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zukov

HPPD? Help me please!

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Hello everybody, im 25 years old and im from Argentina.

Sorry if my english is not really good.

In my country there's no information about this disorder (even in spanish websites) so thank god i found this forum.

I will told my history follow:

I start this year with a lot of stress because of work and disturbing ideas of diseases, death and 'the pass of time'.

In november 2010 i used lsd two times and for the last years i smoke weed regularity. When im on lsd, first i was scary, but 1hs late i feel really good and quiet listening music and playing with geometric patterns.

In May of this year, the stress,full anxiety and the paranoid ideas had being worst and i smoke weed and drink alcohol a lot. Trying to escape of that madness i used paxil (paroxetine or aropax in Argentina) and a few hours later i suffer the first of five panics attacks of these week with intermit despersonalization or derealization. In that moment i didn't know what's is going wrong with me, im really scared and when i smoke weed it's calm me down and the first panics attacks dissapears. The last two sincerely destroy my mind, i run to the house of my cousin looking for help and (i was out of my mind) i took clonazepam and bit of wine (something very stupid) . I fall sleep and the next day im okey, no despersonalization and feeling fine. The next day, i suffer another panick attack when im cookin' and i on despersonalization or derealization since then.

Three weeks pass until the medical exams are concluded, in that period i think i have a brain tumor or something worse, because the disturbing visual and the loss of equilibrium. My MRI was finally fine (except from a change of seize of temporal lobe) and it's calm me down for a while and the problem of equilibrium disappear completely.My psychiatrist told me i have a extremly low serotonine level and she gave me paxil and clonazepam, and told me several times there's nothing wrong with me or my brain. But i cant believe it, first for my constant despersonalization. A few days later i start to see some geometrical or fractal vision when im going to sleep and i start research found this forum and the controversial HPPD.

My symptoms:Palinopsia (lightly time and after images perception altered)

Despersonalization or derealization (start to disappear, but i feel like im on weed all day)

Floaters: i have 3 on one eye, but i already have it.

Objects: if i really focus my mind a couple of minutes (for example, a slick on the floor) it started to moving very very slightly. And when im going to sleep i try to not see the fractal images.

I haven't visual snow or fast speed floaters or something similar, nothing of these kind of things.It's funny, because paxil or clonazepam can cause hallucination of the type have been described.

The last months i really think seriuosly that im going to die, it's the worst and most horrible experience i suffer in my life. Now i can drive, work, playing music, cook, since May i left the alcohol and pot and started a healthy life, (running, gym, eat fruits and take omega-3) but the despersonalization and visual disturbances continues.I dont know if i have HPPD, im really scared, and it's possible i have other things like post traumatic disorder, a little esquizofrenic, despersonalization because the panics atacks or simply a colateral effects of medication.

I really like to read what you think, because in Argentina nobody know's what im talking about (people think im crazy and call me Jim Morrison, funny, but its not). I really appreciate any response of you guys.Thanks a lot.

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First of all, you are not crazy, there are (many) others like you, like me. From what you said, it does sound like HPPD, which, although disconcerting, causes actual little physical harm to your body. The drugs probably just changed your receptor density in your brain, leading to a kinda lapse in your brain's visual editing process. This being said, it is understandable, that you have a lot of anxiety, those first few months are the hardest months many people will experience, myself included. The anxiety I am sure you feel is what lead to the depersonalization. The thing about depersonalization and general high anxiety is when you are first getting accustomed to it, you feel like you are losing your mind, as you said, but in actuality it is far from psychosis. As long as you not hearing voices and the hallucinations you perceive you know is from the HPPD you are most likely not going insane. Do not listen to the people around you, they have no fucking idea what you are going through right now, how could they? Just work on keeping in a good mindset yourself and only tell people who you know are going to sympathize with you and help you/ It is good you quit drugs, that is your first step for recovery.

Just keep a good mindset, life goes on after HPPD, acceptance will come in time, perhaps recovery later. Welcome to our world, good luck :P

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Guest Zukov

First of all, you are not crazy, there are (many) others like you, like me. From what you said, it does sound like HPPD, which, although disconcerting, causes actual little physical harm to your body. The drugs probably just changed your receptor density in your brain, leading to a kinda lapse in your brain's visual editing process. This being said, it is understandable, that you have a lot of anxiety, those first few months are the hardest months many people will experience, myself included. The anxiety I am sure you feel is what lead to the depersonalization. The thing about depersonalization and general high anxiety is when you are first getting accustomed to it, you feel like you are losing your mind, as you said, but in actuality it is far from psychosis. As long as you not hearing voices and the hallucinations you perceive you know is from the HPPD you are most likely not going insane. Do not listen to the people around you, they have no fucking idea what you are going through right now, how could they? Just work on keeping in a good mindset yourself and only tell people who you know are going to sympathize with you and help you/ It is good you quit drugs, that is your first step for recovery.

Just keep a good mindset, life goes on after HPPD, acceptance will come in time, perhaps recovery later. Welcome to our world, good luck :P

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Thanks a lot for the answer, i started to stop smoking cigarettes as well and this week i feeling a little better, or i just can handle it.

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Guest APRICOT ingypr

Hello everybody, im 25 years old and im from Argentina.

Sorry if my english is not really good.

In my country there's no information about this disorder (even in spanish websites) so thank god i found this forum.

I will told my history follow:

I start this year with a lot of stress because of work and disturbing ideas of diseases, death and 'the pass of time'.

In november 2010 i used lsd two times and for the last years i smoke weed regularity. When im on lsd, first i was scary, but 1hs late i feel really good and quiet listening music and playing with geometric patterns.

In May of this year, the stress,full anxiety and the paranoid ideas had being worst and i smoke weed and drink alcohol a lot. Trying to escape of that madness i used paxil (paroxetine or aropax in Argentina) and a few hours later i suffer the first of five panics attacks of these week with intermit despersonalization or derealization. In that moment i didn't know what's is going wrong with me, im really scared and when i smoke weed it's calm me down and the first panics attacks dissapears. The last two sincerely destroy my mind, i run to the house of my cousin looking for help and (i was out of my mind) i took clonazepam and bit of wine (something very stupid) . I fall sleep and the next day im okey, no despersonalization and feeling fine. The next day, i suffer another panick attack when im cookin' and i on despersonalization or derealization since then.

Three weeks pass until the medical exams are concluded, in that period i think i have a brain tumor or something worse, because the disturbing visual and the loss of equilibrium. My MRI was finally fine (except from a change of seize of temporal lobe) and it's calm me down for a while and the problem of equilibrium disappear completely.My psychiatrist told me i have a extremly low serotonine level and she gave me paxil and clonazepam, and told me several times there's nothing wrong with me or my brain. But i cant believe it, first for my constant despersonalization. A few days later i start to see some geometrical or fractal vision when im going to sleep and i start research found this forum and the controversial HPPD.

My symptoms:Palinopsia (lightly time and after images perception altered)

Despersonalization or derealization (start to disappear, but i feel like im on weed all day)

Floaters: i have 3 on one eye, but i already have it.

Objects: if i really focus my mind a couple of minutes (for example, a slick on the floor) it started to moving very very slightly. And when im going to sleep i try to not see the fractal images.

I haven't visual snow or fast speed floaters or something similar, nothing of these kind of things.It's funny, because paxil or clonazepam can cause hallucination of the type have been described.

The last months i really think seriuosly that im going to die, it's the worst and most horrible experience i suffer in my life. Now i can drive, work, playing music, cook, since May i left the alcohol and pot and started a healthy life, (running, gym, eat fruits and take omega-3) but the despersonalization and visual disturbances continues.I dont know if i have HPPD, im really scared, and it's possible i have other things like post traumatic disorder, a little esquizofrenic, despersonalization because the panics atacks or simply a colateral effects of medication.

I really like to read what you think, because in Argentina nobody know's what im talking about (people think im crazy and call me Jim Morrison, funny, but its not). I really appreciate any response of you guys.Thanks a lot.

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Guest Guest

OMG my son is 18 years old now and this same exect problem has been happening to him for almost three years now. He had taken large amounts of LSD many times prior to this. He wants to kill himself as he says he can not live like this any more. Have you found anything to help you. I have to find something that will help him or im going to loose my son.

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OMG my son is 18 years old now and this same exect problem has been happening to him for almost three years now. He had taken large amounts of LSD many times prior to this. He wants to kill himself as he says he can not live like this any more. Have you found anything to help you. I have to find something that will help him or im going to loose my son.

Hey friend,

Many of us here have probably been where your son is now. Most important thing now is to support him as best you can. Get him to a decent doctor and psychiatrist if necessary. They can help through therapy as well as pharmaceuticals to get his life back on track. Something like Keppra (anti-seizure med) and benzo's have help many here, but understand Benzo's need to be used carefully and monitored. Early on they can help calm things down, but you don't want addiction to rear its head down the road. If he can make it med free while postiively working through HPPD symptoms he can live a very happy and fulfilling like many people on this board. Make sure he knows he has options, there is help and hope out there. Exercise is likely something he start immediately, this will drain all energy, help Dp/Dr issues and also relieve some tension. I believe a good, clearn diet can go a long way, and if you're history warrants it, perhaps ketotonic or candida diets may be of use, though controversial here.

This roads not easy but it's our road. Support him the best you can, push him to stay social and not wall up, clean up the diet, seek treatment & help, keep his ambitions alive and exercise alot! Oh and most important, make sure there's no more illegal drug use. This can make this exponentially worse. Even alcohol for the time being should be avoided for right now, as hangovers tend to make the next day unbearable.

This should be a good start to get things turn around, please take some time and rummage through the rest of the boards information!

Best wishes.

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Your son needs much love and his best friends around him, right now. Second, stop all drugs (alcohol, coffe, weed...) and third he needs a lot of sport, meditation and a doctor who understand the situation.

Four months pass from my nightmare and i believe im getting better, I can, your son too. Good Luck.

(sorry for my english)

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Guest DanceTrooper

Hello guys,

i also have Hddp, after taking lsd 2 times...it´s not like you think, everything is (almost) normal...i can cause flashbacks when i want and stop them when i want....it´s really strange, if i stare at a grafitti, nothing happens...if i wish myself it should move it does...if i wish myself it should stop, it stop´s.... I can control it completely....I just lived a month like always, without making a flashback, now after a month without flashbacks i still can cause them, but how said i can completely control it....So i´m really lucky about that i can control it, i won´t take it anymore, i don´t have to also i can cause it anytime i want, and stop it anytime i want...sounds stupid but a really nice Hddp, had alot of luck.....anyways i know it could have been worse, just fucking happy about it all happened like this, i don´t need hard drugs anymore, i can get them when i want :D....so the reason i´m here is the following:

A friend of me also has hddp, really hard hddp, all things where flickering and blinking he said....then he took some Pepp (Speed) and, i´m going fucking serious, after coming down from the speed his symptoms had get better alot....he says there´s no flickering anymore, the colours aren´t shining that hard anymore, i noticed he really calmed after that speed-trip (Normally you get hype from speed, he chilled like on weed)...and since that speed-trip he´s always calmed, normally the LSD takes control over him for 5 seconds and he just flips to for example, the music (he´s still on this planet :D), but now this doen´t happens anymore...he´s almost like before 5 years, before the HddP...i´m really lucky about he feels better....i just said to him he should stop smoking weed, stop drinking coffee and alcohol, so his symptomps will get better.......and they fucking really went better, it´s like fucking miracle, he still has some flashbacks sometimes, but he wakes up and everything is normal, normally he wakes up and the flash starts too...but now he just wakes up like a normal human :D....Do you have more tips for him??..i just said to him he also should drink alot of orangejuice :D.....And any tips to my HddP?...Thanks in Forward and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU!!!! :D

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