HPPD and My Existentialist State of Mind (My Journey From Now Onward)

[BigPapaChakra]

Received my Coluracetam late this evening. I'm going to take a couple drops in the morning just to rule out an adverse reaction, then take about 5mg roughly a half an hour later; depending upon if I'm sensitive enough to derive any effects (whether positive or negative) from 5mg, I'll take another 5mg about 4hrs later. I want to find both the lowest dose AND lowest dosing frequency I can derive benefits from, as Coluracetam is not cheap. If it were to prove anxiolytic, or shall I say, anxiety-preventing, along with even modest cognition-promoting effects, I'd be very happy.

 

I may purchase a milligram scale along with oxi&aniracetam. Oxircateam enhances acetylcholine utilization in a variety of brain regions, and Coluracetam increases acetylcholine throughout the brain. They both have excitotoxic neuronal cell death protective properties; some in regards to NMDA receptors, some protect (or reverse) damage from amnesic compounds, along with NMDA-antagonists such as PCP. Other things I'm thinking about purchasing are: bulk MgT powder; GABA powder, or sarcosine.

 

Today was a bad day, unfortunately. Last night I shot a laser at my forehead just to try and do some LLLT, and when going to bed I was getting these night terror sensations. I woke up and felt okay. Not terrible, but okay. Roughly how I typically feel. After doing my z-drills and keeping a 250 watt infrared heat lamp on me, along with taking PQQ and Butter Oil+FCLO, I felt pretty good. I went to my fiance's house and within about an hour, maybe a little more, I felt all crazy again. Extreme DP/DR and a large amount of residual anxiety. Interestingly, I used CES for a total of 1.5hrs (broken up into two sessions) and did the z-drills and felt better. I still felt really weird, but better. I was seriously considering taking 0.5mg of etizolam, but I didn't need to. 

 

I'm going to start taking etizolam soon, though - I purchased some a few weeks ago and still have never used any. My old friend has started using etizolam from the same source, so now my irrational anxiety of it somehow being something else and messing me up has been put to rest. Me and my friend may actually throwdown for a bulk order of Flubromazepam and/or diclazepam, too. I'm pretty certain that diet, supplementation (with things such as butter oil and mct oil, eggshell calcium baking soda, aspirin, etc (all very cheap)), and z-health will help me a lot, but it will take a very, very long time. This is okay, but I'm also a student, have a job online, am in a relationship, have to pay bills with my family, etc, therefore I also need something NOW to help me get along. If taking Flubromazepam once and awhile, along with etizolam 1-3x/week achieves this for me, that's fine by me. Although I'd much prefer being capable of extreme self-regulation in terms of emotions, thought processes, and general perception, this currently isn't possible for me and I'm open to a pill here and there helping me out for a bit. I'll post my experience with a very low dose of Coluracetam tomorrow; it should be interesting because I have to go and finish these CPR videos at my local college's library, and that is very stress inducing for me. Just being in a new environment, although very healthy for the brain (neuroplasticity), provokes immense fight-or-flight reactions in me despite all logic pointing in the direction of those sensations being irrational. Additionally, I'll have to look for these videos in a huge library filled with thousands of other DVD's and video tapes, and the library was recently remodeled, thus I'll have no idea what I'm doing, haha. It may be a good time for me to also try etizolam, but I'd rather not mix two compounds I haven't trialed yet. 

[BigPapaChakra]

Tried Coluracetam today and it was.... interesting. I'm not certain as to what amount I took, but it was definitely around 10mg, perhaps 7mg would be more accurate.

 

Tomorrow I'm going to try it again upon waking, though doing quantified-mind experiments prior to dosing, along with HRV, HR, body temp, and resting breath hold measurements. I first wanted to take a 'test dose' of a few drops to see if I'd have an adverse/allergic reaction, but that dose was in fact probably close to 5mg as a half of a dropper is 20mg. I started to feel "something" within 30-60mins, but I couldn't really understand what it was. I then noticed my mood was a bit brighter and I seemed less anxious, and my vision was about the same, maybe with slight increases in contrast/overall richness. Awhile later I took a few more drops while watching a movie and working on a homework assignment. I started to notice that I seemed very aware, perhaps 'hyper-aware' of objects/motion/etc in my peripheral vision. I typically notice things that my eyes aren't locked onto, but they aren't my center of attention. Somehow while under the influence of Colu. it seemed as though I was equally aware of everything in my vision, not just what my eyes were locked onto.

 

I then began to get extremely restless. This increased into a rather significant level of anxiety, yet not a panic attack. I can't say that this was the effect of Colu because anxiety is a daily occurrence, up to the point of almost having a panic attack, yet stopping just before a panic attack occurs. I started getting intrusive thoughts, too, very similar to when I screwed myself up with tons of niacinamide ("ughh what if I never get better? What if I need to temporarily go to inpatient and get meds? I need to find a way to get through this!!"). At this point I applied CES for an hour and kept my legs/feet under a 250 watt heat lamp. As the day progressed, I actually felt good. I'd then get restless again. Then I'd feel really good. It's basically been like that up until now. I'm really hopeful that Coluracetam can have some positive, semi-permanent/permanent effects, yet since I'm such an anxious person I'm always wondering if I'll take it (or something else) and get worse. If I get all restless and anxious again tomorrow after taking 5-10mg of Colu. I'm going to also take 0.5mg of etizolam so I can trial that (I STILL have yet to take one). If it has good effects, I'm going to stock up and also get a half gram to a gram of Flubromazepam.

 

I'm also going to receive a large amount of aspirin and CoQ10 powder soon and add that to a TULIPesque mitochondrial cocktail, consisting of: aspirin (325mg/day, maybe a few grams if I need it), 300mg of CoQ10/day, 20mg of PQQ/day, and 5-10g of Creatine/day. Other notable additions could be D-Ribose and/or Galactose. 

[BigPapaChakra]

I wish I could write an extensive review and update the HPPD Stack thread, but since I'm feeling the way I currently do I want to get as much work done as possible.

 

I had a very interesting experience with neurofeedback today; I took a little under 0.5mg of etizolam before I went to do it because I've been so anxious lately and I knew if I did CES before hand it'd drastically change my brain waves, so I opted not to do CES. Nonetheless, while doing (NeurOptimal) neurofeedback, I started feeling extremely relaxed, content, and almost 'lighter'. It was like what I'd imagine a really good meditation session would feel like.... except the fact that I literally didn't put any effort into it. I didn't do rhythmic breathing, I did try to force a peaceful state of mind - nothing. I just sat there speaking with the lady who uses it in her practice about HPPD, her experience with NeurOptimal, her experience treating people with dissociation disorders, and how she occasionally has 'neurofeedback parties', lol. 

 

The way I would look at the session is that it was like an effortless yet very efficacious guided mediation session.

 

Shortly afterwards I felt a little... off? I just felt different. Not in a positive nor negative way. I still had a bit of the intrusive thoughts and I still was "looking" for HPPD symptoms (I often find myself looking at things just to see if my visuals are bad and there is "breathing", "warping", etc.). Also my visuals may have increased, I can't tell. The warping is definitely there. Yet, my anxiety level is down, and although I did take the etizolam, that was over 3hrs ago and it was under 0.5mg. Additionally, I know the feeling that it produces - to me, it feels similar to xanax, though without the 'drunkenness' accompanied with it. I felt it kick in when I got there - I was less anxious and had a kind of heavier tone to my body, similar to when I've used xanax (like a mild sedation, nothing that you can't walk around and do things with, yet still present) - yet the neurofeedback produced an entirely different sensation that I described above. I have quite a bit of motivation to do things now, too. I ran down to get groceries from my grandmas car and it felt really good that I willingly went out without fear that by simply stepping outside I'll have a panic attack within minutes. 

 

I'm potentially going to a brain based therapist tomorrow for a free consultation (I have an appointment, but I don't know if I'll be able to get there just yet), in which I'll be discussing my symptoms and what I wish to accomplish. Hopefully the doc doesn't get mad that I bring a dozen research papers backing some of the things I believe, haha. I'm particularly looking for him to do a "functional neurological examination" on me, followed by doing brain based therapy sessions and perhaps sending me off somewhere to do interactive metronome training. Additionally, Thurs&Saturday I have more neurofeedback sessions and perhaps Friday or Sunday I'll go to my z-trainer. Oh, I also have a ton of CoQ10 powder and Aspirin coming to add to my currently lagging mitochondrial stack. I'll write about it in the future but CoQ10 added to creatine extends the life of rodents and works better than either alone (for treating Parkinson's and Huntington's Disease); CoQ10 added to PQQ works better than either alone in treating Alzheimer's and neurodegeneration. So far I've only been taking PQQ and and occasionally creatine (I take creatine for a few days then forget to take it for a few days). Hopefully all of them together, along with the T3 stimulating, mitochondrial uncoupling properties of aspirin can help my brain. 

[Syntheso]

I have been taking CoQ10 + Creatine for a while now. Non-surprisingly, can't say I feel much better, perhaps in a more general way. Creatine appears to have moderate noticeable benefits. Never heard of Aspirin for mitochondrial support. Will check it out.

Best,
S

[BigPapaChakra]

Hmm.. do you know exactly what kind of each you've been taking? I only ask because I always stress when I speak to people that the smallest difference in quality can change everything. Not all CoQ10's are the same. I'm getting some pure powdered CoQ10 but I've also recently found some apparently extremely efficiently absorbed CoQ10's (and of course, more expensive  ) that I'll try next.

 

Try taking creatine on an empty stomach, preferably with any of the following: salt, baking soda, fenugreek, russian tarragon, or ALA (or a combination thereof). Each of those things (including taking it on an empty stomach) have been shown to either increase the absorption of creatine or have some synergy with it. 

 

The information on Aspirin as a supplement is vast; I haven't researched much on how it affects the mitochondria, but I know that it can cause mild mitochondrial uncoupling (thus heat production), and when this happens a lot of enzymes are activated downstream that are beneficial. This can decrease ATP a bit, but the heat production does a lot in and of itself. It also seems to stimulate T3, which I would hypothesize leads to mitochondrial biogenesis because T3 can achieve that; but I've never seen any direct studies on Aspirin-->mitochondriogenesis. I have seen studies indicating it aids in myelination of the brain, though. 

[Syntheso]

Hmm.. do you know exactly what kind of each you've been taking? I only ask because I always stress when I speak to people that the smallest difference in quality can change everything. Not all CoQ10's are the same. I'm getting some pure powdered CoQ10 but I've also recently found some apparently extremely efficiently absorbed CoQ10's (and of course, more expensive  ) that I'll try next.

 

Try taking creatine on an empty stomach, preferably with any of the following: salt, baking soda, fenugreek, russian tarragon, or ALA (or a combination thereof). Each of those things (including taking it on an empty stomach) have been shown to either increase the absorption of creatine or have some synergy with it. 

 

The information on Aspirin as a supplement is vast; I haven't researched much on how it affects the mitochondria, but I know that it can cause mild mitochondrial uncoupling (thus heat production), and when this happens a lot of enzymes are activated downstream that are beneficial. This can decrease ATP a bit, but the heat production does a lot in and of itself. It also seems to stimulate T3, which I would hypothesize leads to mitochondrial biogenesis because T3 can achieve that; but I've never seen any direct studies on Aspirin-->mitochondriogenesis. I have seen studies indicating it aids in myelination of the brain, though. 

I take Holland and Barrett's CoQ10 brand, 60mg/day. I always take Creatine as soon as I get up (empty stomach), as do I with most supps, before I eat. The Creatine I use is from NaturalStacks, which is a combo with added Fenugreek and Himalayan Pink Salt. I'll post that in the HPPD Stack thread, actually.

[BigPapaChakra]

I don't know where else to post this because I don't have a lot of information as of yet, but I found HIGHLY interesting results from these glasses.

 

They completely alter the visual stimulus to your eyes, and thus different regions of the brain (I forget which ones, but they affect two nerves in particular in each eye, each one being associated with a different brain region). My z-trainer gave them to me, and I used the ones with half red lenses. They are apparently largely used in the field of functional neurology for "sensory integration therapy."

 

Honestly, within under 2 minutes of using the glasses doing nothing other than sitting on a bench, my brain started feeling realllyyyy taxed. As though I was doing some intense mental exercises or something. This is what a z-health master trainer told me on facebook: 

 

"Yeah thats more complex. Id wait on that, it has to do with saccadic vision smooth persuit etc" (this is in terms of this app)

 

With the glasses you are basically improving coordination across the corpus callosum

 

They are powerful, start with small amounts

 

 

 

 

 

He had to go right as I was messaging him, so tomorrow we're going to go into more detail. I may ask to have a skype session. Unfortunately, me and my fiance had bumped into each other and I broke the glasses, so I'm waiting to see my trainer again in which I'll purchase a pair (and reimburse her for the other one). Truthfully, I think these hold great promise for treating my HPPD. While I was doing tempo-parietal+vestibulatory exercises I wore the glasses, and it felt almost too intense for me; yet later that day I noticed I had one of the best days (symptom was) in the past few months. Interestingly, I even had much less anxiety.

 

This is definitely something to look into..

 

On a side note, I'm seeing a neuro-psychiatrist Thursday, I received KetoForce (BHB-salts), and angstrom magnesium. Tomorrow I'm also getting an RBC magnesium test+a thyroid panel.

[Syntheso]

Any progress with the glasses?