Back again

[Kellen]

Hey there I posted a lot back here in 2013. I was going through a serious hell with this hppd stuff. Like serious hell. Then it kinda tapered off with only some underlying symptoms ie vs, a few brief bouts of,dp/dr and some over all foggyness but I was able to function for all of 2014 and up until a couple weeks ago. It all,started coming back again. The dp/dr, the hard Vs, the anxiety, severe brain fog just hit me again. But I am also getting severe depression now too that haven't felt.

I am really really concerned because im having suicidal thoughts almost constantly. I feel like a total moron when I'm with my gf because all of a sudden my brain is all muddled and I struggle to have normal conversation at times. Like I will say things I don't mean or just not have anything to say because I cant concentrate. And not even a month ago everything was fine. My last gf left me over this shit and I really don't want to loose my gf Now I really love her. But I'm slipping again. Had a break down today and just accepted I'm back in this hell. God damn it

Also I am supposed,to,be returning to,work next month and now I'm all messed up again.

I can't go through this shit again without the proper meds

So I need some advice

Im thinking of taking kolonopin. I just can't handle being in the perpetual state of unease and confusion.

I have always been hesitant to try it but I think with the depression and everything it might be a good idea.

So I need you guys to either tell me to do it or not to do it. I can't decide for myself.

Sucks being back here

[TheGman6072]

Did you recently take any drugs that could have possibly brought this back ?

[VisualDude]

So I need you guys to either tell me to do it or not to do it. I can't decide for myself.

 

Welcome back, though sorry it is because you are feeling worse.

 

In the end, you will have to decide and also work with whatever a doctor will help you with.

 

That said, it would help to know how you responded to meds in the past.  Have you tried any in the past?  What were they and how did each one affect you?

 

 

Also, if possible, it would be helpful to get some ideas why things got worse suddenly.  It can be something as simple as hot weather and worry.  And ideas about what is different from last month?

[Kellen]

I have been on lamitrogine which seemed to be helping. I haven't taken any drugs if anything I've been healthier. I quit smoking last week and have been sober for over 2 years.

Can stress cause a major flare up?

I've been having a lot of issues with my gf, the fear of returning to work, the fact that I'm 30 and feel like an 80year old in terms of physical health.

For a couple weeks my breathing was really shallow. And it felt like I ran a marathon after any physical activity. Then one day it all nailed me. I felt insanely depressed and I couldn't breathe. Hit me while I was walking home. I had a full blown panic attack which I hadn't had in over a year. Had to be taken to emerg.

Things haven't been the same since. Which is how I remember it happening before. It just hit me then stayed.

I really don't want to have to go through with this again I don't know if I can take it.

I need some relief

I'm going to get the prescription

When should I be taking them?

I also take zoplicone at night to sleep so please keep that in mind

Thanks for reading

[Kellen]

I've tried keppera. It worked right away. Like I took it and it immediately cleared my symptoms it was like a miracle. Honest to god after one dose. I don't know how that was even possible but it happened.

Then on day 3 I was feeling kind of off. Like I could feel the hppd in the back of my mind and I drank a few beers and then it was like a war in my head.

I've tried Keppera a couple times after but it made my symptoms worse but could that have been psychosomatic? Should I try it at an incredibly low dose and work my way up? Because if I can get that original feeling back it would be amazing.

I tried sinemet and nothing. Prozac gave me me chest pains

I can't get into see my dr until the end of next month so I'm going to my family dr to try and get the kolanzipam script

Any help or advice is greatly appreciated

[Kellen]

Hmm also curious if I should bump my Lamitrogine? I'm at 300 mg should I go higher with it?

[LethargicAcid]

I dont understand HPPD. 

 

 

Why does it cause anxiety? cuz we obsess over it? or is it some sort of PTSD?

[Jay1]

Hey Kellen.

 

Stress is a massive cause of flare ups.... Do you have any activities that help alleviate stress? Have you tried meditating?

 

Clonazepam can increase depression, so I would tread carefully if you go down that route... But it can also get your through a rough patch. Maybe try the 3 days on, 4 days off routine... That can help bring your stress/anxiety down and give you a long weekend without anxiety, while helping avoid addiction/tolerance.

[WuWei]

Yep... stress is the biggest contributing factor to HPPD.

 

My advice is to take Klonopin as needed... not on a schedule.  If you've never tried it take 0.25 mg every 6 hours as needed.  If that doesn't work you could work up to 0.5 mg every 6-8 hours as needed but I wouldn't go much beyond that as it will make your tolerance go up and lower your anxiety threshold.

 

I would hold off on any other meds and focus on a more holistic approach unless you can't deal even while being on a small dose of klonopin.

[TheGman6072]

I'm constantly stressed and having panic attacks constantly now and I don't think I will ever be able to trust medications again after those pills that my friend gave me. Have not felt the same since

[Kellen]

Okay I got my script. 10 pills.

What symptoms do they alleviate?

Do I take them before bed?

During the day?

Got a rotten sleep last night. Felt somewhat okay most of the day. Now I'm feeling the brain fog and hppd again. Vision is bad, ringing ears.

Should I take a half one now?

I'm always weary of what I'm putting in my body and again any advice is much appreciated as this is my first time trying them I want to do it right

[Kellen]

Hey Kellen.

 

Stress is a massive cause of flare ups.... Do you have any activities that help alleviate stress? Have you tried meditating?

 

Clonazepam can increase depression, so I would tread carefully if you go down that route... But it can also get your through a rough patch. Maybe try the 3 days on, 4 days off routine... That can help bring your stress/anxiety down and give you a long weekend without anxiety, while helping avoid addiction/tolerance.

I may try this what days do you use them and what days do you take a break?

[Jay1]

I usually do Friday (1mg), Saturday (1mg), Sunday (1.5mg).... I take them in the morning.

This give me a more relaxed weekend and allows me to get out with friends and family.

[Spiritual Confliction]

I quit smoking last week and have been sober for over 2 years.

 

 

One of the reasons you might feel a little more down on yourself is because you're eliminating a habit. If it's cigarettes that you quit smoking (I assume so cause you said you've been sober for 2 years), then that would cause you a whole new level of stress, depending how long you've been smoking. To be honest, I wouldn't expel my energy thinking about HPPD (it's just a huge waste that takes a lot more energy than letting it go), but I'd focus on cleaning up your habit cause that will take some energy and getting used to.

[Kellen]

hey all

 

been a few weeks since i have posted. ive gone though a lot since my last post. a trip to the ER, staggering ups and downs in my mood, bad derpression and other shit etc.. but i will say that some of the more concerining issues arent as bad as they were. although i am still in the trenches and have a long way to go atleast the really bad violent thoughts have subsided. i have been mediatating a lot. i try to everyday. some days its almost impossible but i still try. i have been more active and have started going to therapy again. its good to take charge and you will get a sense of accomplishment out of it which can help boost your mood. i certainly have a lot of anger inside about hppd and about other things that i need to work out. but i feel i am on the right path and i make it through everyday not matter how hard it is.

 

take any slight improvement, any time you feel okay and put it in the bank for those days when youre in the shit as a reminder that it can get better.

 

im going to my dr tomorrow to come up with a game plan to get off lamictal and try something new.

 

wish me luck!