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Going Anorexic!


China

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Day 13: scale ratings 0-10 (0 being as close to baseline as I remember, 10 being very aggravated symptoms)

Anxiety: 3 I'm not that anxious per se, but I'm not totally zen

Visuals: 6

Concentration: 4 still a little hazy

Lethargy: 5

Memory recall: 6

I hold a very high bar for myself, so some of these ratings may be a little harsh

This sounds really good. What would you say you were on before you started?

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This sounds really good. What would you say you were on before you started?

Anxiety: 7

Visuals: I don't wanna quite say 9, so like 8.6, everytime I would wake up, my walls would look like this http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1425333!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_1200/article-gaga14f.jpg

Concentration: 9', I would almost be inclined to say I didn't have concentration at all

Lethargy: 7, nowadays, it's not that I don't feel like doing things, it's that I don't have enough fuel to do them.

Memory recall: non existent, probably 8

It should be noted that my anxiety fluctuates throughout the day, at some points it's a 3, but in others it's a 4 or 5. Idk, it's progressively fluctuating less and less as the days go by

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Day 14:

Anxiety: 4, I'm beginning to think that all of my visuals are really just in my head...lol no shit. But what I mean is, I was just so discombobulated after my bad trip I just became hyper aware..there's been tons of posts on the message boards about this, but I never paid them any mind until now...idk, for some reason it's slightly spiked my anxiety. I think it's because of the thought I've been fasting this long to alleviate visual 'anomalies' that are actually natural and will never go away..but I honestly never noticed these after images prior to my hppd... Lol FUCK

Visuals: 7

Concentration: 4

Lethargy:6

Memory recall: 6

Also, I'm now bumping up my fast to 30 days...I'm not seeing the improvement that I want, and my 20 days are 6 days short of being over. FUCK FOOD....I'm really agitated today.

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Day 15:

Alright so, up until this point I've been smoking cigarettes. I'm not talking a few a day, I'm talking about a pack. Now this is progress because I use to smoke 2 packs a day. I know, I know, cancer's real, and I'm a totally addicted idiot. I'm a chronic chainsmoker, and I believe that cigarettes are the reason I haven't been getting my desired results. I feel as if they are deterring my progress 7x. I feel like an asshole, in 15 days I could've been so much more healed, but noooo, I've got to be cigarettes' bitch and smoke like 4 every hour. So today, I treated myself to a cup of coffee. My reason in doing this is because everytime I drink a cup of joe, I smoke like crazy. So if I can drink a cup or two and not smoke, it'll give me the strength to carry on when I don't drink. Kind of confusing, I know. I don't expect anybody to understand this logic, lol. So today I'll drink coffee. I don't care if I'm technically breaking my fast. I've been breaking my fast everyday since I started this with cigarettes. So, I've teared up every cigg in my apartment (my parents are paying for it because I'm a total loser and can't get a job), except for one, which I'm smoking right now as I type this. I don't even want to give a rating today. I want to wait until tomorrow or the next day so I can accurately show you guys the true healing processes of fasting. I am not saying my progress thus far has been in vain, I do feel more grounded, have a clearer mind, lowered anxiety, etc. but I could've been so much better....idk, I'm just ranting now. I'm sorry for the totally negative post, I'm just really tired of being HPPD's bitch...

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Day 16

So far so good, only smoked 3 or 4 cigarettes today. I'm really anxious though, I think it's just from nicotine withdrawal. Even if this fast doesn't work, it's still really helping moderate my life, keeping me from developing lung cancer and shit. I'm not complaining, I'll probably end up appreciating the little things in life, which is what I think this world is seriously lacking in.

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Thanks syntheso! I really hope so too man, and no, I'm bumping it up to 30 days. I still have enough fat on me to last another 2 weeks or so, or so I assume, I haven't done a bmi. Fingers crossed my body doesn't star eating away the little muscle I have lol. One thing I've noticed though...during a fast, sleep should come natural. You're body is on hoarder mode, you know what I mean? It knows it's not receiving any more calories and so it tries to conserve, lately, however, I've been finding it increasingly difficult to sleep, like on a day-by-day basis. I'm almost positive this isn't a side effect of fasting. In fact, I've been up for more than 24 hours. This shit is legitimately crazy, I've tried to sleep for hours, but I simply can't. I'm not stressed at all or thinking about anything. This brings me to belive, and someone whose smarter than a third grader (so smarter than me lol) should research this:

That hppd sufferers have very abnormal theta wave frequencies. Theta waves are the brain waves responsible for sleep, they induce a calmness, such as when grooming, eating, or attempting to sleep. Instead of the synapses themselves (as ssri's don't seem to work for many) maybe it's the way these waves are produced. They stem from the hippocampus, which is the middle section of the temporal lobes, and in initial onset of hppd, my temporal lobes were aching terribly.

Idk, just an epiphany I had that I couldn't wait to share...it might be common knowledge, it might be derived on some wild sleep-deprived thoughts...I'll let ya know I how my sleep patterns progress. But seriously, someone should really look into the theta wave side of this hppd-theory...for some reason I like to call it the string cheese theory...lol I'll shut up now

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I'm on day 18 or 19 now...I've lost count lol, and I have to admit, fasting has almost cured me of every non-visual symptom I had, besides a little brain fog, and sometimes a slight itching in my brain(lol that sounds weird). The visuals simply annoy me now, however, and it's pissing me off that they won't go away. They've calmed down, and I'm very thankful for that. But these rails and after images, accompanied by floaters, just make my eyes feel like a 2001 phone camera. Damn....hopefully they go away, I'm almost 4 months into hppd now.

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I'm going to stop fasting. My symptoms have gone down to a point where they're more than manageable, and I can't quit smoking cigarettes at this point. I'm going to eat for two weeks so I gain some body mass back, while simultaneously weening off ciggs. I didn't realize this, but reading further into it, my body is actually using the chemicals found in ciggs as fuel, which in my opinion is why my hppd wasn't cured. So 2 weeks where I can eat, accompanied by quitting ciggs, and then I'll be back at fasting again for 20 days. Let's see how it goes. For all of the skeptics out there, fasting really did wonders for me, I'm just not ready to completely stop eating and smoking. I ask that if some of you have the time, and can get a week or two off work, to try this method to heal your hppd. IT might be worth it.

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It's honestly really easy after day 3 or 4, that is if you have time off. I couldn't imagine working an 8 hour shift every day while fasting. I wouldn't have the energy. But after 3 or 4 days the hunger pains subside, and it's just smooth sailing from there! :) you do get bad cravings, you just gotta be zen about it, and know that you'll be able to indulge in those cravings after the fast. Idk, 20 days is so short relative to the rest of your life, ya know? You just have to muscle through it. I believe fasting can cure me, I just have to be able to quit the ciggs. I'm getting there :) I'm really shooting to fast again in a week. If you have some free time, you should try it out Alice :) do some research first though, and eat really healthy prior to your fast, if you choose to do it. It'll really help with your anxiety if you still are having panic attacks

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i just dont understand how it works?! is it to do with the detox, or the will power and strength of mind that is required? i cant imagine living without food, i eat 4-5 times a day if im up and out! although i will try most things to get rid of my anxiety and panic attacks. i have been thinking about trying a vegan diet next, i have posted about it, i would be interested to know your thoughts on that too! perhaps i will give fasting a go after that if i feel i have the power, probably in summer when my life is less full :P

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Yeah it definitely has to do with detox. I have a pretty vague understanding of it myself, but from what I do know, the body heals itself at a much quicker rate when fasting. Most of the energy consumed through food goes back into digesting more food. With the absence of food, all of that energy can go into healing the body. That's why when you're sick, you tend to not have an appetite. So when you fast, your body starts restoring itself. This also applies to the brain. Fasting has been shown to cure schizophrenia, and help battle cancer through autophagy, which means the body starts eating away bad cells for energy. It produces neurogenesis by restoring older pathways the brain used to use. This is a caveman instinct the brain utilizes to help find food, because it thinks that without food it will die, and it also knows that it used to get food when utilizing these older pathways. It's all really confusing XP, but there have been studies on the topic of fasting and neurogenesis. I posted one on the first page, and I also posted a success story an ex-hppd'er shared with me whom I chatted with on Bluelight.org. If you search "fasting to cure hppd" you'll find his post all about it. This guy is the first person I've come across that claims he got rid of his hppd without the use of medication, and he had it for like a few years or something like that! Haha, you totally have the power Alice, I believe in ya! Like I said, it didn't cure me, but I didn't do it right. It helped ALOT though! You should definitely try it during the summer, I highly recommend it. I'll post on your topic in a second, I'm going to do some research on it first :) Even if it doesn't cure hppd, it's still really good for your overall health.

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Also, I have the weakest will power out of everybody I know lol. the only thing that kept me going was the thought that it would cure my hppd. :) THAT's  pretty good incentive. If I can do it, literally ANYBODY can, especially you!

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i tried this spring break but the withdrawals were to much. getting off cigs was hard, getting off my gallon+ of mountain dew a day habit was harder. my head was throbbing but i went 2 days. during summer after i wean off cigs and caffeine i will do a 25 day fast. btw for all you energy drink consumers, i just found out that monster has ginko biloba in it so watch out for that

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I feel your struggle man. Mountain Dew is nectar from the gods lol. And it's really hard to quit ciggs. To not smoke, eat, or drink the dew for two days is a really good start! The biggest deterrent in fasting is the boredom. That's what fucks everything up. During the summer, as long as you can keep yourself mildly entertained, I believe you got it. I'm rooting for you mr.50 :)

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  • 7 years later...

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