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Tooch83

What do you do for a living when you are constantly tripping?

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I should of joined this site 11 years ago but I forced myself to believe that I didn't have HPPD.  I was living in denial and was taking a lot of Benzos to function in society.  Benzodiazepines are the only medication that work for me.   But after a wile I was living life in major fog and denial.  Now I am confronting HPPD for the first time and trying to accept the fact that I did this to myself and there is no turning back.  I can't focus or concentrate which makes it very difficult to find a job.  So my question is what do you do for a living if you have severe HPPD?  It seems impossible for me to think of anything that I can possibly do.  I know I have a grim outlook and the glass is always half empty and that needs to stop but realistically I have no clue what to do with my life.  I am applying for SS for another illness but I have been denied twice and obviously  I can't mention I need it because I have HPPD.  I'm sorry if there is another topic exactly like this one but I could really use some advice ASAP.

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I don't and cannot work at all

My cognitive function is so fuked up and I have no sensory awareness or connection to anyone or anything. How on earth can I work ?? I can't even retain new information ..I don't remember if I did something 5 minutes ago.

Currently I'm on welfare and waiting to see a neurologist

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I work from home, it is the only way I can cope.

 

I am a web/app designer... Sometimes for clients, but I generally come up with my own ideas and have been lucky enough to have enough success to have made a living doing it.

 

When I first had hppd, I used to work in factories.... Anywhere that I could just put my headphones on and not speak to people.

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If anything, hppd has sent my creativity into overdrive.... The ideas flow non stop.

 

Right now, i'm writing 3 books (fiction), making two apps/games, learning piano, continuing my bass playing and thinking about making a short movie.

 

If I didn't do creative stuff, I think I would properly go mad... It's the one outlet for all the noise in my head.

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If I didn't have the good fortune to work with family in a friendly productive environment I'd be homeless and/or dead.

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That is very inspiring that some of you can work with this condition. 

 

I'm on Buspar and Propanol and feel horrible.

 

I find myself just wanting to stare off into nowhere and forget to blink...It's so messed up.

 

I am a complete mess when I'm not on benzos.

 

thank you for your posts

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Hi Guys my thoughts on this hppd after a very long time to think about it .

 

Firstly I think we have to get away from the notion that we are tripping, there is no medical evidence to suggest that is the case 

 

this notion that we are in a constant trip is banded about all the time and strikes the fear of god into most people and destroys most peoples confidence and they sink to the bottom .

 

the after effects ( the rattle ) of taking acid, mushrooms  whatever , bear no relation to the actual effect experienced while on the drug  .

 

Static, afterimage, strobbing etc etc are very rarely experienced while tripping ,  what you are left with after taking these drugs is a neuron rattle ( a big one ) that very very slowly fades ( its the ripple in the pond effect ) .

 

personally I think its how you a just and perceive the condition over time and importantly how you perceive yourself with the condition .

 

Fear confidence and self belief are in the first instance the most important factors how you deal with them will shape your future .

 

Believe you are tripping will destroy your confidence and create fear then all self belief  will disappear , you will become what you fear , which is heart breaking.

 

Have a think about what you are experiencing does it really bear any resemblance to the initial effects of the drugs ?

 

Anyway for my part first couple years (confused  panic fear and a bit para mostly about how i thought people perceived me ) kept on working through it though very tough searching for answers .

 

after about 10 years with the occasional use of a benzo I moved on to building and developing small businesses then selling them , the hppd made me very creative and a good ability to think out of the box.

 

15 to 25 years managing a taxi company with about a hundred moaning, never happy, the world owes me a living sad ass taxi drivers

 

developed one business and sold it .

 

25-30 years went to work for a rival taxi company with over 160 sad ass moaning taxi drivers 

 

developed an online taxi company taxisaver.co.uk  sold it 

 

30 - 35 years developing an online business hireaminibus.com which i am going to work while just been offered a position back managing at the first sad ass taxi company.

 

Been hard keeping going as this condition has a physical side , fatigue ,lethargy  and as i get older fybromylagia  ( spelt wrong ) pain and weakness which came with the condition at the onset , tinnitus and my thyroid f---ed, tinnitus from hppd thyroid not sure .

 

Always had a choice let this condition ( not mental illness or constant tripping ) scare the shit out of me or get off my ass and get into it.

 

Fuck that sitting at home looking for answers wondering and wondering and more wondering about this condition 

 

My hppd plays little part in my life now only the physical side really remains but that manageable.

 

HPPD will change your life but i guess its which way you decide to run with it ,

 

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Inspired stuff.

Sounds like you are doing a good job just living life.

I'm dealing with a major recurrence/flare and it's definitely taking a toll. Too much seeking for the answer. The physical pain in form of a constant headache is the worst problem - in addition to the insane palinopsia, I'm barely hanging on.

Did your visuals subside with time? Did you use any supplements for your recovery?

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I work part time as an IT Professional Assistant as well go to school full time for computer science (I'm in my final year of study).

 

This summer, I actually got a research gig that was the most fulfilling 2 months of my life. Never before have I felt that good than when I was working there (Boise State University). I met a lot of new friends, did some exciting work, and did a lot of things that made me happy and content with life. My HPPD was still in effect, but with all the good in my life at that time I barely noticed it. I guess the main part of it was having people around that I could level with and whom I enjoyed spending time with.  Every day there was a good day, even when things didn't go as planned. I can honestly say, aside from my senior of high school when the high school concert band flew down to LA to play at Disneyland, that was probably one of the best times of my life up until now (I've still got at least another 50 years, so who knows what comes next). In that short time span I also learned guitar, and any mental fog I had from HPPD went away almost completely.

 

But now that I'm back to the monotony of my old job and life, I've only sunk lower and lower. In the span of two weeks or so, I went from feeling like a 10 to feeling like a 3, and it just keeps dropping. However, my creativity has been markedly peaked right now, I'm writing poems, songs, drawing trippy geometric things (which actually brings me a lot of calm and grounds me a lot since it takes a lot of concentration), reading books on topics I've always been interested in (mostly books about mathematics, cryptography, graph theory, and topology in particular), and writing short stories. But no matter what I do, I still feel like crap. I guess it's just the monotony and dullness of my old life that's getting to me.

 

I think the thing that's key to all this is to have a support network, not just family, but friends that you want to be around and that want to be around you. That's what it was like at the research gig. Me and my new friends were always hanging out, whether it was playing video games, watching movies, bumming around downtown, throwing the frisbee around, bowling, or playing pool basketball. You need to have people in your life that get you out of the monotony and get you to do fun things, things that get your mind off HPPD.

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