3 posts in this topic
Im 19 and last weekend (4 days ago) i used ecstasy for the first time. I took less then 1/4 of a pill and 3 hours later 1/4 again. At most it was half a pill (not tested, i know thats really stupid).
I have done weed before but between every smoke there was about 1 to 2 weeks break.
Now my questions is do i have hppd?
The moment i woke up the next day of taking ecstasy i was scared that something was wrong with me. I had some blurred vision and a bit of a headache. So i started looking online and found out about HPPD. Now i am trying to see if i have the symptomsbthey discribe and guess what? i do have some of the symptoms.
I have the visual snow one but only if i focus on it but yea its still scaring me.
I do have afterimages but only when i look in really bright lights and itbonly stays for 0.5 second.
And some bright car light have like this star shape but i think i had that as a child aswell.
So yeah what do you guys think?
I also want to mention that during the trip i didnt halucinate so im not sure if i eveb can get hppd without having halucinated. And the trip was good.
The thing im most scared about is that i will never be able to drink a beer and smoke weed again. (i read that people with hppd cant to that anymore cause it increase the symptoms).
What i dont have is things morphing in stuff and i dont halucinate. I dont feel disconnected with myself.
Am i overthinking stuff or what?
Thanks for reading,
One of my therapists got me thinking about the role that guilt may play in sustaining my HPPD. I've realized that my obsession with my "HPPD" - visual in my case (for more info see here) - is connected to a general feeling of guilt for doing drugs and doing other things that go strongly against my religious upbringing. I'm wondering if the fixation on various parts of my body is a sort of "alchemy of guilt" - intense guilt finding its way into an obsession over physical phenomena. Please answer the poll, curious about this! Feel free to ask questions if you're not clear where I'm coming from.
Hi, new to the forums. only took the drug once havnt ever done anything else and have been 100% sober since 7 months ago when I took it.
Took shrooms, was good till one month later where I got eye pain light sensitivity and headaches. Im sure they are linked. I also noticed I had breathing walls when I would zone out. 7 Months in I still got Mild snow and stuff still shifts and moves when I zone out. I also had a panic attack after the month of shrooms where I didnt know what was happening. had episodes where I would slap myself trying to "feel" something and that time I didnt know what DP was. Anyway reading all the stuff about HPPD definitely gave me some more anxiety as I noticed stuff which was there but at the end of the day it didnt bother me before I knew what it was. I have mild anxiety now which is getting better I think because before I would freak out about changing my damn wallpaper thinking it would make me feel a certain way but that doesnt happen now. I used to be SCARED to leave the house but not anymore. I think its slowly getting better. ONE MAIN THING which is keeping me down is the headaches with lightsensitivity which always gives me terrible anxiety when I think about it too because I keep wondering whether I fucked my brain up. Headaches have gone better then when it started but its still there paired with light sensitivity. I have to squint often.
Does anyone have experience with this bad headache and light sensitivity symptom? Does it fade with time? Any help will be greatly appreciated. I really do hope this Photophobic headache goes as well as the visual phenomena which is fuel to the fire when I decide to worry about it lots. Please Help
I took hppd about 2 months ago and ever since I’ve been very aware of what I’m seeing. Like at night when I’m in the car driving, I’m not sure if it’s been there before but street lights or any sort of light kinda has a glare to it, like very shiny and has like a glow to it. I’ve noticed that when I look at the moon. There’s another moon next to it but half of the size, like a glare. I suck at explaining but am I getting hppd or is all this normal? I’ve been stressing over This for a while now and I’m going to a psychologist to get checked out.
I forgot to mention that I only taken lsd once. I’ve only smoked weed before .
So on August 6, 2017, at around 10pm, my friend basically forced me into doing acid for the first and only time. I didn’t really want to take it, my girlfriend had just broken up with me, I had gotten blackout drunk the night before, I had just eaten, and I was also afraid of the drug because I had always been told it fries your brain. So anyways, I took one tab of tested (not synthetic [excuse my terminology I know nothing about this stuff]) in order to get high, which is the wrong reason to take the drug. I didn’t really feel anything until I started getting some minor visuals a few hours in. Then at about the 5 hour mark, the trip turned terrible. I started freaking out, I got constipated, and I began to freak out begging my friend to take me to the hospital. After about 4 more hours of this, we both agreed to take a single Xanax bar, and that helped me finally go to sleep. The next day I felt ok, things seemed a little different and I guess I knew to expect that temporarily. The day after that is when all my problems began to surface. I began to see an abnormal amount of floaters in my vision that move with my eyes, not on my own, and I also began to see afterimages of everything and I have also developed blue field entoptic phenomenon as well. These all pale in comparison to the anxiety which controls me. It’s now been 2 months (October 11, 2017) as I write this, and I haven’t been able to get good sleep on a consistent basis and I am extremely concerned that this is tearing my life apart. I can’t get the fact that I used acid out of my head. The floaters never subside unless I am in a dimly lit room, and I become extremely anxious and am not able to sleep easily at night. My social life has significantly deteriorated as well, as my friends love to smoke pot but I no longer do because I am afraid it will aggravate my HPPD. The girl who broke up with me the day of the trip gave me a second chance, but after acid I became completely obsessed with her to a point where it became necessary for her to remove me from her life, despite the fact that I was never like that with her before tripping, and I convinced myself that I could not live without her, which is downright creepy and not like the old me at all. She has called me psychotic on two different occasions since the breakup despite me not telling her anything I am suffering from. It has now been 3 weeks and my thoughts are still consumed by her and my HPPD. I haven’t smoked pot since 6 days before the trip, and since the trip I have taken one Xanax and drank on several occasions, which I have now stopped. I use an e cigarette every day and but I don’t drink caffeine. I have committed now to complete sobriety aside from the e cig, which I had quit previously for about 3 days, but did not alleviate any symptoms. I’m only 17 and I have my whole life ahead of me and right now I feel like it isn’t worth living if I have to deal with this. I made a mistake, one tab of acid, and I don’t know if I can deal with the reality that this may haunt me for the rest of my life. If this is truly permanent, I can’t see why I would want to continue to be a part of this world as it’s only been 2 months and the symptoms, however minor, are now unbearable. I cannot get professional help as my parents are non-believers in western medicine and would not send me to a psychiatrist unless I went full-blown insane. There is also no history of mental illness in my family. Any suggestion is welcome.