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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
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InvaderNinja

Stressed out, nervous, and lost.

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This past May I dropped acid for the first time. From May to July I dropped thirteen times... I thought acid was the wonder drug. It answered my questions, gave me incredible visuals, and was just a good time. I just couldn't get enough! I knew a little bit about HPPD, but I did't think it could ever happen to me. Just before my last trip I noticed some slight visuals, like my ceiling and wood grain moving, but I didn't think much of it. I dropped one last time and had a weird time, in which I realized how this could seriously effect my life. The next day I had come down from my acid high, but things were still moving in extraordinary ways that were way beyond what had been happening before. 

 

Now, I have snow in low light conditions, constant eye floaters, and everything breaths around me. I didn't know if it would effect it, so I smoked some weed. Every time I did, my symptoms would only get worse. Now, I get paranoid because I don't know what's actually happening. The other day I was swatting at a bug, but my friend told me there was nothing there. I worry about myself in ways I never have before. I think that I'm suffering from depersonalization, but nothing on the subject is clear. Not having quality information makes me more nervous and paranoid!

 

I am just sixteen years old, man. I get straight A's, make the honor roll, preform in plays. But all of that seems to be thrown out the window now. I get stressed because some dumb choices I made at sixteen may effect my entire life! Recently I've been researching HPPD, and this sight is the best thing I found. There is no cure, or definite treatment... I feel so lost on how to help myself. My parents are very religious and would probably punish me if I told them, or asked for help.

 

I don't know what to do, guys...

 

-InvaderNinja

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Well for one, stop smoking weed.

 

Anxiety and paranoia are extremely common things that people suffering with HPPD deal with.

Although there are many claims that HPPD is permanent, I've seen and read about a lot of cases where people's symptoms have entirely cleared up.

Yes, it does take some time, anywhere from 3 months to 2 years, or even more.

Me for example, I used to have horrendous HPPD issues and now I feel normal again.  Visuals are gone, Depersonalization is entirely gone, and I rarely deal with Derealization issues.

I had Derealization and dissociation problems before I developed HPPD, though.

My anxiety has almost entirely diminished too.

It took about 4 months before the edge of my HPPD stopped, it's been slowly dissipating over the last 4 months.  (It's been 8 months total for me).

 

You say you "worry [your]self in ways [you] never have before", that sounds exactly like what I dealt with.

It was really scary at first cause everything felt so different and weird.

You'll find ways to cope with this as it heals.  The worrying, or at least for me, has gone away.

Also, be careful with over-researching symptoms; it made me think I had issues that I never had.

 

Either way, what I suggest what you do is remain sober, at least for 3-6 months and see how you feel after that.

Even then, I would be careful with what you take.

I would 100% recommend against ANYTHING psychedelic or dissociative forever.

Never use one again, or you'll completely risk making this worse or permanent.

 

Live life as you always have.

You may want to find stress-relieving techniques for yourself.

Anxiety and HPPD seem to go hand in hand.  Reduce anxiety/stress and HPPD symptoms are not as sharp.

Yoga, meditation, exercise, whatever you fancy.  It'll help.

Get enough sleep, don't stress yourself out or put your brain through rough patches- also I advise to be careful about your caffeine intake, that shit would make me freak out pretty badly.  Too much coffee had a direct link to having panic attacks.

 

I hope this helps!

Feel free to reply/message me if you have any questions!

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