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    • By Shadowplay
      "Well Im sorry that if the rest of the world was born with perfect brain synapses and just walking around in lala-land and I can't tell if this fucking flower is real"
       
      Cracked me up a lot of times and you do recognize yourself completly in the movie. So hilarious. The director is actually a sufferer of depersonalization disoder. Yet he succesfully pulled this movie off.
       
      You have to see it if you haven't already! Great humor in it as well. Banging the shrink fuck yea!
       
      http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0795439/
       
      Download link: https://oldpiratebay.org/torrent/12209646/Numb-2007-720p-BluRay-DTS-x264-SbR
    • By DeeJ91
      Hi everyone, 
      Thanks for your time to anyone who is reading this.
       
      I have aways been a "sensory sensitive" person (i.e. only kid on a youth soccer team to have to wear sunglass sports goggles). I took LSD (one time only) during the summer after I graduated from college in 2006. Upon waking up the next morning (after little sleep lol) and getting my day started, it was overwhelmingly evident that something in my brain had changed. I have for the 8 years since then been dealing with a variety of extremely bothersome, what I would describe as, visual sensory overload issues.
       
      My brain is now agitated and overwhelmed by all sorts of visual stimuli, most notably unnatural lighting that I encounter in the evening (i.e. all forms of indoor lighting, car headlights, porchlights etc). Also, as crazy as it may sound, my brain is often extremely agitated and distracted by shadows that are created by such lights...things that my brain would have formerly subconsciously filtered out. For instance, an overhead fan with a light behind it will drive me absolutely crazy. I also have issues during daytime hours, though not as intensely, as I am also now more sensitive to brightness from the sun (as well as daytime shadows). When I am in the throes of my "symptoms", my experience ranges from mild agitation to literally feeling like my brain is on fire and in desperate need of someone popping my skull open to dump ice water onto it. This latter feeling generally arises from prolonged exposure, for instance a situation where I cannot just go take a shower to calm my brain down or lie down in a dark room for a while.
       
      I don't know if the condition I have is precisely HPPD, as I do not experience visual snow, halos, trailers, or any of the other "common symptoms" I have seen listed under diagnosis criteria for HPPD. However, I keep coming back to this forum and other websites related to HPPD because I have had a persisting sensory condition that was (however predisposed I may have been) either caused or multiplied a hundred times by taking a psychedelic drug.
       
      To wrap up with a few other details:
      I have suffered from Depersonalization Disorder since my senior year of high school (that I am certain was triggered or at least exacerbated by marijuana use). I have not taken any psychedelic drugs since my LSD experience, and have not smoked pot in about 7 years as it makes all of my symptoms much worse.
       
      I mostly try to sleep and exercise consistently to help me battle my problems.
       
      I have been to several people for help. A neurologist told me frankly that he understood in theory what I was saying, but had no idea what to do. I was later prescribed Xanax by a psychiatrist. It has helped me quite a bit and I generally take it at night time when my symptoms hit at their worst. I do hope to get off of it someday soon because of the zombie-ish feeling it can create. But for now, I much prefer it to the suffering I endure without it. I have been disciplined and have not upped my Xanax dosage during the 2 1/2 years I have been taking it.
       
      I believe that the condition I deal with might line up more closely with some of the sensory overload issues faced by MS or Autistic patients. It might very well be that certain receptors were overstimulated during my LSD experience and now my GABA production has been permanently affected. This would explain why taking a Benzo, like Xanax, temporarily makes me feel better. Drinking alcohol, though I don't often engage in it, has a slightly similar calming effect.
       
      If anyone has any thoughts, I would greatly appreciate hearing them. I am quite desperate, to be frank, and am open to all suggestions. N-Met is a product I have seen marketed for sensory overload sufferers, as well as GABA Calm. Keppra intrigues me as well because of it's work on GABA receptors, though I am a bit nervous about trying an anti-convulsant. I have also considered meeting with an Occupational Therapist, or a hypnotist. 
       
      Thanks everyone!
      DJ 
    • By starryskies
      So I have pretty moderate hppd. From what I know, people say it is only visual symptoms and stuff like that but to me it's much more. I'm sure plenty of us have had problems with brain fog and depersonalization, which may lead to some depression. For me, especially when I wake up in the mornings or from a nap, I even FEEL like I'm trippin. I've had days where I've woken up feeling like I took a hit of acid before I fell asleep or something. So I read on some forums about 5-htp, which is a vitamin that increases serotonin levels in the brain. I read somewhere else that one cause of hppd is not having enough serotonin, so I decided to give it a try. Literally the first pill I took I noticed a difference. As soon as I got back from the vitamin shoppe, I took a pill and that night I slept a full exact 8 hours (and had real dreams that weren't trippy) and when I woke up the next morning, I felt sober. Of course the visuals were still there, but I felt great!! I've continued taking them and continued to feel so much better. There was one day that I decided to wait until later to take a pill when normally I do it in the morning and got my schedule all messed up and in the process I felt the brain fog and depersonalization come right back up. To me, it makes enough of a difference that I can live my everyday life and not have to focus on my hppd as much. Also, because it helped me get better night's worth of sleep, indirectly it's even helping my visuals. Depersonalization wise, now when i look in the mirror i actually see myself and don't always feel like I'm living in a weird type of nightmare. I just wanted to get on here and let people know that this may be a good option worth trying, because I've seen so many threads putting 5-htp down. Also, it's really not that expensive for one a day! (I've also been taking lion's mane, but I read somewhere that it takes months to work so I doubt that's what making me feel better) my only concern is, I've read online that taking 5-htp everyday could have some negative consequences, but I kinda assumed that applied to normal people who didn't need the extra serotonin like I do. Should I be be worried about it? Idk what do you guys think?
    • By onedayillsailagain
      Hey guys.
      First and foremost; I wish I could put this all coherently in an elaborate article like I did with Coluracetam, however my current state does not allow for that, so forgive me if this all seems a bit vague or wishy-washy.
      This is a substance I've been wanting to try for months now.
      Basically what it is, is an orally active selective long and fast acting (~2 weeks) potent kappa opioid receptor (KOR) antagonist. Say that three times fast.

      The KOR is implicated in many things. Salvia Divinorum (more specifically, its active agent Salvinorin A), which I'm sure most of us are acquainted with, is a KOR agonist. So is Ketamine (see here a study with both aforementioned and JDTic).

      These both (as well as all KOR agonists) known to induce a state of dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, anxiety, cognitive impairment, as well as hallucinations/visual distortions, and perhaps some others nuisances I'm forgetting.
       
      Dynorphin is the endogenous KOR agonist, which appears to increase in levels under circumstances of stress and depression (see wiki), and also blocks glutamate release. Glutamate is also implicated in DP/DR as recently discussed, moreover it's the precursor to GABA, hence hypoglutamatergia is no fun. Furthermore, trying to agonize NMDA receptors for instance, would be kind of like mopping the floor with the faucet running. Though, as a side note, NRX-1074 (GLYX-13 derivative) would be really cool to try.

      Ok well.. I don't seem to be good at tying up the loose ends here, but in any case it seems to me to have a high chance of abolishing dissociative symptoms. Oh yes, Naloxone and Naltrexone have been used to treat DP, the former of which completely abolished it in several individuals, however Naloxone is unsustainable.

      JDTic seems to be relatively safe.. some concerns about 2/14 individuals having a transient heart arrhythmia or something benign like that, which is why they halted studies (protocol I guess).

      I'll try to add more later, but if you've any questions, please ask.

      This stuff is not available yet. I know many of you, like myself, are very willing to experiment if it's worth a shot, and this one most certainly is. There's not a group buy yet, but currently there are already 16 people interested in doing one. If you want to be a part of the group buy, and for far more elaborate discussion (and a lot of interesting articles), check out the Longecity thread. Also, for the only user review in the world, check out jdtic.com (bear in mind, this person did not suffer from any dissociative issues).
    • By Violet
      I'm aware that none or most of you are medical professionals, but unfortunately like many of you medical professionals have failed to help me. I have seen that many of you also have personal experience for what works what doesn't work. I suppose almost using yourselfs as guinea pigs. I guess I'm okay with that. Considering I was okay with taking Psychedelics suppliments helping my current state with suppliments doesn't seem like such a bad idea.
       
      Medicine History: (PRE HPPD I did this crap) I took ritalin for a short time as a child. At sixteen years old I ODed about three times on effexor. Completely horrible experience. Mental state was suggestible I hallucinated for a little. I ODed on my own personal coctail (migrain pills, antidepressants, ect), I did once more on acetaminophen at 19. I have tried zoloft in high school and out (hated it), Lexapro (didn't give it enough chance so I don't know), Effexor (too heavy hate it), Clonopin (Gave me rare side effect of extreme bruising), Ativan (I still have it take as needed though gives me short term memory). Before I started psychedelics I was on wellbutrin with the most success out of any of these long time off and back on again. It helped with my fluctuations but made me feel cold and void as a person. If you want to know why this all happened I did it, I had a bad environment, abuse, neglect, bipolar, borderline tendencies, rape, abuse.
       
      When I started living on my own I felt so much better without realizing that my coping skills were still the same. I knew I would evolve as a person naturally, but I never really understood when my highs were taking me too far in heights. I started smoking pot all the time with my roomie who introed me to drugs. I felt really good for the first time. I did mushroom three times with awesome trips. The first being the best trip, the second two good but not as good as the first. I had a good acid trip. I lost all the weight I wanted to lose. I had a lot of friends who found me interesting, quirky, cute ect. I was on the high of life and everything was awesome never feeling this good so I started to experiment.
       
      I had one bad acid trip that did have after effects, but none that I noticed at the time. The wortst was a really bad mushroom trip that sent me to the ER making me think I was dying. What a wonderful Valentines day (last year). I got psychosis for a month and a half. I was really truely lost. My friends all left me thought now that my weirdness was no longer (cute but I was being weird as I really didn't understand social mechanisms really anymore). I was suggestable, and my mind frame was what effecting me. My mental fluctuations were like a box I was confined in this tight box and I had panic attacks all the time. I don't have them anymore though. My thinking was airy and for awhile I couldn't control my thoughts it felt like I was falling into a hole in my mind and nothing could stop it but occasionally falling on little edges and cliffs.
       
      I couldn't concentrate couldn't compute thoughts the way I normally did. I was without a paddle in a deep scary ocean that was my mind. I had deep ego loss,  and figuring out how much control to give my ego as it does serve to protect us was hard. I had to rebuild it from mindfulness being in the present and learning from my woes of the past.
       
      For the record I am 22 now. Live in my own apartment. Work. and have a successful relationship without blame to to the person who brought me into these drugs. We had different learning experiences to cope from, but those were our own battles. Life has been rough for us but we stayed together through the roughness finding beauty in the way that it is.
       
      The reason why I think I'm not getting over my hppd is that. After my terrible trip and losing all associations to who I was or thought I was or even being functional as a person is that I widened my mind body connection with this painful experience. I literally cannot poop. I can't move my bowels. It's honestly terrible. This started a few weeks after my experiences. Starting with food allergies, then to extreme bloating, constipation, constant urination. Due to my suggestable nature and thought of death that truely peaked me in my trip. I was assured that I had cancer, that I had some sort of strange movie like premonition and the fear ate me up. I've had colonscopies only finding damage from my constant use of laxatives.
       
      This has been going on since febuary. I constantly feel tired, fatigued, bloated, constipated, all the time which effects me emotionally which ends up effecting the loose strings of the hppd that I try to tie up everyday. I more so have the depersonalization, derealization than I do any visuals (I get them occasionally but I don't feel bothered such like tiny splashes of colors).
       
      At the moment I cant eat bread, beans, milk, any sugar, any additives, and everything has to be in balance or else it's just too binding for me. I have candida, leaky gut (intestinal permeability that leads to the allergies or really food intolerances), and I can't really poop. I think the inability to poop is the cause for the allergies and bacterial overgrowth. I eat organic veggies in different ways smoothies, soup, steamed, I am doing bone broth. I eat fish chicken, pumpkin seeds, green bitter granny smith apples.
       
      If I eat one thing that is none in balance or intolerance my stomach grows to a huge amount and stays like that for the rest of the day. I am fairly thin weighing about 127 lbs and being 5'6 female. It's disheartening looking pregnant when you are not and not knowing how to deal with that if another were to give that sort of attention.I have been reading about how many of the neurotrainsmitters effect our guts and how our gut is like our second brain. Seritonin, GABA and some others play a role in this. I deduced pehaps the suppliment that would help my gut working is the one that will help me move on with my thought disorders after my encounters with psychedelics. I believe that the trainsmittors can be healed with time.
       
      What I'm looking for is heal my trainsmittors and brain, general mood balance, brain health, and possibly tackling this gut issue.I tried a few suppliments. Melatonin helps me sleep. Sometimes I take magnesium. St Johns was good at first. Ginko is good occasionally. I'm scared to go back on perscriptions. I know what thats all about. I don't want it to ruin my trainsmittors anymore than they already are. I don't want the split to widen even more...
       
      Everyday I take a candida management suppliment, vitamin without iron, garlic, NAC just started , Vitamin B drops I just started and not going to do everyday, and I have a lot of enzymes, suppliments that help me break down my food. I drink aloe water when I can afford it. I'm not very well off with money and thought about social security but the thought of tackling down this issue is unbarable. My doctors all know and they think this is all emotional based. I go to therapy. I just feel lost like I don't know what to do. I just finished a book called the how of happiness which has really great long term happiness based techniques, great advice. Exercise is hard when I feel honestly horrible most of the time. I've been getting better at socializing but I'm not where I was a year ago and honestly it will take time. Part of me has thought that if I tripped again and had a good trip maybe I could go back and fix the bad connections. With my current health and fresh state I thought against this. I at least said let's deal with the current issues without that fist and I haven't thought of that since.
       
      I don't hate the shroom it was a big learning experience and all I could do was take the positive out of something that was probably the worst episode of my life. I sort of relapse day to day. Sometimes I feel really good and confident in my character and get a lot of things done other days I get destracted and my mind fights against the idea of change wanting to stay still doing nothing and in the end being nothing. I get lost in there a lot. Sometimes no one knows I'm so on it and other days they can tell I'm real off. I'm trying to find reasons to be inspired to keep up with this and that's why I'm here. Many people left my life, I guess I understand since I'm just not the same. But with a community that really understands I was afraid to go into that at first but I guess laying the truth out that this is really my life right now and having other people accept that I guess that would be amazing. Self acceptance can be a hard one but worth it.
       
      I just...don't want to live like this forever you know? I want to be able to use the bathroom and get my health back more than anything. I work about 25 hrs a week due to feeling so ill all the time which I know is both the body and mind infuenced. It was just the craziest draw back to get sick and both ways than just one.
       
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bpl4269

Trouble Speaking

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Do any of you with depersonalization feel like you cant speak? Almost like your choked up? I feel this and Im not sure whether this is because my own voice sounds strange to me and I avoid speaking, but this is stressful to me. I want to be calm and sociable again? Is this a common thing? Any advice?

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I have that problem, it really sucks. I feel so cognitively bad. I feel out of my body watching myself talking and that drives me crazy. I just want to come back to the real world. It's like I really need a bucket of water to my face.

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Hey bpl,
I have the same issue. Ever since HPPD my articulation is freaking horrible! I used to give 15 minute speaches 3 times a day before an audience of up to 30 people, and once a week before 200 people without any problems. I was always loud and clear, never even had the slightest anxiety whilst doing it. Nowadays when I buy tobacco, I ask for a "plack of smigarettes". It's like my mouth and tongue feel different, and my control of it is diminished. Everything is slurred.
Eventually I gave up trying to sound like I used to, and then I learned how to talk with my "new voice". Sure, I sound strange, but I'm audible. I think it's also anxiety-related though. Personally I hope this will ameliorate itself with Keppra, if I ever get the stuff. Also, seeing as forming thought becomes a strange task with HPPD, perhaps it is because of the lack of clarity with your "thought-voice". Visualizing what you are going to do and say becomes difficult and blurred, so the actual action inherits those qualities. For that same reason, I frequently spill a drink 'cause I take to big of a gulp. Getting off-topic though. Anecdotal evidence suggests Wellbutrin could help with speech. Good luck with it :)

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I actually find that kava helps with my dp and speech issues. I feel more calm and collected and can more easily gather my thoughts when I'm speaking like I used to. Thanks onedayillsailagain for turning me onto the kava again :) It has really helped me these past few days with my anxiety and dp. I no longer get head pressure from it.

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I tried to pass the driving test in my condition. After one hour driving around the city I couldn't even say two words properly.

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Area 45 receives more afferent connections from prefrontal cortex, the superior temporal gyrus, and the superior temporal sulcus, compared to area 44, which tends to receive more afferent connections from motor, somatosensory, and inferior parietal regions

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broca's_area

 

Afferent connections from the PFC may be contributing to this, as there has been shown to be a measure of inhibition of non-visual cortical areas in HPPD.

The somatosensory link is obviously also of note.

PFC dysfunction (regardless the cause) would then be able to contribute to speech problems.

Anxiety and stress are detrimental to PFC functioning, so go figure :)

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Brain fog and DP/DR are close relatives..

I have ADHD and mild autism, motoric dysfunction and dysarthria http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysarthria.

 

But since I got HPPD and DP/DR I must say the speech problems got even worse.

Keppra has increased my ability to articulate words and form sentences a bit but the problems are not completely gone..

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