Jump to content
Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum
Sign in to follow this  
Passion

Calm me down?

Recommended Posts

I can still make myself see everything in.. stopmotion kind of way. I feel that when I look at.. for example my hand. I don't look straight at it,

I look THROUGH it. I mean.. I see my hand.. I can't see through it like.. it is transparent or something.. I just.. focus.. farther away and look deeper. :c

Everything seems strange. And when I speak.. the words aren't.. synced to me.

They come out and everything is just.. weird. :C Not real.

When I eat.. sometimes everything feels like when I tripped.. The feeling doesn't.. belong to me.

It is.. Like.. When you breath in.. nitrous oxide or laughing gas as it's called. You feel feelings on your face.. But you don't feel.. like it is

you who.. control the feelings. :c

I am scared. I couldn't make myself feel this things as.. HARD (?) as I can do now.

Now.. I can develop a trip.. I know that I could if I tried.

And the more I speak about my DPDR, the.. more I feel it.

But I need someone to calm me down.

I am afraid. Afraid of getting a psychosis.

Afraid that I blew my last chance.

Help.

Share this post


Link to post

passion------it's not that bad------worst case scenario, you are totally bad-sht. I have been sick now for 4 days with a 102 temp; i have had visual stuff for 15 years, and 2 "psychotic breaks". ------Its not that bad.

Just don't do it anymore. Weed will hang out in your system for like 30 days or so. ------Just stay away from anything that is negative (short-term or long-term) [ex- negative people, drugs, critics, etc.]

Share this post


Link to post

I am okay with my visuals.. They are something that I can live witj.

It's the feeling of being high all the time.. Being apart from the real world that is scary.

I hope it will get better as the last time. I hope that I will feel normal again. Relaxed and normal.

Already bought all the vitamins that helped me last time.

I hope I will make it.

Share this post


Link to post

I think that my HPPD got worse too.. now when I think about it. It probably did. :c

But the feelings of DPDR are brootal.. much more worse than before. :c Now I have the thought:

- What if I am in coma and this is a dream? :c

But I know that it's not true. But the feelings are horrible.. When I speak I sometimes.. very often..

think about what I am saying.. and realize how strange everything is. That the voice comes out of itself.

:c Can't really explain.

Gah.. :c So scared.

Share this post


Link to post

I feel really detached to0 Passion------sometimes i see my hands typing in front of me and they look like two pieces of meat and i barely understand how i am forming full sentences. And in some ways, my hands might as well be 2 stumps bashing out words, one letter at a time. ........I feel like i get not-enough O2 but too much O2 at the same time-----like the air is helium or nitrous. I feel like my head wants to implode; and make my eyes one, like a cyclops. I just feel......well......"blazed"

I have a head cold now but dr/dp dissociation has always been like a head cold with terrible agitation, anxiety, and cognitive impairment.

Share this post


Link to post

Yeah i feel weird with sugars sometimes (too much or too little)..........grease, and fast food could really bug you out (even though it tastes good)......I mean like panicky, you think you are gonna die of a heart attack right there.

Share this post


Link to post

Passion- I really feel for you. Three years ago I could've been writing those same words. I went through a vitamin phase as well. Even though the didn't seem to help all that much, some part of my head believed that the would and I think sending that signal to my brain that I was doing what I could to help prevent myself from feeling like a total wreck helped somewhat. It gets easier as time goes by, I promise. As far as reattaching your soul with your body, connecting mind and body, however you want to put it.. you still have memories. You're going through all of these literally seemingly unreal things right now. But you do have memories of when things did feel real, when you did still feel a part of the world. Think about those memories, your brain and body still remembers how to do them. Think about the things you enjoyed before, and try to reconnect with those parts, almost in a restoring-motor-function-sorta-way. But right now you need to stay away from any stimulating drug, it'll only make things worse or just as bad again and again. You're crying out for some relief from the horrible feelings you're experiencing, and you have memory of hash and all being something that helped with certain issues in the past. But you need to connect yourself to the fact that it's not something that can help you now. And I'm not sure if my way of dealing with things is what other people would find acceptable or help-worthy, but these are some of the things that started me off on getting me to where I am now. And if anyone disagrees or wants to add anything in on this, please do so. I'm always all ears.

MG- Damn, I know how you feel with the salty and sugar foods. Really gets the heart pumping. hah Combination of eating the wrong types of food and then doing something like smoking herb was enough to send me full blast into a thinking-you're-gonna-die attack. Heart was going a hundred miles a minute. Something I noticed that helps with that is to go for a drive. I had my brother drive me around for the longest time, even though he doesn't understand the need for some of these things and thinks it's a pain in the ass to help me through what he doesn't understand - which doesn't help.. but the drive helped to keep my senses engaged enough on other things to repair, or something of the sort. But, yeah. Eating good food helps a metric fuckton.

Share this post


Link to post

Stimulatingdistraction, damn. I am so sorry for such a late answer. Just saw your message. :c Such a slowpoke I am.
I don't hang here so often anymore because I try to keep myself away from everything hppd/dpdr related. I come back 
rarely in periods just to feel that I am not alone. Today is one of those days. Hahah. The thing about the memories.. They 

feel kind of foggy and distant to me. I mean memories from before the "bad trip". At this point in my life, almost a year after 
my trip, I don't remember how my life was before. :c I don't remember how it feels and how "normal" people see life. 

Damn, I read through the whole post and wow. I am so thankful for peoples replys. They calmed me down. I sound terrified :c Hahah.. I definitely 
overanalyzed every little thing that I did at that state. I hope that I will never go through that again.. but.. yeah. You never know. 
If I think about it, it does feels weird to eat. But I just don't want to.. overanalyze the feeling. Then I get really deattached. :c 

 

Just wondering.. when you drink water and overanalyze it, does it feels like you drink OIL? I feel it. And it sucks.. 
Water feels extremely thick and I just want to throw up because it reminds me of like.. castor oil. :C 

AND.. one more question.. when you people cry, do you sometimes get like chocked and "What the hell is this shit? Why am I crying?" and get 
a warm breeze all over your body? ;o The feeling of being surprised that you actually are lying there and crying? .____. Can't really explain. 

Share this post


Link to post

Passion, I was in literally the same state u are in 14 hours ago.

Ur body releases adrenaline to the point where it feels unreal. Anxiety.

Just know that reality is what u make it.

Practicing relaxation breathing/yoga/meditation every day , you'll learn how to calm yourself down more.

When u get scared, ur body may not wanna eat. But doing so is vital.

I wish that I had time to post more but I have to get some sleep since I'm sleep deprived from quitting pot. Sleep deprivation definitely makes it worse a shit ton.

Caffeine free green tea helps me personally, I poured like 5 cups today. But most of all, probly excersize is the best. Releases endorphines whic calm. Plus the increase in dopamine makes an hppd'er feel more real

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  
  • Similar Content

    • By Loukas iliop
      Hi guys. Im apparently new to the forum, so i want to start by explaining my story and how and why i got here. Im 16 years old and as you can imagine, people between that age aren't very concerned about their health or anything in general. Even though i was a kid who liked  exercising or working out i was also very curious on trying drugs like weed . About a year ago, my mom got cancer but i couldn't feel anything, like i had no fear that she was going to die(i hadnt tried any drug in my life, not even tobacco or alcohol), feeling like im some kind of numb, not having empathy (which scared me because i was that kid who would be concerned about anything related to his family.) A couple months later, i started feeling more lost. I had lost the days and i didnt care at all . I was depressed but i didnt want to realize it. I couldn't accept the fact that something was wrong about my mental health at that point. After my vacation between December and January, i came back, again kinda numb. School was closed for Christmas and would open soon. As school opened, my friend asked me if i want to smoke some weed with his friends. Not even thinking about it, i answered, why not? The next couple of weeks i would smoke about 2-3 bong hits a week(nothing more). And yet i wasnt feeling high(maybe because of the dosage) . So one day i made a stupid desicion to get as high as possible(at that point i hadnt get a single high feeling in my life, not even from the bong hits). I started smoking and taking bong hits. I ate nothing. Fifteen minutes later i was kinda confused. I would be so stupid that i couldn't even think of simple things. I started to realize that i was high and it felt cool, for the first minutes. 2 minutes later i started feeling like i was in a boat, like i was lost and dizzy. Suddenly, my vision started to have some wierd black dots everywhere . I had a blackout  and a bad panic attack . The high was so strong that i couldn't control or see anything for a couple of seconds(idk if that sounds a bit unrealistic but im trying to explain everything as it went through). After that seconds, i took control over my body, but it was like i was in a lucid dream. Like i was a camera, like i was observing the world through the tiniest tv screen . I felt my body strange. I would touch things and feel them after 2 to 3 seconds . I was so confused and anxious . My friends had freaked out because nothing similar didnt happen to them ever .i lost my mind, i got paranoid that this thing would last forever, like i was going to live the rest of my life like this. 2 hours later i wasn't high no more, but something felt strange. I went to sleep and i remember being between sleep and awake. I was so lost that night. I was having a dream of getting paranoid while i was also partly awake. The morning came and yet i was lost. I had black dots around my visual field, I couldn't see the walls clearly, like if they had some light everywhere in them. Moving my eyes from a shiny direction to another, i would see the previous image blurry for a couple of seconds. All that combined scared the shit out of me making me more paranoid about everything. I started feel like i was fake, everything seemed like a dream, my body felt like it wasnt mine. I got home after school and i remember having a nap caude i was to tired. Again, i couldn't sleep, i was somewhere between sleep and awake, lost. I woke up feeling like i was a stranger to everything. I had delay on touching things like when i was high. Im not gonna lie, i thought i was in a dream again. That night i explained my parents everything and they were very helpful. The next days my symptoms got worse. My anxiety increased and i had some terrible panic attacks. I would see those black dots everywhere ( when i would wake up in the morning they were moving fast as hell), and a little tinnitus. After a couple of days i would have that delay over the things i touch for some minutes and that was kinda annoying and unexplainable to me . I started observing around and seeing some small halos around people. The first couple of months was literally HELL. Suicide was the only option, i would tell to myself. Everyday i was overanalyzing everything. My walk, the way i talk, how am i able to see humans everyday without observing everything they do and all that insane stuff. It became i habit. Every single day 24/7 checking in to see whats wrong , if im going to be like this for the rest of my life. I went to therapists but they didnt help. They wouldn't diagnose anything. I had an mri and still nothing. I was feeling so unaware of everything. Being in autopilot. I also started homeopathy but it didnt help. My visual symptoms stayed the same 24/7 . The only time the were worse , it was when i was waking up(stayed for 10-15 minutes and then back to normal). 2 months got by without me doing nothing except of overanalyzing every single detail of me, my movements everything.it was that time that i couldn't take it anymore. I started running once a week . It did help with my anxiety (not my visual symptoms though. They were the same all the time.) I also started to taking cold showers. Amazing . Simply amazing for my mental state. It was so difficult at first but i tried and trying my best not to care about jt . I would gonto school and starting to get mote sociable,although feeling lost cause of my vision, but i tried not to care at all(it helped). Now im 4 months after that terrible experience and im way better with the dpdr thing. The only thing that remains is the visual symptoms and the feeling that im in a moving boat. They scare me sometimes causing me panic attacks. I hope that time will heal me and all that people that feeling hopeless. Remember guys, you are not hopeless. You will never be. I was hopeless for months and i did nothing. I AM BETTER. even though my vs and all that hppd symptoms are still there im in a way better mental state than i was. If someone is feeling hopeless or wants to talk, feel free to hit my dm anytime. That was my story . Hope u people found ot helpful. It surely release some kind of a tension to me! Stay safe 
    • By Loukas iliop
      Hello guys, i am very curious. Do neck exercises and overall posture exercises help hppd sufferrers by reducing symptoms? I came across this because hppd is related to visual snow and by developing a good posture and doing daily neck stretches, visual snow will be reduced. 
    • By HDDeer
      Hey everyone. I've been off the page for a little while since I got a new job, requires me to be gone from home for 12 hours a day 7 days a week and after my 7 days I get a week off. The job itself is doing me wonders, It shows me that I can still live a functioning normal life even with a few vision problems and some anxiety. The time I usually get to notice my symptoms is when I'm driving on the highway late at night, so tonight when I was driving for the first time in a week I noticed my ghosting was a lot less severe. Ever since I started taking magnesium oxide I've also noticed my visual snow has nearly completely gone! I don't wanna say there's only 5-10% of it left but I will say it's about 50% less than what it was about a month ago. If you're someone who doesn't have a job or had dropped out of school due to hppd, my honest suggestion is to push through it and not let it dictate the things you do. If you let hppd control the way you live your life you're getting sucked into it and it becomes you. There's more to you than hppd, there's so many other things to be done. On one final note, I think the last time I was on this page was the 29th of August and I will say not browsing this page every day benefited me so much. I came back here for the first time in a week tonight and after reading some posts I felt my anxiety and nervousness levels rise. This page can be very helpful to you to get advice from people or if a new symptom arrises. But I was so much worse off when I was browsing these forums 2-3 times a day every day. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate the page, as far as I'm concerned we are all family fighting a battle and I would do anything for every one of you that was in my power. But there needs to be a point when you step back from the forums and pick yourself up and move on with your life. I will still be around, just not every day, I encourage you all to do the same. 
    • By DaveB84
      Hey guys,

      So i'm a 32 year old male who's been doing a bit of self diagnosing on the web recently.  Guessing that's probably what brings most people to this forum.  Anyways, here's my story if you wouldn't mind reading, and perhaps offering a bit of advice.  Also, please believe that I don't suffer from any sort of psychosis and I'm not making any of this up:

      When I was 15 I had a pretty terrible reaction to smoking weed.  I realize that must seem pretty mild in comparison to what usually gets talked about on this board.  I began smoking occasionally with some close friends during that time, and it wasn't until years later that I even found out that weed seemed to affect other people differently than me.  This was mostly due to the fact that I was hanging out with older, "cooler" people than me- so i didn't really bother to ask them what their experience was like, or to tell them about mine.  Whenever I would smoke, I would feel completely normal afterwards for a short time until something would trigger the "high".  When it hit me, my vision would completely change and get kind of blurry, and distorted (it's very hard to explain and i've been trying to for years haha) and I would feel very tingly and extremely disconnected from reality.  The last time I smoked it resulted in the worst experience of my life.  I felt like i was on another planet, my vision was as I described before, and it felt like sounds were delayed.  I went into a bathroom and began hitting a wall to try to feel something, but even my tactical sensations seemed to be dulled.  I won't bother with telling every detail of the next few hours, but basically it was hell.  I ended up going to my friends house who advised that I just take a nap and that i'd probably feel better.  When I woke up it was dark outside, and the first thing that I noticed was that the anxiety and most of the feelings that i'd had earlier had gone- I felt much better.  However, as I walked out of the dark room and saw the light in the hall- I noticed that my vision was still the same as it had been during my earlier experience.  My first thought was that it might just take a while for the drugs to completely leave my system.  That didn't happen.  It's been about 17 years since that experience and my vision has been the same ever since.

      Over the years, i've pretty much gotten used to it- and short of an anecdote that i'd tell occasionally when friend's asked me why I didn't smoke; I didn't really think about it all that much.  Recently, my vision has begun to get a bit worse- and I've been developing what seems to be a case of DP/DR (Depersonalization/Derealization) that seems to be getting worse by the day.  My vision combined with the dp/dr is beginning to make my life pretty scary.  It's enough just to have a feeling that things "aren't real", but then to have the vision issue backing it up- it's a pretty nasty combo.

      Anyways, as most modern people do when experiences medical or psychological issues- I started doing some research online and it eventually led me here.  I'd like to know if THC can lead to HPPD.  Am I way off base?  And if so, does this sound like anything that anyone has had any experience with?  Since I was a teenager, I've been trying to figure out what happened to me that day, and I'd pretty much given up hope that i'd ever find an answer.  Now due to everything that's going on it seems like I don't have much of a choice.  I'm pretty desperate to find answers.

      --If anyone has made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to hear me out.  If you can offer any words of wisdom it would really mean a lot to me.

      Thanks,
      Dave
    • By royakash92
      anyone who got HPPD or Depersonalisation , got headaches as well ?
       
      i have derealization and visual snow, and i get terrible headaches, which seem to move around.
       
       
       
      thanks
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.