Hppdlife

Life hasn't been the same

65 posts in this topic

most of my people do understand my situation somehow..but that doesnt really help me..its you who creates your reality...make yourself free of the thought of being fucked or incurable..otherwise you will have very little to no chance of getting better..thats all i can tell you from my experience

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Hmm.... I'm really trying to stay positive about all of this. The way my family and friends are acting is fucked up, yes, but I come here for support and advice. Hearing shit like my life is going to bee fucked up forever just makes me feel hopeless. Anyone with something positive to say?

 

A list of stuff I have done since getting hppd 20+ years ago:

 

Put myself through college.

Started 2 businesses. Both successful.

Travelled to many countries.

Lived in a foreign country for 10 years, learning the language and emersing myself in the culture.

Met a great girl and married her.

Bought my own house.

Been in various bands and made all alot of interesting music.

Self taught various creative things like photography, video, web design etc.

Learnt to surf, canoe, windsurf.

 

No doubt loads of other shit too.... It's no picnic, with hppd, but life IS NOT OVER. Anyone who thinks it is needs to take back control of their life... Fight for it like you would fight against cancer.

 

The easiest thing in the world to do is let this shit take control... I let it for 2-3 years, then just swicthed my thought process and thought "fuck it... I'll go and do everything I would have done before... If it is hard, so be it, but I'll try anyway.".

 

Once you get that mindset, everything becomes possible again. Difficult, but possible.

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of course but to do so he needs so much motivation...not everybody has that much motivation...even though my hppd is long gone ..i know that nothing will happen in my life anymore (cause i feel stoned and tired all day and have no power left)..its theoretically over already...

 

dont get me wrong im not trying to stop somebody from making the most of his/her life...its just my point of view...

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You are not even at the 2 year point, so I would be cautious about using such definitive statements... You are not helping yourself by thinking like that.

 

Like I said above, I let myself fester in that mindset for 2-3 years too and no doubt I had your current mindset, it was the easiest thing to do and is probably a coping mechanism of the brain.

 

You never know when a little breakthrough might occur though... I can distinctly remember a change in mindset between years 2 and 3, even though hppd stayed the same. The brain is a strange thing, I found/learnt optimism and confidence AFTER I got hppd... I was very shy and introvert before I got hppd and during those first 2-3 years.... Now I am quite confident and positive, even with a 24/7 trip going on.

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of course but to do so he needs so much motivation...not everybody has that much motivation...even though my hppd is long gone ..i know that nothing will happen in my life anymore (cause i feel stoned and tired all day and have no power left)..its theoretically over already...

 

dont get me wrong im not trying to stop somebody from making the most of his/her life...its just my point of view...

 

When you say your HPPD is long gone, what about the non-visuals?  

 

Feeling 'stoned', tired, and without power does not sound 'long gone' ... did you feel this way before HPPD, and now your are back to square one?

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Wow! That's amazing Jay! That really gives me hope! I keep trying to put a positive spin on it but it seems people in this forum don't like that. You have definitely inspired me to keep my positive outlook and pursue with my dreams and Aspirations despite this crap. Thank you SO much! Kind words are always welcomed!

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When you say your HPPD is long gone, what about the non-visuals?  

 

Feeling 'stoned', tired, and without power does not sound 'long gone' ... did you feel this way before HPPD, and now your are back to square one?

 

 

hppd was just a visual thing for me and these visuals were terribly bad and im thankful they are all gone..even visual snow..but i have panic disorder still and thats why i mostly feel weak and tired..i dont feel to be back at square at all..that would be so bad..

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maybe this will fade over time (at least i hope so) cause on some rare days i dont feel so weak and tired..or depressed..but alway when i start feeling better my surroundings show me that i have no reason to feel good...its too bad...it causes me to ask existentiell questions.

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Change your surroundings! That's exactly what I did. I moved to the beach, got alot of sun, surfed, relaxed and slowed my life down.

 

Also, the world is a crazy, fucked up place.... I honestly think people who don't have a head full of panic and anxiety are the proper fucked up ones... To be able to ignore all the craziness that modern living has to offer is plain strange.

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im in a position where i just cant change my life..its quite hard to get out of the drug scene...and not just because i love drugs..also i have the feeling its the only thing im good for...

 

you are right the people who are not questioning themselves enough are mostly stupid ignorant assholes..but i have been able to live with this shit even though i was always being in doubt about everything for 25 years until i had that terrible overdose experience with mushrooms having the worst imaginable panic attack..it has to mean somthing else than me just having overdosed myself + i just cant accept that it isnt reversible and i have to stick with this trauma for the rest of my existence..im fighting back for 1 year and 2 month now and the only thing i have managed is wiping out hppd, remaining depression and anxiety..life is not the same anymore

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im fighting back for 1 year and 2 month now and the only thing i have managed is wiping out hppd

 

Shame the rest of us can't "only" manage to wipe out hppd.

 

Read that back then think about where you are posting  .... I can imagine someone on a cancer forum saying "im fighting back for 1 year and 2 month now and the only thing i have managed is wiping out cancer". :D  It actually made me laugh though.

 

If your brain is capable of recovering from hppd, it is more than capable of fixing the other issues, if you let it.

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now that you say it..XXXXD it makes me laught too...sry i didnt think about that while typing XD....

 

maybe you are right but my brain cant be good at all areas..

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fuck me, 4 years of this shit lol

 

thanks for all your replies, you lot really helped me out when i was a scared 16 year old not knowing what was happening to me..

find it funny that i've been to so many different psychiatrists/psychologists and not a single one of them had ever heard of HPPD.. all i'm dealing with now is the depression & anxiety (especially social anxiety) which i only developed when i was spinning the fuck out and tripping constantly, depth perception is still a little odd & of course the classic visual snow is still here but oh well, it's gradually getting better :)  

 

for the new hppd people, you will get better. stay sober as soon as you begin to develop any symptoms - thats where i messed up.

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@Hppdlife 10 days is nothing. You Will see the light at the end of the tunnel some Day. But really 10 days and you Think it shall be better. Your brain counts in months or years on in min Like you do

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