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Found 10 results

  1. Hi all, So on August 6, 2017, at around 10pm, my friend basically forced me into doing acid for the first and only time. I didn’t really want to take it, my girlfriend had just broken up with me, I had gotten blackout drunk the night before, I had just eaten, and I was also afraid of the drug because I had always been told it fries your brain. So anyways, I took one tab of tested (not synthetic [excuse my terminology I know nothing about this stuff]) in order to get high, which is the wrong reason to take the drug. I didn’t really feel anything until I started getting some minor visuals a few hours in. Then at about the 5 hour mark, the trip turned terrible. I started freaking out, I got constipated, and I began to freak out begging my friend to take me to the hospital. After about 4 more hours of this, we both agreed to take a single Xanax bar, and that helped me finally go to sleep. The next day I felt ok, things seemed a little different and I guess I knew to expect that temporarily. The day after that is when all my problems began to surface. I began to see an abnormal amount of floaters in my vision that move with my eyes, not on my own, and I also began to see afterimages of everything and I have also developed blue field entoptic phenomenon as well. These all pale in comparison to the anxiety which controls me. It’s now been 2 months (October 11, 2017) as I write this, and I haven’t been able to get good sleep on a consistent basis and I am extremely concerned that this is tearing my life apart. I can’t get the fact that I used acid out of my head. The floaters never subside unless I am in a dimly lit room, and I become extremely anxious and am not able to sleep easily at night. My social life has significantly deteriorated as well, as my friends love to smoke pot but I no longer do because I am afraid it will aggravate my HPPD. The girl who broke up with me the day of the trip gave me a second chance, but after acid I became completely obsessed with her to a point where it became necessary for her to remove me from her life, despite the fact that I was never like that with her before tripping, and I convinced myself that I could not live without her, which is downright creepy and not like the old me at all. She has called me psychotic on two different occasions since the breakup despite me not telling her anything I am suffering from. It has now been 3 weeks and my thoughts are still consumed by her and my HPPD. I haven’t smoked pot since 6 days before the trip, and since the trip I have taken one Xanax and drank on several occasions, which I have now stopped. I use an e cigarette every day and but I don’t drink caffeine. I have committed now to complete sobriety aside from the e cig, which I had quit previously for about 3 days, but did not alleviate any symptoms. I’m only 17 and I have my whole life ahead of me and right now I feel like it isn’t worth living if I have to deal with this. I made a mistake, one tab of acid, and I don’t know if I can deal with the reality that this may haunt me for the rest of my life. If this is truly permanent, I can’t see why I would want to continue to be a part of this world as it’s only been 2 months and the symptoms, however minor, are now unbearable. I cannot get professional help as my parents are non-believers in western medicine and would not send me to a psychiatrist unless I went full-blown insane. There is also no history of mental illness in my family. Any suggestion is welcome.
  2. Help! I have a very extreme case of HPPD! It all started when I took LSD for about 3 months ago, I was planning on taking 120ug which is a medium dose, but the tab I bought must have been around 800-1200ug. Some say that's good because, "Hey! More acid for less the price!" but in this case, fuck no. I had the worst experience of my life while never tripped so hard before. It was absolutely terrifying and insane. After that trip I decided, being the stupid 19 year old that I am with bad habits, I dropped acid again after about 1 week. I thought hey, this time it is around 100ug (Some friends did it the night before) and I should have a tolerance against it so the same thing can't happen again, guess what? It happend again! I tripped mega balls on 100ug of LSD, I got an level 4 psychedelic experience out of it, also a badtrip. I've been laying off all substances excluding nicotine and caffeine, but my HPPD just gets worse by the day. It started off pretty extreme, but now it's much worse. MY SYMPTOMS FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO Visual snow, morphing of objects, anxiety, seeing demonic like figures, advanced patterns in walls and shrinking and growing of objects MY SYMPTOMS NOW Visual snow, more extreme and advanced morphing of objects, seeing more demonic like figures, auditory hallucinations, floaters, light beams falling from the sky, more anxiety, seeing objects rotate and morph into advanced structures, I feel like I'm falling into an endless pit when i try to sleep and much more. Have anyone here had symptoms on the same level? If so, please tell me how you got over it, or how you're coping with it. Because right now, I just want to die. And I think it would be sad if I actually go all the way with that thought, I want to live longer than 19-20 years. Wish you all the best of luck!
  3. Greetings, I stumbled across this forum/site while researching some mental issues I was/am having and basically I'm just looking for some answers and guidance. First and foremost, the already present mental illnesses. Severe anxiety and depression have been a fairly constant presence for me ever since my early high school days. I've managed and dealt with them for the most part, but within the last year they've taken a turn for the worse with almost weekly panic attacks and frequent suicidal ideation. Also, within the last 2 months or so it feels like I've been gradually losing touch with reality in the sense of continually questioning what is real and what is not. Because of this I finally got in to see a psychiatrist. After the visit I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, panic disorder and probable schizophreniform disorder (probable pending further diagnostic imaging and meetings, though he feels fairly confident that I have some sort of mild psychotic disorder). As a result, he prescribed me escitoprolam and risperidone for my symptoms, both of which I am supposed to start next week with low doses and tapering up to the effective dose over a few weeks (he emphasized that I may not need the full therapeutic doses of either medication if a lower dose is effective). While I did mention my vision problems and illusory hallucinations, he attributed these to the anxiety and psychosis stating that they were my brain trying to make sense of a weird situation. However, I think these visual problems are HPPD and not related to any of the diagnosed illnesses. I say this because a lot of my visual symptoms are similar to those of HPPD. Furthermore, I have experimented with drugs in the past, namely MDMA (100mg one time over this past summer) and THC (45mg orally once this past summer. Not enjoyable at all since I was just launched straight into the worst panic attack I have ever had). I also used to take 50-100mg diphenhydramine 3-5 times a week to help with sleep, something I haven't done since I started having these symptoms of mild psychosis and potential HPPD. These were all mentioned to my psychiatrist. A summary of my potential HPPD symptoms is below: Lights appear to streak/downward beams come from lights, especially at night. Gets better when holding eyes wide open and when in bright areas. Monocular double vision in both eyes (i.e. double vision still occurs when one eye is closed or covered) especially with brightly lit objects and where there is high contrast. Glare, halos and star bursts, especially at night. Blurriness/cloudiness in vision Very mild trailing when moving something across visual field Some distortion of peripheral vision and perception of movement in peripheral vision Walls and other objects sometimes breathe usually after staring at them for awhile So, are those symptoms consistent with HPPD, or are they just a relatively normal eye problems that I'm getting too paranoid about? If it was HPPD, would the medications I'm supposed to take worsen it? I've been reading stories, articles and studies about how these two drugs interact with HPPD and how they almost universally worsen symptoms. I can deal with where I am right now in terms of VS, but if those get worse, the combination with the other 3 issues may be too overwhelming. Anyways guys, thanks for reading and I would greatly appreciate any help/advice you can give.
  4. I am new to this forum so it would only be polite to say hello to everyone and if anyone could help I would be very grateful. In 2011 I had a very bad acid trip after my 1st time taking the drug, like other people that have had bad trips I will keep it short by saying I saw some pretty crazy things and it took me three days to come back to normal, which I thought never would happen. I haven't taken acid since 2011 and I never will again as it was the worst experience of my life, however from 2011 to October 2016 I was a regular consumer of cocaine, weed and at some point mdma every weekend for 6 months. Anther drug I have tried only a few times is Ketamine which again sent me into a crazy trip, it knocked me out (k hole) but went when I woke up. I feel I should add from 2014 to 2016 I smoked a lot of weed, like a half OZ every couple of days, and not just any weed, this was some strong stuff. Anyway getting to the point in October 2016 I was taking cocaine and smoking weed with my cousin, I didn't sleep and went to work the next day but went home early as I felt really bad, laying in my bed thinking I was going to have a heart attack. From that day I developed what seemed to be exhausting health anxiety, I got head pains, chest pains, pains in my arms couldn't breath, went to A&E and they said I had anxiety. I eventually moved back home as I couldn't be by myself. I went to my local doctors who said I had anxiety and depression and prescribed me propranolol and citalopram. The propranolol helped calm me down but the Citalopram really messed my head up and to this day I am convinced I have some sort of HPPD, and am looking for someone to agree with me or convince me otherwise. Since taking citalopram my vision changed, I see noses and ears slightly more pointed, and still persists to this day, my ears are constantly ringing, floaters which are noticeable all day, Visual snow ,eye strain, I'm sensitive to light, headaches and light trails aswell for example if I look at the TV and look away I can still see the TV light. I know from reading other stories on this forum that my symptoms are very mild compared, but I am not convinced that it is just anxiety. I have stopped smoking weed I still smoke cigarettes, and very stupidly I have taken cocaine twice in the last 5 months which left my body on edge for over a month a time. I also cant consume sugar drinks because it makes my body really on edge, caffeine, I cant even drink tea without feeling like Ive just drunk 10 espressos. Seen a private psychiatrist who diagnosed me with anxiety disorder, but I have never mentioned HPPD to him as I didn't feel confident enough to. Last thing I will add I suppose the thing that makes me think I have some form of mild HPPD is the Vision changes in peoples ears and noses that convinces me the most, especially after trying an SSRI, its a very strange side effect which my doctor cant really explain. I'm trying CBT next week to see how I get on but if anyone could relate, or at least give me some idea on if I have HPPD or similar to what they have read before it would be a great help. I have accepted that something is wrong with me, but the way I see it is if you want to get high then there will be consequences, and I am feeling them now. Thank you for your consideration G.C
  5. Hey guys, so lately with NSI-189 and all I've been looking in to neurogenic substances. Maybe some of you have heard of this small molecule. 7,8 dihydroxyflavone (7,8-DHF), is a potent agonist at the TrkB receptor. More about the TrkB receptor here. Here's one study in particular I find interesting: A Synthetic 7,8-Dihydroxyflavone Derivative Promotes Neurogenesis and Exhibits Potent Antidepressant Effect and: 7,8-Dihydroxyflavone and its Derivatives Useful for Treatment of Neurodegenerative Diseases and Drug Reduces the Increase in Fear Caused by Previous Traumatic Experiences in Mice Effect of 7,8 - Dihydroxyflavone, a Small - Molecule TrkB Agonist, on Emotional Learning (a neat PDF, which also mentions that 7,8-DHF protects against kainic acid induced neuronal apoptosis). Questionably legitimate experience: source Longecity topics: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/55126-cure-depression-in-3-4-days-study/ http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/67667-78-dihydroxyflavone/ Group buy: http://www.longecity.org/forum/topic/67693-official-78-dihydroxyflavone-group-buy/ "yadayada" is working on acquiring some too. I went ahead and ordered 1 gram of the stuff from the last link. Some things to consider: No in vivo human studies have been conducted TrkB agonism may cause eventual downregulation There are some concerns of BDNF overexpression being detrimental to one's neurological health Human equivalent dose has been calculated to be around 30mg, so a gram should be enough for a month. May be synergistic with NSI-189 and Cerebrolysin. If you've any questions; shoot. Cheers.
  6. So, I met with my psychiatrist today, full session because of recent and persistent suicidal thoughts/ideation/planning (not relevant to this discussion). He bumped my visits up from once monthly half-session visits to once weekly full session visits for the reason mentioned above. Anyways, because my depression is treatment resistant, or rather untreatable with medication (aside from bupropion, but he wants to hold off on that until I see a neurologist), he recommended that I either try ECT or transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) considering that both are highly effective at treating extreme depression for short periods of time (~6 months or so). He recommended TMS over ECT though because of the risks associated with ECT and subsequently referred me to a local psychiatrist specializing in treating depression, PTSD, and anxiety disorders with TMS. Has anyone had experience with TMS? If so, did it have any effect on HPPD, positive or negative? I know for depression they target the limbic system and frontal cortex. I mainly just worried about it making HPPD worse, however unlikely that may be.
  7. need help asap please! i nearly committed suicide the other day and would really appreciate if anyone could help me in finding a doctor that understands hppd in my area. I live in Tacoma, WA, USA, which is about 30 miles south of Seattle, WA. I just want to be better so i can finally have the confidence to meet a girl and to love as well as my lifelong dream to pursue a career as a piano composer. I am 18 years old now and have had it since i was 16 (September 2, 2012)- yes i remember the exact date because since then it has been a living nightmare. Ever since I developed HPPD I have had Constant Depression and Consistent Anxiety of the extreme along with the disturbing visual snow and hallucinations.
  8. File Name: An exploratory study of combination buspirone and melatonin SR in Major Depressive Disorder File Submitter: StateOfRegret File Submitted: 05 Mar 2014 File Category: Publications An exploratory study of combination buspirone and melatonin SR in Major Depressive Disorder (MDD): A possible role for neurogenesis in drug discovery Click here to download this file
  9. Hey guys. First and foremost; I wish I could put this all coherently in an elaborate article like I did with Coluracetam, however my current state does not allow for that, so forgive me if this all seems a bit vague or wishy-washy. This is a substance I've been wanting to try for months now. Basically what it is, is an orally active selective long and fast acting (~2 weeks) potent kappa opioid receptor (KOR) antagonist. Say that three times fast. The KOR is implicated in many things. Salvia Divinorum (more specifically, its active agent Salvinorin A), which I'm sure most of us are acquainted with, is a KOR agonist. So is Ketamine (see here a study with both aforementioned and JDTic). These both (as well as all KOR agonists) known to induce a state of dissociation, depersonalization, derealization, anxiety, cognitive impairment, as well as hallucinations/visual distortions, and perhaps some others nuisances I'm forgetting. Dynorphin is the endogenous KOR agonist, which appears to increase in levels under circumstances of stress and depression (see wiki), and also blocks glutamate release. Glutamate is also implicated in DP/DR as recently discussed, moreover it's the precursor to GABA, hence hypoglutamatergia is no fun. Furthermore, trying to agonize NMDA receptors for instance, would be kind of like mopping the floor with the faucet running. Though, as a side note, NRX-1074 (GLYX-13 derivative) would be really cool to try. Ok well.. I don't seem to be good at tying up the loose ends here, but in any case it seems to me to have a high chance of abolishing dissociative symptoms. Oh yes, Naloxone and Naltrexone have been used to treat DP, the former of which completely abolished it in several individuals, however Naloxone is unsustainable. JDTic seems to be relatively safe.. some concerns about 2/14 individuals having a transient heart arrhythmia or something benign like that, which is why they halted studies (protocol I guess). I'll try to add more later, but if you've any questions, please ask. This stuff is not available yet. I know many of you, like myself, are very willing to experiment if it's worth a shot, and this one most certainly is. There's not a group buy yet, but currently there are already 16 people interested in doing one. If you want to be a part of the group buy, and for far more elaborate discussion (and a lot of interesting articles), check out the Longecity thread. Also, for the only user review in the world, check out jdtic.com (bear in mind, this person did not suffer from any dissociative issues).
  10. This post has been promoted to an article