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Found 8 results

  1. Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).
  2. I’ve been trawling through this forum and seems like you guys are really helpful – not sure who’s active anymore but anyway I have some questions. Sorry it's long, if you’re feeling helpful but not up to reading then skip to the end :-) I’m 20 and developed HPPD from LSD maybe 13/14 months ago. Light tracers, afterimages, visual snow, seeing colours etc. It caused me a bit of anxiety towards the beginning but it must have been very mild because it hardly bothered me at all. I could’ve very easily lived with it. I did MDMA multiple times in the following year, and some coke and keta, none made any difference to my HPPD, so I just linked it to LSD (wasn’t sure what it was really). Just over a month ago I had mushrooms for the first (and LAST) time. Trip was extremely intense, I passed out and then it was like I’d woken up in another galaxy, but not a terrible experience like some you hear. About a week later I woke up with insane visuals, everything moving around, colours vibrant, people’s faces looked pink and yellow. I was vomiting and could hardly stand up. I felt like my life had ended, like I was no longer myself at all. I was seeing through a fish eye lens, my voice wasn’t my own, everything was moving around me like on a boat (I also have sea sickness so that didn’t help haha), brain fog, paranoia, crippling anxiety, muscle spasms and pain. Im lucky enough to have a psych ive been seeing for the last 5 years so had that support. I found out a lot of the non-visual symptoms were anxiety-related (brain fog, muscle spasms, paranoia, and some worsening of visuals). I actually still feel as sharp as ever, just distracted by my visuals a lot of the time. My anxiety hasn’t been as bad, I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression before so that part I can handle. It’s the fucking DP/DR that gets me, have never experienced it before and its hell. It got so bad I thought I was in a virtual reality simulator and my memories were all fake. And the visuals are definitely the cause – how could I not feel like things are fake if everything looks fake? I’ve been very up and down in managing it since then but still functioning, seeing friends, doing uni work, trying to get out and do things, exercise, I already ate pretty healthy. Symptoms now: everything permanently looks like a mild acid/mushroom trip, covered in very heavy static, nothing looks solid, colours very vibrant and stuff moves in my peripheral vision, and sort of wobbles in and out of shape when I look at it (with all the afterimages, light trails etc. but I was already sort of okay with that stuff and can deal with it), and DP/DR. I am feeling depressed but that I can deal with. So my questions are: do your visuals (the static in particular) ever fade away or will I just have to get used to them? Or as it’s been just over a month since it got really bad, is it worth having Klonopin, Sinemet or Keppra now or should I wait? I was thinking sinemet could be worth a try, even though it hasn’t done much to a lot of people, it seems to have the least side effects and I want my DP/DR to go away. Or should I just get some Klonopin for the days when it gets really bad? Very luckily my dad’s a doctor and completely believes me and is willing to prescribe me anything I think will help. (I live in Australia and have heard it’s hard to get it recognised at all here) Sorry for the long ramble and thank you so much to whoever replies <3
  3. I've been thinking about taking psilocybe mushrooms to get some help to anxiety and social phobia problems. But I just heard about HPPD, and I consider myself lucky to do so! I thought mushrooms are nearly harmless but this HPPD sounds very nasty. Most HPPD cases report LSD as the cause but mushrooms are sometimes mentioned too. Has anyone got HPPD from mushrooms and does anyone know what's the percentage/risk of getting it? Are there any ways to test if it's going to result in HPPD? Should I take small dose first and see if any signs of HPPD appear? Or should i just ditch the idea of taking mushrooms? I have never taken any recreational drugs besides alcohol and cigarettes.
  4. I'm aware that none or most of you are medical professionals, but unfortunately like many of you medical professionals have failed to help me. I have seen that many of you also have personal experience for what works what doesn't work. I suppose almost using yourselfs as guinea pigs. I guess I'm okay with that. Considering I was okay with taking Psychedelics suppliments helping my current state with suppliments doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Medicine History: (PRE HPPD I did this crap) I took ritalin for a short time as a child. At sixteen years old I ODed about three times on effexor. Completely horrible experience. Mental state was suggestible I hallucinated for a little. I ODed on my own personal coctail (migrain pills, antidepressants, ect), I did once more on acetaminophen at 19. I have tried zoloft in high school and out (hated it), Lexapro (didn't give it enough chance so I don't know), Effexor (too heavy hate it), Clonopin (Gave me rare side effect of extreme bruising), Ativan (I still have it take as needed though gives me short term memory). Before I started psychedelics I was on wellbutrin with the most success out of any of these long time off and back on again. It helped with my fluctuations but made me feel cold and void as a person. If you want to know why this all happened I did it, I had a bad environment, abuse, neglect, bipolar, borderline tendencies, rape, abuse. When I started living on my own I felt so much better without realizing that my coping skills were still the same. I knew I would evolve as a person naturally, but I never really understood when my highs were taking me too far in heights. I started smoking pot all the time with my roomie who introed me to drugs. I felt really good for the first time. I did mushroom three times with awesome trips. The first being the best trip, the second two good but not as good as the first. I had a good acid trip. I lost all the weight I wanted to lose. I had a lot of friends who found me interesting, quirky, cute ect. I was on the high of life and everything was awesome never feeling this good so I started to experiment. I had one bad acid trip that did have after effects, but none that I noticed at the time. The wortst was a really bad mushroom trip that sent me to the ER making me think I was dying. What a wonderful Valentines day (last year). I got psychosis for a month and a half. I was really truely lost. My friends all left me thought now that my weirdness was no longer (cute but I was being weird as I really didn't understand social mechanisms really anymore). I was suggestable, and my mind frame was what effecting me. My mental fluctuations were like a box I was confined in this tight box and I had panic attacks all the time. I don't have them anymore though. My thinking was airy and for awhile I couldn't control my thoughts it felt like I was falling into a hole in my mind and nothing could stop it but occasionally falling on little edges and cliffs. I couldn't concentrate couldn't compute thoughts the way I normally did. I was without a paddle in a deep scary ocean that was my mind. I had deep ego loss, and figuring out how much control to give my ego as it does serve to protect us was hard. I had to rebuild it from mindfulness being in the present and learning from my woes of the past. For the record I am 22 now. Live in my own apartment. Work. and have a successful relationship without blame to to the person who brought me into these drugs. We had different learning experiences to cope from, but those were our own battles. Life has been rough for us but we stayed together through the roughness finding beauty in the way that it is. The reason why I think I'm not getting over my hppd is that. After my terrible trip and losing all associations to who I was or thought I was or even being functional as a person is that I widened my mind body connection with this painful experience. I literally cannot poop. I can't move my bowels. It's honestly terrible. This started a few weeks after my experiences. Starting with food allergies, then to extreme bloating, constipation, constant urination. Due to my suggestable nature and thought of death that truely peaked me in my trip. I was assured that I had cancer, that I had some sort of strange movie like premonition and the fear ate me up. I've had colonscopies only finding damage from my constant use of laxatives. This has been going on since febuary. I constantly feel tired, fatigued, bloated, constipated, all the time which effects me emotionally which ends up effecting the loose strings of the hppd that I try to tie up everyday. I more so have the depersonalization, derealization than I do any visuals (I get them occasionally but I don't feel bothered such like tiny splashes of colors). At the moment I cant eat bread, beans, milk, any sugar, any additives, and everything has to be in balance or else it's just too binding for me. I have candida, leaky gut (intestinal permeability that leads to the allergies or really food intolerances), and I can't really poop. I think the inability to poop is the cause for the allergies and bacterial overgrowth. I eat organic veggies in different ways smoothies, soup, steamed, I am doing bone broth. I eat fish chicken, pumpkin seeds, green bitter granny smith apples. If I eat one thing that is none in balance or intolerance my stomach grows to a huge amount and stays like that for the rest of the day. I am fairly thin weighing about 127 lbs and being 5'6 female. It's disheartening looking pregnant when you are not and not knowing how to deal with that if another were to give that sort of attention.I have been reading about how many of the neurotrainsmitters effect our guts and how our gut is like our second brain. Seritonin, GABA and some others play a role in this. I deduced pehaps the suppliment that would help my gut working is the one that will help me move on with my thought disorders after my encounters with psychedelics. I believe that the trainsmittors can be healed with time. What I'm looking for is heal my trainsmittors and brain, general mood balance, brain health, and possibly tackling this gut issue.I tried a few suppliments. Melatonin helps me sleep. Sometimes I take magnesium. St Johns was good at first. Ginko is good occasionally. I'm scared to go back on perscriptions. I know what thats all about. I don't want it to ruin my trainsmittors anymore than they already are. I don't want the split to widen even more... Everyday I take a candida management suppliment, vitamin without iron, garlic, NAC just started , Vitamin B drops I just started and not going to do everyday, and I have a lot of enzymes, suppliments that help me break down my food. I drink aloe water when I can afford it. I'm not very well off with money and thought about social security but the thought of tackling down this issue is unbarable. My doctors all know and they think this is all emotional based. I go to therapy. I just feel lost like I don't know what to do. I just finished a book called the how of happiness which has really great long term happiness based techniques, great advice. Exercise is hard when I feel honestly horrible most of the time. I've been getting better at socializing but I'm not where I was a year ago and honestly it will take time. Part of me has thought that if I tripped again and had a good trip maybe I could go back and fix the bad connections. With my current health and fresh state I thought against this. I at least said let's deal with the current issues without that fist and I haven't thought of that since. I don't hate the shroom it was a big learning experience and all I could do was take the positive out of something that was probably the worst episode of my life. I sort of relapse day to day. Sometimes I feel really good and confident in my character and get a lot of things done other days I get destracted and my mind fights against the idea of change wanting to stay still doing nothing and in the end being nothing. I get lost in there a lot. Sometimes no one knows I'm so on it and other days they can tell I'm real off. I'm trying to find reasons to be inspired to keep up with this and that's why I'm here. Many people left my life, I guess I understand since I'm just not the same. But with a community that really understands I was afraid to go into that at first but I guess laying the truth out that this is really my life right now and having other people accept that I guess that would be amazing. Self acceptance can be a hard one but worth it. I just...don't want to live like this forever you know? I want to be able to use the bathroom and get my health back more than anything. I work about 25 hrs a week due to feeling so ill all the time which I know is both the body and mind infuenced. It was just the craziest draw back to get sick and both ways than just one.
  5. dan728

    Hey guys

    Hi guys, im a fellow hppd sufferer and my name is dan. I started smoking weed around age 17 or so and loved it, so I continued to do so until a few months ago after developing hppd. Im currently 20 years old, enrolled as a student at a community college and have had multiple jobs in the past including machine operator, party rental laborer, and landscaper. During the course of my smoking, I started to get into heavier and heavier drugs and ended up doing LSD about 4 times, mushrooms about 5, molly around 4 and other things such as methadone, pills and a bunch of other fun stuff. I always thought I was under control of the drugs I was using, which was correct to an extent because I never got to the point where I used drugs every day. But, as we all know, substance abuse can quickly get out of hand. The fateful night that led ultimately to my hppd involved me and a friend of mine waiting on a connect to score some mushrooms. We waited for hours, thinking he would never get there, and he ended up showing up late at night with acid instead of shrooms. The friends I was with at the time were antsy to begin with so we were content with dropping the acid and putting the wait behind us. I took 3 tabs in overconfidence and after about 30 minutes I began to feel the effects and started driving on the highway and smoking a blunt with the friend I went with to get the "shrooms" and the trip started to get very intense. I dropped him off at his house and I went home too. I started to get a deep feeling of dread along with severe paranoia and feeling that I was going to die. There were extremely intense visuals involved, and I had a hallucination that I thought at the time encompassed the theme of the universe but its very hard to describe. It was kinda like a huge bright light in the upper-right hand corner of my vision and a sewer in the lower left that had rats and vines trying to escape, but kept getting knocked back by the light. I ended up going to the hospital and having saline pumped through my veins to clear the toxicity and the hellish trip finally subsided. The next day, all I wanted to do was smoke some weed to calm my nerves, but when I did, I felt like the trip was coming back all over again and I went home to calm down. A few days later, i came to grips with the fact that I had symptoms that weren't going away. I started to research my symptoms immediately and found that I definitely have at least mild hppd. My symptoms include: Tracers (black squiggly lines that move about occasionally) Afterimages Sensitivity to light Visual snow Some degree of dp/dr with cognitive losses slight anxiety and depression So its been about 2 months and ive been trying different things to resolve these issues such as valerian root, GABA, 5Htp, fish oil and vitamins B and C. Im not too sure what works the best yet, but valerian root seems to be a lifesaver for me right now. My symptoms are a bit less worse than they were when I first got them, but im now abstaining from all drug and alcohol use and im slowly feeling better over time. Im so glad that I found a place where there are people like me suffering with what I thought was a very rare disorder. Thanks for reading my story everyone Best wishes, Dan
  6. Basically to start off I am 17 years old and have been "suffering" from HPPD for a little over two months now. It all started 4 days after I decided to do mushrooms. Mushrooms were the first psychedelic experience I had ever had. Keep in mind before shrooms I had smoked a lot of weed, drank lots of alcohol, tried xanax, and had my fair use of amphetamines . We all go through that stage some point in our lives right? The stage of rebellion and trying "new" things, lol. Well let's get back to my experience. Anyways, to give a brief account of what happened that night with the magical mushrooms that I ingested with my best friend I'll start by saying we had both ingested 1.5 grams in her room around 8 o'clock...also had school the next morning . They took about an hour and a half to start kicking in. It started with an extreme but fun and endurable body high followed up with lots of laughter and giggles over nothing! The trip lasted a total of 8 hours from good trip to about 4 hours of a bad trip, my friend was convinced she was going to die after throwing up and I was left comforting her while also enduring the horrifying experience! Then we turned on some TV and the trip for the both of us turned around and eventually I fell asleep. Woke up the next morning felt great! Went to school not tired at all and just felt content and peaceful with the world. I almost felt like a new person. Over the next 4 days I felt perfectly normal smoked some weed felt fine. But on the fourth day after doing shrooms I went to bed had a dream that I was tripping, woke up thought I was still dreaming and had awoken completely paralyzed for about 30 seconds. (sleep paralysis). My room was completely full of static and I got up walked around my house to find everything looking they way it did when I was on shrooms! . I thought at first maybe I was having a "flashback" but then realized people don't normally get flashbacks from shrooms only from LSD and with lots of experience over time. I eventually fell back asleep extremely confused. The following day (although not as bad at night) the symptoms were still there. So, when I returned home from school I did some research. There I had found websites about Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder. I came to the conclusion that this was what I had. About a week later I made the terrible mistake of smoking weed and doing MDMA for the first time as well. My experience smoking was terrifying! Never had I felt this way before from smoking. I felt extremely paranoid and anxious and I literally was tripping as if I had just done acid! . Then the next night me and my little rave friends went to the local rave and I took some MDMA, that was awesome. But the next morning my HPPD and gotten 10X worse. From there I promised myself I would become sober until my HPPD went away. I realized that over that two week period of telling myself to ignore the HPPD, not research and obsess over it, and telling myself to stay sober it was barely noticeable! Almost as if it had gone away. But then I started smoking again and it returned along with depersonalization disorder derealization and almost an onset of out of body experiences. But now I have promised myself I will stay sober until this terrible disorder goes away. It is really not noticeable during the day but at night the lights are the worst. I have star burst lights and auras everywhere where there are lights! My wall sometimes breathe and move slowly, I have terrible peripheral vision and I have also noticed since I got HPPD my pupils constantly change sizes. Sometimes they appear as if I am on acid! . Anyways I have terrible anxiety now and am accompanied but lots of other changes in my life. Blah but whatever we all suffer through life sometime . This is my first post on this website and I hope to learn and grow in my experience with HPPD and meet some great people who also suffer with it. I know we can find a cure!
  7. WOLF70M

    Visions

    I get static pretty bad and the best way I can describe it is being somewhere between what I see and my thoughts. Along with static I have been seeing trippy stuff in this same plane of consciousness. Its like hallucinations that seem to fall short of reaching into my vision. Its like little pixels in my static are arranged into pictures that I can see overlapping my normal eyesight. I also feel like afterimages fit in this same place. I kind of think it is intertwined with my DP/DR, Its like I get so far dissociated from myself. These thoughts and visions are so powerful and out of my control that it can be pretty scary and overwhelming at times, but it really makes me wonder about the insane potential of the human brain.
  8. WOLF70M

    Melting at Night?

    I've had HPPD for about 5 months now. I'm 100% sure it was caused by two intense mushroom trips spaced about a week apart. My symptoms include: -Trails and static -Moving patterns -Objects changing shape/size -Anxiety These last three symptoms seem to be the easiest to cope with in my case. The symptoms that really scare me are the ones that seem to happen more inside my head. -I get racing thoughts that move extremely fast and seem to branch out on to different strings of thoughts so I end up thinking about too many things at once and this seems to trigger a lot of my anxiety. - All of my perceptions and memories feel hazy which is usually accompanied by deep thoughts about what is going to happen when I die and other philosophical things like that which seem to also increase my anxiety -Random disturbing or confusing thoughts pop into my head for example picturing in my head my throat being sliced or other images of harming myself or being harmed. I have never self mutilated or even considered it which is also one of the reasons why this really troubles me. -Sometimes while trying to sleep I get extreme depersonalization accompanied by a feeling that I am melting which I experienced while on the trip. I also have distorted perception of the feeling of my body as in my body will feel long and stretched out as if i were made out of putty and pulled across the room. Also another thing that really bothers me is sometimes I perceive and extra limb, like I can feel an extra arm or leg. I have various other symptoms, but most cannot even be put into words. I take this condition very seriously and I've completely cut all drugs out of my system and severely cut down on my drinking(about once every month and a half and only having 1 or 2 beers). I run collegiate cross country and track so I run every day so my exercise is taken care of. I try to avoid caffeine as much as possible because it makes my symptoms slightly worse. I try to make sure to get a decent amount of sleep; I feel like this has a lot to do with worsening or bettering of my symptoms. The problem with sleep is that I have to find a happy medium because too little sleep makes symptoms worse and too much sleep makes symptoms worse. Also my symptoms seemed like they were getting better about 3 months in, but I was prescribed an SSRI which drastically worsened symptoms. Anyway sorry to write a book, but I would really appreciate your comments and suggestions
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