego - Become really good at something - Art, Music, Computers, Architecture

Try some Brain boosting sup's - PIracetam, Rhodiola, document how they effect you.

View HPPD as the enemy, conquer your mind then conquer it = no more HPPD.

-Dsync

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Hey man thanks for telling us your story, i think i speak for more than one of us here when i say that it's really encouraging to read about people beating this crap...

I was just wondering for how long did you have it and what your lifestyle is like now...do you drink on occasion?

Glad youre better and again thanks for sharing...ill look up piracetam and give it a shot..

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Heh yeah, sometimes it is good every once in a while to hear a honest success of just being able to come out the other side.

I believe there are people that do and just want to forget the black hole that was this time, which is completely understand able. i have been able tocope pretty well without hope of recovery as I believe attempting to cope with the disorder on the grounds of hope for a better future alone will lead you to places that are worse off then just trying to live the best you can with what you have. But, it is always good to hear that there maybe an other side to this.

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The reconstruction of the ego is the most difficult to achieve. The LSD for moments that takes you by force. Experiencing that feeling 24/7 ...

I think this post is one of the most inspiring I've read

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Hey dsync, I don't suffer from DP/DR just visuals but thanks for this post man! I think we all need to hear inspirational stories like yours.

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It sounds like what I had while I was tripping. Is it a feeling of disconnectedness from the world? Like you aren't grounded fully in your senses?

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something like that. A weed trip that never ends, but there's not the problem. Your accions, memories,feelings, dont feel yours.

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