Jump to content
Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Recommended Posts

most of my people do understand my situation somehow..but that doesnt really help me..its you who creates your reality...make yourself free of the thought of being fucked or incurable..otherwise you will have very little to no chance of getting better..thats all i can tell you from my experience

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm.... I'm really trying to stay positive about all of this. The way my family and friends are acting is fucked up, yes, but I come here for support and advice. Hearing shit like my life is going to bee fucked up forever just makes me feel hopeless. Anyone with something positive to say?

 

A list of stuff I have done since getting hppd 20+ years ago:

 

Put myself through college.

Started 2 businesses. Both successful.

Travelled to many countries.

Lived in a foreign country for 10 years, learning the language and emersing myself in the culture.

Met a great girl and married her.

Bought my own house.

Been in various bands and made all alot of interesting music.

Self taught various creative things like photography, video, web design etc.

Learnt to surf, canoe, windsurf.

 

No doubt loads of other shit too.... It's no picnic, with hppd, but life IS NOT OVER. Anyone who thinks it is needs to take back control of their life... Fight for it like you would fight against cancer.

 

The easiest thing in the world to do is let this shit take control... I let it for 2-3 years, then just swicthed my thought process and thought "fuck it... I'll go and do everything I would have done before... If it is hard, so be it, but I'll try anyway.".

 

Once you get that mindset, everything becomes possible again. Difficult, but possible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

of course but to do so he needs so much motivation...not everybody has that much motivation...even though my hppd is long gone ..i know that nothing will happen in my life anymore (cause i feel stoned and tired all day and have no power left)..its theoretically over already...

 

dont get me wrong im not trying to stop somebody from making the most of his/her life...its just my point of view...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You are not even at the 2 year point, so I would be cautious about using such definitive statements... You are not helping yourself by thinking like that.

 

Like I said above, I let myself fester in that mindset for 2-3 years too and no doubt I had your current mindset, it was the easiest thing to do and is probably a coping mechanism of the brain.

 

You never know when a little breakthrough might occur though... I can distinctly remember a change in mindset between years 2 and 3, even though hppd stayed the same. The brain is a strange thing, I found/learnt optimism and confidence AFTER I got hppd... I was very shy and introvert before I got hppd and during those first 2-3 years.... Now I am quite confident and positive, even with a 24/7 trip going on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
 

of course but to do so he needs so much motivation...not everybody has that much motivation...even though my hppd is long gone ..i know that nothing will happen in my life anymore (cause i feel stoned and tired all day and have no power left)..its theoretically over already...

 

dont get me wrong im not trying to stop somebody from making the most of his/her life...its just my point of view...

 

When you say your HPPD is long gone, what about the non-visuals?  

 

Feeling 'stoned', tired, and without power does not sound 'long gone' ... did you feel this way before HPPD, and now your are back to square one?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow! That's amazing Jay! That really gives me hope! I keep trying to put a positive spin on it but it seems people in this forum don't like that. You have definitely inspired me to keep my positive outlook and pursue with my dreams and Aspirations despite this crap. Thank you SO much! Kind words are always welcomed!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

 

When you say your HPPD is long gone, what about the non-visuals?  

 

Feeling 'stoned', tired, and without power does not sound 'long gone' ... did you feel this way before HPPD, and now your are back to square one?

 

 

hppd was just a visual thing for me and these visuals were terribly bad and im thankful they are all gone..even visual snow..but i have panic disorder still and thats why i mostly feel weak and tired..i dont feel to be back at square at all..that would be so bad..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

maybe this will fade over time (at least i hope so) cause on some rare days i dont feel so weak and tired..or depressed..but alway when i start feeling better my surroundings show me that i have no reason to feel good...its too bad...it causes me to ask existentiell questions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Change your surroundings! That's exactly what I did. I moved to the beach, got alot of sun, surfed, relaxed and slowed my life down.

 

Also, the world is a crazy, fucked up place.... I honestly think people who don't have a head full of panic and anxiety are the proper fucked up ones... To be able to ignore all the craziness that modern living has to offer is plain strange.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

im in a position where i just cant change my life..its quite hard to get out of the drug scene...and not just because i love drugs..also i have the feeling its the only thing im good for...

 

you are right the people who are not questioning themselves enough are mostly stupid ignorant assholes..but i have been able to live with this shit even though i was always being in doubt about everything for 25 years until i had that terrible overdose experience with mushrooms having the worst imaginable panic attack..it has to mean somthing else than me just having overdosed myself + i just cant accept that it isnt reversible and i have to stick with this trauma for the rest of my existence..im fighting back for 1 year and 2 month now and the only thing i have managed is wiping out hppd, remaining depression and anxiety..life is not the same anymore

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

im fighting back for 1 year and 2 month now and the only thing i have managed is wiping out hppd

 

Shame the rest of us can't "only" manage to wipe out hppd.

 

Read that back then think about where you are posting  .... I can imagine someone on a cancer forum saying "im fighting back for 1 year and 2 month now and the only thing i have managed is wiping out cancer". :D  It actually made me laugh though.

 

If your brain is capable of recovering from hppd, it is more than capable of fixing the other issues, if you let it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

fuck me, 4 years of this shit lol

 

thanks for all your replies, you lot really helped me out when i was a scared 16 year old not knowing what was happening to me..

find it funny that i've been to so many different psychiatrists/psychologists and not a single one of them had ever heard of HPPD.. all i'm dealing with now is the depression & anxiety (especially social anxiety) which i only developed when i was spinning the fuck out and tripping constantly, depth perception is still a little odd & of course the classic visual snow is still here but oh well, it's gradually getting better :)  

 

for the new hppd people, you will get better. stay sober as soon as you begin to develop any symptoms - thats where i messed up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Hppdlife 10 days is nothing. You Will see the light at the end of the tunnel some Day. But really 10 days and you Think it shall be better. Your brain counts in months or years on in min Like you do

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • By K.cokes
      Ive been accidently dosed like 8 tabs of liquid acid, and stupidly continued "tripping," even after that. So I started noticing a static over my vision, and I thought nothing of it at first. It has gotten much worse, and I haven't taken L.S.D in over a month. It especially gets worse if I'm smoking weed, it literally makes me have acid like visuals. Even without weed I get, tracers, halos around light, I get the pattern formation that forms when you take L, everything looks like it's shifting and melting, my anxiety has gotten progressively worse, I get visual snow, and I have pain behind my eyes sometimes, like a pressure almost, I have really bad after images, pretty much on anything bright, or lit up. Today for example I was driving, and looked at a stop sign when I looked down I saw the stop sign in my vision with my eyes open or closed. Does it ever get better, and is does it mean your brain is ruined?
    • By sargeant1380
      Hi guys, 

      I’m a first timer here and I really need some help with this. I did shrooms 3 times over a 3-4 week span, I dont remember the exact time period (this was a little over a month ago like in april). Im prescribed vyvanse which I take daily and the only other things ive done are drink and smoke weed. Anyways, after my last shroom trip everything was fine and i haven’t done it since but i do drink all the time. about two days ago i smoked weed for the first time in two months and i saw the letters on my phones keyboard dramatically wiggling and getting bigger and smaller while i was high. This has never happened to me before when i have smoked, I have only ever seen this when im on shrooms so this freaked me out because of what ive read on hppd. The next day I was watching tv and noticed that words on the screen were wiggling a little bit. Ever since then, every time I focus on a words or letters for too long, I see them subtly wiggling, it comes and goes and it has been improving over the past few days and its pretty much gone now. its nothing too bad and I wouldn’t notice it unless i really stare at them but im afraid it might get worse over time and I’m starting med school in two months. what makes this weird is that Ive read of hppd happening and then getting better shortly after a trip but my thing started a month after. The good thing is that I dont see static, visual snow, or any of that other stuff, just a subtle letter wiggling. I was thinking that i had it the whole time but i didnt notice until i smoked but what is weird is that i drink all the time and it never made it worse or even apparent at all to the point that i didnt notice I even had anything but weed did. Is it possible that weed may have triggered a mild form of hppd from previous shroom use? Also im prescribed vyvanse which i take every day and i have noticed that i dont see things wiggle when im on it, which is weird becuase Ive read everywhere that stimulants make it worse. What worries me is that I need Vyvanse for school and cant stop taking it and according to what I have read amphetamines worsen HPPD. Im not sure if I have it or not and since hppd is not very well understood im not sure whats going on. At such a critical point in my life this is kind of freaking me out so I would appreciate if those who may have experience with this kind of stuff would help shed some light on what is going on. I apologize if I sound dumb and don’t mean to disrespect those who truly have it but this is making me really nervouse and don’t know who else to ask. As far as when I smoked weed that time it was different than other times and I didn’t like that the letters kept getting bigger and smaller because weed doesn’t do that. Thank you for your help guys.
    • By MarkfromMoscow1998
      Hello, my names is Mark. I am 19 years old and in September I will be turning 20. In advanced I would like to appoligize for a  very long post and for being very specific about my drug use. I need help. 
      I come from Russia. I moved to LA when  was 13 and by the time I was 14 I became and active drug user. I don’t have any real mentally ill people in my family like people with schizophrenia and such. My older brother who is about to turn 38 is a sociopath and my mother and sister have anxiety. My dad is a functional alcoholic but nothing to crazy. 
      Moving to LA:
      2012/2013 - I started using Magic Mushrooms, ALD-52, Marijuana. Also started smoking cigarettes.  In March of 2013 after a 500 microgram ALD - 52 trip I developed some HPPD but didn’t know what that was until I went to Amsterdam that summer to do a summer job and took mushrooms and told someone that I have some of the aspects of the trip when I’m sober and that person recommended to read about HPPD. I came back and tried DMT, for some reason it didn’t work. 
      Coming back to LA: 
      2013/2014 - I continued to used psyhadelics. I’ve finally tried LSD - 25 and had a very powerful trip that made me stop. I tried Cocaine and MDMA. I was fasinated with the world of American pharmaceuticals and tried a bunch of random pills like: Ritalin, Vyvanse, Codeine, Hydrocodone, Xanax, DXM and serroquil.
      Side note: I was very depressed. My HPPD was getting worse and I lied to my psychologist that I’m done with drugs while using drugs. He recommended me to go see a psychiatrist that would prescribe me some anti - depressants. I was on Wellbutrin for 2 months and it didn’t work. He then put me on Lexapro for the rest of the school year but it made go crazy for a bit in terms of WD’s. I kept taking the pills and then stopping and then taking them again and I’ve developed racing thoughts before I went to sleep so then he placed me on Lunesta witch I abused and it was one of my favorite drugs.
      Moving back to Russia: 
      I got expelled my senior year when I was 15 and had to move back and for a month I smoked hardcore Sativa weed, took Lunesta and did a bunch of cocaine/meth. After a horrible MDA experience in Moscow  I eventually decided to stop taking drugs and became a full blown weekend alcoholic + I also took drugs, but only sometimes. 
      2014/2015 - I would drink from 500 ml (17 ounces)  - 1 liter (34 ounces)  of whiskey/vodka or any hard liquor or cocktail  every Friday and Saturday in clubs and bars, during the summer I drank on Thursdays and Sundays too. Sometimes I went on benders but drinking wine mostly and starting in the evening only. I also huffed nutritious oxide sometimes. I took cocaine a couple of times and since the weed in Russia is mostly laced with Acetone, Spice, or JWH based chemicals and hash is laced with heroin most of the times it always sucked and made me feel like I was tripping. I only smoked weed and Salvia when I went to the US, wich was twice, both times for two weeks. I also “really” tried Xanax and fell in love with it on the trip I took to LA during New Years. 
      Moving back to LA for the last time:
      2015/2016 - I smoked every single day for 5 months, did a bunch of cocaine and used Xanax almost every day but took breaks for 2 weeks sometimes, I snorted OxyContin and drank Codein Syrup but rarely because I was really overweight and felt that I might die. I did  mushrooms once, ecstasy once, ketamine once and I did Adderall also once. (Last time I did psychedelics and speed) I Kept getting sick and going to the hospital every time so decided to go back home and never move back. 
      Moving back to Russia again: 
      I lost a bunch of weight and kept drinking once again and at one point broke up with my at the time girlfriend and went on a two month whiskey/laced weed or really bad weed/fake Xanax bender. I ended up fleeing to Chicago (doing real Xanax, smoking weed, and drinking beer) and then Europe were I was cross faded most of the trip . I barely remember this, it was all during the summer. Somehow I  managed to get my shit together before my birthday and sobered up a bit. 
      Turning 18: 
      2016/2017 
      I was living in Moscow and found and OK plug for weed and started smoking every day. Got addicted to Xanax and Pregabalin (Lyrica) and by the time it was December 2016, I took up to 50 pills a weekend. 26th of December I OD’d. I drank whiskey morning till night every day and took codiene, Valium, Xanax, Atarax, serroquil, pregabalin, phenozepam and phenibut everyday until I went into an epyleptic shock and got taken to the ER. 
      Rehab: 
      My dad made he go to rehab in Israel and I was there for 4 months completely sober. I sometimes took mirtazipine to sleep. Rehab saved my life. 
      2017/2018
      I got out and didn’t use anything until I got drunk in some bar in Siberia (Novosibirsk) 
      and decided that I’m going to drink because I couldn’t do NA. I drank every weekend not as crazy as I used to but still pretty intense. I smoked once in two months only if would travel and see my high school pals in places like Copenhagen or Amsterdam were it’s legal and safe. Took cocaine once by accident during the summer (was in my drink) 
      I got into a very bad car crash in December because my taxi driver fell asleep and broke my legs and stuff. I spended a month in the hospital where I was given Fentanyl, Tramadol and Gabapentin everyday (very depressed, had to go to the bathroom laying down). I got out and stayed in the country side watching films taking tramadol and gebapentin and smoking weed for 2 weeks. Then I quit and became sober again. 
      Now: 
      Here is what happened. After I got on my legs witch was recent I got back to drinking. On March the 3d I had alcohol poisoning I think and had to go to the hospital because the next day I thought I’m having a heart attack. I was in and out of ER for three days cleaning my blood. I was going to Barcelona for 10 days for work and I so paranoid that I’m going To get Delirium Tremens from drinking so much so often that I thought I was entering psychosis (btw I took atarax almost every hungover because anxiety was to intense) I went to the psychiatrist on the 9th and told him that I need something to manage my anxiety and also a benzo addict in the past and he prescribed me Buspar and Alimemazine. I took 30-40 mgs of Buspar everyday for 2.5 weeks. I got to Barcelona still very paranoid that I’m loosing my mind. Gave up and started taking Xanax 2 mgs per day for 4 days. On top I smoked weed everyday and after I couldn’t cold turkey Xanax cause of anxiety I tapered down until I got home. On the 21st of March I got back completely sobered up, even quit smoking cigarettes and had anxiety attacks (still have them)  almost every day that made me take some Buspar and Atarax.
      On the 24th I flew to see my dad in Germany and took ambien a couple of times to sleep. I also went to the pharmacy and got my self bromazepam and thank god I had it because after being very obsessive about becoming schizophrenic at a very young age or something, I suffered a very bad anxiety attack and I took some broma and it helped. 
      April: 
      I got drunk on the 29th and told my parents that I need to solve this HPPD nonsense because I’m fucking done and emailed Doctor Abraham (famous HPPD Doctor) he emailed back and gave emails of his colleagues telling me his to old for this and he’s retired. None of his colleagues have responded to my very  emotional email. 
      I’m willing to fly anywhere and do whatever it takes to help my self. I am now 100% sober and going back to NA just to stay sober. It’s really painful to be sober rn because I feel insane! Anxiety mostly. If anyone knows  doctors, hospitals, centers that focuses on HPPD/anxiety tell me. Because I need to solve this. Please don’t ignore this. I need your help. I have every single symptom of a really bad case of HPPD 
      atarax - Hydroxyzine
      rameron - Mirtazapine 
      lexotanil - Bromazepam 
      my email is: markefr1998@gmail.com
       
    • By jacob
      i can either tell my parents my brother has hppd or i can tell the me had a flashback whats better?
    • By jacob
      The story starts a month ago when my brother visited tulum for the weekend he took 1/4 of a 1200micrograms rick and morty lsd, since then he was different, one weak ago were hitting the bong and suddenly he had a psychedelic trip and it seemed like the one he had 3 weeks before when we dropped acid so any way he got on a bad trip and told me that it felt like an lsd bad trip just by smoking weed, the trip that lasted 2 days then he came down. now he's always paranoid i cant talk to him for longer than 5 min. my question is should i be worried? and how could i help him? how should i treat him?
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.