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Found 30 results

  1. Hello all, My name is Christiaan, I'm 18 years old. Over this past summer I smoked copious ammounts of cannabis and consumed LSD thrice, with a space of three weeks between the first and second expereinces and one week between the second and third. On the first two occasions I consumed half of a 155ug tab and smoked a small ammount of cannabis alongside (around one bowl). during the final experience I tripped in haste in my home, and dabbed pretty heavily alongside. I had an amazing experience on 3/4 of a tab, and on the comedown of this trip I accidentally ate another 3/4 tab, intending to redose only 1/4. I panicked and went to my sister, who became upset and started to frighten me as I began to trip harder, and so I just went into my room and panicked quietly. Eventually, maybe two hours later I took 15mg Remeron, an SNRI I'm perscribed for GAD/Depression, which put me to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up I was no longer tripping. Needless to say, since this past experience I have ceased all cannabis/hallucenogen consumption. I have been seeing slight hallucenations. Surfaces sometimes breathe, subjects in paintings seem to float and move around, and when reading lettering, especially on a screen, the words and lines can really seem to warp and slide around a bit. I also have noticed strong starbursting affects on lights especially at night, but I'm fairly sure I experienced that before. I am terrified of this developing into something less easy to ignore, especially since I took an SNRI while I had a good bit of acid in my system. As time goes on I become less and less hopeful that this is simply my anxiety or heightened awareness of normal phenomena. Thank you so much if you managed to read all this. -Christiaan
  2. Hi all, First I'd like to say I'm glad I found this forum. It's awesome that so many people can come together to discuss this issue, since not a lot of people know about its existence. Reading your stories has really helped with my anxiety. I started smoking weed about a year ago, eating space cake or smoking joints maybe once a month or so. I was never a heavy user, just did it on occasion and didn't get overly high except for a few times with the space cakes. I started noticing floaters in my vision all of a sudden, but didn't think too much of it and was sure it would go away. I didn't notice them that much anyway so it did not bother me. I then tried LSD, only about 65ug, and had a very good trip. This was the first time I experienced hallucinations. I still felt normal at this point. Then, one day I decided to try some mushrooms. I only took about 1.5-2g of dried Golden Teachers, and my trip was very good overall. I was just sitting and thinking by myself while having some mild hallucinations. On the come-down, I got greedy and wanted more so I started smoking weed to extend the trip. Big mistake. I must have smoked way too much because my trip started to go down to nightmare town after that. I won't go into details here, but I just felt like I was going absolutely insane and I had no control over my thoughts. The anxiety really hit hard and I felt like I was going to be like that forever, stuck in a time loop. I get a little anxious just thinking about it still. After the bad trip, I continued to have strong anxiety for about 2 weeks. It was really bad and I got scared. I have lived a very good life with little worries in the past, so this was unusual to me. It eventually subsided though, and I felt OK again. However, the floaters got really bad. They were now permanent and I could almost always see them, which was very annoying. I got my eyes checked and nothing was wrong with them, and the doctor couldn't explain the floaters. At this point I started to suspect that they were caused by the drugs, and I started reading about HPPD. Now, it has been a few months since that mushroom trip. Apart from the floaters, I have some DP/DR symptoms. Sometimes I feel like an alien among people, and I'm constantly questioning the reality that I'm observing. It goes up and down, but most of the time I don't feel quite normal. I'm always scared that I'm going to end up with schizophrenia or dementia or some shit like that. These thoughts just adds to the anxiety even more. I just miss feeling "clear headed", instead of constantly living with major brain fog. Reading about some of the success stories gave me hope to get better though, and I'm trying to get normal again. I've always valued my health so eating well and being active will be easy for me, thankfully. Some of you have way worse symptoms than me, and I can't even imagine what you're going through. I sincerely hope you all recover from this shit. Oh and I forgot to mention, I haven't taken any drugs since that bad trip. I'm definitely planning to stay sober. These bad trips really make you appreciate it.
  3. A few nights ago i decided to take mdma idiotically because my symptoms were so much better after 4 months of abstaining from drugs, well during the trip and afterwards i can say i believe i know whats it like to have the full 9 yards of hppd. During the trip it was horrifying, faces everywhere on my floor on my dogs fur on my wall, my feet were itchy i could feel the anxiety and paranoia but i think the mdma helped me manage to stay happy. The next day i learned of all the severity of symptoms that other people have that i dont, my ghosting was not just only above like it usually is, but it was below and side by side, 4x as worse as what it usually was. When people talk about starbursting, i used to think that was normal, but no i saw what it really was like, and i saw afterimages of literally everything. My visual snow was creating flying cars or weird hallucinations that i couldnt completely make out, my anxiety had been almost the same as it was before. Thankfully 4 days later it seems as if im back to the baseline as to where it was before. Guys, mdma used to be my drug, i used to do it every day before work but now i cant stomach it. So my message to you is, if you have hppd, DRUGS ARE NOT WORTH IT.
  4. It may just be me getting used to hppd but i find my all cevs to be fading, i find my visual snow to even be less when my eyes are closed as opposed to when theyre opened. Its like im getting a taste of what its like pre trip. Itll be 4 months in 5 days. Unfortunately it seems that when my eyes are opened the static is constant.
  5. Hi guys, I only recently found out about HPPD after googling these symptoms ive had for a while after my first acid trip: Up until this point I had only ever smoked weed, did mdma regularly and tried a very low dose of psilocibin mushrooms, I decided to try acid next so I bought and tested a couple of 100μg tabs and planned to take one after work one day. So the trip went fine, i was a little overwhelmed but overall it was a good experience and i planned to do it again soon with my girlfriend until I noticed slight visual hallucinations when I was sober. I thought nothing of it and that it would go away in a few days, well here I am 3 months later lol. I experience most of the general visual effects people describe e.g. visual snow, trails behind moving objects and objects changing color/shape, but mostly breathing/undulating walls/objects. If I stop concentrating on something for 1 second the room surrounding me begins to close in, and wont stop until I look at something else. This makes it very difficult to watch tv or relax in general and im kinda freaking out haha. Also, Ive just completed my exams at school but im afraid i will have failed them the symptoms became much more serious in the exam room and it was hard to concentrate. Also, the effects become much more prevolent when using weed, and the visuals are almost indistinguishable from LSD when using mdma. Thanks for reading guys hope you can provide some insight
  6. Hi all, 19th of march this year i microdosed 3 tabs of acid(my second time doing lsd) after my trip i had a really bad time(felt like tv shows were attacking my insecurities, felt like something watching me, hallucinating a white demonic looking face in the centre of my eye) that has all subsided now, and i am now left with ghosting, visual snow, afterimages and very minor palinopsia. As far as dp/dr goes i no longer feel like a zombie when im in crowds but as long as ive been alive ive felt numb so i cant say i really "feel" things. Anyways, as far as progress goes im feeling pretty good about it. My paranoia is gone and i dont have a whole lot of anxiety. I do tend to have mood shifts an awful lot(between angry-neutral) ill get jolts of happiness but they never really last. My hppd i fine also comes with a weird type of pareidolia where if i look in my jeans i can see little tiny people with weird faces. I also have the ability to see reptiles and demons if i stare at floor with pattern long enough(which makes my visual snow worse, i think its kinda like colour shifts??) Im definitely open to the idea of being schizophrenic or bipolar(i do believe im bipolar tbh) i saw shadow people on my lsd trip. Anyways recently ive started taking the supplements: NAC OMEGA 3 LIONS MANE L TYROSINE GINKO BILOBA. I am very interested in taking piracetam with choline as ive heard some good things but also some bad. My doctor prescribed me lexapro and seroquel but im not interested in taking those until at least up to or over a year. I will be trying to take keppra or lamotrigine after the 6th month mark. Anyways thats my story for the most part. I look forward to hearing your responses.
  7. So After 12 years of that bad trip, all those traces, figures and distorsions have a name. I must say that the first couple of years were tough, but I belive I've managed to tame it, even Knowing that it stills swims somewhere inside me. I've always knew that drugs had a diferent effect on me, that with my friends: when I smoke weed, I still feel the effects on the next day. My hangovers are like nightmares.... After many years I've ended up taking small doses of lsd o shrooms and I felt afraid to wake up that terror again but it din't. My question here is: recently I been atracted to try Yagé or ayahuasca as an spiritual and concius expantion and of course, curiosity. Anyone here carrying hppd who has any experience?
  8. Hello everyone. To give some context, I'm a freshman in college that has had weed occasionally over the last 2 years. Nowhere near the amount of my friends. This year though, some friends and I've only tried LSD twice. The first time was 100ug, the second time (this November on Thanksgiving break) was 240ug. I had no problems after the first time. After the second time though, I was consumed with anxiety. I didn't have a proper comedown and basically had a really bad trip in the end. For about 3 weeks following this, I had visual static, starbursts when I closed my eyes, and noticing walls breathing/patterns moving. Little tiny floaters. One of the worst parts about this was the INCREDIBLY vivid dreams/nightmares I had. I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. With all of these symptoms combined, I became a depressed anxious mess. Eventually, these symptoms subsided around 4 weeks later and my school's Winter break came along. Feeling cocky and back on top of things, I decided to try weed again with my friends. I smoked 2 times and everything was fine. On New Years Eve, I had a very strong edible. During my high I could see the visual static coming back. Over the next week, ALL of my symptoms came back and the "after images" and static actually seems worse. I had my first nightmare again and for the last 2 weeks I've had vivid dreams/nightmares ever since. Not being able to sleep through the whole night. Now I'm sitting here knowing full well that I was almost completely recovered in under a month and I screwed it all up for myself and made it worse. Last time I was feeling better within 4 weeks. Abstaining from everything (even caffeine), taking vitamins, going on walks, meditating. Since I didn't take LSD again and it was just weed, how can I expect my recovery to be now? How much did I just set myself back with weed?
  9. I'm new here and I'll start with telling you my HPPD story. Some weeks ago I took a psychedelic which was sold to me as LSD. I'm almost 100% sure, that it wasn't. Visuals were miles away from what I experienced on LSD before and I got strong seizures/cramps. Their intensity was proportional to the visions I got. Since this date I have HPPD. I see bright colors extremely enhanced and I can differ colors which seem the same for others. One week later I took 170µg of real LSD. The trip was usual like my previous ones, but at the three hour mark things changed. The visuals from the other substance started to kick in again. The worst part was that I got these seizures again and they lasted for some days after the trip. Two other weeks later I tried a microdose of 20µg LSD and the seizures and slight visuals started again. I also noticed that coffeine causes slight seizures and that my right eye feels dry and overstrained since I took the unknown substance. Now I fear that it could get worse and that it could cause any damage to my health, because the seizures feal so unhealthy. And I don't think it's possible to see colors that much enhanced for such a long time without any sideeffects. Do you know what could help or do you have an idea how these seizures are caused? Please let me know, I'm really concerned about it.
  10. Hi, hope you guys are doing well. I'm starting my blog as many others do .. I took LSD 8 weeks ago and have a couple of concerning symptoms I would like to share with you. The 2 - 3 weeks after I took acid I was very dizzy / had vertigo (when I walked around it felt like being on a boat). I went to a doctor and an ENT-specialist, but they didn't find anything. The dizzyness now almost disappeard, but I still have a blurry vision especially when things or me : ) are moving fast. I still have a constant headache, even though it is also already better than at the beginning (I had awful neck pain at the back of my head). I still feel like having a constant hangover though! When I'm outside a lot I can feel that all the impressions are a lot to process for my head. E.g. the front of my brain is working a lot/is struggling processing all the information. I also feel sick most of the time .. which I think is due to my blurry/dizzy vision! I don't have a lot of symptoms described in the blogs/forum though (e.g. trails, frames, etc.) This is why I'm questioning that I have HPPD. Did someone have a similar experience? Does this end anyday soon? The last couple of weeks I didn't notice that it's getting better. I'm therefore afraid that it isn't going away. I started to freak out a little bit last weekend as it seemed to get worse again. Would love to hear your opinions? I planned to go to the Neurologist in a few days .. I don't think though this will be very helpful. Many thanks in advance.
  11. Hi, hope you guys are doing well. I'm starting my blog as many others do .. I took LSD 8 weeks ago and have a couple of concerning symptoms I would like to share with you. The 2 - 3 weeks after I took acid I was very dizzy / had vertigo (when I walked around it felt like being on a boat). I went to a doctor and an ENT-specialist, but they didn't find anything. The dizzyness now almost disappeard, but I still have a blurry vision especially when things or me : ) are moving fast. I still have a constant headache, even though it is also already better than at the beginning (I had awful neck pain at the back of my head). I still feel like having a constant hangover though! When I'm outside a lot I can feel that all the impressions are a lot to process for my head. E.g. the front of my brain is working a lot/is struggling processing all the information. I also feel sick most of the time .. which I think is due to my blurry/dizzy vision! I don't have a lot of symptoms described in the blogs/forum though (e.g. trails, frames, etc.) This is why I'm questioning that I have HPPD. Did someone have a similar experience? Does this end anyday soon? The last couple of weeks I didn't notice that it's getting better. I'm therefore afraid that it isn't going away. I started to freak out a little bit last weekend as it seemed to get worse again. Would love to hear your opinions? I planned to go to the Neurologist in a few days .. I don't think though this will be very helpful. Many thanks in advance.
  12. Hi all, I'm very glad to have found this forum and think that it has already aided me in understanding what I can do to help combat my (suspected) HPPD. I've been looking through threads and have found a few great stories which gave me hope and huge inspiration from those who have been suffering (and still are) but seem to be able to make a go of things. Some context, I am 20yo male, studying at uni and working. Previous to my breakdown, I had 1 LSD trip (Dec 2014), Shroom two weeks later cactus trips (Feb 2015), LSD trip 2- the bad one (20th March), Shroom trip 2 (9th May). Since approx 2010 I've been smoking week periodically, and over the past 2 years reasonably constantly; culminating in periods where I would smoke every night. I believe that I have got HPPD after having a particularly bad acid trip where I completely disconnected from reality, lost all connection to my sensors and from what I can remember decided that I was experiencing death at what were the bottom of existential crisis thought loops. After this I experienced what I will call disconnection from my past (i.e. with effort I could remember what had happened to me, but could not remember the actual feeling of being there (the quaila-any philosophy majors?)). I had some mental fog, but was otherwise seemingly fine. A month later in hopes of helping the situation I had a mushy trip at reasonably low dose (5 caps maybe), this started out really well, with mostly euphoria etc. I then started to feel very L.S.D'y and told my tripping buddy and he came up to my room with me and helped me write about what I was feeling; I believe at this point I had my first taste of DR/PR, as I frantically wrote about the meaning of life and the way in which we define ourselves as people etc. After an hour or so of this my anxiety abated and the trip ended very pleasantly. Approximately 3 weeks later, my mind somehow preempted my complete collapse and I went back to my parents house, where I ended up with crippling anxiety which saw me bedridden, this is when my HDDP symptoms appeared (I'm not sure whether one preempted the other etc), this all started approx 1st of June. I was a complete mental mess unable to concentrate or remember almost anything. I had streaks and trails (which as far as I can understand are reasonably mild comparatively to other peoples- but I was scared to death at the time), I believe at this time I also had thoughts of ending my life because I could not see a way through what was going on. At this point in time I had exams and managed to do one of the essays (in hindsight this probably stressed me out and made things worse). I went to see a psychiatrist whom I told the whole story, and it seems I got lucky because he took it all in and did not judge at all, which helped immensely. He put me on zoloft (SSRI) to treat the anxiety and Circadin (melatonin to aid sleep), I've also been using Temazepam when I have a really bad night. I am also hoping to get my hands on some benzos as a 'just in case'. So I'm now just over a month into this experience, things do seem to be improving. At times I feel completely normal, and having read what some people experienced and are experiencing I feel almost unqualified to feel bad for my situation. The questions I have relate to the mental symptoms which seem less talked about, while I am dealing reasonably well with after images/trails tracers and the such; I get almost complete disconnection from each day to the next, while I can most of the time remember with effort what I did yesterday I don't really feel like I've done it. I have also experienced this at random times during the day (kinda like turing around and looking at someone and being like what am I doing here and who is this and then having to dig for the info and being disconnected to it); is this to do with DR/DP? This coupled with my complete lack of memory really freak me out at the moment and seem to be my biggest barrier to getting back to a normal life (memory is good for uni and work ) Last question is thoughts on the SSRI use, I have talked to my doctor and while he is hesitant to take me off it he said if I believed it would be better in the long run, then he would defer to me on the matter. From what I've read it seems it might be best to go without the SSRI? Any general tips Cheers for all the love that goes around this place, the forum seems to help a lot of people in desperate need; I feel like I'm a lucky one to have found you guys so early, Peace, Love & Healing to all
  13. So I did 1.75g of shrooms three days ago. Ever since streetlights have appeared brighter with visible halos as if the exposure setting was set too long on a camera. I can see color hues and brightness contrasts more starkly. Basically it looks like I'm at the beginning stages of tripping where everything looks more vivid... but I'm sober. I do remember things subtly changing a little bit after the last time I did LSD but it was a lot more subtle and I basically chalked it up to being able to appreciate colors and lights more after the trip. Now after shrooms it feels really apparent. Personally I'm enjoying it. Night time is hella beautiful and extremely calming. I don't know if this is permanent or completely unrelated to HPPD. I've done shrooms before and none of the visual symptoms ever carried over after the trip. I'm sorta alarmed but I don't have any of the visual snow or any other symptoms other than everything looks brighter and more vivid. Like J.J. Abrams made me a special pair of glasses. I'm also psychologically fine and I don't see anything in particular when I close my eyes. Did I just forget that streetlights at night are bright and make streaking halos or did my perception physically change? This is a good approximation of how I'm seeing things. albeit a little more colorfully vivid:
  14. I believe there are others on this forum suffering from bipolar disorder also... I am wondering if any of you have noticed changes in your hppd symptoms during depressive and manic episodes? I was on Lamictal for about a year and it helped with both, but at the beginning of this summer I quitted cold after forgetting to take it for several days and thinking I was still feeling ok. The hppd symptoms came back after a while, but they didn't bother me much so I somehow delayed taking my meds until today.... I guess lately I've been going through my first hypomanic episode since I got hppd, and during this time it seems like my hppd symptoms got better. Which scares me, because I've been impulsively doing drugs again... (When I'm depressed, I don't do any drugs because even before hppd, everything I did led to panic attacks) I actually feel quite ok, It feels nice to be able to do drugs and have fun again... I sometimes think that maybe it's just me being paranoid, maybe I'm actually cured... But I recognized this pattern a few days ago, after my second lsd trip this month. The last time I was feeling and acting this way, I ended up having HPPD. I'm scared of what could happen after this illusion of feeling good is gone. I started taking Lamictal again today, I hope that it will help the way it did before... I would like to hear about your experiences... Also, I know that same neurotransmitters are affecting both conditions in some way, but I don't understand the mechanisms that much and would like to learn about it more. Any reading suggestions?
  15. Hello fellow inmates, This August will mark the 28th anniversay of my hppd event. I can't gloss it over, it's been tough. Although I knew a few students in college who had persisting halos, trails and strobe motions visuals - my problem is different. The Facebook page for this site currently has an example of the floaters and flashes, sparks and static that I see every day. For the most part, my life has been good. But, my hppd has been a big contributer to serious bouts of depression and anxiety. It has impacted my life in significantly negative ways. Luckily, when I am doing well, the floaters and flashes don't bother me much. I cope with them. If I am stressed and depressed? they bother me much more. Finally, in 2012, I discovered that my condition had a medical term and that my symptoms were not unique. All the doctors and therapists I had discussed this with had never heard of a permanent visual side effects from LSD. About five years into my hppd, I was lucky to have a neurologist who took me serioulsy and ordered a Visual field test, PET and MRI. He claimed that there may be some slight abnormality in my optic cyasm - the junction where the two optic nerves meet and then enter the brain. They can diagnose this by a delay in the signals from the eyes to the visual centers of the brain. I've recently looked into other visual problems that are related to the optic nerve and one -- optic nerve atrophy - it rather interesting. Although the condition causes faded and washed out vision, this related information seemed relevant to me: "The optic nerve can also be damaged by shock, various toxic substances, radiation, and trauma." Of course, the "various toxic substances" caught my eye. So, I started thinking that perhaps blotter acid (toxic substances) with a questionable additive do some optic nerve damage? This is just a theory. But, I think it's worth considering. Has anyone else come up with a neuroligical explaination? I am so grateful for this forum. I look forward to connecting. Hope to connect with all of you soon. -Dante
  16. Hi everyone, first time poster I have had severe HPPD and DP/DR for 3 years now, I am seeing a new psychiatrist who wishes to to try an older class of Antidepressant, specifically the TCA clomipramine. The SSRI lexapro was also something she was willing to consider. I have tried Keppra, clonazepam, sinemet and xanax. The only drug that worked was xanax but it made my visuals 10 times worse after I went through withdrawl. I am extremely sensitive to these medications and I was really hoping someone could give some insight on the aforementioned TCA's and SSRI'S. Out of my visual symptoms I have visual snow and incredibly severe palinopsia to the point that peoples faces after I look at them will have a very detailed after image when I look away. This goes for anything I look at. It all started from a bad trip 3 years ago, it was not my first trip, and I had taken dmt and mushrooms in the months leading up to it. No doctor in Australia will prescribe someone long term benzos (they are all very benzophobic down here) so this is my last chance with medication, I just dont want to make it any worse, if that happens I wont find any reason to live. cheers J
  17. hppd

    It's just something I can't explain, in the way that it doesn't even make sense to myself. I can't emphasize my hatred for inanimate objects without sounding like a fool or insane. Like the way I hate trees rustling in the breeze, how tires grinding against the pavement sends me to hell. People rubbing their faces puts me in a bad mindset as well. It's not something anyone can understand unless they've experienced it themselves. These are the after effects of a bad trip, the things nobody tells you about. They'll tell you how great psychedelics are, the mind altering freedom persuading you to try it. And sure, it was an incredible experience. For awhile. I find myself with various triggers in the oddest things. I hate it. I'm aware of the intensity behind the word "hate," that's exactly why I use it. It's hard not do be disgusted with the world when you constantly feel out of your own body, floating, like your feet continue on while your head is held back; like the floor is 5 feet closer while you're 50 feet taller. I don't know how to sufficiently express myself. No combination of words could do justice to the hell I've experienced in correlation to my hppd. Previous therapists/psychiatrists of mine call it "panic," and I really can't stand using that term. That's not what this is. It's so much more than a word. Panic. Hppd. Flashbacks. They don't suffice. I fucking hate words. You know when you know your elbow and your funny bone goes limp? That's how it initially feels when an episode strikes, except my whole body goes numb, even my head. I melt. It's the remaining headspace around my brain is just one massive clusterfuck that I can't make any sense of. My temples start pulsing, like something demonic and superior is squeezing the living shit out of my insides, altering all ability to think rationally. I can't even form complete thoughts. Everything just becomes one, faded, irrational mesh of doom. The melting sensations are almost unbearable, especially when I stroke my hair or legs while thinking about my last LSD trip. Everything slows down, almost as if my brain is incapable of processing sense of touch until after I've already touched myself. It freaks me out. Sometimes I even hallucinate, although I don't think that's the word I'd use to correctly describe it. Things just start moving, spiraling into nonsense as if I'm still tripping. It's only happened twice, but each time I was driving and the road adapted into one concrete image. Most people I've explained this to thinks it sounds "cool," that I'm able to "trip balls" without drugging myself. It's not cool and those people are idiots. It takes me back to those devilish thoughts, the muffled/hollow/bass heavy sounds. The clouded headspace. Friends of mine who still persistently trip always tell me to "just go with it and let it run it's course." Easier said than done. I don't think they understand the inconvenience of it all. I'd like to go about my day without feeling like Im going to flop into a noodle at any given moment. I read up on hppd when I first became interested in trying LSD, but it never really occurred to me that it could actually happen to someone, especially not myself. It's not that I wasn't careful of my surroundings of my surroundings or unaware of my current mood, I just didn't understanding the intensity of having a bad trip. I guess I should've paid more attention to my state of mind. I mean, I'm not bashing how the mind works or the places it's taken me. My perspective is entirely altered and I finally feel up to par with my intellectual level. It just sucks. I wish it could be done with. At the same time, though, I don't know if I'd be okay with that. I like being vulnerable, sad. It's sick and twisted but it's all I've ever known. It's comfortable because it's so uncomfortable. I hate it, but I love it. The worst part is that I hardly remember anything from that night. My old therapist told me to record everything that happened, word for word, but I never did. I told her otherwise, promised I was doing all my exercises. I lied. I was too chicken then, for it wasn't just a state of mind, but me in all my essence. It's repulsive how something so destructive can have such a wrath over someone. It was a year ago yesterday since I my first episode, since I first realized that I may have hppd. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, all things considered, especially the date. I thought my dangerous thoughts, the constant body high, the flashbacks, and the intense visuals would have subsided by now. I thought wrong. Nothing's changed, they've just become more bearable. I'm stronger now because of this, but that doesn't make it any easier. The subconscious mind is a powerful thing and if not addressed correctly, things will only get worse. My mind has become a fucking wrecking ball. Better late than never, I've decided to practice what has been preached in hopes that it'll lead me into a healthier state of mind. I used to claim that I wanted to go back to my initial mindset, pre-LSD, but that was just the naivety in me talking, the panic. You can't undo what has already been done and that's something I've had to push myself into coming to terms with, regardless of how fucking common sense the statement is. I've seen 3 therapists in the past year. They all assumed this was panic and none of them would come to terms with the idea that I have hppd. I'm now taking clonozapam. It makes me dizzy and forget things when I take it. It makes me lose my head when I don't. I don't like being dependent on drugs anymore and I've actually managed up to 5 days without the pill, but after breaking into cold sweats and explaining to yourself in the mirror how greatly you want to die, you crack. I'd like to make it known that I'm in a much brighter place now in comparison to last september, along with all the months that have followed. I get better everyday because every morning when I wake up, my eyes are a little deeper. Acid did that to me, and although I may not remember every detail from that night, or the vast majority of it for that matter, I'm a changed person and I am grateful for that. I'm able to accept the world for what it is as opposed to how I'd like to portray it. I don't lie to myself anymore. I don't see the point in it, all self loathing brings is sadness. I've already admitted to liking sadness, but I'm on a personal journey to stop wallowing in it. I have hppd, and it sucks. Anyone who has it understands this and there is no need for explanation. It's just nice to know that someone else is feeling what you're feeling. I'm not alone and neither are you.
  18. Hi guys, im a fellow hppd sufferer and my name is dan. I started smoking weed around age 17 or so and loved it, so I continued to do so until a few months ago after developing hppd. Im currently 20 years old, enrolled as a student at a community college and have had multiple jobs in the past including machine operator, party rental laborer, and landscaper. During the course of my smoking, I started to get into heavier and heavier drugs and ended up doing LSD about 4 times, mushrooms about 5, molly around 4 and other things such as methadone, pills and a bunch of other fun stuff. I always thought I was under control of the drugs I was using, which was correct to an extent because I never got to the point where I used drugs every day. But, as we all know, substance abuse can quickly get out of hand. The fateful night that led ultimately to my hppd involved me and a friend of mine waiting on a connect to score some mushrooms. We waited for hours, thinking he would never get there, and he ended up showing up late at night with acid instead of shrooms. The friends I was with at the time were antsy to begin with so we were content with dropping the acid and putting the wait behind us. I took 3 tabs in overconfidence and after about 30 minutes I began to feel the effects and started driving on the highway and smoking a blunt with the friend I went with to get the "shrooms" and the trip started to get very intense. I dropped him off at his house and I went home too. I started to get a deep feeling of dread along with severe paranoia and feeling that I was going to die. There were extremely intense visuals involved, and I had a hallucination that I thought at the time encompassed the theme of the universe but its very hard to describe. It was kinda like a huge bright light in the upper-right hand corner of my vision and a sewer in the lower left that had rats and vines trying to escape, but kept getting knocked back by the light. I ended up going to the hospital and having saline pumped through my veins to clear the toxicity and the hellish trip finally subsided. The next day, all I wanted to do was smoke some weed to calm my nerves, but when I did, I felt like the trip was coming back all over again and I went home to calm down. A few days later, i came to grips with the fact that I had symptoms that weren't going away. I started to research my symptoms immediately and found that I definitely have at least mild hppd. My symptoms include: Tracers (black squiggly lines that move about occasionally) Afterimages Sensitivity to light Visual snow Some degree of dp/dr with cognitive losses slight anxiety and depression So its been about 2 months and ive been trying different things to resolve these issues such as valerian root, GABA, 5Htp, fish oil and vitamins B and C. Im not too sure what works the best yet, but valerian root seems to be a lifesaver for me right now. My symptoms are a bit less worse than they were when I first got them, but im now abstaining from all drug and alcohol use and im slowly feeling better over time. Im so glad that I found a place where there are people like me suffering with what I thought was a very rare disorder. Thanks for reading my story everyone Best wishes, Dan
  19. Hey everybody I'm suffering from what i believe to be hppd from an LSD trip 3 months ago. i've also been experimenting with all sorts of drugs in the past. My symptoms are mainly visual snow all day (it get worse at night and in the dark), some after images and that awful feeling of being here but not here and that nothing seems real, like being in a haze, disconnected from everything (DP/DR). At first the doctors thought i had a psychosis and put me on an anti-psychotic (olanzapine) that didn't really help and an SSRI antidepressant (escitalopram) for the depression. After doing some research and talking to my psychiatrist he agreed to let me try Keppra next month. I'm gonna have an EEG and a blood test done (already got a MRT that showed nothing). I'm gonna keep you updated i hope that it will work
  20. Hey People, so im in Holland since a Month now, the first week i smoked high Quality weed (Dutch-Weed is fucking awesome ) but now i dont have enough money and cant buy more....so since 3 weeks im clean of weed and all other shit, the first time since 3 years......My Visual Snow decreased but strangely now i jump "Frames" and have a light Headache at the Backside of my head. It´s like lightsources would turn off for some Miliseconds, like jumping a FPS. I never had that before and only appears since i stopped smoking. I got that really often a day and just wondered if someone had the same symptoms? Unfortunately i can start smoking again in 1 or 2 days so right now i cant tell if it will go away if i start smoking again. I dont know if the Headache comes from my work (07:00-18:00), its really stressing because i have to do Quality-Control here and have to concentrate alot, or if its binded to the not-smoking, OR if its from the Weed i smoked here....Anyways im having lots of fun here
  21. So I'm just trying to find some commonalities amongst all of us and determine what the main culprit in causing HPPD is(i.e. frequency, dosage, substance). So if you could just list the drugs you used up until HPPD and what substances you used after HPPD and how frequently, I'd appreciate it. Also, if you could state whether or not your HPPD was instantaneous after a particular experience or gradual.....I guess really I just want like as detailed of an account as your trying to give from the time you started using drugs up until this point. If you don't wanna read this entire thing(It's kinda long) just skip to the bottom. Story: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{So for me I smoked weed for about a year before my HPPD "hit" I had done ecstasy around 20-25 times, taken LSD about 5 times, shrooms once, cocaine twice, and pills every now and then(klonopin, xanax, vicodin) but not very often. The bulk of my ecstasy use was the summer before I got into LSD.......After all my ecstasy use I had a little HPPD, I would see trails on certain things and I had a little light sensitivity but nothing out of control. It really didn't bother me at all, everything just looked a little more vibrant and alive. So then sophomore year(when I started using LSD) of college I found a LSD hook up and started trippin. I tripped 3 times over like 1 1/2 months and felt completely fine. No anxiety or weird visuals and my weed highs were still normal. Then I took like a 2 week break and then tripped acid twice more within like 3 weeks of each other. After these two trips things started to go down hill. These last 2 acid trips I had were terrible. I was really paranoid and one of my friends was screwing with me the entire time and the experiences left me in some odd state of mind. Afterwards things started to look a little "acid-like" when I was sober but I still felt like everything was ok. However whenever I would smoke weed I started to clam up and have a lot of anxiety and couldn't really speak straight at all. So I decided to take a break on weed for Christmas break and when I tried to smoke once second semester started the problems were like 20 times worse. From here on out things gradually got worse and worse, I tried to continue smoking as I thought if I regained my tolerance weed would go back to normal. After a bit of this the weird delusional thoughts and anxiety started creeping into my sober life and I decided to stop smoking weed. But, I did decide to do DMT twice and LSD once in an attempt to have a good experience and maybe redirect where everything was heading. It didn't really help....it made the visuals slightly worse but overall was just a waste of time and money. So I decided to stop with all the psychedelics and was "sober" for about a month before I went to a 2 day rave. I took ecstasy both days thinking I could never have a bad experience with that but did and that weekend worsened my visuals quite a bit. So........about a month later I got hit with DP and that was about 7 months ago.....I've taken ecstasy twice since DP hit.....Once was terrible and once was actually enjoyable. I've been more or less sober since around August except for a few drinks from time to time. So yea that's my drug story.....all of that was within about a year and a half from the first time I smoked weed to the time I got DP.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't expect most people to of read all of that but mainly what I'm wanting is just to know what you believe the main culprit of your DP/DR/HPPD was. I think for me it was the two negative experiences I had on LSD. Those two experiences just set in a negative undertone to my subsequent drug use from that point forward. I feel like if I had kept the same frequency of drug usage but avoided those negative trips then I never would've developed anxiety that never would've led to DP and I don't believe my HPPD would've gotten as bad.
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  23. Hello everyone!! i am 19 i am from ecuador... time here is 3 am...i am really worried about my situation i really want to quit with all this issue.. i am here for some advices..! i have heard that hppd is incurable! but could be manage.. So please give me some advice about what can i do for anxiety? to reduce hallucinations? i have 4 months in this problems! i had quit from college.. i want to concentrate in my future... PLease i really need help and i am really glad to find this community.. Please what can i take? what can reduce my hppd? Every day i regret taking LSD! Its really hard to live everyday with this! SO please HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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