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LethargicAcid

How do I learn to accept? (an internal conflict)

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ive been distracting myself from the fact that im perma static/floaters  for like 5-6 months since i got hppd. 

 

i smoked a hit of OG kush and all the repressed thoughts/feelings/anxiety is waiting for me at full force. i am doing deep breathing right now. yesterday, i avoided a hot panick attack. ive also only got 2 hours of sleep in the past 20 or so hours. this feeling of submerging panick is waiting to be released, but I dont know how. I Feel like this is the time to accept it. i should be dealing with it on my own, but i depend on this site in a way. so im gonna take deep breaths and take a shower. 

 

since i had panic attack syptoms yesterday, this morning my brain felt worn out and fatigued. so i ate kale and other vegetables and bacon lol. 

 

well shit im high(havent smoked in 4 days, little tolerance), so im just going to at least try to accept it. deep breaths and logic. 

 

i just dont think my brain can take much more fatigue since im tired as fuck.

 

i need sleep. 

 

 

yay i love being alive:) i love myself and i love every person in the world. i love all of the green plants, the furry animals and the scaly ones. i love the blue skye and the clouds. i love the feeling of the wind against my skin. i love love. i love critisism. i love hppd. it forces me to get my shit togther. its just like the static on a t.v. screen. my hppd isnt bad compared to most people. i just make excuses and feel bad for myself, because I am not a man yet. in this entropic world, it is survival of the fittest. I am so strong and grateful now. I am forced to live life to its full extent, and I am grateful for it. Panic is for when lions and tigers are glaring at me. I am perfectly safe and enjoy my freedom. life has much to offer, but such a small amount of time is a human lifespan. death is a part of life. I will one day, in maybe 50 years, greet death with a bearhug. For I've adapted to its unfairness. But for now, I am going to love myself and love what I have become. thoughts are just thoughts. they are an evolutionary mechanism to survive. All I need is self control(deep breathing) , positive self talk, 

Life is hard, and I enjoy it. I would not have it any other way. Easy is boring. I am going to be such a strong person. Quit all of my addictions/vices/dependancies. treat myself with respect and every thing with respect. I am not in a war zone. I am not firing guns in a war. But I am gifted with having to face a challenge. Logic is so easy. it is a yes or a no. that and breathing .  mental battles are tough, but only as tough as I allow it to be. Mental battles increase my mental strength. I have faith in myself that I can overcome this obsticle. I just have to pick and pick at it, one step at a time. I have the ability to construct my reality. I appreciate my past use of psychadelics as they made me wise and self-realized. I learned insights. Nothing lasts forever. And thats beautiful. I can not take a psychadelic ever again, including dxm or ketamine or  cigarettes or caffiene or whatever. Thats awesome. I love myself. I am grateful for this computer. I am scared, and that is okay. I need sleep. So I am going to take a shower, then go to sleep.

 

 

And I am grateful for the gift of HPPDONLINE. I learned so much about HPPD to the extent that I know what to do to be happy and content. I want any other fellows of my kind to have hope. do things that you know are right. Engage in relaxation breathing, meditation, yoga, and excersize like running or skateboarding or swimming or hanging out in nature  or dancing or singing or poetry or love  or help somone. those all increase love. and love creates passion. passion creates motivation. motivation increases purpose. purpose increases self love. and the cycle keeps on going. 

I am sorry that we all have to deal with this neuralogical anomaly, but I have to let go of the sorrow. Because I actually do love what hppd has made me become. I have so many revelations because of it. like the ones stated here. this is all coming from the heart. 

 

human bodies can withstand sooo much. think about it, how broken bones can heal. how people survive heart attacks. how people get FUCKING HEART TRANSPLANTS. i am accepting it, its just taking time. 

 

anyways shout out to all the long term HPPD members. shout out to all of the new members. I am here if anyone would like to talk or I could try to give them advice by digging deep. 

 

besides i actually love my hppd. i get to experience in a unique way. it helped me realize that not everything is what it seems. 

 All I need to do is practice relaxation breathing/ excersize/ positive thinking/gratefulness, facing other issues in life, 

 

 

 

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Sounds like you're on the right track man, judging by that second paragraph. Just keep on keeping on, and it'll get better with time. Even if the symptoms dont lesson, you'll learn to adjust. Over time hppd wont hold the same clasp on your life that it has now. I think it's great that you found a new positive perspective with which to see your life through, even if it is from hppd. :) You seem like a strong guy, and you'll only become stronger over time. What doesnt kill you only provides a challenge.

 

Depending on this site might not be the healthiest thing for you. It's just a constant reminder that we have hppd. It's here to help for sure, like if you're having an off day, the people on this site are here for you. But browsing this site too often is kind of depressing to be honest lol :P

 

And you're never alone dude :) There's always someone rooting for you. Finding your way to cope with it is difficult for sure, but it's not impossible. You have the support of your friends and family and us here on hppdonline.com

 

Haha, I'm insanely tired too, it's 6 AM where I'm at.

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dude, i learned how to rid the dr/dp anxiety!!! for PTSD victims, theres something called CPT, cognitive processing therapy. it basically trains you how to see your problem objectively step by step slowly, breaking thru negative emotions like shame and guilt. i do not reccomend it though until one is ready to experience pain. the only problem i can think is that the anxiety would worsen the hppd. im scared as fuck about it getting worse but why am I? thats an assumption, it could get better, ive had it for 6 months. 

 

since i posted this , ive been getting a lot better! 

i self administersed cpt and got rid of a lot of DR/DP. i still have a lot of it to go thru though. 

 

Dude these peopple are saying that theres no point in accepting it, but i dont believe it. they made me cry. but i realize that it felt good to cry because sadness is an emotion and emotions relieve anxiety. im trying to get therapy. 

 

seriously, i am tearing up from the support that youre giving me. i am also realizing that i am going to have to be more indepenant. Germany relied on Hitler for hope, thus being a follower isnt the best answer. 

 

i am a sensitive person, but i realize that it helps because i can dig deep and realize stuff thats true. including the "PTSD" symptoms that im scared of. 

the longer that one escapes their fears, they grow. and it becomes a habbit like everything us humans do. it feels so good to be able to be in the present. 

 

hopefully i can see therapy soon, but i think that i am done with this site for the most part. theres no point in caring about stuff out of ones control. you should get into buddhism. you should do yoga. those arts are all about building a strong mind and using logic to control your emotions instead of vice versa.

 

i dont even know whats so bad about static and floaters anyway to be honest . theres no such thing as normal , and some people are blind. some people dont have limbs. 

 

for me, i have to do self therapy or see a therapist about: i had a bad trip which caused this hppd from NBOME 25i. terrible drug. i have to face those fears that i have buried. just stay in the moment and be pensive. i think that distracting ourselves is the wrong thing to do, the anxiety just increases. but a fair amount of distracting is healthy, gotta go at our own pace. what do u think? 

 

Dude, we should start a business where we help people with hppd, like open up a website and give certain therapys to people. i dont know, but it be awesome !!!

 

do u agree with what i say? im only 6 months in, but what the fuck is time ... i hope im not naive 

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I've had this shit since I was 14 and am coming up on my 2 year mark, for 1 and a half years nothing changed my depersonalization was constant and my visuals constant. I was drinking caffeine, smoking cigs, jerking off, occasional benzos, occasional weed alto help me cope and then I realized what if I just give up, stop doing the things that help me cope and slowly wither away and die. After stopping every single thing that made me temporarily feel better BAM I was thinking clearly and in a few months my depersonalization was completely gone. My visuals remained unchanged for 1.5 fucking years and then bam thy started going away slowly, never give up

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