HPPD Questions + My Story

[conker44]

Hey guys! Like a lot of people on here ive been a lurker of the forums for quite a few months now, reading peoples stories and all.

 

Let me make this as short as possible because i would really like for someone to read this and give me some sort of advice.

 

 

I'll begin with my story real quick, I tripped 4 times in 4 weeks, once a week! and at the time I did this i was fairly new to psychedelics and had only tripped once prior to these binge trips. I enjoyed every trip I had besides the second one (was kinda a bad trip, the second time i ever tripped) but the rest were fun, the 4th one I took the most shrooms out of the rest, i got really fucking high. It was enjoyable none the less, but the subsequent months (the past year now) were weird, i felt out of place after, im pretty sure i was depersonalized and i was sad, depressed, i felt guilty of the drugs i did and that i fucked myself up. Months after the trip i found out about the demon HPPD, haha i say demon because it really is a crazy thing, it kind of drains you of everything and every substance/aspect of life. Ive lived with it the past year now, what i noticed my visual symptoms didnt start until January of 2015 and my last trip was in July, I have two black dots sort of like a semi colon in my left eye (floats around my eyeball pretty annoying), floaters, in certain sunlight my vision looks like it did when I was tripping (I really notice it when im looking at grass, in one of my trips the grass started breathing so i already noticed the connection there.) I also noticed i have snake floaters when i look at the sky, along with normal floaters and other bubble floaters that remind me of when i tripped. I have some visual static, that doesnt really bug me because i honestly dont notice it alot, i think i had it slightly already before i ever even tripped. I have brain fog, so talking to people is hard sometimes cause i almost never understand which makes me feel really dumb. I stopped smoking pot 2 months ago now, and ive only drank once since my weed sobriety, honestly alcohol doesnt really effect my hppd that ive seen, but i still am remaining fairly abstinent from it. Ive been sober from weed once for 3 months earlier this year, and i never really noticed any improvements, but from this sobriety period I noticed that my memories becoming a little bit better than what it was, floaters are starting to bug me a little less, my vision still looks like im tripping in sunlight. Other than these symptoms i havent noticed anything else besides i guess depersonationalization which to my knowledge is getting slightly better.

 

So thats my story so far, now I have some questions:

 

1. Has anyone else had black dots in their eyes like i have? ive never seen anyone mention it so im kinda worried something else might be wrong with me since im self diagnosed with HPPD.

 

2. Sometimes i feel like my fight is worthless and that ill never fully get better, i hate this HPPD so much and im coping with it better than i use to be but it just seems like ill be trapped here forever, i was wondering if anyone had some advice to keep me going on my journey.

 

3.  Ive dealt with visuals almost a year now, seems like forever, i was wondering if someone could maybe give me an estimated time of recovery, I know you cant predict when its gonna heal but any opinion is greatly appreciated.

 

And thats all i have for you guys for now, any comments/feedback are welcome, thank you guys for your time, see you around the for