"schizophrenia" along with my HPPD

[LethargicAcid]

I have, basically schizophrenia, except that I can rationalize myself out of the hallucinations. 

 

I am going to paste my post from Shroomery: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/21593503

 Perma-Fried. Can't see reality for what it is. Faulty processing filter & HPPD. Please Help. 
    #21593503 - 04/25/15 12:33 AM (20 hours, 12 minutes ago) Edit Reply Quote Quick Reply

I made 2 other posts about this, but I don't feel they were accurate enough. 
First post(trip story etc).http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/21587736
Second Post: http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/21578416
I thought it was psychosis, but since I can rationalize that this shit is all fake, its not psychosis. so I call it perma-fry.  Not schizophrenia. It is the result of 25-i NBOME from 6 months ago, disturbing and insane trip,  and then I did shrooms 2 months later, bad trip. The NBOME perma fried me and I think the shrooms bad trip(cuz im perma fried) caused me HPPD. Please note that I think that my altered perception and my HPPD are two separate entities because Ive read about other people with HPPD and they don't seem to have these other weird perceptual errors that I have. IDK

I am starting to forget how life normally works.
My imagination is fine(i think....) but my external perception is fucked. 
My dreams seem to be realistic. 

I percieve most things as a nightmare. My perception is symbolism. I percieve the world as "i imprint my own thoughts onto the world". 

For Instance:
I see patterns in complete static that are obviously not real. I have HPPD also and when I close my eyes I see patterns in the static. 
I look at my arm, but its just a pattern of dots (freckles) that have no realistic meaning. 
I hear something, and my brain percieves it to be someone talking. But i know that it is fake. 
I see faces in a lot of stuff. Car's headlights are the eyes etc. 
The towel is automatically percieved as a majestic robe.
The leaves of the trees breathe at one with each other, while the branches are percieved as old witch hands.


So I percieve reality as a figment. 

I will not take anti-psychotics because that would make my HPPD worse. The HPPD doesnt bother me much, i've learned to accept it. 

I try to meditate every day. I drink green tea and sometimes use valerian root. I quit coffee, and don't smoke cigarrettes.

I quit weed a week ago and will never smoke again in hopes that this fucked up perception will go away...

Is there something wrong with my 5-HT2A receptor ...? 

Does anyone know anything about this subject? Will my perception ever go back to normal? My perception is impaired because it's hard to see reality for what it is, rather than the bias the my perception puts on it. I conversated with my aunt earlier, making eye contact, and I had to look away because the pseudo-hallucinations broke my concentration. I can never smoke weed again or do psychadelics.

I have ADD/ADHD and my mom has bipolar, and my aunt PTSD. 

Will I ever heal to my natural perception? I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. I am depressed. I am 19 so my brain is still developing. I eat healthy. Seeing a therapist but I dont know what they could do honestly since I wont take meds cuz it will exacerbate HPPD. 
              Sincerely, 
                              Perceptive AKA LethargicAcid

 

 

So I have psychosis except that I dont believe my hallucinations, so its not technically psychosis i guess, along with the HPPD.

 

 

 

Do any of u guys have the same/similar problem? 

 

I may have DR/DP but i dont know if its anxiety related or tripping related. Probly both. It feels like I dont have a body cuz my body is under the blanket.

 

 

But it seems that I cant enjoy life anymore like how I used to. It seems like everytime I look at something, I hallucinate. 

 

The trees breathe and nature doesnt seem as fun as it used to be. 

 

Hopefully this is just a placebo effect. Hopefully I am just making the problem worse by obsessing about it. I am worried and depressed. 

 

I am staying strong and open minded. I am not ready to die. 

 

I am seeing a therapist soon. But I dont know if I should take anti-psychotics because it may make the HPPD worse. I have HPPD plus this "schizophrenia". It's not real schizophrenia because I can tell that they are not real hallucinations. 

 

I dont care about that HPPD that much except for when I think about it. The "schizophrenia" is much worse to me. 

I wonder if any of you have this. I see patterns in static that obviously shouldnt be there. I quit all drugs except Valerian root and Green tea(caffiene free) 

 

thanks

 

 

[noworries]

My understanding of psychosis is that you have no grasp on reality while experiencing and episode. You seem to just have strong hppd+DP/DR+anxiety.

[LethargicAcid]

thats my point, I have psychosis but I can rationalize out of it, so its not technically "psychosis" but its altered perception.

 

My pattern recognition mechanism is on overdrive i guess, so i see patterns in static that arent there. And i see faces in shit that my brain puts in. 

 

its psychosis but i can distinguish that its not real. 

 

does anyone else have this

[umit]

My psycian call it drugs psygosis beside that i have hppd dp dr i lost my good emotion my pasion for music and cant enjoy life any like before its been passed 3.5 years still have hard time lot of stress feel negative feelings thoughts psydelics hit you hard if that happens bad luck i used anti psygotics for 3,5 years now because i geth crazy witout it if you can live witout it its good because they did my hppd worser with time its take also take the good tings out of your life buth if you want to take anti pygotics it wil take out of some halunisations i saw faces to before now not so much any more you can try low doses i tooked invega risperdal and now deanxit i started keppra for a mont still dont notice a good effect try wallnuts it have a positive effect on the brain i notice that after eating 1 month a handfull its was the only nut thats helped me i did try many supplements nothing did helped me now i trying omega 3 6 9 oil and tumeric powder for a mont buth dont notice any effect and i did have good effect with melatonine 6mg after 3 monts for hppd and i end my drugs use after a intense bad trip from shrooms mayby i have ptsd and you to mayby venlafaxine seems to tread ptsd buth i didnt try that yeth i did 5 weeks of fitness trail jogging and runing totaly one hour at a day after 5 weeks didnt notice a a good effect buth every one its different and reacht different the best is try geth o normal live go do somthing with friends and have job and dont think about your disease its the best way better then all medication the key to succes its to find a way to relax and dont think about your disease

[WuWei]

You're not schizophrenic.  You have severe HPPD.  It's also very new, and the symptoms very well might get better or go away completely.  If I were you I would use no psychoactive substances for about a year (including medications, except maybe some Klonopin if shit gets too hard to deal with). Meditate... let your frontal lobe rest. Hang in there brother!  Things will get better.

[LethargicAcid]

yea mainly depression fucks with me .... anxiety too sometimes ..

 

like i get into this depressed mindset where i dont feel like doing homeowkr or anything and then i get behind .. i guess ill do homework now ..

[onelovez]

Yeah it sounds like just severe HPPD. I had a period years ago, when smoking weed and using all kind of drugs occasionaly, where I had seen faces a lot, even in cars. I don't have it anymore (even though my cognition and HPPD is much worse). Right now, usually shadows or black things breathe for half to one second, whenever I point my eyes at them. Also whenever my VS or flickering thing was getting worse, I could not concentrate on conversation. Right now I can't but for different reason. I got used to the flickering I guess, so some of these things you can get used to I hope.. and they should get better slowely. I still get pissed off when I look at the sky and all I see is static, but I try to look beyond that - and I think of static less and less each time.. (VS doesnt bother me at all, but one thing Id like to see clearly is the sky..)

Eh I don't know if I am helping.. maybe think of some rational or unrational reason not to pay attantion to it? its just my wild guess, I prob couldn't stick to my own advise ..........