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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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Jagermeister

negative

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I'm negative guys. I know I shouldn't says that, but I have suicidal thoughts. My hppd contain severe palinopsia, dp and colours (purple/blue) in my pheriperical vision. I'm taking Gabapentina and it has lifted the brain fog for 95% but I can't live knowing I won't be the same again. I only want die and don't feel that pain anymore.

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I felt the same few months ago. Now DP/DR is reduced with 70-80% and I'm getting better everyday. I would call my visuals severe, I have them with me every awake second in my life. But the depression has lifted and anxiety has been reduced a lot which is important. You have to try to socialize and get back to the society again. Keppra has helped me a lot, atleast that's what I believe because things has changed for the better. The high days and the dreadful days are now gone. During the dreadful days I felt like dying all the time, it was the worst feeling I ever experienced, and that's gone now. That's what made me suicidal too, but now I know that I will fight this demon until life is taken from me, but I won't be the one to finish it, I will beat it. Go see a psychologist, go see doctors, go see friends, hit on some chicks, just to keep yourself social and things will eventually clear up. Good luck man, I believe in you.

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I'm depressive because my girl have broke up :( she was the only one who support me but she is tired from me and now im lonely. My family dont brlieve me, my friens have forget me... im lonely man but thanks for your words.. im takng gabapentina and i should be great because it has helped me a lot but i cant go out from depression andi want to die shit

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What an unempathic girlfriend. Well then you didn't miss something out atleast.. I wouldn't want that anyways. My girlfriend has been really supportive but now she's in another town now and doesn't seem to care too much about my problems anymore. As I've said I'm not depressed anymore so I guess she knows that I'll be alright. I'm glad that you see some effects from the Gabapentin. Does it help with any visuals? I did also got HPPD from these spanish crystals called MDMA so we might have the same thing. Use the lonliness to clear things out. Dig deep into yourself, forgive yourself, bring up old memories, think a lot about your life and what goals you might have. Who are you in 10 years? 20 years? Life is long man. No need to give in hope for such a brief moment. The pain will be relieved in time. As long as you keep your mind clear and try to be a little optimistic even though it can be very tough and almost denial to be sometimes. But please try!

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Three years later, I have to say thanks you, Shadowplay. I'm now really good. I feel normal again and visuals have reduced to the point I can't notice them. So, one day 3 years before you gave me hope and today I come here to thank you a lot what you said.

I didn't even remember this post. But I'm just reading my old comments, now that I feel good again. Definitely, there is hope after hppd.

Edited by Jagermeister

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(Edit)  I didn't realize the original post was from three years ago.  OK, so I'm a bit of a space. 

There is always hope.  I don't think there is an adult alive who hasn't had their heart broken.  It can plunge anyone into depression but add hppd symptoms to the mix and it can be rough.  There's someone out there for you, you just haven't crossed paths yet.  

Testimonial time.  I'm an older guy who has been on this planet for almost 60 years.  Over time, most of my symptoms have gone away.  I still live with visuals but they don't bother me much anymore.  People with hppd can be successful, happy, raise families, get a higher education, and so forth.  We have a disability and like any other person with a disability, we can move forward with life and have a wonderful time doing it.

Never give up.  There is always hope.

Edited by MadDoc
Clarification

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