Success Stories

[LumiLVI]

All these "success stories" are just acceptance. . . just stop. Has ANYONE ACTUALLY RECOVERED NOT ACCEPTED THEIR SYMPTOMS??!!?!?!? I can't live under a static sky for the rest of my fucking life. Honestly we should have another thread for ACCEPTANCE STORIES. RECOVERY IS DIFFERENT. ISN'T NEUROPLACICITY A THING?????

Edited October 25, 2019 by LumiLVI

[Fawkinchit]

9 hours ago, LumiLVI said:

All these "success stories" are just acceptance. . . just stop. Has ANYONE ACTUALLY RECOVERED NOT ACCEPTED THEIR SYMPTOMS??!!?!?!? I can't live under a static sky for the rest of my fucking life. Honestly we should have another thread for ACCEPTANCE STORIES. RECOVERY IS DIFFERENT. ISN'T NEUROPLACICITY A THING?????

I agree with this statement 100%. Also have you read my thread on here?

Neuroplascicity is a thing but if the issue is neuronal loss it wont do much, if its not neuronal loss, then neuroplacicity wont do anything lol.

If you dont want to live like this for the rest of your life you can always help with research.

Edited October 25, 2019 by dasitmane

[LumiLVI]

On 10/26/2019 at 3:06 AM, dasitmane said:

I agree with this statement 100%. Also have you read my thread on here?

Neuroplascicity is a thing but if the issue is neuronal loss it wont do much, if its not neuronal loss, then neuroplacicity wont do anything lol.

If you dont want to live like this for the rest of your life you can always help with research.

How does that work? So if it Isn't neuronal loss that means its a chemical imbalance. Also neuronal lose would shown on mri. The brain can correct for chemical imbalances, no? 

Edited October 30, 2019 by LumiLVI

[Fawkinchit]

43 minutes ago, LumiLVI said:

How does that work? So if it Isn't neuronal loss that means its a chemical imbalance. Also neuronal lose would shown on mri. The brain can correct for chemical imbalances, no? 

Its highly unlikely that its chemical imbalance. I think people tend to jump to it because chemicals in the brain are the most talked about thing, and its an idea that offers hope. There are a lot of possibilities that it could be... I line a lot of them out in my thread on the front of the forum. "Idea for a possible cure...etc", you can read about all the possibilities there, they're the areas that require research. If its not neuronal loss its probably highly correctable. It could be neuronal loss though... HPPD sufferers may have some metabolic disorder or something that does present naturally and maybe cant break down the metabolites of the hallucinogens or something to that matter, which would explain why some get it and most dont. There are a lot of possibilities though, just check out my thread. I think a lot of people do recover to some degree though, I did, but it was still extremely difficult of the first year or two.

[LumiLVI]

7 hours ago, dasitmane said:

HPPD sufferers may have some metabolic disorder or something that does present naturally and maybe cant break down the metabolites of the hallucinogens or something to that matter, which would explain why some get it and most dont. 

Maybe, but still, some of us have gotten hppd after TENS of uses of hallucinogens. Why would, all of a sudden, our bodies can't break down the metabolites like they had before? Its just all murky. 

[Recovery]

21 hours ago, LumiLVI said:

Maybe, but still, some of us have gotten hppd after TENS of uses of hallucinogens. Why would, all of a sudden, our bodies can't break down the metabolites like they had before? Its just all murky. 

I got my HPPD 1 month after  my first acid trip. I stayed completely sober during that month. 

How is that even possibld?

 

[hppdvictim92]

12 hours ago, Recovery said:

I got my HPPD 1 month after  my first acid trip. I stayed completely sober during that month. 

How is that even possibld?

 

I got HPPD about half a year after my first LSD trip as far as I remember. I smoked week in the meanwhile although.

[LumiLVI]

7 hours ago, hppdvictim92 said:

I got HPPD about half a year after my first LSD trip as far as I remember. I smoked week in the meanwhile although.

You've had it a while judging by your post history. Any changes? Improvement? 

[LumiLVI]

19 hours ago, Recovery said:

I got my HPPD 1 month after  my first acid trip. I stayed completely sober during that month. 

How is that even possibld?

 

Same with you, any improvement? 

[Worried Mom]

On 10/29/2012 at 10:48 PM, Red said:

Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering.

I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same.

As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real.

I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose.

I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better.

During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga.

I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals.

This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake.

So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great."

Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive.

Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me.

Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up.

Believe you can get better.

My son is 6 months in to what we believe is HPPD. He was hospitalized for 10 Days.  The doctors  wanted to label him with bipolar or schizophrenia but there is no family history so they basically said it must have been due to lack of sleep and the drugs.

He seemed to come out of it after his hospitalization but after he went back to college he felt too much pressure and came home. From there he went into a pretty bad depression and the symptoms reappeared. We are currently working with a group called amazing grace that does neural feedback and are praying for stabilization.

 

[valsang]

hi  guys just a screen of a french forum about HPPD

It's a poll about the HPPD and if the peoples who have are recovery and in what time i do a translate. 

25 peoples who have HPPD answer to the the poll :

For 6 they fully recover in few days

Fors 2 they fully recover in few weeks

For 4 they fully recover in few months

For 2 they fully  recover in few years

For 7 they never recover 

For 4 they  partially recover 

And 1 have dont answer 

Just for show it's possible to fully recover. Good luck for everyone who have this.

(sorry if my english is not perfect i'm french)

 

[hppdvictim92]

On 11/1/2019 at 5:17 AM, LumiLVI said:

You've had it a while judging by your post history. Any changes? Improvement? 

Depends on time and day I would say 60-90% improvement. Mostly 80%. Way better than in the past.

Maybe the first two years were the worst. Then it became gradually better. It's not just coping with that stuff, it really became better.

I still have visual snow and sometimes mild negative afterimages and sometimes flashbacks from the LSD trip. But it's really better. Also no anxiety/panic regarding HPPD anymore. Symptoms temporarily get worse when I have no sleep for 24+ hours though.

Most of the time I don't think about HPPD anymore. Just sometimes, then I re-visit this forum.

Edited January 19, 2020 by hppdvictim92

[Amanda]

On 10/29/2012 at 11:48 PM, Red said:

Here is my success story. I really hope this helps people because when I first got HPPD almost 4 years ago at age 23 I was a total train wreck and thought I would never get my life back. I am certain that this forum played a huge role in saving my life because for a long time I was seriously worried that I would have no other way out than to take my own life. This was definitely my darkest time and it makes me a little sick to think about it but I feel like I owe it to all the kids out there who are suffering.

I'll get to the point. I took mushrooms for the first time ever and I flipped out. There seems to be a pretty standard story to this...total fear, a feeling that the trip will never end, it was a feeling I had never felt before. In my mind, I went to hell if it does exist. I woke up the next day feeling wierd, just off, sort of empty. I didnt think it anything serious until a week later, on new years day, I woke up after a night of partying in Las Vegas, and I knew something was wrong, I was sick, I was throwing up, and I was terrified, my vision was changing before my very eyes, everything was moving, and I knew something was wrong, the first thing I thought when I got up...the mushrooms were coming back to get me. I tried to tell myself it would be ok, that I was just sick from drinking, but it didn't stop. I didn't eat for almost a week, and I went to the hospital to get an I.V. to rehydrate me. In the ER, there was a true psychotic woman having an episode, It terrified me, because I felt I could somehow relate to her. I thought I had really lost it and I would never be the same. I'd heard of people "freaking out" and stories from the 60s, musicians like Brian Wilson going nuts on acid ect. and I starting thinking I was one of them now. I went home and felt so empty, but I couldn't even cry. My parents came back from a trip they were on, and it was like I didn't even know them, I was in my own little world. Things that were familiar were foreign to me, nothing was the same.

As I worried more, things got worse, I started having panic attacks daily, I couldn't sleep, and my visual symptoms got worse. I had horrible headaches, nausea, paranoia, depression, visuals, the whole nine yards. At this point I think i was pre depersonalized, the panic was very strong, and it drove me deeper into a state of numbness. I was having terrible nightmares when I did sleep, finally, I think my mental anguish drove me into a state of numbness, where I couldn't feel anything around me, just like a zombie. I would say this was about 4-6 months into it. I started seeing therapists, and it helped a bit to have someone I could talk to because I didnt have anyone. None of my friends got it, and I was scared to tell my parents. At that point I wasn't even sure if they were real.

I started reading on the forums, and this was a real game changer. I started to learn about some of the things that were happening, like the depersonalization/derealization, anxiety, ect. But more than that, I learned that there were people just like me, that I could talk to and would understand me, and even better that some people had survived it. This gave me what I needed, a little hope. Something to AIM for, a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course I was unsure and skeptical that I would get better, but at this point, in what seems like a rather odd reasoning, I decided that I couldn't be any worse off, and that the only choice I had was to get better, I really had nothing to lose.

I knew it wouldn't happen soon but I thought, hell, I've survived this long (it was probably a year in) I can keep going, so I kinda just put my life on autopilot. I bought myself some time, I said, hey I'm just gonna deal with this day to day, not try to push myself too hard, and maybe in a few years I'll at least be able to function. That was a big deal, I accepted my situation, that it was gonna suck now, and that it would be a long time before I got better.

During this time I had a lot of bad days, I also had some good ones. But every time that I had a good day, I kinda put that in my mental bank. Like saving pennies at a time. They add up. I made habit of doing things that would promote overall well being. That meant regular exercise programs, eating better, meditation, and yoga.

I began to make steady improvements, I started having more good days, and things looked better for me. Someone once described HPPD as sort of like throwing a stone into the water, a huge splash, then lots of waves, ups and downs, and the slowly get less and less intense and I would totally agree. There was a long period of about 1 1/2- 3 years into HPPD that I began to get frustrated because I would feel great and think I finally beat it, then relapse again, I just wanted to be better, but again, time heals.

This coming New Years day will be my 4 year anniversary of the day HPPD and I can say that this is behind me. In fact, I look back on it and I almost don't believe myself. It's almost like it was just a terrible nightmare. Which is how I had hoped I would look back on it some day. I want to put it behind me and never look back. But at the same time I want to help the kids that are on here because I know how terrible they feel and they need help just like I did. I owe it to someone because I survived and I want people to know that you can beat it but it takes work and commitment. I still feel a little lost, like I'm not sure who I am as a person, but I at least feel like I know where I am (haha). I just spent 4 years in a nightmare and now I'm awake.

So I will try to offer some advice. The forums are great for helping you out, but don't spend too much time here. Don't spend hours on hours reading about peoples problems, about mental disorders. Education is good but at some point it will only make you more obsessive. Also, there is a lot of negativity here that will bring you down, because people that are on here are mostly here because they are having problems, not because they are doing great. For every 1 success story you will read about 20 horror stories. It's like watching the news, they only report on the bad stuff, you will never turn it on and have the reporter say "hey, everything is great."

Again, do stuff that promotes good health, a healthy body is a healthy mind. Get outside and enjoy nature. I found it easier to connect with natural objects. Try to feel the sun, or the breeze on your face, little things like that. They can help you feel alive.

Stop doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or limit your intake if you can. Smoking weed really made things worse for me.

Talk to someone that can offer something positive and will understand your situation. If anyone ever wants to talk, on the phone, email, whatever, hit me up.

Believe you can get better.

Hey! I've been grappling with HPPD for about 9 months now. It came on 3 months after taking a single hit of lucy for my first time ever. Other than that I had only microdosed on mushies a couple times and only smoked a weed like once a year. The intense colors, visuals, lack of sleep, anxiety/panic/paranoia eventually led me to seek out therapists and ultimately psychiatric help, at least for sleep! I definitely went through psychosis due to the severe sleep deprivation...delusions and all. I take one medication that has helped me catch up on the months of missed sleep. Looking back from Dec/Jan, I've come a far way. I practice brain games every day and have reclaimed my ability to read and comprehend, although it is not as easy as it was before. I would love to talk with you if you're still up that...I know this post is like 7 years old, but I thought I'd try my luck. Big love! Amanda. My email is amandarochell@gmail.com if you're up for connecting!

[Amanda]

On 3/31/2014 at 8:52 PM, Exsces said:

Hey there people! 

 

Im not gonna go into a lot of details since we all know how this is, some of us have it more others less.. but I just had to give you my experience..

Sooo.. Ive been (like probably the most of you) for 5 years a heavy pot smoker, every day non stop the good stuff and VERY strong hash. I tripped the first time in my life with a friend who I did not see in long time and he had this few LSD blotters. I did not took a lot so I didnt even get visual effects from it, I just laughed a lot. So a year after, to be exact the 24 of december 2013 he came back again and we kinda wanted to do the same thing. Only this time he had waaay more blotters with him and 2 different kinds. And not forget to mention it was the damn 24 of dec, we both had to eat like dinner with our familys and stuff, but you know I rolled up a spliff in the morning and didnt even think about the consequences.He kinda had tolerance build up over the weeks he was taking that shit, but I was like still a noob to LSD and I took WAAAY too much like one dose of EACH(bycicle and the crazy einstein thing).. This led on to the most stressfull experience of my life...The typical Bad Trip, like a nightmare were you know its real, feeling like in a lord of the ring movie...smoking weed on the way to town.. of course this time I had major hallucinations...Suddenly my anxiety kicked in, I felt like on crack or something really bad feeling. So I know I said I would make it short but this is kind of a relief for me I kinda made it through the day and when I came back home I took theweirdest shower of my life and kinda felt "safe". The next days were weird, I knew smoething had changed but I mostly was happy that this nightmare was gone. I said to my self daaaamn I guess im still coming down but nahaa!! after 3 days I started with the anxiety and I dont know if that may be a major factor in hppd but what really made it like extremely bad was my first attempt to know what was happening... I googled: LSD bad trip anxiety....... THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME I became the most paranoid and even a bit psychotic person in the world after searching stuff on the net.. people who killed themselves, people who never cameback or are in some institutions blah blah blah. So what I did was talk to my mother, she helped me quitting smoking weed and cigs ( that was VERY tough, I could not sleep nor eat for like a week)I even stopped doing coffee. I was very scared because after 2 weeks I still felt trippy and dreamy and cloudy and the whole package. Then I came up with a GOOD information. HPPD and PTSD. once I knew what was going on the crazy switch went to inteligence. I got my mind back, and that just after 4 weeks. I still had some MAJOR flashbacks and the symptoms of HPPD lasted for as long as 4 months or so(now talking in present) I had this dreamy sensation of DP DR but what really anoyed me was my hyperattention, everything that moved in my peripheral vision would get immediately focused and the letters on my computer would start moving to the left and to the right. But I convinced myself that it was all mental. Today I can say I have recovered to 95 percent. And my suggestion to you is try to understand what is happening to you. I would describe HPPD like an optic illusion, once your brain seed it it cannot unsee it. Remember long ago before the first hallucinogen experience? I always tried to imagine what it would be like tripping, but I couldnt. Now that you can every time you think about it is like telling your brain do it! Every time I remember the letters moving back and forth while reading something they start doing it. Its all in you head! If I relax my vision I can make things wave around like a curtain but only if I concentrate. The derealisation fades away the more happier you are and somebody on the first page said it, a healthy body is a healthy mind.That is totally true. You just have to learn to live with your past, you cannot avoid it, you cant undo it. I know HPPD is really bad, and I dont even wanna try to imagine what it might be to live with it for a year like many hear have... you have my greatest respekt! I remmeber having a fight with my father a few weeks ago, and went outside to a walk just you know.. to walk the anger away and I ended up having this feeling Im like very tall SCARY or watching a building while walking and seeing how the perception got different and my brain jusy though im tripping! Its all about teaching your brain to be normal again..Nobody here is fucked up for live like we use to think. You decide wether your happy or depressed. And always look on the brigth side, when all this is a few years in the past you wont even remember you were here writing all paranoid and sleep deprived on a forum. I guess thats why there are not so many 100 procent recovery tories, they just dont care anymore. 

So to conclude I want to apologize for my bad englisch, Im actually from south spain  OLÉ!

 

Here a few tipps I totally recomend:

-Stop drugs (like of course but no really, I tried a few hits of weed and it was terrible, maybe like in 10 years I may try it but not until the time hasnt completely made it)

-No psychiatrist,if they dont know with what they are dealing with they will just give you antidepresiva. Instead try akkupuntur,I did also yoga which actually made me trip a little sometimes but its worth a try.

-Akkupunkture is really helpfull, tell the  him/her to ground you and to balance your ying and yang, it made me feel a lot more confident and helped me come back.

-Try different diets, like vegetables, nut cocktails, try maybe indian food. See what makes you feel better, I usually got very sleepy after eating pork meat or fried stuff. Whatever works best for you.

-I know that in the USA its very common to take vitamins since you can like buy it everywhere like candy, but I dont recomend that. Eat some fruit for breakfast, thats the healthiest thing you can do. I love Kiwis and oranges and bananas, really after 20 days or so you wont even think about what you gonna have for breakfast you just gonna go and take it.

-Sometimes its hard to deal with all the bad things that happened to us, I got pretty hurt in my childhood because I used to fell in love and get friendzoned really hard and that would bring me down while I was on HPPD. So here is something that makes wonders, try google psych-K. That is the ultimate form of connecting to your subconscious and reprogramming your brain, it made miracles in one 2 hour session. Its literally telling a therapist what makes you feel bad and then you just vanish it like magic. Its actually very deep psychology. I think its called kineosology and the science skepticals are kinda against it because they dont know how the uncouncious and the brain works so they cant really prove it jet but really it WORKS. PSYCH-K (made up from psych key, the key to the psych) google it look up if theres somebody who practices it near your town. If you do it you will thank me

-Exercise as much as your body allows you to, dont sit the whole day in front of the tv or the computer, thas just gonna give you tension in your back and make you fat

-Change your looks, get a new haircut or color, buy some clothes and everytime you look in the mirror just force yourself to smile. Smiling is the most important thing. You know this dog who enters a room full of mirrors and starts barking, and since they dont recognice themselves on reflections he saw a lot of angry barking dogs.. The other one entered the room swinging his tail. Thats you when you look in the mirror wiht the typical Fuck my life look(I used to have it too) stop feeding you depression.

-The only suplements I would suggest is detox stuff like artichoke extract or something, artichoke cleans your liver, look up for things like that, you wanna clean your liver, your kidneys and maybe even lose some fat. I recomend sauna.

-And the last tip I have for you is dont take your life so seriously, its not like you gonna get out alive from it...

 

I apologice again for stating at the top I didnt wanted to go into details but you know once you get started hahaha PEACE

 

Happy rehab!

Thank you for posting here! I really enjoyed your barking dog analogy. It's so true. Gotta wake up and choose the mindset for the day. Practice smiling and gratitude. Which is easier said than done when dealing with HPPD, but it has a snowball effect...once you start practicing, the momentum increases and it becomes easier each day. I luckily have a psychiatrist who is familiar with HPPD, I take one med to help me sleep. I've lost so much weight because I went so many nights without sleep + intense panic and anxiety. I don't drink any alcohol or do any drugs...except for that one hit of lsd that got me into this spot lol. Anyways, I'm curious to know how you're doing now! peace, Amanda

 

[Amanda]

On 1/2/2014 at 10:34 PM, Hppdsince1974 said:

Several months ago I mentioned in the introduction forum that I had dealt with HPPD since about 1974 and have for the most part come through it all successfully, though not unscathed by any means.  I said I'd share the list of thing that I feel helped me, with the hope that others can find some help too.

 

----

* Intro: My HPPD started after I'd taken many acid and other hallucinogen trips, smoked a ton of weed, and done lots of other regrettable things over the course of a few years starting at age 14 or 15.  This was way before hppd was on anyone's radar.  We heard stories of people who tripped and never came down, but didn't believe them.  A couple weeks after a particularly unpleasant, anxious acid trip, I started to feel like I was tripping, had visual snow, trails, a feeling of impending disaster, depersonlization, all the classic symptoms.  My HPPD had started.

 

* First stop, psychiatrist: I was prescribed antipsychotics, possibly Thorazine at first, then finally settled on Stelzine, with Artane to prevent tardive dyskenisia.  For the next several weeks to couple of months, I suffered terribly with the symptoms, which the drugs did nothing to alleviate, as well as the effects of the drugs themselves.  Then, on a followup visit to the Dr., he cruelly and dismissively said words to the effect that I was way more fucked up than I thought I was.

 

* Second, fighting back: That catalyzed me - I was going to beat this!  THIS WAS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS HEALING.  I vowed that I was going to clean up, get off the antipsychotics, and get my act together.  I started with all the usual "good lifestyle" choices: eat right!  rest!  exercise!  And I think this cannot be overemphasized.

 

* Third, refusing to give in:  So now I started a long process of simply forcing myself back to normalcy as best I could.  I tried various supplements and so forth: even put eggshells in my omelettes because I thought the calcium would help.  I don't think anything really did, outside the fundamentals - again: eat right, rest, exercise.  I found that walking, hiking, biking was excellent therapy.  These basic motor skills are unharmed by the drug effects, unlike things like reading and driving, so were a good basic fallback.  Plus the release of endorphins is helpful.  Do it.  Do it as much as you can.  When I would have bad acid trips, walking was about all that I could do, and it was helpful dealing with the HPPD.

 

* Fourth, getting involved: As difficult as it was, I forced myself to be in the world.  I went to junior college.  I got a girlfriend.  The intellectual activity, and the emotional attachment were really helpful.  I eventually felt that I was recovering, even though I still felt depersonalization, and still had visual artifacts, and I was able to function quite highly.  I had simply given myself no other choice.  There weren't any other treatment options, so I determined that if I was going to be on my own with this, I was going to just plug and plug away.

 

* Fifth, staying clean: All this time, I assiduously stayed away from any sort of substances.  I have to emphasize this to fellow HPPD sufferers: you cannot afford to put any more psychoactive material in your system.  When I got too overconfident in my recovery, I started doing cocaine ... and relapsed.  After a night of partying, I looked down at my hand and it had the far-away look of depersonalization, the dawn sky was fully speckled with snow, and I cried my eyes out when I crashed into bed.  It was back.  DON'T DO ANY SUBSTANCES.  I had to regroup, get back with my program, go clean again, and work really damned hard to regain my lost ground.

 

* Sixth, valium when it got bad: Eventjually developed a type of vertigo somewhere along the line, which may or may not have been related to the HPPD.  It was like my peripheral vision was out of synch with my body, and it was a chronic feeling of being off balance and of the world moving.  It was particularly horrible.  So, I saw a vision perception specialist, and took valium - the only drug that ever helped any of my HPPD symptoms.  I mention it here because even if the vertigo was not related, I assumed it meant that together with the HPPD it meant I was brain damaged.  The valium definitely helped calm the panic about that.  Still and all, through this I was able to complete college and live a quite reasonable existence in New York City.

 

* Seventh, vision therapy: because the vertigo seemed vision related I went to a vision therapy specialist, but I think it was helpful with taking my focus away from HPPD visual symptoms.  Search on the web for vision therapy modalities; I just briefly looked at http://www.visiontherapyrocks.com, and it looked like it had some good links.

 

* BREAKDOWN * Then I had a psychotic depression.  I have no doubt that the HPPD had made me susceptible.  But the short version is that I ended up hospitalized, then underwent ECT and was put on an antidepressant.

 

* Eighth, recovering all over again, antidepressant therapy: I believe the ECT helped, as well as the medications.  I have been taking carbamzepine and SSRI's (Prozac and Zoloft), and for the most part have been completely unbothered by my HPPD for many years now.  Coming out of the depression was a slow road, and I'm sure it was related, but once recovered, my symptoms of HPPD no longer bother me, even when I am aware of trails, afterimages, or snow.  The vertigo disappeared too!

 

* Ninth, PTSD treatment: after several trying years, and some unrelated traumas, I decided to look into PTSD treatment.  The treatment modality was hypnosis plus EMDR (look it up).  In treatment, I realized how traumatic the experience of the drug use and the resulting HPPD had been.  The trauma treament I underwent made a huge difference for me in reducing the intensity of my memories of the horror of those times, and helping me integrate more fully.

 

* Tenth, ongoing work on my Self: I continue to work all the time on understanding my mind and feelings.  My current work is around Focusing (http://www.focusing.org/newcomers.htm) and it is a useful tool for opening up to exploration of feeling impressions,  and guiding one's travel through one's experience.  We have worked on my history of HPPD symptoms and it has really helped me feel relief from some of the superstitious and irrational thoughts that were an unconscious burden I carried after all those years of trauma.

-----
 

So that's my success story - I never got totally over the HPPD, and I continue to have personality difficulties that I think are related to all the drug use at such a young age.  I still can see more prominent after-images than I like, I see visual snow, I can see faint trails.  But I am free of the feelings of dread, free from the depersonalization, have had several long-lasting relationships, have several kids, a BA degree, six-figure income, and am here if I can help any of you!

 

Recap:

1. Antipsychotics, probably not useful.

2. Fight Back! Make a committment that you are going to beat this.

3. Refuse to give up, stay on a program of eat right, rest, exercise, exercise, exercise.  I found that sugary crap made symptoms worse.  Do veggies!  Lots.

4. Get involved.  Even though you are in a bad state, try to force yourself to engage in any way you can.  Chat up the grocery clerk if nothing else.  Try to read, study, do things you (used to) enjoy.

5. Stay clean.  Don't even think about doing a little of this or that.  Even though coke is not a hallucinagen, doing it set me back years.

6. Try diazepam and related.  I found no shame in relief through valium.  Do it through your doctor.

7. Try various vision therapies.  You can learn to change the focus of your attention, and a sympathetic vision therapist could be really helpful.

8. I underwent hard-core depression therapy, it's not something you can ask for at your Dr.'s office.  But I wonder if ECT helped my HPPD!  It's possible that the SSRI's and the Tegretol have helped.  I just don't have clean data here, for obvious reasons.

9. Try PTSD/EMDR treatment.  You are undergoing a traumatic experience, and the trauma just reinforces the HPPD as well.  I believe that the PTSD nad EMDR treatments could be excellent help.  If you contact me, I will provide a link to a specific practitioner who has MP3 recordings you can buy which may be helpful to you as they have been to me.  If there is enough interest, I would contact this person and request a series of custom-made recordings for alleviating the stress, anxiety, and traumatic feelings that go with HPPD.

10. Try Focusing.  "Clear a Space.  Feel the feelings.  See how you would characterise, describe the feeling.  Find resonance with how you describe it.  Ask yourself what makes it feel the way it does?  What does the answer say about it?  What does it need, and what is in the way of it feeling better?"  This is somewhat like the line of thought that goes into a focusing session, but check the website at focusing.org

 

I hope this helps, even a little.  Please let me know if you have any other questions, if you want to find out about the MP3's, or Focusing.

 

Hang in there.  Don't Give Up!

Thanks for posting this! I've been experiencing HPPD for about 9 months now. Only took acid once and BOOM, the never ending trip that I thought was a fallacy, actually happened to me lol. It's been the most gigantic struggle of my life thus far. I am 29 years old. If you would like to connect, I'd be so grateful. My email is amandarochell@gmail.com. Thanks again. Big love, Amanda

[K.B.Fante]

(Already posted this in a separate thread but thought I'd repost here since I consider this my official and perhaps final recovery post)

Hello everyone, 

Just wanted to post another update about my recovery... 

May 8 was my official five-year anniversary of getting HPPD. I can't even begin to describe how transformative and painful the last five years of my life have been. I almost can't even believe I'm still alive. HPPD is unlike anything I've ever experienced or anything I could even imagine experiencing. It's truly an otherworldly disorder I wouldn't wish on any living creature, even the most despicable of humans. This is especially true for those who have HPPD in conjunction with severe depersonalization, derealization or Alice in Wonderland Syndrome. It is one thing to suffer visual impairment but to actually feel like you're living in a dream and not be capable of identifying reality from fiction is another mindf*^k altogether. I feel so, so much sorrow for those of you enduring such mental diseases. They are truly the worst thing I've ever endured and I can't imagine mental suffering feeling any worse. The fact we do not have proper representation, understanding and attention in the medical world is beyond an injustice. I hope we can someday get to the point where our suffering is not only validated professionally but also addressed and perhaps even mitigated medicinally. 

Anyway, I don't have much to say that I haven't already said before. The last five years of my life have changed me in ways I never could have imagined and will have lasting effects on everything I do for the rest of my life. I do consider myself fully recovered from HPPD since it no longer prevents me from doing anything I want, however some of my symptoms are still very mild and I imagine will be present in some form for a long time, mostly just lowgrade visual snow and streamers at night or when I'm really tired or have had way too much caffeine. But in my day-to-day life HPPD isn't an issue. It's hardly noticeable and even when present it isn't strong enough to elicit any sort of anxiety or distress. It's very similar to a scar -- there but no longer the source of any pain. 

I remember when I first got HPPD praying for a cure, praying for help, praying for anything -- which was strange as I considered myself an atheist at the time. Why was I praying? To what god? And what form did I expect a savior to arrive? The truth is that HPPD was so painful and I was so lost and bereft of answers that praying was the only thing left to do. Less than a year after getting HPPD I became suicidal and as my one-year anniversary approached I nearly went through with killing myself after I felt I exhausted all my options and didn't see anywhere else to turn. 

Of course now I'm praying for a different reason -- now I'm praying to whatever higher power there is out of pure gratitude for still being alive. Every day I wake up I feel I'm playing with house money. Everything I see and feel is like a miracle. Life itself feels like the greatest gift imaginable. Nobody should have to endure the most severe forms of this condition and yet somehow I managed to hang in there for well over a thousand days, battling from sunrise to sundown just to make it through the day. But I'm so thankful I did. I don't feel like I deserve this life I have, almost as if I suffer from survivor's guilt, but yet I'm so appreciative at the same time. 

I'm still battling additional health issues but my life is good right now, better than it ever was even when I was "healthy" before. I've been living with my partner in a little cabin in the woods during the lockdown and I feel so lucky to experience life with her. I'm just completing a volunteer program to help plant trees throughout the city. I'm in good shape both physically and mentally -- the best I've ever felt. I'm seeing a therapist and resolving the childhood trauma that I feel got me HPPD in the first place. And best of all I'm taking steps to going back to grad school in the next year or so. I'm truly accomplishing all my dreams and this is just something I never thought I'd be able to do even a few years ago. 

If anyone is curious how I got to where I'm at after slaving away in the pits of HPPD hell for years I suggest reading some of my past posts. Everything you need to know about my healing process is there. Also if anyone needs to talk or just wants to reach out please feel free to message me. I don't check this site nearly as much as I used to but I'll try and get back to you when I can. I do think having people to talk to who understand your experience is one of the most important aspects of dealing with this condition. I hope that at some point in the future we can organize some kind of conference or just a meetup at various locations around the world so people don't feel as alone -- perhaps even video or phone calls if the pandemic extends indefinitely. 

Lastly, I'd urge people in the initial stages of HPPD to maintain optimism and perseverance above all else. There are many pessimistic posts on this site and rightfully so given the nature of this condition, however it's important for our survival (quite literally) that we value the experiences of those who've recovered and learn from them so that we can perhaps begin to create a template for how to cope and heal from this condition moving forward. People like me and many others on this site are proof this is something that can be overcome, however it's also the hardest thing you'll ever do and it takes years of fortitude in the face of extreme distress and darkness. It's just so important to realize there is a light at the end of the tunnel and but also that it takes a monumental amount of work to get there.

On this same subject, I just wanna point out one of the most crucial aspects of healing isn't what you do but also what you don't do. Sure exercise, meditation, therapy, eating healthy, socializing, yoga, spirituality, nature, sunlight and natural medication are vital to the recovery process but just as important are all the things you don't do: drugs (most importantly), fast food, toxins, sedentary lifestyle, isolation, darkness and so on. We're constantly bombarded by poisons every day in the modern world and it's just so important to avoid those things if you want to give your body and mind a chance to heal. If you're eating healthy and exercising but also taking drugs and isolating then you're negating any positive inputs you're attempting to incorporate into your lifestyle. Healing from HPPD is truly as much about shedding past toxic behaviors, belief systems and lifestyle choices as it is implementing new ones. 

Given how good I feel I may not post for my six-year anniversary but I will nevertheless read this site from time to time, especially for news. That said, if I keep continuing to recover I'll post an update a year from now. In the meantime I pray everyone gets the help they need and takes the necessary steps to address the underlying issues that result in HPPD. I know it may not seem like it but life is worth living. It always is. If you just stick with it you will eventually see the payoff. Sometimes it just takes a lot longer than we'd like to believe. 

Take care, 

-- K.B. 

[LumiLVI]

UPDATE: I am 90% better objectively. All symptoms have reduced heavily. The only thing that helped me recovery was time, absence off drugs, and doing new hobbies (neurogensis).

This is not a joke. I had serious hppd a year ago, as all can see from my panicked replies. 

[rlopes]

On 1/15/2020 at 11:35 PM, valsang said:

hi  guys just a screen of a french forum about HPPD

It's a poll about the HPPD and if the peoples who have are recovery and in what time i do a translate. 

25 peoples who have HPPD answer to the the poll :

For 6 they fully recover in few days

Fors 2 they fully recover in few weeks

For 4 they fully recover in few months

For 2 they fully  recover in few years

For 7 they never recover 

For 4 they  partially recover 

And 1 have dont answer 

Just for show it's possible to fully recover. Good luck for everyone who have this.

(sorry if my english is not perfect i'm french)

 

What's the URL of this forum?

[Distress]

So I posted here about five or six years ago shortly after a very traumatic trip I endured on shrooms, and the strong HPPD that had occured for more than a year afterward. you can look at my thread from years back for more information.

I'm recovered. I no longer see the static unless it's nighttime or the room is very dark. I still can not smoke marijuana (I was a stoner before my trip, and the trip resulted in forced sobriety. I had to quit everything). I was left even unable to smoke cigarettes or drink, even caffine in coffee was horrible. It took a while for me to be able to drink.. but I couldn't drink too much or I'd panic. Marijuana was not the same for me anymore.. I would relive trip flashbacks from the trip.

I did try smoking bud here and there without success. I have a friend that is growing purely CBD Bud, (less than 0.25% thc) (I live in a legal state) and go from there. I will update with my findings. 

I realize that my recovery is luck.. there is many people here who never recovered and I realize that, I'm grateful. 

[Germanuser]

Peace be up on you

first of all congrats for everyone who made it! YOUSTRONG

I just want to hit a short  Text about my success story:

Im 21 and im recovered, im happy, i smile every day and thanks god for this!

I had extremly strong hppd and Even more i would Say, i already had hppd with 18 and ir just turned worse After continuing for about a year with anything which you should avoid with this desease, so here we go i turned out in a condition which was ripe for staying in a psychatry for the rest  of my life, Not able  to talk/communicate memorize anything, do everyday duties like cooking/ cleaning changing clothes etc. So i think there are Not many stronger cases of hppd if there are(?). So i started to pray daily(which was as well hard) and stop every drug use cigarette all the no gos of hppd. I took one day After another, sport, good Food, Natural medication, spirituality.

And See now After 2 years of healing i got out of this ! I was even Able to enjoy days After 6 months of healing and Able to work again. But just with the Grace of god the almighty the healing journey Went just so fast out of this Strong version of hppd n mental illnesses. 

Just keep on changing your environment regulary( go  walking etc. daily ) eat a lot of fruit n vegetable fresh( as it has so many compounts which are Not discovered and  are healing the roots of our cells and making them alive and regenerateable( Just read up about anthony williams books , he explains a lot about the power of vegetable n fruit and there are so many informations which you can pick out especially helpful for hppd) and sure the important part : pray, try to be grateful every day Even if it is hard, just find things you can be grateful for( legs, arms, Oxygen ,food , nose etc. uncountable) and say it Daily to yourself, and slowly you create more positive thoughts, which is proven that  it allowes us to heal better and work better, so it improves the brain. As well have a look into homeopathy, after one year of healing i started taking  as well homeopathic medicine(i felt good already But still i felt so far away from my skills of mind and Social ability etc. Which i used to have, after getting them prescribed( with prayers and the help of god, other Story) i could finally  fully come back day after  day, all the abilitys where coming and getting better, it was like the gens, the deep root which was changed, was getting back to normal. 
 

so peace be up on you i hope it will motivate some of you and help. today im grateful that  i was getting stopped with my lifestyle through getting a that hard  punch and desease, because otherwise i would not  have find god and i wouldnt even  be able to be so happy like i am now and i can even get better than, if god wants, me before i had hppd, i can see it with myself and it was not believable for me before 2 years. If you find god and you are disciplined with his spiritual accordings, if he wants, you can get out and find a cure or Even through other ways, for any problem and desease. Patience n prayers, if you Walk to him, he will run to you!
 

Edited February 14, 2022 by Germanuser

[piper83]

So it's been a long time since I was on here and a long time since thinking about hppd. I got it in 2007 after a load of mdma, brain fog, fatigue, floaters, halos and imagery burning into my vision, tension headaches. 

Some of the stuff is still there but I barely think about it anymore and it doesn't bother me anymore. It's improved and I'm sure I've just adjusted and adapted. Some people have it to more serious degrees but things really improved after a few years and me focusing in it less and less. 

I read a similar post from someone years ago and they were right, looking after yourself well, eating, sleeping, plenty of sun etc. Thought I'd stop in to provide an update, it's scary as anything when it first happens but things can improve and they did for me. 

Shout out to Jay, hope you're doing well, really appreciated your input when I was on here a lot years ago and sure you're having as similarly positive impact now. I remember the bmx kid 2muchmandy (what a name!), hope he's in a better place by now as well. 

[Lambchop23]

Holy Shit. Can’t believe I’m finally posting something after reading this thread for years. Feel like I owe it to people tho.

long story short lol did acid once nightmare bad trip. Thought all was good month later smoked a ton went right back into the trip. Best way to explain it I was in the shadow realm while my body seemed to continue moving not by my direction. I know absolutely fucked.

I was the biggest pot head ever very much engrained in me, smoked all the time after work. So just the fact I couldn’t smoke anymore was terrible but than as my anxiety increased I started having panic attacks without smoking just thinking of omg I hope I don’t start tripping outta nowhere. Tracers, floaters, whole 9. Very very bad depersonalization.

I type this to say I went thru it. Heavy heavy Xanax use was the only way I could leave my house, OxyContin just to enjoy a night out.

so it’s 2 years later I’ve cut the drugs out, occasional Xanax when I feel uneasy. Work on Wall Street ( very stressful, very testing) but you know what I stopped feeling like a victim although my life was in shambles. 
my advice please please monitor your thoughts, content you consume and please don’t fucking smoke weed.( IK it’s heart breaking)

I still am anxious at times  but through focusing on work, laying off drugs, and attacking challenges head on my life is 1000X better than it was even 8-12 months ago.

 

hope this helps someone, lord knows this took almost a year to have the guts to post

[Jay1]

On 2/22/2022 at 11:38 PM, Lambchop23 said:

my advice please please monitor your thoughts, content you consume

Monitoring the content you consume is a really interesting topic. I'm a big horror film fan, but have to cut it out of my life unless I know it will be more psychological, rather than gory. Seeing those gory images seem to stay with me in my CEVs. Similar thing with porn, which i've cut out completely. 

Not sure if that is what you meant in your comment, but it got me thinking about the visual input that can mess with me. 

[apfelsaft45]

On 2/23/2022 at 12:38 AM, Lambchop23 said:

Holy Shit. Can’t believe I’m finally posting something after reading this thread for years. Feel like I owe it to people tho.

long story short lol did acid once nightmare bad trip. Thought all was good month later smoked a ton went right back into the trip. Best way to explain it I was in the shadow realm while my body seemed to continue moving not by my direction. I know absolutely fucked.

I was the biggest pot head ever very much engrained in me, smoked all the time after work. So just the fact I couldn’t smoke anymore was terrible but than as my anxiety increased I started having panic attacks without smoking just thinking of omg I hope I don’t start tripping outta nowhere. Tracers, floaters, whole 9. Very very bad depersonalization.

I type this to say I went thru it. Heavy heavy Xanax use was the only way I could leave my house, OxyContin just to enjoy a night out.

so it’s 2 years later I’ve cut the drugs out, occasional Xanax when I feel uneasy. Work on Wall Street ( very stressful, very testing) but you know what I stopped feeling like a victim although my life was in shambles. 
my advice please please monitor your thoughts, content you consume and please don’t fucking smoke weed.( IK it’s heart breaking)

I still am anxious at times  but through focusing on work, laying off drugs, and attacking challenges head on my life is 1000X better than it was even 8-12 months ago.

 

hope this helps someone, lord knows this took almost a year to have the guts to post

you still have the hppd symptoms ?

[Hall89]

On 3/11/2022 at 9:00 PM, apfelsaft45 said:

you still have the hppd symptoms ?

Sounds like it. Just another acceptance post.