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    • By HDDeer
      Hey everyone. I've been off the page for a little while since I got a new job, requires me to be gone from home for 12 hours a day 7 days a week and after my 7 days I get a week off. The job itself is doing me wonders, It shows me that I can still live a functioning normal life even with a few vision problems and some anxiety. The time I usually get to notice my symptoms is when I'm driving on the highway late at night, so tonight when I was driving for the first time in a week I noticed my ghosting was a lot less severe. Ever since I started taking magnesium oxide I've also noticed my visual snow has nearly completely gone! I don't wanna say there's only 5-10% of it left but I will say it's about 50% less than what it was about a month ago. If you're someone who doesn't have a job or had dropped out of school due to hppd, my honest suggestion is to push through it and not let it dictate the things you do. If you let hppd control the way you live your life you're getting sucked into it and it becomes you. There's more to you than hppd, there's so many other things to be done. On one final note, I think the last time I was on this page was the 29th of August and I will say not browsing this page every day benefited me so much. I came back here for the first time in a week tonight and after reading some posts I felt my anxiety and nervousness levels rise. This page can be very helpful to you to get advice from people or if a new symptom arrises. But I was so much worse off when I was browsing these forums 2-3 times a day every day. Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate the page, as far as I'm concerned we are all family fighting a battle and I would do anything for every one of you that was in my power. But there needs to be a point when you step back from the forums and pick yourself up and move on with your life. I will still be around, just not every day, I encourage you all to do the same. 
    • By DaveB84
      Hey guys,

      So i'm a 32 year old male who's been doing a bit of self diagnosing on the web recently.  Guessing that's probably what brings most people to this forum.  Anyways, here's my story if you wouldn't mind reading, and perhaps offering a bit of advice.  Also, please believe that I don't suffer from any sort of psychosis and I'm not making any of this up:

      When I was 15 I had a pretty terrible reaction to smoking weed.  I realize that must seem pretty mild in comparison to what usually gets talked about on this board.  I began smoking occasionally with some close friends during that time, and it wasn't until years later that I even found out that weed seemed to affect other people differently than me.  This was mostly due to the fact that I was hanging out with older, "cooler" people than me- so i didn't really bother to ask them what their experience was like, or to tell them about mine.  Whenever I would smoke, I would feel completely normal afterwards for a short time until something would trigger the "high".  When it hit me, my vision would completely change and get kind of blurry, and distorted (it's very hard to explain and i've been trying to for years haha) and I would feel very tingly and extremely disconnected from reality.  The last time I smoked it resulted in the worst experience of my life.  I felt like i was on another planet, my vision was as I described before, and it felt like sounds were delayed.  I went into a bathroom and began hitting a wall to try to feel something, but even my tactical sensations seemed to be dulled.  I won't bother with telling every detail of the next few hours, but basically it was hell.  I ended up going to my friends house who advised that I just take a nap and that i'd probably feel better.  When I woke up it was dark outside, and the first thing that I noticed was that the anxiety and most of the feelings that i'd had earlier had gone- I felt much better.  However, as I walked out of the dark room and saw the light in the hall- I noticed that my vision was still the same as it had been during my earlier experience.  My first thought was that it might just take a while for the drugs to completely leave my system.  That didn't happen.  It's been about 17 years since that experience and my vision has been the same ever since.

      Over the years, i've pretty much gotten used to it- and short of an anecdote that i'd tell occasionally when friend's asked me why I didn't smoke; I didn't really think about it all that much.  Recently, my vision has begun to get a bit worse- and I've been developing what seems to be a case of DP/DR (Depersonalization/Derealization) that seems to be getting worse by the day.  My vision combined with the dp/dr is beginning to make my life pretty scary.  It's enough just to have a feeling that things "aren't real", but then to have the vision issue backing it up- it's a pretty nasty combo.

      Anyways, as most modern people do when experiences medical or psychological issues- I started doing some research online and it eventually led me here.  I'd like to know if THC can lead to HPPD.  Am I way off base?  And if so, does this sound like anything that anyone has had any experience with?  Since I was a teenager, I've been trying to figure out what happened to me that day, and I'd pretty much given up hope that i'd ever find an answer.  Now due to everything that's going on it seems like I don't have much of a choice.  I'm pretty desperate to find answers.

      --If anyone has made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time to hear me out.  If you can offer any words of wisdom it would really mean a lot to me.

      Thanks,
      Dave
    • By royakash92
      anyone who got HPPD or Depersonalisation , got headaches as well ?
       
      i have derealization and visual snow, and i get terrible headaches, which seem to move around.
       
       
       
      thanks
    • By Passion
      Hello there!
      My name is Natalie. <: 

      This will probobly be a long post. 
      Simply me writing down my feelings and stuff. 
      Just felt like I needed to warn you guys. <: 
      I apologize for my english. 

      Here it goes:
      I rarely visit anything hppd and depersonalization/derealization related nowadays. I stopped when I discovered that overly attachement to this kind of forums made me more depressed. It was like a reminder of my problem. Always hanging there. I just wanted to forget about everything. And now it's almost a year since that terrible trip on cannabis. 

      It doesn't feel as a whole year has gone since that day, 14th of april. Actually... I can't really measure time. Due to my derealization I can't really feel time. Hard to explain. It feels crazy to think that I had hppd and dpdr on my mind every single day since that day last year.Not a day has gone without me thinking about those problems of mine. Will it be this way my whole life? :c Maybe, maybe not. Time will tell. 
       
      In June I will turn 20 years old. I just hope that I will not waste the coming years. Gah.. I am thinking too much right now. Can't really focus on where to begin with and can't really understand for myself what I want with this post. I think I just want to sociolize with someone who shares my problems. One of the things that makes me.. calm is that I am not the only one struggling in this shit. Even if I don't want ANYONE to be a part of this problem, it makes me calm knowing that there are people out there going through the same things as me. :c It doesn't feel nice to think so. 

      The symptoms I have are: 
      Afterimages (really bad.. :s), trails, visual snow... damn.. it's hard naming them all when you've lived with them for a year. I don't really know what's normal and what's not. xD Hahah.. I am pretty sure I have most of the usual symptoms on HPPD. I remember writing it somewhere in the beginning of my "trip" through this problem. My symptoms are pretty bad.. Aspecially afterimages.. But, I can manage. I think about them everyday. But I can forget about all the symptoms for like a couple of hours sometimes. <: But those last couple of nights the visual snow was holding me up. :C It's like.. EVERYWHERE. In different colors, always changing its position. :Cc It sucks. And the bright light it's making SUCKS. You can't fall asleep when the "statics" is forming some kind of light. It's like when you "press" on the lids of your closed eyes. Or.. I don't know. :c But.. the light sucks. 

      But I think I hate afterimages most of all in HPPD. I don't have a driving license, so my friends often drive me places. And when I sit in the passengers seat and watch other cars.. DAMN. Those freakin' rear lights everywhere I look. If I see a car in front of me with the rear lights on and I look right and then left.. The lights are copying themselves and I see a bunch of rear lights instead of just a pair. :C Has anyone here got a solution for their afterimages problems? :c If so.. Please do tell if something made things better for you. It is really irritating. And it's not only at night that I see afterimages of everything.. no.. I see it 24/7 with every bright thing I look at. I know that after sitting on the computer a black square (light from the screen) is going to be stuck in my vision for a minute of so. >:C FUU. 

      Hppd isn't actually my main concerne.. I was also really lucky to trigger my DPDR at the same moment as I triggered my HPPD. (----: FML. And It has been my biggest problem ever since. I don't have it in periods like some of you lucky bastards.. I have it 24/7. Derealization is the biggest problem. I don't feel.... real. I am constantly in a dream and I don't really remember how REALITY feels like. I am just "something" stuck in this sort of a GAME. :s (Please, don't think that I am crazy.) I often doubt my existance and question reality. Like: what the f*ck am I doing here? What is this? What am I? It that a chair? What is a chair? How do I know that this is a chair? 

      Just stupid thoughts.. that scare me. :c I am glad to announce that I rarely freak out nowadays. I don't experience anxiety that often. THANKS GOD.. or just.. someone. But I am getting bored to be in this state of.. being? I want to get out. I want to taste the reality again. Everything seems so.. GRAY here. x) Can't really explain it. I just want to.. FEEL. Really feel. I want to know how it felt like to be a human before the DOOMS DAY/14th of APRIL. 

      Sometimes I can walk around without thinking about DPDR, and then snap back and have thoughts like "Where am I?". 
      I am afraid to loose touch with reality. I am afraid to do something stupid just to feel "alive". :c I am afraid to go insane. 
      But hey! A whole human year has gone since that awful day. And.. Nobody suspects that anything is wrong with me. .___. 

      Yeah.. I only told my mother, my boyfriend, some of his friends that were there on that bad trip day, my former best friend who will always be like a brother to me anyway, and to some people that aren't that CLOSE to me. :s My closest friends don't know about this. And hopefully they'll never know. This is the biggest problem of my life and I don't want so many people to know about this shit. :c They don't need to know. 
       
      I haven't tried any medicine except over-the-counter vitamins like magnesium. I stopped with everything like 6 months ago because they made their job. They calmed my anxiety down. I am greatful for that. But they can't help me with my dpdr and hppd. I haven't tried prescription medicine because I don't want to go to the doctors. I know that there is no cure and that they can not help me. And I don't want everyone to know about my condition. I know that they can prescript me some bezo and stuff. I can't lie.. I am curious. But I don't want to get addicted. I have a feel that I will be if I try. :s 

      I have a few questions for you guys. I would be thankful if somebody answered them. <: 

      1. In 10 years from now I would maybe thinking about having a baby. Is it possible for the child to inherit my hppd and dpdr? :Cc I am really worried about that. Don't want to ruin anyones life. 

      2. This year I am probobly going to get a boob job, cuz I love big tits. ;$ 8D And I wondered if the narcosis/morphine (?) can make me "trip" again.. or.. like trigger my hppd and dpdr all over again and make it worse? :C I am scared to be put to sleep. :c What if I trip due to the narcosis? :Cc 

      3. Again a pregnancy question: When one is in labor they get like .. laughing gas or morphine (?) .. Is it possible that I am going to trip again? :C I don't want to trip. :C Hahah.. :C 

      4. Is there anything that helps against afterimages? :c 

      5. Is there anything that brings you back to the "reality" from DPDR? 

      The last two questions I ask because I haven't been on these kinds of forums for like more than 6 months. Maybe you know something new that I have missed in this time. :s But yeah! I think I have written enough for today. 8D Feel much better now. C: Hope someone want to reply so I don't feel so lonely. Hahah. 

      Hugs! Have a nice day. 
      And may the odds be ever in your favor. lol. 
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Passion

Calm me down?

14 posts in this topic

I can still make myself see everything in.. stopmotion kind of way. I feel that when I look at.. for example my hand. I don't look straight at it,

I look THROUGH it. I mean.. I see my hand.. I can't see through it like.. it is transparent or something.. I just.. focus.. farther away and look deeper. :c

Everything seems strange. And when I speak.. the words aren't.. synced to me.

They come out and everything is just.. weird. :C Not real.

When I eat.. sometimes everything feels like when I tripped.. The feeling doesn't.. belong to me.

It is.. Like.. When you breath in.. nitrous oxide or laughing gas as it's called. You feel feelings on your face.. But you don't feel.. like it is

you who.. control the feelings. :c

I am scared. I couldn't make myself feel this things as.. HARD (?) as I can do now.

Now.. I can develop a trip.. I know that I could if I tried.

And the more I speak about my DPDR, the.. more I feel it.

But I need someone to calm me down.

I am afraid. Afraid of getting a psychosis.

Afraid that I blew my last chance.

Help.

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passion------it's not that bad------worst case scenario, you are totally bad-sht. I have been sick now for 4 days with a 102 temp; i have had visual stuff for 15 years, and 2 "psychotic breaks". ------Its not that bad.

Just don't do it anymore. Weed will hang out in your system for like 30 days or so. ------Just stay away from anything that is negative (short-term or long-term) [ex- negative people, drugs, critics, etc.]

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I am okay with my visuals.. They are something that I can live witj.

It's the feeling of being high all the time.. Being apart from the real world that is scary.

I hope it will get better as the last time. I hope that I will feel normal again. Relaxed and normal.

Already bought all the vitamins that helped me last time.

I hope I will make it.

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I think that my HPPD got worse too.. now when I think about it. It probably did. :c

But the feelings of DPDR are brootal.. much more worse than before. :c Now I have the thought:

- What if I am in coma and this is a dream? :c

But I know that it's not true. But the feelings are horrible.. When I speak I sometimes.. very often..

think about what I am saying.. and realize how strange everything is. That the voice comes out of itself.

:c Can't really explain.

Gah.. :c So scared.

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I feel really detached to0 Passion------sometimes i see my hands typing in front of me and they look like two pieces of meat and i barely understand how i am forming full sentences. And in some ways, my hands might as well be 2 stumps bashing out words, one letter at a time. ........I feel like i get not-enough O2 but too much O2 at the same time-----like the air is helium or nitrous. I feel like my head wants to implode; and make my eyes one, like a cyclops. I just feel......well......"blazed"

I have a head cold now but dr/dp dissociation has always been like a head cold with terrible agitation, anxiety, and cognitive impairment.

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I hate the feeling of being so deattached..

Do you experience some strange things when you eat or feel things?

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Yeah i feel weird with sugars sometimes (too much or too little)..........grease, and fast food could really bug you out (even though it tastes good)......I mean like panicky, you think you are gonna die of a heart attack right there.

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I meant.. That you overanalyze the taste. And that is is weird.. To eat.

Strange. If you concentrate in "tasting"..

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Right now is a bad time----I am sick------and all i taste is salt-----thats my main taste component at this time .......lol

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Passion- I really feel for you. Three years ago I could've been writing those same words. I went through a vitamin phase as well. Even though the didn't seem to help all that much, some part of my head believed that the would and I think sending that signal to my brain that I was doing what I could to help prevent myself from feeling like a total wreck helped somewhat. It gets easier as time goes by, I promise. As far as reattaching your soul with your body, connecting mind and body, however you want to put it.. you still have memories. You're going through all of these literally seemingly unreal things right now. But you do have memories of when things did feel real, when you did still feel a part of the world. Think about those memories, your brain and body still remembers how to do them. Think about the things you enjoyed before, and try to reconnect with those parts, almost in a restoring-motor-function-sorta-way. But right now you need to stay away from any stimulating drug, it'll only make things worse or just as bad again and again. You're crying out for some relief from the horrible feelings you're experiencing, and you have memory of hash and all being something that helped with certain issues in the past. But you need to connect yourself to the fact that it's not something that can help you now. And I'm not sure if my way of dealing with things is what other people would find acceptable or help-worthy, but these are some of the things that started me off on getting me to where I am now. And if anyone disagrees or wants to add anything in on this, please do so. I'm always all ears.

MG- Damn, I know how you feel with the salty and sugar foods. Really gets the heart pumping. hah Combination of eating the wrong types of food and then doing something like smoking herb was enough to send me full blast into a thinking-you're-gonna-die attack. Heart was going a hundred miles a minute. Something I noticed that helps with that is to go for a drive. I had my brother drive me around for the longest time, even though he doesn't understand the need for some of these things and thinks it's a pain in the ass to help me through what he doesn't understand - which doesn't help.. but the drive helped to keep my senses engaged enough on other things to repair, or something of the sort. But, yeah. Eating good food helps a metric fuckton.

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Stimulatingdistraction, damn. I am so sorry for such a late answer. Just saw your message. :c Such a slowpoke I am.
I don't hang here so often anymore because I try to keep myself away from everything hppd/dpdr related. I come back 
rarely in periods just to feel that I am not alone. Today is one of those days. Hahah. The thing about the memories.. They 

feel kind of foggy and distant to me. I mean memories from before the "bad trip". At this point in my life, almost a year after 
my trip, I don't remember how my life was before. :c I don't remember how it feels and how "normal" people see life. 

Damn, I read through the whole post and wow. I am so thankful for peoples replys. They calmed me down. I sound terrified :c Hahah.. I definitely 
overanalyzed every little thing that I did at that state. I hope that I will never go through that again.. but.. yeah. You never know. 
If I think about it, it does feels weird to eat. But I just don't want to.. overanalyze the feeling. Then I get really deattached. :c 

 

Just wondering.. when you drink water and overanalyze it, does it feels like you drink OIL? I feel it. And it sucks.. 
Water feels extremely thick and I just want to throw up because it reminds me of like.. castor oil. :C 

AND.. one more question.. when you people cry, do you sometimes get like chocked and "What the hell is this shit? Why am I crying?" and get 
a warm breeze all over your body? ;o The feeling of being surprised that you actually are lying there and crying? .____. Can't really explain. 

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Passion, I was in literally the same state u are in 14 hours ago.

Ur body releases adrenaline to the point where it feels unreal. Anxiety.

Just know that reality is what u make it.

Practicing relaxation breathing/yoga/meditation every day , you'll learn how to calm yourself down more.

When u get scared, ur body may not wanna eat. But doing so is vital.

I wish that I had time to post more but I have to get some sleep since I'm sleep deprived from quitting pot. Sleep deprivation definitely makes it worse a shit ton.

Caffeine free green tea helps me personally, I poured like 5 cups today. But most of all, probly excersize is the best. Releases endorphines whic calm. Plus the increase in dopamine makes an hppd'er feel more real

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What does it mean that a post has been promoted to an article? How can I read my old post? o: 

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