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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
bpl4269

holding a job with hppd

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Ever since i got hppd/dp/dr dragging my ass out of bed to go to my shitty minimum wage job has been the hardest thing for me. This being because when I go to work, I have to face the world, put on a facade, and endure physical and mental exertion for 8 hours straight. I dont ever want to talk to people, and when I do its usually forced. My boss and co workers treat me like shit too because they think im lazy because i do the bare minimum, but at this point im just trying to keep my head above water, to keep from totally losing it and punching someone square in the jaw. They know i have lyme disease as well so they must think im using it as an excuse to slack off. Before all this shit, i was the most outgoing, enthusiastic, hardworking person there. Now i just feel like a piece of shit on the bottom of my managers shoe. I dont know what it is but when any of them make some wiseass comment to me about how im slacking off, i get so angry and hurt because i know this isnt who i am and right now, im doing the best i can but apparently that isnt enough. Please help me, im feeling so depressed right now. My life is an absolute trainwreck with no meaning whatsoever. The worst thing about it though is the loss of my personality due to dp. I feel like im fucking dead inside.

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Can you change jobs to something that might be better for you and your hppd?

 

I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home and that has really, really changed my life, for the better.

 

But the first 6-7 years with hppd though, i had to do all sorts of jobs, while i got myself though uni...... factory work, pizza chef, bar work, waiting tables etc etc.... Of all of them, factory work best suited my state of mind... I could just graft without having to interact with the public.... and half the other workers were brain dead inbreds, so, even with heavy hppd... I was still one of the more upbeat and bright workers and quite often found myself getting promotions.

 

If you are not happy where you work, just change it.

 

Good luck.

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I just lost my job for having it. I'm not sure if that's illegal but some useful information would help a lot

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2 hours ago, Jesjar said:

I just lost my job for having it. I'm not sure if that's illegal but some useful information would help a lot

Could you tell more about your story?

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On 10/3/2019 at 9:23 AM, yosoydiego said:

Could you tell more about your story?

Started to panic because all of a sudden my visuals had gone to a whole new level. My heart was pounding, hands sweaty, the whole nine yards. The thing that really sucked was that I had JUST developed HPPD at the time, and the MDMA i had used was cut with meth, so there was a terrible withdrawal from that. Decided to smoke weed that night because I thought the MDMA trip would be better, but that's really what fucked me up because the paranoia had really kicked in, plus cotton mouth.. I'd call it cotton throat because I had no saliva all the way down my esophagus to about where my adam's apple was. Really was some terrifying shit.  They refused to even give me an official statement on why I was fired except for my assistant manager told me i was "hallucinating at work". Fuck em. Went to the ER the same day of my firing because I thought I was going to die lol. I've only been working there for around a month so my health insurance hadn't kicked in yet. The total costs of my hospital bills ended up being 15,000 dollars. I'm currently 20 years old so i have no way of paying it off right now. RIP my credit. Right now my anxiety has been down around 85% since then. I still get tracers and visual snow, but they have been somewhat suppressed recently. Still sucks really bad having this condition... I can't smoke weed anymore, after becoming a huge stoner for the past 2 years or so. I hope one day I'll be able to smoke again without it feeling like I dropped 2 tabs of acid.

Edited by Jesjar

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