65 posts in this topic
Hello, my names is Mark. I am 19 years old and in September I will be turning 20. In advanced I would like to appoligize for a very long post and for being very specific about my drug use. I need help.
I come from Russia. I moved to LA when was 13 and by the time I was 14 I became and active drug user. I don’t have any real mentally ill people in my family like people with schizophrenia and such. My older brother who is about to turn 38 is a sociopath and my mother and sister have anxiety. My dad is a functional alcoholic but nothing to crazy.
Moving to LA:
2012/2013 - I started using Magic Mushrooms, ALD-52, Marijuana. Also started smoking cigarettes. In March of 2013 after a 500 microgram ALD - 52 trip I developed some HPPD but didn’t know what that was until I went to Amsterdam that summer to do a summer job and took mushrooms and told someone that I have some of the aspects of the trip when I’m sober and that person recommended to read about HPPD. I came back and tried DMT, for some reason it didn’t work.
Coming back to LA:
2013/2014 - I continued to used psyhadelics. I’ve finally tried LSD - 25 and had a very powerful trip that made me stop. I tried Cocaine and MDMA. I was fasinated with the world of American pharmaceuticals and tried a bunch of random pills like: Ritalin, Vyvanse, Codeine, Hydrocodone, Xanax, DXM and serroquil.
Side note: I was very depressed. My HPPD was getting worse and I lied to my psychologist that I’m done with drugs while using drugs. He recommended me to go see a psychiatrist that would prescribe me some anti - depressants. I was on Wellbutrin for 2 months and it didn’t work. He then put me on Lexapro for the rest of the school year but it made go crazy for a bit in terms of WD’s. I kept taking the pills and then stopping and then taking them again and I’ve developed racing thoughts before I went to sleep so then he placed me on Lunesta witch I abused and it was one of my favorite drugs.
Moving back to Russia:
I got expelled my senior year when I was 15 and had to move back and for a month I smoked hardcore Sativa weed, took Lunesta and did a bunch of cocaine/meth. After a horrible MDA experience in Moscow I eventually decided to stop taking drugs and became a full blown weekend alcoholic + I also took drugs, but only sometimes.
2014/2015 - I would drink from 500 ml (17 ounces) - 1 liter (34 ounces) of whiskey/vodka or any hard liquor or cocktail every Friday and Saturday in clubs and bars, during the summer I drank on Thursdays and Sundays too. Sometimes I went on benders but drinking wine mostly and starting in the evening only. I also huffed nutritious oxide sometimes. I took cocaine a couple of times and since the weed in Russia is mostly laced with Acetone, Spice, or JWH based chemicals and hash is laced with heroin most of the times it always sucked and made me feel like I was tripping. I only smoked weed and Salvia when I went to the US, wich was twice, both times for two weeks. I also “really” tried Xanax and fell in love with it on the trip I took to LA during New Years.
Moving back to LA for the last time:
2015/2016 - I smoked every single day for 5 months, did a bunch of cocaine and used Xanax almost every day but took breaks for 2 weeks sometimes, I snorted OxyContin and drank Codein Syrup but rarely because I was really overweight and felt that I might die. I did mushrooms once, ecstasy once, ketamine once and I did Adderall also once. (Last time I did psychedelics and speed) I Kept getting sick and going to the hospital every time so decided to go back home and never move back.
Moving back to Russia again:
I lost a bunch of weight and kept drinking once again and at one point broke up with my at the time girlfriend and went on a two month whiskey/laced weed or really bad weed/fake Xanax bender. I ended up fleeing to Chicago (doing real Xanax, smoking weed, and drinking beer) and then Europe were I was cross faded most of the trip . I barely remember this, it was all during the summer. Somehow I managed to get my shit together before my birthday and sobered up a bit.
I was living in Moscow and found and OK plug for weed and started smoking every day. Got addicted to Xanax and Pregabalin (Lyrica) and by the time it was December 2016, I took up to 50 pills a weekend. 26th of December I OD’d. I drank whiskey morning till night every day and took codiene, Valium, Xanax, Atarax, serroquil, pregabalin, phenozepam and phenibut everyday until I went into an epyleptic shock and got taken to the ER.
My dad made he go to rehab in Israel and I was there for 4 months completely sober. I sometimes took mirtazipine to sleep. Rehab saved my life.
I got out and didn’t use anything until I got drunk in some bar in Siberia (Novosibirsk)
and decided that I’m going to drink because I couldn’t do NA. I drank every weekend not as crazy as I used to but still pretty intense. I smoked once in two months only if would travel and see my high school pals in places like Copenhagen or Amsterdam were it’s legal and safe. Took cocaine once by accident during the summer (was in my drink)
I got into a very bad car crash in December because my taxi driver fell asleep and broke my legs and stuff. I spended a month in the hospital where I was given Fentanyl, Tramadol and Gabapentin everyday (very depressed, had to go to the bathroom laying down). I got out and stayed in the country side watching films taking tramadol and gebapentin and smoking weed for 2 weeks. Then I quit and became sober again.
Here is what happened. After I got on my legs witch was recent I got back to drinking. On March the 3d I had alcohol poisoning I think and had to go to the hospital because the next day I thought I’m having a heart attack. I was in and out of ER for three days cleaning my blood. I was going to Barcelona for 10 days for work and I so paranoid that I’m going To get Delirium Tremens from drinking so much so often that I thought I was entering psychosis (btw I took atarax almost every hungover because anxiety was to intense) I went to the psychiatrist on the 9th and told him that I need something to manage my anxiety and also a benzo addict in the past and he prescribed me Buspar and Alimemazine. I took 30-40 mgs of Buspar everyday for 2.5 weeks. I got to Barcelona still very paranoid that I’m loosing my mind. Gave up and started taking Xanax 2 mgs per day for 4 days. On top I smoked weed everyday and after I couldn’t cold turkey Xanax cause of anxiety I tapered down until I got home. On the 21st of March I got back completely sobered up, even quit smoking cigarettes and had anxiety attacks (still have them) almost every day that made me take some Buspar and Atarax.
On the 24th I flew to see my dad in Germany and took ambien a couple of times to sleep. I also went to the pharmacy and got my self bromazepam and thank god I had it because after being very obsessive about becoming schizophrenic at a very young age or something, I suffered a very bad anxiety attack and I took some broma and it helped.
I got drunk on the 29th and told my parents that I need to solve this HPPD nonsense because I’m fucking done and emailed Doctor Abraham (famous HPPD Doctor) he emailed back and gave emails of his colleagues telling me his to old for this and he’s retired. None of his colleagues have responded to my very emotional email.
I’m willing to fly anywhere and do whatever it takes to help my self. I am now 100% sober and going back to NA just to stay sober. It’s really painful to be sober rn because I feel insane! Anxiety mostly. If anyone knows doctors, hospitals, centers that focuses on HPPD/anxiety tell me. Because I need to solve this. Please don’t ignore this. I need your help. I have every single symptom of a really bad case of HPPD
atarax - Hydroxyzine
rameron - Mirtazapine
lexotanil - Bromazepam
my email is: firstname.lastname@example.org
The story starts a month ago when my brother visited tulum for the weekend he took 1/4 of a 1200micrograms rick and morty lsd, since then he was different, one weak ago were hitting the bong and suddenly he had a psychedelic trip and it seemed like the one he had 3 weeks before when we dropped acid so any way he got on a bad trip and told me that it felt like an lsd bad trip just by smoking weed, the trip that lasted 2 days then he came down. now he's always paranoid i cant talk to him for longer than 5 min. my question is should i be worried? and how could i help him? how should i treat him?
First off my name is isaac im 24 from a posh suburb in southern California.... so like many of you i started my psychedelic use very early and i used it very very heavily, i went from never having had a sip of alcohol at 16 to at 18 having used around 250 hits of lsd about a half ounce of dmt a quarter pound of mushrooms, dozens of experiences with san pedro, extracted mescaline, all the chemicals in the 2c series, mxe, ketamine, mdma and various other bs mixed in........ by the time i got out of high school i was hearing things that wernt there seeing people in the corner of my eyes that were not there i wasent even able to hold on to a thought for more then a few minutes at a time before having my mind "wiped"..... this led to extreme anxiety and hard core heroin addiction i started slamming grams a day for the next 4 years, ive been homeless for about 2 years total i latter started getting involved in extremely violent gang activity abroad ...... fast forward to today im 1 year sober and have a very good job stable living situation and have good control over my violent erratic impulses............ for the time after my psychedelic use where i turned into a shit head i really forgot about my hppd which is fairly sever from what i can tell, i feel like im 4 feet deep in my head like im observing the world by proxy like VR or something when i close my eyes im in a fractaly fragmented psychedelic space, when my eyes are open the visual drag is very substantial comparable to an average single dose of lsd the world looks like im looking thru rippling water with a film of oil on it....... i just feel so detached from my body my vision everything, i recoil from human touch as if any human contact is some one trying to stab me..... i am so detached from everything i cant connect with any one and normal social constructs are the most confusing thing to me i long for it but just can no longer grasp it, i feel like ive turned autistic after everything that has happened i feel like a ghost of a person who can only think analytically...... recently my hppd has goten much worse the other day the world looked like it was erratically shaking to the point i droped to the floor to gain my bearings, i feel like im on a average dose of a cluster fuck of psychedelics constantly (im completely sober i dont even smoke weed)..... im not a bad person i just want to be a productive peaceful member of society with normal healthy relationships and i want to get out of this box im stuck in in my head i just want to feel alright....... i dont know if this is how i should have introduced myself but here i am
Hey guys i think i found the triger for recovery
sorry for bad engrish
This is called subliminal audio i has been known to cure many physical and mental problems so i ascume that this would help.
I know this sounds like placebo but it is not i know because you can hear those voices in the video
here is the video and update if it helps
instructions are in the desciption