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Found 26 results

  1. Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).
  2. Hi guys, I’m a first timer here and I really need some help with this. I did shrooms 3 times over a 3-4 week span, I dont remember the exact time period (this was a little over a month ago like in april). Im prescribed vyvanse which I take daily and the only other things ive done are drink and smoke weed. Anyways, after my last shroom trip everything was fine and i haven’t done it since but i do drink all the time. about two days ago i smoked weed for the first time in two months and i saw the letters on my phones keyboard dramatically wiggling and getting bigger and smaller while i was high. This has never happened to me before when i have smoked, I have only ever seen this when im on shrooms so this freaked me out because of what ive read on hppd. The next day I was watching tv and noticed that words on the screen were wiggling a little bit. Ever since then, every time I focus on a words or letters for too long, I see them subtly wiggling, it comes and goes and it has been improving over the past few days and its pretty much gone now. its nothing too bad and I wouldn’t notice it unless i really stare at them but im afraid it might get worse over time and I’m starting med school in two months. what makes this weird is that Ive read of hppd happening and then getting better shortly after a trip but my thing started a month after. The good thing is that I dont see static, visual snow, or any of that other stuff, just a subtle letter wiggling. I was thinking that i had it the whole time but i didnt notice until i smoked but what is weird is that i drink all the time and it never made it worse or even apparent at all to the point that i didnt notice I even had anything but weed did. Is it possible that weed may have triggered a mild form of hppd from previous shroom use? Also im prescribed vyvanse which i take every day and i have noticed that i dont see things wiggle when im on it, which is weird becuase Ive read everywhere that stimulants make it worse. What worries me is that I need Vyvanse for school and cant stop taking it and according to what I have read amphetamines worsen HPPD. Im not sure if I have it or not and since hppd is not very well understood im not sure whats going on. At such a critical point in my life this is kind of freaking me out so I would appreciate if those who may have experience with this kind of stuff would help shed some light on what is going on. I apologize if I sound dumb and don’t mean to disrespect those who truly have it but this is making me really nervouse and don’t know who else to ask. As far as when I smoked weed that time it was different than other times and I didn’t like that the letters kept getting bigger and smaller because weed doesn’t do that. Thank you for your help guys.
  3. MarkfromMoscow1998

    Long and personal Hell. I need help

    Hello, my names is Mark. I am 19 years old and in September I will be turning 20. In advanced I would like to appoligize for a very long post and for being very specific about my drug use. I need help. I come from Russia. I moved to LA when was 13 and by the time I was 14 I became and active drug user. I don’t have any real mentally ill people in my family like people with schizophrenia and such. My older brother who is about to turn 38 is a sociopath and my mother and sister have anxiety. My dad is a functional alcoholic but nothing to crazy. Moving to LA: 2012/2013 - I started using Magic Mushrooms, ALD-52, Marijuana. Also started smoking cigarettes. In March of 2013 after a 500 microgram ALD - 52 trip I developed some HPPD but didn’t know what that was until I went to Amsterdam that summer to do a summer job and took mushrooms and told someone that I have some of the aspects of the trip when I’m sober and that person recommended to read about HPPD. I came back and tried DMT, for some reason it didn’t work. Coming back to LA: 2013/2014 - I continued to used psyhadelics. I’ve finally tried LSD - 25 and had a very powerful trip that made me stop. I tried Cocaine and MDMA. I was fasinated with the world of American pharmaceuticals and tried a bunch of random pills like: Ritalin, Vyvanse, Codeine, Hydrocodone, Xanax, DXM and serroquil. Side note: I was very depressed. My HPPD was getting worse and I lied to my psychologist that I’m done with drugs while using drugs. He recommended me to go see a psychiatrist that would prescribe me some anti - depressants. I was on Wellbutrin for 2 months and it didn’t work. He then put me on Lexapro for the rest of the school year but it made go crazy for a bit in terms of WD’s. I kept taking the pills and then stopping and then taking them again and I’ve developed racing thoughts before I went to sleep so then he placed me on Lunesta witch I abused and it was one of my favorite drugs. Moving back to Russia: I got expelled my senior year when I was 15 and had to move back and for a month I smoked hardcore Sativa weed, took Lunesta and did a bunch of cocaine/meth. After a horrible MDA experience in Moscow I eventually decided to stop taking drugs and became a full blown weekend alcoholic + I also took drugs, but only sometimes. 2014/2015 - I would drink from 500 ml (17 ounces) - 1 liter (34 ounces) of whiskey/vodka or any hard liquor or cocktail every Friday and Saturday in clubs and bars, during the summer I drank on Thursdays and Sundays too. Sometimes I went on benders but drinking wine mostly and starting in the evening only. I also huffed nutritious oxide sometimes. I took cocaine a couple of times and since the weed in Russia is mostly laced with Acetone, Spice, or JWH based chemicals and hash is laced with heroin most of the times it always sucked and made me feel like I was tripping. I only smoked weed and Salvia when I went to the US, wich was twice, both times for two weeks. I also “really” tried Xanax and fell in love with it on the trip I took to LA during New Years. Moving back to LA for the last time: 2015/2016 - I smoked every single day for 5 months, did a bunch of cocaine and used Xanax almost every day but took breaks for 2 weeks sometimes, I snorted OxyContin and drank Codein Syrup but rarely because I was really overweight and felt that I might die. I did mushrooms once, ecstasy once, ketamine once and I did Adderall also once. (Last time I did psychedelics and speed) I Kept getting sick and going to the hospital every time so decided to go back home and never move back. Moving back to Russia again: I lost a bunch of weight and kept drinking once again and at one point broke up with my at the time girlfriend and went on a two month whiskey/laced weed or really bad weed/fake Xanax bender. I ended up fleeing to Chicago (doing real Xanax, smoking weed, and drinking beer) and then Europe were I was cross faded most of the trip . I barely remember this, it was all during the summer. Somehow I managed to get my shit together before my birthday and sobered up a bit. Turning 18: 2016/2017 I was living in Moscow and found and OK plug for weed and started smoking every day. Got addicted to Xanax and Pregabalin (Lyrica) and by the time it was December 2016, I took up to 50 pills a weekend. 26th of December I OD’d. I drank whiskey morning till night every day and took codiene, Valium, Xanax, Atarax, serroquil, pregabalin, phenozepam and phenibut everyday until I went into an epyleptic shock and got taken to the ER. Rehab: My dad made he go to rehab in Israel and I was there for 4 months completely sober. I sometimes took mirtazipine to sleep. Rehab saved my life. 2017/2018 I got out and didn’t use anything until I got drunk in some bar in Siberia (Novosibirsk) and decided that I’m going to drink because I couldn’t do NA. I drank every weekend not as crazy as I used to but still pretty intense. I smoked once in two months only if would travel and see my high school pals in places like Copenhagen or Amsterdam were it’s legal and safe. Took cocaine once by accident during the summer (was in my drink) I got into a very bad car crash in December because my taxi driver fell asleep and broke my legs and stuff. I spended a month in the hospital where I was given Fentanyl, Tramadol and Gabapentin everyday (very depressed, had to go to the bathroom laying down). I got out and stayed in the country side watching films taking tramadol and gebapentin and smoking weed for 2 weeks. Then I quit and became sober again. Now: Here is what happened. After I got on my legs witch was recent I got back to drinking. On March the 3d I had alcohol poisoning I think and had to go to the hospital because the next day I thought I’m having a heart attack. I was in and out of ER for three days cleaning my blood. I was going to Barcelona for 10 days for work and I so paranoid that I’m going To get Delirium Tremens from drinking so much so often that I thought I was entering psychosis (btw I took atarax almost every hungover because anxiety was to intense) I went to the psychiatrist on the 9th and told him that I need something to manage my anxiety and also a benzo addict in the past and he prescribed me Buspar and Alimemazine. I took 30-40 mgs of Buspar everyday for 2.5 weeks. I got to Barcelona still very paranoid that I’m loosing my mind. Gave up and started taking Xanax 2 mgs per day for 4 days. On top I smoked weed everyday and after I couldn’t cold turkey Xanax cause of anxiety I tapered down until I got home. On the 21st of March I got back completely sobered up, even quit smoking cigarettes and had anxiety attacks (still have them) almost every day that made me take some Buspar and Atarax. On the 24th I flew to see my dad in Germany and took ambien a couple of times to sleep. I also went to the pharmacy and got my self bromazepam and thank god I had it because after being very obsessive about becoming schizophrenic at a very young age or something, I suffered a very bad anxiety attack and I took some broma and it helped. April: I got drunk on the 29th and told my parents that I need to solve this HPPD nonsense because I’m fucking done and emailed Doctor Abraham (famous HPPD Doctor) he emailed back and gave emails of his colleagues telling me his to old for this and he’s retired. None of his colleagues have responded to my very emotional email. I’m willing to fly anywhere and do whatever it takes to help my self. I am now 100% sober and going back to NA just to stay sober. It’s really painful to be sober rn because I feel insane! Anxiety mostly. If anyone knows doctors, hospitals, centers that focuses on HPPD/anxiety tell me. Because I need to solve this. Please don’t ignore this. I need your help. I have every single symptom of a really bad case of HPPD atarax - Hydroxyzine rameron - Mirtazapine lexotanil - Bromazepam my email is: markefr1998@gmail.com
  4. Hey guys i think i found the triger for recovery sorry for bad engrish This is called subliminal audio i has been known to cure many physical and mental problems so i ascume that this would help. I know this sounds like placebo but it is not i know because you can hear those voices in the video here is the video and update if it helps instructions are in the desciption
  5. i can either tell my parents my brother has hppd or i can tell the me had a flashback whats better?
  6. lilmopHEAD1

    help me

    dooo i have a chance of getting better if i go healthy and stop smoking
  7. Hello(: my name is Annie, and I started dating my amazing boyfriend Kai a few months ago. I love him, absolutely crazy about him. He has HPPD with a sister diagnosis of anxiety. I do not have HPPD but I do suffer from GPD and Social anxiety. So I understand his anxiety. This is where my question comes from; if you were dating someone, and you have hppd, what would you want them to know? Kai is a little closed off about it, because he is now 5 years sober from drugs, and 3 year sober from alcohol so he really doesn’t like going into the details of it, and what he did when he was under the influence. So what would you want your significant other to know, recognize, do to help, etc.? I know his medications, when he should take them, what makes his visuals worse and all that but I want to do more for him. Thank you for reading and responding!! (:
  8. I've had hppd for a year now and it has completely ruined my life, I'm always either paranoid/depressed and about 5 months after getting hppd I got social anxiety. I have bad visual snow and everything in my vision looks weirdly outlined?! Nobody believes me and my whole life basically feels like a trip? I haven't done any acid but I still smoke weed everyday but it's basically the only thing that keeps me sane lol I have no idea what to do with myself and half of the time I'm thinking whether my life is worth living anymore, anybody else get any of the same shit happen? How long have you guys had it and do you know anyone that's actually fully recovered from this or are we all fucked?
  9. nordlife

    My story - Hope for opinions

    Hi everyone, i really dont know how to start and i hope you can excuse any mistakes in language as im from europe and i even have problems using my mother language at the moment due to my mental situation (If you want to skip the detailed story you can scroll down to my current symptoms, which basically began after one weekend of smoking too much weed where i had something like a panic attack while smoking alone.) Maybe i just start with a review of my past two months where my current state began and a little about me and my drug usage. Im 22 years old and started with drinking alcohol with 14 like all my other friends, sure i often drunk too much in the future but only at parties and never drunk alone or had the feeling that i need alcohol, pretty normal i guess. Last year (2016) i started smoking weed (just smoked one time before i was 21 and felt nothing so i had no demand doing it again). Due to new friends and an interest in weed because i found out my father smokes pretty often i started to smoke with friends occasionally and somehow i liked that feeling now. I would even say that after a few times i started to love that feeling. Alcohol was no more fun and i said to myself that its better to smoke sometimes and dont drink anymore except a beer or two sometimes (even my father said that to me). In fall last year i moved from my families house to my own place with a friend. That change in life was awesome i was so motivated, happy and loved the new freedom. Someday i bought my first own weed (maybe because it was possible now to do anything without the parents near) and i couldnt resist trying it out alone. It got more often and between november 2016 and march 2017 i smoked almost everyday i got time but i was still going to work everyday and university (sober). I think it still was a „normal“ amount and sometimes i didnt smoked for 2 weeks or so without a problem. In March a friend of mine died i didnt knew him very good because he lived in another town but somehow it bothered me a lot (dont know if this has something to do with my problem). Smoking weed after this incident was almost the same except that i felt a little tension in my chest and when i tried to sleep it took a while. Then there was the weekend whereupon everything started. On saturday march 25th two friends came over to have a nice evening and smoke some weed. I already worked the whole day and was awake since 5am but i didnt smoked for a week or two so i was excited. It was a great evening but after a while i was really tired and fell asleep for a few minutes when my friends were still there. I got some new weed and they left early like 11pm. I dont know why but instead of going back to bed i smoked another one alone. I felt again an odd tension in my chest and was a bit nervous but after a few hours i fell asleep. The following sunday my girlfriend had no time and i had new weed so the first thing in the morning was smoking again. I smoked three joints over the day i think and felt pretty normal (just normally stoned the whole day). Only in the evening the tension came again but harder this time and there were some „stitches“ in my chest. I was getting nervous but was able to calm down myself. Again it was harder to fall asleep this evening. It was like starting to dream while still awake and realizing it and wake up due to this feeling. The next morning i felt normal again i think and at midday i smoked another one with my flatmate because our internet was broken and we didnt know what to do. Suddenly i felt like being between stoned and sober and i just wanted to be fully sober. Everything felt a bit unreal like a dream somehow and the fact that our internet was not working was strange in my eyes and made me ask myself „is this really happening?“. But i managed to keep calm and said too myself that everything is normal that im just stoned and that i will be sober after a few hours. At the evening the internet suddenly worked again and i felt good again as far as i can remember. But instead of asking myself why i felt so strange and why i had this chest tension and stitches the last days i smoked another joint at this evening. Afterwards i was with a friend on skype playing a videogame when i suddenly had the feeling of getting a heart attack or something i had to lay down and was very anxious (i think this was my first little panic attack). The feeling came like in waves but i was able to calm down myself. It was a strange feeling i felt like not getting enough oxygen in my lungs, couldnt sit still and i just wanted to go outside. I took a walk but back home i didnt felt better. The „getting a heart attack“ feeling came multiple times again. Later it got better somehow and i was able too sleep (its hard to remember details since my memory is one of the main problems now). After this evening everything began and before you ask i never smoked or drank again after this evening (2 months now). The next day i said to my girlfriend that i feel strange somehow but not bad it was a strange feeling in my stomach like being a little sick and nervous. But the day was okay i even was in the city buying some led strips for decoration but when turning them on i realized that it make me feel very sick when the lights were flashing fast. I also got that same sick feeling in my stomach when i tried to focus small text. I thought that this weekend was just too much and its like a small withdrawal. The next they i went to university and in the train i was getting a bit nervous and was glad when i got off but otherwise everything seemed good i could concentrate just like normal. The only thing i noticed was that at midday a had to yawn like every 5 seconds for about an hour and felt a bit light sensitive (but it was one of the first sunny days so i thought my eyes just have to adapt to the new light condition). Back at home i started to feel strange and very nervous again, my heart started to beat very hard and fast and i thought again that i dont get enough oxygen. I went to the hospital because i couldnt calm down. I was so nervous that i was a bit confused, they checked my heart and blood values but everything was fine. After a while i got calm and was glad about the results. I left the hospital and felt pretty okay but was scared to stay alone. The days after i started to feel dizzy and extremely anxious and thought that something really is wrong with me i cried the next days very often for no real reason i felt hopeless and empty (hard to describe that emptiness). I went to my father because i couldnt be alone. At this time i knew something is different and everything felt strange and unreal like a nightmare but i couldnt really describe it and had no idea what was going on. After one week since all started i couldnt focus my eyes on anything for longer than a second and felt like seeing everything with 10 fps also every flickering light made me nervous and feel sick. This got better after a few days but i realized a lot new symptoms which stayed since then. So here is a list of what i noticed after the first strong fear was gone: Visual problems trails but by now only in dawn light condition every light and reflection blinds me and glares, even car, bike or traffic lights at daytime long afterimages of everything, positive and negative lots of grey and normal floaters in every light condition starbursting if the environment is dark around the light sources, gets worse if the light is far away ghosting, especially if its dark and there is white text on dark background everything seems a bit oversaturated at daytime very little static my eyes seem flickering and unsettled the whole time looking at a display is hard feels like looking through a slot or that something semi transparent is diagonal about half the display difficulty to focus my eyes on something for a time longer than a few seconds the feeling that my eyes are to slow if scrolling a website or something sometimes one of my pupils is almost double the size of the other one Other problems tinnitus (had tinnitus on one ear before but now worse and on both ears) constant tension in my whole body sometimes my muscles hurt even without doing sports at the beginning it was very hard to eat constant dizziness not strong but its there everything and everyone seems foreign, especially when looking in someones eyes i feel anxious and sick (maybe dp/dr dont know) cant really sleep, it feels like i instantly start to dream when i close my eyes but never get deep sleep, i wake up every 2 hours and sometimes i cant fall asleep again i feel dumb and cant concentrate at all (brain fog?) it feels like i cant think at all if i want or have to my brain just "does nothing" im really depressed i could cry every second but only because of the thought "you ruined your life, you had everything" no feelings except the one above, i feel like a robot and act the right way only because i know how to but i dont feel it (is this dp?) everything feels like a nightmare sometimes i think im still in my bed and its still march and i hope to wake up, i know this is stupid but im somehow not sure if its not true no sense of time at all, if something happend a second ago and i think about it it feels like it happend years before, i dont have feelings connected to the memories, and they all seem to be far away (anyone know this feeling?) my own thoughts "scare me" and feel also kind of far away, even if i plan to take a shower it feels strange in my head somehow old memories are suddenly in my head even if they happened 15 years ago, they are as clear as things which happened minutes ago, also if i look at something i instantly get a memory in my head which my brain seems to associate with what im seeing (i think this is one of the reasons why i feel like im in a dream and im not in here and now) i see faces and eyes everywhere even without looking for them like my brain searches for them without my control, i see them in trees, walls etc. i can say "its just a tree" and i dont see real faces or eyes but i cant see objects just like they are without my brain starting its rollercoaster drive of thoughts and associations (pareidolia i think but its extreme) i feel like the most important filter in my brain is messed up, in the city i see every reflection, movement etc. also sounds seem louder than before and i cant ignore them (i even hear sounds i didnt heard before, they are real but i think they were filtered out before, maybe hyperacusis) sometimes i think about suicide or behaving strangely and because everything feels unreal and like a dream im scared i will do it, i feel disinhibited somehow i feel like i have forgotten how to think, all i do is associate old memories and compare all the time how things were before 2 months Last week (i think) i found out about HPPD and found many of my symptoms which werent explainable with other disorders, especially those visual problems. I would love to hear some opinions about my symptoms and if they are typically for the HPPD related things like dr/dp, anxiety etc. friends say that i behave just normal only a bit sad and not as happy as before. This is what gives me a little hope because sometimes i thought i become insane. Tanks for reading.
  10. Hi, I'm new to this forum and have only spent a couple of hours reading through it. I have had mental health problems as long as I remember but it has never been diagnosed. So it's not definite but the family doctor, past psychiatrists, and my school nurse have all thought that I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I believe so too. all of my symptoms make me feel ver depressed and anxious, and like my life is hopeless and I can't live like everyone else. i have used 25i-nbome twice, the first time was fine but the second time I had a very bad trip and I believed that I was dead. its been almost 3 months now and I've been experiencing what seems to be symptoms of hppd. My symptoms are: In dark rooms or when my eyes are closed I see blue or red fractals at the centre of my vision, and I'm mildly lit rooms they travel over the walls, Long lasting after images from bright objects, the worst symptom is that whenever I look at carpets and sometimes other objects they seem to grow this psychedelic pattern into them, seeing this really scares me. I avoid it by not looking at the floor basically but if I do then it will make me really anxious and more prone to my symptoms for the rest of the day. Does anybody else see this? Because I've only ever read about one other person having it. i see slight red lines over my keyboard on my phone screen On plain walls I also see what seems to be like mild static. when I am hungover I also have strong CEV's that basically take me back to the night before or I see a distant screen that shows what seems to be videos of me I still have hope for this going away as a lot of the symptoms are only really there when I think about them. So I was wondering if others think this seems hopeful or not? the fear of my symptoms never going away also scares me a lot and makes things a lot worse. i am basically sober now, I don't even drink caffeine, but I do occasionally drink alcohol which I am trying to stop. I am on a diet and I go to the gym for a couple of hours daily. i can have episodes where I feel a lot better and that it is going to go away, and I can sometimes have whole days when I don't think I see any visual disturbances, but small things like my mood being changed can bring it on again where I feel worried about the hallucinations all the time. i am only 17 so I don't have access to any medication to help yet and it takes a long time to go through the children's mental health service. i was wondering if people think my hppd will fade eventually, and if there is anything else I can do to further my recovery. please don't give comments that are negative or make me feel like I will never be cured because it makes things a lot worse for myself. thank you for any responses given!
  11. So i smoked weed 10 times No other drugs. But dont know if i have hppd. my symptoms are. I have breathing walls but only when i Think alot about it. And i Feel dizzy AS if im on a boat. And some vertigo. And some afterimages. Visual snow. And alot of dpdr. And alitle tracers but that are my only symptoms. My doc says it probably just was the dpdr Doing it. But i kep beeing affraid that i have hppd.... DO I? The dpdr is 24/7 but the visuals are only realy there when i Think about it. Will i be normal again or Can i be stück with this im only 14 years old
  12. So I took lsd around 6 months ago. I realized I had hppd a couple weeks after, with some anxiety tied in there. I kept smoking weed and my visual snow and stuff got worse so I've quit all drugs except for nicotine and have been this way for 3 months. But ever since I took the acid, everything looks kind of different. Like everything looks kind of surreal, and colors are kinda brighter, and I'm always spaced out. I don't feel as if I'm completely in a dream or anything, but it's just the feeling that everything looks kinda "off" and something is slightly different. And when I'm in crowds, sometimes the collection of peoples voices will sound different than it used to. Is this de realization that is just a part of my hppd and slight anxiety, or what? And also, should I quit the nicotine to see if my visuals get better?
  13. I don't really know where to start and I'm not sure how long this is going to be so I apologise in advance lol. So I'll start at the beginning, I'm 19 and I've tried LSD 5 times in the past year. I first tried it with some family members as I had red ALOT on lsd. I've always wanted to know what I was getting into before I tried a drug (I've only actually smoked weed and done lsd). The experience was amazing, noting crazy but just chilled. I did this 3 more times with mates instead and they were all great as well, no HPPD at this point, until early October last year. I took a 120ug with some friends, nothing crazy happened and was actually a bit of a let down, so I managed to cut another tab into 4 (me and 3 others taking it). Nothing, so we met a friend to smoke a spliff as I heard it can kickstart a trip. That's when things went really, really bad for me. I started tripping like crazy and got really scared really fast. I'd red on what to do when going into a bad trip but all my knowledge at that point in time went straight out the window. It wasn't the actual visuals that freaked me out, it was a seriously intense fear of everything. I was generally petrified and thought my body was shutting down and I was going to die. I didn't even want to go to sleep (this went on till 4am) , the visuals were VERY intense though, swirls and some serious colour over my vision, I could barely walk, this went on for 6 hours but felt like a week. Worst experience of my life. After the bad trip that's when I started to notice changes in my vision and perception. I get halos, trails in lights, light burns on my vision and my general perception feels slightly off most of the time. I feel it comes In waves, when I'm distracted or with people/friends I don't tend to get the discontinued feeling or perception changes, but when I'm working or chilling by myself, I'm more aware of it. I've red so much on how long hppd can last and have not plucked up the courage to share my story to the community for advice until now. I sometimes go into an anxious mood and it's a slight feeling of what I had on the bad trip. I'm guessing my anxiety is tied with it so it relates back to it whenever I'm feeling anxious? If someone could confirm that, that would be good. I've got friends who want to smoke weed in the summer with me and I said I'd wait at least 8-9 months before trying a joint again. Do you guys think it's a good idea or what I should do. Honestly any advice on anything I've said would really help, or any comment on it at all. If you've red this far I really appreciate you for checking my story out, look forward to seeing some replies
  14. Hey everyone, Background (you can skip this part) Been viewing from afar for a couple of months but now i could do with a couple of tips. Jay by the way, read a few of your posts, seem like a great guy and a musician! I have some of the normal but distressing symptoms, Light sensitivity is one that right now isn't nice, but from a post i've read it seems I have mild HPPD in comparison to some, so really don't want to come on here complaining. Weird thing is I did not get this from a drug I took for fun, but it's not important. Cards been dealt. It took 2 months but I think I've forgave myself, which by the way if you are reading this, have a think, guilt i've learnt from past experiences is soul destroying, forgive yourself. TL/DR: The reason I am writing is, I am a sound engineer and a drummer and right now it's impossible, especially mixing. Music is all I know, although sounds flat again. LAME, anyway... i've had a constant headache now for 6 weeks and getting worse daily, tried various combo's of Naproxen, Metoclopramide, Ibuprofen, Clonazepam, Codeine, Migraleve, Magnesium, but it just won't go away. It's always there, seems like a tension headache with the neck pain etc....This might be old news, but could not find much on the search with any advice, maybe there isn't any. Even a combo that would allow me to mix for a few hours would be a god send in a studio environment, change of job might be the life turn I need, who knows. This coupled with the fact my ears rattle and can hear fluid in both, so sensitive to noise, which as a sound engineer who works in arenas this might be game over (for a while! confident that the ears will have to get use to it's new loudness or tone themselves down again...wishful thinking) ANY advice welcome, much love. CK
  15. hellogoodbye

    Do you think I have hppd?

    Hello. I wanted some advice to see if what I am experiencing is HPPD. Little bit of background, I did lsd almost 2 years ago. I only did it once and I always feel like such an idiot for doing it. I didn't even want to, but all of my friends peer pressured me into doing it and after awhile I finally caved in. (Not friends with them anymore.) Anyway, that was in about March/April of 2015. I felt fine, didn't have any symptoms that I know of. A few months later I got on heavy medicine for arthritis and then I had wisdom teeth surgery and that's when I started feeling weird. (Just lazy mostly, and anxious) I asked my brother and he told me about hppd, I read the symptoms and I remember saying "no way I don't have any of that". Later in the year (while taking 2 medicines for my arthritis I developed a ringing in my ear, a symptom of the medicine). My medicine also made me never hungry and I lost 30 pounds in just a few months! (Went to docs and they just kept me on) So then later about February of 2016 my brother and I were talking and this topic came up. I began freaking out and couldn't believe I ever did a drug. I started seeing static vision after rereading the symptoms. Then I had the worse week of my life to date: two people I cared about died in less than a week apart. I was in school so I couldn't leave, but my family left for one of the funerals states away. I was all alone and my anxiety got to extreme levels. I couldn't eat, and I kept throwing up. I took myself to the doctor and my blood pressure was so high she immediately put me on anxiety medicine. After a week on it, my eyes seemed to have gotten more sensitive to light. If I was exposed to super bright light for a long time I saw kind of like circles going into the center. I immediately got off that medicine but this weird thing kept going for awhile. It can still sometimes happen if it's super bright or I'm very very stressed (plus brightness). This was a year later. 2016 was so bad for me because I really believe my anxiety started giving me symptoms. I got off one of the medicines and my eyes and ears felt so much better. However, it is still slightly there. (And I'm still on one of the medicines). My current symptoms are: static vision only when looking at weird patterns or darkness, light sensitivity (plus the weird circle thing which only happens when bright), and in certain lighting I will see like hand trails in my peripheral vision, (I'm super pale, so only like with a dark background, not any colors, just like my skin tone) and eye floaters. However, I have asked my dad and he also has a hard time seeing certain patterns and a lot of people in my family see floaters. I also have always had bigger pupils and my eye doctor always has told me I had sensitive eyes. None of these symptoms started until a year after I took lsd and I had been on three different heavy medications. I feel a lot better today and the topic doesn't scare me as much, but do you think these lasting symptoms are from taking lsd once before? Or do you think it is because of the medicine I am on? (Which includes symptoms such as light sensitivity, dizziness, halos, blurry vision). Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to make sure I included all the details! Thank you in advance. Also any advice would be greatly appreciated!
  16. ddiddy66

    25 years with hppd

    For the first couple years I jumped around to different doctors. No one had answers. After all this time I finally got the courage to google it. I can't beleive a lot of answers were so close this whole time. Ive been on Effexor now for more years then I can remember. It barely keeps me afloat. Ive been reading these pages all day and keep hearing about Kepra. I made a doctors appointment. Any advice about dosage or combinations would be greatly appreciated.
  17. Lilbear22

    Circle of energy and support

    I would like to propose the idea that if we start a live discussion board that is always online and any user can use at anytime when they start to panic or need comfort in dealing with hppd then maybe, that's the cure we need. I feel as if we are these innocent victims who need comfort from one another because honestly, I don't think anyone gets us and who better then The very same people who suffer from this to get support. Because obviously something went wron with our trips and i believe now is the time to make things right.
  18. hello my name is martin 32 years old i tuk some lsd 24 oktober, and now i can t feel my emotions Does anyone know the symptoms?
  19. Hello all, I'm not 100% sure if i have hppd or visual snow. I tripped 8/9 months ago and only developed full symptoms two months ago. Ever since the trip +2weeks I have had constant Scheerer's Phenomenon which is when you see the moving sparkles and translucent floaters in the sky and on light bright objects. This is by far my most irritating symptom. Since mid September i have also suffered from DP/DR (though this has gotten a lot better), visual snow, after images, more persistent floaters, and double vision often when on phone/trying to read. I believed i had hppd in the beginning but I have also looked into visual snow and realised that sufferers of visual snow sometimes also have the extra symptoms i describe. Is like to ask if i have hppd or visual snow syndrome? And can visual snow syndrome be caused by drugs or is it random?
  20. royakash92

    Need Diagnosis On This!

    hey guys, im new here, so i have been suffering from this thing for about 2 months now, but i actually don't know what it is ? whether DP/DR ? or HPPD ? or something else. i got all this from smoking weed, out of a printing paper (A4). havent touched LSD, MDMA etc ever. ohh!, and i never had that 'i am going to die feeling, when i was high'. and i believe i have a bit of social anxiety. i'm a 22 year old male, with no history of mental illnesses. here is what i have:- visual snow (mostly in darkness and dim lights) very sensitive to all kinds of light. (even sunlight) very intense migrainous headaches at the base of skull slight halos around streetlights, and starbursts from distant lights. only negative afterimages faint ringing in ears, ear pain and popping in the right ear from time to time some sounds feel amplified floaters in white backgrounds changed visual perception the vision where u feel ur still high, or stoned. (is this derealization ?) anxiety (along with the 1001 symptoms that come with it) a strange thing which occurs to me is that, i see streaking/starbursting on lights which are far away, but if the same light source comes close, the streaking goes away! here is what i don't have:- trails/tracers blue field entoptic phenomena colour confusion movement in objects and walls geometric patterns size distortions i saw, both eye doctors and neurologists, got an MRI scan, and everything seems to be normal, according to the doctors! i've yet to see a mental doctor. i got prescribed klonopin, took it a few times, for me it doesn't do much, other than making me sleepy. sorry for making such a long post. any help is greatly appreciated. thanks
  21. Hey HPPD world, I see a lot of inspirational and interesting perspectives on this strange and mysterious curveball that life has thrown us all. and that curveball is of course HPPD. and i would like to share with you all the single most important thing that i have discovered since becoming a member of the 'club' so to speak. HPPD has IMPROVED my life... allow me to explain. i developed hppd in my senior year in high school 2008 in honolulu,hawaii i was an average student b's and c's. i was on the golf, and canoe paddling team. i surfed and fished a lot, and once a month i would go on what me and my friends called a 'vision quest' we would take acid and go body surfing and downhill skating throughout the island. we had been doing these vision quests since we were 14 and never once had an issue. i wont go into detail but needless to say i got a little adventurous on one occasion, i doubled my usual dose and i had a rather unpleasant experience that landed me in the hospital. now before this incident occurred i was pretty damn content with my mediocre life. i was going to become a golf instructor and live out my days in mediocrity..... the first year of hppd was the worst. i kept it totally to myself, i didnt research it because i thought i might find out that i had become schizophrenic. i thought to myself 'any day now and ill start hearing voices' 'ill start hallucinating' i was buying xanax off the internet from mexico and had become a recluse and completely addicted to sedatives. it wasnt til after an especially difficult week in witch i was suffering 4 or 5 major league panic attacks a day that i decided to fix this broken state of mind that i had surrendered to. i found a psychiatrist in waikiki who specialized in anxiety, it was here that i learned that i was suffering from what he called 'hallucinogen induced anxiety' he told me the best way to deal with it was to be as structured, organized, and goal oriented as i possibly could be. so i wrote down a list of goals, i wrote down a daily schedule that i vowed to follow, and i became the neatest neat freak i know. it wasnt easy but i started seeing results immediately, it seemed that the harder i worked the better i felt. the more disciplined i became the less 'weird' i felt. i started lifting weights and the more sculpted my muscles became, the saner i felt. i started sleeping no less that 8 to 9 hours a night going to bed and waking up at the same time every single day. i cut out unhealthy unatural foods from my diet. etc. i was seeing results but i didnt feel cured so to speak. i noticed that i felt at my most vulnerable during idle periods of my day. moments where i had nothing to do. so at this realization i decided to COMPLETLEY fill my schedule. i became a productivity and time managment guru, i took up Brazilian jiu jitsu, i started going to college part time then eventually full time, i took extra shifts, i took up playing pool. i surfed more, i hiked more. i entered into amateur bodybuilding competitions. spearfishing tournaments. 5ks, 10ks. i became obsessed with getting good grades. anything i wanted to do i just committed my self to doing it, and i just DID IT!!! the point is...the more i accomplished the better i felt, i became addicted to succeeding at things. and today i have 2 more semesters of school in wich i am majoring in bio-chemistry i have begun the application process for medical school, i did well on my mcats and i will most likely be attending an off shore osteopathic medical school in the Caribbean. i know for sure 100% that if not for HPPD i would be smoking weed all day, eating fried foods and teaching old ladys and 12 year old boys how to hit a 3 wood from the fairway. so if you don't like how you feel, if your current state of consciousness feels 'icky' and strange, i promise you that deep within yourself lies the key to peace of mind. and for me it was becoming the hero of my own movie.
  22. judgefudge101

    TCA's and SSRI'S.

    Hi everyone, first time poster I have had severe HPPD and DP/DR for 3 years now, I am seeing a new psychiatrist who wishes to to try an older class of Antidepressant, specifically the TCA clomipramine. The SSRI lexapro was also something she was willing to consider. I have tried Keppra, clonazepam, sinemet and xanax. The only drug that worked was xanax but it made my visuals 10 times worse after I went through withdrawl. I am extremely sensitive to these medications and I was really hoping someone could give some insight on the aforementioned TCA's and SSRI'S. Out of my visual symptoms I have visual snow and incredibly severe palinopsia to the point that peoples faces after I look at them will have a very detailed after image when I look away. This goes for anything I look at. It all started from a bad trip 3 years ago, it was not my first trip, and I had taken dmt and mushrooms in the months leading up to it. No doctor in Australia will prescribe someone long term benzos (they are all very benzophobic down here) so this is my last chance with medication, I just dont want to make it any worse, if that happens I wont find any reason to live. cheers J
  23. silenttheory

    Hi... I need some advice

    Hi, My name is Deborah, I'm 32, and from The Netherlands. (feels like AA typing this ) I was a recreational drug user for quite a few years MDMA and Speed, and noticed the MDMA drug effects were getting less and less pleasant over the last year or so. I had quite some traumatic experiences on MDMA, like my gf passing out and thinking she was gonna die, or her going into a major k-hole I thought she was never gonna come out of. A week later I took some speed, stayed up 3 nights and got to a point where I was almost passing out all day and had heart palpitations (and a doctor telling me I was just having anxiety issues). I felt fine again after some good night's sleep. A week later I had another speed binge, I stayed up 3 days and on the 3rd day the same thing happened.. althoug this time it stayed. Accompanied with a whole array of new symptoms: persistent anxiety, not being able to sleep, agitated, not being able to eat, buzzing in my head, almost like electric shocks, head aches, tinitus, ear aches, lack of balance, dr and dp to the max! Emotionless except for crying and the feeling of hopelesness. I sleep only 4 hours of scattered sleep a night and this is on sleeping pills. My body just doesn't seem to want to relax in any way shape or form. I forget stuff all the time, however I don't have any visual stuff, I have a foggy mind, like there's a cloud in my head which gets sp bad I forget what I'm doing and all stimuli makes it worse, this goes hand in hand with the sensation of not being balanced, although when I go to a doctor I can walk in a straight line. Sound and moving images make my head go even foggier, and I completely lose my shit when not on Clonazepam. With Clonazepam the fog and imbalance/buzzing feeling in my head kinda go away for a while and I feel semi-normal. They did a standard mri and an EEG (although I was on lorazepam at the time, and wasn't experiencing much of the fog) and they seemed fine. Since I don't have a clue what the hell is going on with me I went to the doctor's office quite a number of times, and they have now labeled me as a hypochondriac. A crisis shrink put me on anti-psychotics, which made EVERYTHING worse. Another shrink says it's an anxiety disorder. With the SSRI's I get so extremely agitated and I go through the roof, so I am scared of taking those again. Another doctor is convinced it's HPPD... The only thing I know is that the clonazepam kinda works until it wears off.. Can anyone tell me if this could be HPPD? Or did I mess something up with my neurotransmittersystems? My neurologist thinks it's psychological, and doesn't want to send me to a neuropsychologist, and my GP doesn't want to send me anywhere anymore since he thinks it's hypochondria. I could really use some help.. Love, Debs
  24. I'm going to tell a short version of my story and which symptoms I have experienced. But to begin with I have to say that my english maby isn't so good. I hope that someone have the time to read this because I really need to get help. I smoked some kind of spice (synthetic weed) 7 months ago. I had a bad trip that was horrible but after a couple of hours I went back to normal again. But then, 3 weeks later, I suddenly got a "flashback". It felt excactly like I was in the bad trip again and I got panic. But I went back to normal even after that. But then, when I woke up the next morning I had visual snow. I thought it was just some kind of hangover from the flashbacks first, but it went days and the visual snow did not disappear. Everything started to feel unreal, It felt like I was in a dream. That was the derealization. I also felt like I was losing myself, my memory was very bad and I felt a scary distance to my life I had before I took the drug. My feelings even felt unreal. I guess it was the depersonalization. I could not go out anymore because everytime I tried a got a panic attack because of all the symptoms. But I went to a doctor and she gave me some benzo and sent me away. But the benzo didn't help so I used Dr.Google instead and found HPPD. I felt like: This is it. This is the disorder that I have. I had at that point even started to have after images, floaters and trails. I tried to explain for the doctor what I thought, that I had HPPD. But she didn't knew what it was (I live in Sweden and it seems like not a single doctor knows what HPPD is here) Anyway, I was sent to many different doctors and they just say that everything was fine with me, they could not find some problem with me. This is a hell and if I have to live with this symptoms my hole life, No then I dont want to live. I cant do anything anymore. I cant go out, I cant even be in a light room without sunglasses. My life has falling apart and I have to get help soon. I have lived with this for 7 months and everyday is a fight for survival. So my questions to you: Is it someone out there who knows if spice can lead to HPPD? And do you believe that my symptoms is HPPD? Im completely sure of it but if someone outside could tell me what they think it had been very good. The doctors here in Sweden have nothing to say about it.
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