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Found 171 results

  1. danjoking

    CoQ10 and vitamin D

    Hello guys , so i have been suffering for 2 months and half from hppd caussed by alcohol , i smoked weed 8 month ago had a bad trip and stopped using it i was not having hppd after the bad trip,so it’s maybe related to the cause of alcohol i have been sober until now,i don’t see any improvement, it’s getting worse at night especially. i want to hear your opinion about those 2 supplements CoQ10 and vitamin D , some pepole reportd good improvement with this 2 supplements as you can see here 1.what your thoughts about it 2.if you try it especially CoQ10 one https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/thosewithvisualsnow/a-discussion-with-dr-weatherall-the-leading-visual-t7745.html ” I had after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning, and of course, VS. I still had a headace after my initial onset and had to go to a doctor to get meds to relieve the headache. After I started taking 400 mgs of CoQ10 for some time, I suddenly noticed that the after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning had ALL DISAPPEARED”
  2. I did mescaline two or three times when I was 16 years old but never again. No visuals or anything like that, I just had a great times laughing and hanging out with friends without feeling sleepy. Recently I tried DMT but no breakthroughs or visuals, everything just got really strange and beautiful. Below you will find some interesting things that happend to me while NOT taking any drugs which lead me to want to try DMT at this point in my life. Strange episode #1 At the age of 17 I was playing tempest at the Pizzeria, a game I was never really good at, in fact, I was never really good at any video game, but suddenly I was the best Tempest player ever. People piled into the Pizzeria and gathered around me because no one had ever been able to play as long as I did. Everyone was excited for me and talking about it. What I saw as I played the game was that I could easily see some sort of pattern and that the game was no longer a challenge, I had 3 lives, and I saw clearly that I could play forever. I became convinced that it must have been a bug in the game software because it was just too easy, so I asked one of the kids I knew to be a very good player to take over. As I walked away I heard three explosions. He did not last a minute. So it was real. I felt very strange and I looked into a mirror on the wall and I noticed my pupils were gigantic and my ears were red. As I sat down I noticed something else, I felt as I had this increased understanding of everyone around me and a feeling of love for everyone. It was like some sort of enlightenment that allowed me to see how people felt inside. I stayed there for hours and strangers seemed to be drawn to me and it was so easy to talk to everyone. I went home and the next day I was back to my old self, shitty at video games and just a regular kid. Strange episode #2 At the age of 20 I was laying down at around 1 in the afternoon when I noticed what looked like crop circles in 3-D, no colors, on my wall, as if bulging out of the wall. They started appearing and changing slowly and then picked up an incredible amount of speed, thousands of shapes. They disappeared, and then I saw sheep, deer, lamb, and other gentle animals laying next to me. They would appear and disappear all around me and I was not afraid. After that, I saw flocks of tiny birds inches from my eyes, they looked the way birds look when they are really high in the sky, there was a fluidity in their motion, but they were right in front of me. Next came spiders, coming down from the ceiling and now I was getting scared. I could not move for all this time until now, and I sat up and the spiders were still there for about 30 seconds and then disappeared. Fast forward...I am 51 years old. Nothing like what I described ever happened again but I definitely had this feeling all my life that there was something within me that I had a glimpse of in the past and that I wanted to experience again. I have been reading about DMT for about 10 years now and I ordered some. I took a little bit but no break through and no visuals, I just noticed that things got a little strange. My friend took the same amount and although he smoked it with skepticism (fireworks in your mind he thought) he later told me there is another place he visits, the same place each time he smokes, he sees buildings and beings and he feels he is receiving information. He returns from these experiences telling me he has worried too much about meaningless crap all his life. So now I purchased more DMT and a $350 mininail to make sure I do not burn the DMT, I am aiming to have an experience since up to now nothing has really happened for me. All this and today for the first time ever I hear of HPPD and now I am questioning if I should go forward with it as I am a concerned even though it is rare and seems to happen to people who use a lot of LSD and Shrooms. Just hoping for some feedback from others. What did you take that caused HPPD? how much and how often before it affected you? TL;DR I want to smoke DMT but I am afraid of HPPD. Has anyone here suffered from HPPD just by smoking DMT a few times and no other drugs? Thanks!!!!
  3. thelostreceptor

    BPC-157 helps

    "BPC-157 is a synthetic peptide that is being investigated for its regenerative effects. It shows high efficacy for rats suffering toxic or surgical trauma, but there is currently no evidence that it provides benefits for people." I stumbled upon this peptide after browsing some websites and then I found reddit posts of users claiming that they cured their anhedonia. This substance does not mask symptoms like traditional drugs, but really has some sort of a healing mechanism that rapidly undoes damage from the dopamine system, with almost no side effects reported. This got my interest and I decided to try it out. Here are the results: Dosage 250mcg in the morning and 250mcg in the evening, administered with subcutaneous injections. So far I have used a total of 10mg in around 10 days, and I'm planning to do extra cycles in the future. While injections offer the best bioavailability, it is reported that this substance is stable when taken oral. I cannot confirm this and I'd recommend to inject the substance, or use it sublingually (under the tongue). Subcutaneous injections are almost painless and you'll get used to it quickly. Benefits I'm experiencing permanent benefits from this trial. In general I feel much calmer with myself and my mind is so much clearer. My sense of time has changed back to normal. It feels like the world around me is moving normal again and I can get more done. I'm even boring myself when I'm free. Before this trial I would be able to do a lot less in an hour and it felt like the time shifted faster, and it felt I couldn't get a hold of the world moving around me. Cognitive functioning has improved a little, I mostly feel benefits from taking fish oil and I believe this substance has contributed to it Depersonalisation and derealisation has definitely improved. Most of the time, it doesn't even bother me and I feel more attached to myself My anhedonia has decreased, I didn't experience a huge improvement but it's still much better I feel generally less anxious - I haven't worried about my condition since My visuals have not changed in any way, but the substance helped me to handle them easier and they don't feel like a big annoyance anymore. Side effects I did not experience any side effects, which is good. There is some research suggesting that it increases tolerance to amphetamine, but it hasn't been tested on humans. I definitely recommend anyone with HPPD to try this substance. It might help you a lot with depersonalization and derealisation, as it did with mine.
  4. ----- This post is especially important for the Dutch guys out here on the forum ----- Recently I received a mail from Brijder Jeugd (rehab center) where they tell about a new upcoming research by a neurological department from a medical center about visual snow sufferers, and they're looking for people that want to participe in the research. This could be another opportunity to shred some light on the visual snow and HPPD. The research is targeted for Dutch people but I wouldn't hesitate contacting them in English if you're interested in the research. You can reach them by sending an e-mail to the address below: visualsnowonderzoek@lumc.nl If you're interested about the medical center, you can visit their website with the link below: Leiden University Medical Center https://www.lumc.nl/?setlanguage=English Thanks for your time Note: I'm not related to the LUMC in any way
  5. olivier24445

    A visit to the neurologist

    A visit to the neurologist... So i tried most nootropics legal on sale over the internet, and none of them really had effects on my 20 Yo HPPD . I decided by then to see a proper neurologist to get a Keppra prescription. Mine o mine, i forgot how some people are stupid and narrow minded about drugs... So I picked up a random Neurologist on google map, nearby . After 45 days of wait (that's how long it take to have an appointment in Paris), I finally arrive to the long awaited appointment. The guy seems like a regular doctor, in his 50's...So i started telling him, i had one of a teenagehood , and did drugs a few times (LSD, MDMA and did smoke cannabis).. Then i described the whole thing, and how it started, just after one single very light second LSD take... Him : "Cut the crap" "what are you symptoms then". Me : "I don't do any drugs since 25 years now, i have a very healthy lifestyle, still I have left some visual snow and trails which makes patterns like flash also" Him : "Flash...You LSD don't really give flashback you know, it's in the movies" Me : "I know that perfectly....I'm not making this up. That's not what i'm talking about". I wait , and then he start to explain : Him : "You may have a permanent damage to your optical nerves, we need a scan to see if we can do anything, but i'm very pessimistic". Me : "mmmmmm.....really ? with LSD ????" In fact , there is no way any drug , specially LSD can fry you optical nerve. So i start wondering what level of competence he had, regarding drugs, appart from saying, like most of common people, he heard of "Flashbacks stories".... In the end, I figured out he was treating me in a very mean way, because of the "drug" topic, and because it made me look to him, like some kind of junkie, even if i look very normal and healthy... I was telling him a very painful story and he was just rejecting me because the hallucinogen topic was taboo to him. So I started telling him i doubted i had any damage of some sort, and then I pulled out the HPPD subject. Off course, it was first news to him, and I saw his face starting to decompose right in front of me, as, it happened that i knew a little bit about neurology and brain chemistry in general. The rest of the interview, i could feel he was ashamed of himself as I pulled out some medical reviews about the topic and what medication can be tried to help recovery. Him : "I know I don't know everything, but i will try to learn and figure it out i guess, please forward me the doc in you possession " Me : "That sound better, I'm sure many people do have this HPPD sickness and would be happy to be helped" Him, (sweating) : yes yes, sure, i will review this documents and will get back to you asap. Me : happy face, how much ? Oh 175$ ok there it is... One week later. No news, No prescription, No nothing. I guess, he had second thoughts on how a good christian must treat people who used drugs once in their life. I guess he sticked back to the "Good for you" he started with, after all. I guess he must be happy this way. I guess he wanted me to feel more sorry for myself because i did drugs once in a distant past. At least, HPPD, did elevate me in a place where i know no one should be treated like that, ever. Where i know a good doctor should help his patients and listen to them whatever their story is. Moral of the story : I made more research and found out a real HPPD specialist. I will not contact this B*¨*%* again to waste more of my time. Be warned, there are doctors out there, happy to put the stigma on you, and happy to see your soul bleed because after all, "doing drugs is bad", while they prescribe drugs all the time to other patients, that sometimes, might also fuck their brain and health even more badly. If you need help, don't listen to this doctors who want to bring doom and curse on you. Stay positive. Hppd can be cured already for some people, and will be cured 100% some day.
  6. Hi guys, I’m a first timer here and I really need some help with this. I did shrooms 3 times over a 3-4 week span, I dont remember the exact time period (this was a little over a month ago like in april). Im prescribed vyvanse which I take daily and the only other things ive done are drink and smoke weed. Anyways, after my last shroom trip everything was fine and i haven’t done it since but i do drink all the time. about two days ago i smoked weed for the first time in two months and i saw the letters on my phones keyboard dramatically wiggling and getting bigger and smaller while i was high. This has never happened to me before when i have smoked, I have only ever seen this when im on shrooms so this freaked me out because of what ive read on hppd. The next day I was watching tv and noticed that words on the screen were wiggling a little bit. Ever since then, every time I focus on a words or letters for too long, I see them subtly wiggling, it comes and goes and it has been improving over the past few days and its pretty much gone now. its nothing too bad and I wouldn’t notice it unless i really stare at them but im afraid it might get worse over time and I’m starting med school in two months. what makes this weird is that Ive read of hppd happening and then getting better shortly after a trip but my thing started a month after. The good thing is that I dont see static, visual snow, or any of that other stuff, just a subtle letter wiggling. I was thinking that i had it the whole time but i didnt notice until i smoked but what is weird is that i drink all the time and it never made it worse or even apparent at all to the point that i didnt notice I even had anything but weed did. Is it possible that weed may have triggered a mild form of hppd from previous shroom use? Also im prescribed vyvanse which i take every day and i have noticed that i dont see things wiggle when im on it, which is weird becuase Ive read everywhere that stimulants make it worse. What worries me is that I need Vyvanse for school and cant stop taking it and according to what I have read amphetamines worsen HPPD. Im not sure if I have it or not and since hppd is not very well understood im not sure whats going on. At such a critical point in my life this is kind of freaking me out so I would appreciate if those who may have experience with this kind of stuff would help shed some light on what is going on. I apologize if I sound dumb and don’t mean to disrespect those who truly have it but this is making me really nervouse and don’t know who else to ask. As far as when I smoked weed that time it was different than other times and I didn’t like that the letters kept getting bigger and smaller because weed doesn’t do that. Thank you for your help guys.
  7. I finally saw Dr Plant at KCH (specialist in ophthalmology and neurology) in London yesterday. What he said to me surprised and kind of confused me, and as the appointment cost a lot (first time using private), I thought I'd share online with you guys so you don't have to cough up. He started by writing down my symptoms - visual snow, floaters, after images, constant low level migraine, tinnitus, anxiety, brain fog. Then I did a peripheral field of vision test. When I got the results for that (all normal, though I felt that the swooshing colours and snow that I got in the dark room had really damaged my score before he told me the result, interestingly enough) he told me what he knew about the condition. He said that he's seen hundreds of people with these symptoms, some who call it HPPD, some who consider it a migraine disorder (apparently there is a whole online community of these people - wish I could remember what he said the disorder was called), linked with the 'aura' that some people with migraines get, and some who have neither migraine problems, or have come into contact with psychedelic drugs. He said the most common group of people that he sees for this condition is people who just have moved out to college or university, and are living alone for the first time in their lives, studying a lot etc. As I developed my HPPD in early 2014, half way through my dark and depressing first year of university, this definitely resonates with me. With regards to treatment, he basically said that I have to take a holistic approach - treat my whole body right, put on some weight (I'm underweight), wake up early, go to the gym, make sure that I am living a healthy and active life. This will give me the platform upon which I can recover - by relaxing into the condition, accepting it and freeing myself of the anxiety and stress that it causes me. He poo-pooed the use of "those epilepsy drugs" by which I think he meant Keppra, and also advised that I steer clear of benzodiazepines. He said that many people who have the condition make a full recovery this way, while also ceding that some don't, and that some recover and then, years later, pick it up again (which sounds absolutely awful) I have strictly regimented my diet and lifestyle so that I do not consume any ethyl alcohol at all, even in cosmetics or food products (vinegar for example) in a desperate attempt to halt the progression of my HPPD - alcohol is as harmful as drugs like weed or MDMA to me in terms of exacerbating my condition. He said that this was unnecessary and that my "obsessive" behaviour was impeding my recovery, which left me confused as to his stance on drugs and alcohol - when I said that I felt I'd found some slowing in the progression of my HPPD as a result of this new lifestyle, he claimed it was a placebo effect. All in all I'm very confused about this. I think I will visit some NHS doctors and ask for Keppra to be completely honest, but maybe that's just my weakness after having been given no solid plan of action. Thought? Questions?
  8. After a lot of research, i came across this medical review : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3736944/Very interesting and rare hppd study. Overall, it seems that Lamotrigine has been able to cure long term HPPD like mine is , and for good, or significantly decrease visual disturbances and symptoms. I'm actually testing nootropics on many levels, but i'm willing to step-up to more epileptic oriented drugs. Anyone has more input about Lamotrigine on long lasted HPPD (mine is about 20 years old...) ?
  9. The DSM states about HPPD but my psychologist told me the depersonalisation/derealisation symptoms are not a part of the diagnosis. Furthermore, what is the mechanism for feeling emotional flattened out? If this is caused by anxiety, then shouldn't you be able to treat the anxiety, in order to get your emotions back?
  10. Henkneedshelp

    Hppd and some advice needed

    Hi guys, Im writing this after a week of research done about hppd on google. I couldn't find much about. But the reason i'm ending up here is because i need some advice. So a bit more then a week ago i took ecstasy for the first time. I took 1/4 of a pill and 3 hours later i took 1/4 again. I didn't feel too much about the "high". It feelt good and dance all night. When i walked came out of the club (7am) my vision was bit blurry (probably because of being in a dark club all night). Then I went home and my parents were awake. Someone told me to look into light to hide dilated pupils so i did. Now the next morning i was scared i damaged my brain so i went online and searched the internet. At somepoint i stumbled across hppd. I immediately got scared i had this so i checked if i had any of the symptoms. Since i read about hppd i have the "visual snow" all the time, except for when I'm busy with other things. but for the last week I've been obsessing about the visual snow a lot. I see a bit of a glare around lights but im not sure if i had that before. Some lights have a starshape I have after images only when i look to bright lights for a few seconds and the after images dont last long. That's about all the symptoms i have. I don't seem to have walls morph into shapes or anything. I also don't have any of the depersonalition or derealization nor do i have depression. Now my real question do I have hppd? I have OCD so i had anxiety before i did the drug and because of OCD i tend to obsess about a lot of issues, health or other. Also i want to mention that I have done cannabis and alcohol before and since i have my symptoms i tried it once and it didn't seem to worsen the symptoms during the "high" of cannabis or alcohol. I might be overthinking this but some advice would be appreciated. Thank you, Henkneedshelp
  11. Omega 3's are mentioned a lot for there importance for brain health. Vitamin D can also pass the blood-brain barrier, so it should be investigated for mental health also. I drove over some papers on vitamin D and depression since yesterday, so I will share some of those here. Depression impacts quality of life and it is usually implicated to be self-caused. According to science, depression can be biological, therefore depression is not always a lack of spiritual perspective or a case of "bad" vibes. My conclusion from these papers is that most cases of depression are very situational. Vitamin D deficiencies are not rare, and can potentially have a healing affect with some cases, similar to anti-depressants. The optimal ways to get vitamin D in my opinion, is sunshine and mushrooms. I would stay away from raw mushrooms due to carcinogens reported in the literature. heat destroys them though. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2132000 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3751336/ Efficacy of vitamin D supplementation in depression in adults: a systematic review protocol "The efficacy of vitamin D supplementation in depression has raised lots of concern. Vitamin D is considered as a neurosteroid [56], and now it is attested that vitamin D metabolites can cross the blood–brain barrier [34]. Because of the widespread presence of vitamin D receptor in areas of the brain including the hippocampus which is associated with the development of depression [23], it could be speculated that there is a clinical effect of vitamin D on depression." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26680471 Vitamin D in anxiety and affective disorders. "Reduced levels of vitamin or its metabolites have been reported in various psychiatric disorders. Insufficient levels of vitamin D in depressive patients have been confirmed by many authors. Significantly lower levels of calcidiol (vitamin D) were found in men and women with depression as well as in age matched patients with anxiety disorders. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25713056 Vitamin D and the omega-3 fatty acids control serotonin synthesis and action, part 2: relevance for ADHD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and impulsive behavior. "Serotonin regulates a wide variety of brain functions and behaviors. Here, we synthesize previous findings that serotonin regulates executive function, sensory gating, and social behavior and that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and impulsive behavior all share in common defects in these functions. It has remained unclear why supplementation with omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin D improve cognitive function and behavior in these brain disorder"
  12. Do you think we will or maybe some of us will get answers to this one day? I feel like not enough people know of it to consider trying to help us, especially now that Dr. Abraham is retired. I just want answers. I know the terminology drug induced psychosis is something that gets tossed around a lot which, maybe we have it all mixed up. Some claim damage to gaba receptors, which also doesn't make much sense to me considering there have been the odd case where people have cured their hppd with psychedelics. Why do some get rid of theirs using meds like lamotrigine and keppra, and others dont find success in meds at all. Im sure when RC's become more common, thats when more people will end up with it. Anyways, 11 months tomorrow with no end in sight, good times ahead.
  13. HDDeer

    Delayed onset?

    About two weeks ago i did pure mdma(i dont want any criticism i know its not smart to do it with hppd) Anyways this leads me to my question, as of recently ive noticed my hppd getting worse, the day after i did the molly it got really bad, but then i took my dose of lamotrigine and by the next day my hppd had been back to baseline, that was over two weeks ago. The last 3-4 days ive been having a few episodes of depersonalization. I should mention that up until last night i had been doing nofap for the last 21 days, because i suffer from PIED and i want it to get better. Last night i fapped three times and it ended up making me super paranoid and i couldnt fall asleep for hours. Anyways, my question is, can hppd not worsen until weeks after you consumed the drug? Like i said ive been fine up until the last few days, i assume last night fapping 3 times isnt helping my anxiety today but who knows. Sorry for going so off topic multiple times, but i think its best you know all the info thats been going on.
  14. danjoking

    ״Cant belive”

    So, just 20 minutes ago I jerking off and splitting all white off, after that i noticed that somthing in my eye sight as been changed I started seeing a ghost image on evrey fucking word , i did not have it before i jercking off
  15. Henkneedshelp

    HPPD, XTC and Anxiety.

    Hey guys.Im 19 and last weekend (4 days ago) i used ecstasy for the first time. I took less then 1/4 of a pill and 3 hours later 1/4 again. At most it was half a pill (not tested, i know thats really stupid). I have done weed before but between every smoke there was about 1 to 2 weeks break.Now my questions is do i have hppd?The moment i woke up the next day of taking ecstasy i was scared that something was wrong with me. I had some blurred vision and a bit of a headache. So i started looking online and found out about HPPD. Now i am trying to see if i have the symptomsbthey discribe and guess what? i do have some of the symptoms.I have the visual snow one but only if i focus on it but yea its still scaring me.I do have afterimages but only when i look in really bright lights and itbonly stays for 0.5 second. And some bright car light have like this star shape but i think i had that as a child aswell.So yeah what do you guys think?I also want to mention that during the trip i didnt halucinate so im not sure if i eveb can get hppd without having halucinated. And the trip was good.The thing im most scared about is that i will never be able to drink a beer and smoke weed again. (i read that people with hppd cant to that anymore cause it increase the symptoms).What i dont have is things morphing in stuff and i dont halucinate. I dont feel disconnected with myself.Am i overthinking stuff or what?Thanks for reading,Henkneedshelp
  16. Im sure not all of you suffer from this, but i wonder in some cases would it be something to consider? So im not extremely familiar with how lsd binds or acts on dopamine receptors, but ive read that the dopamine action can cause underlying psychiatric disorders to come out if you were disposed to them. I had a bad lsd trip a little over a year ago, my thoughts were really intrusive and clinged onto tv shows like they were trying to tell me stuff, like i was going to end up gay, that i was going to end up going crazy and attacking my family, and that i should practise some kind of faith, anyways, the trip was pretty traumatizing and bad but i think thats because of the events that led up to it, i dont need to get into that. I ended up with hppd due to it. Over the last year ive talked to one guy who said he suffers from pure ocd, which involves intrusive thoughts, examples for that disorder was actually what my lsd trip was based on. I also suffer from what i would call porn induced erectile dysfunction, as porn rewires your dopamine receptors and creates new pathways for your penis, causes anxiety which can cause ocd. So i wonder, if my dopamine receptors are wired due to a chemical imbalance due to porn which causes my anxiety etc, is it possible that my porn problem actually was an underlying influence as to why it turned my bad lsd trip into an actual nightmare? People who suffer from PIED and porn problems can end up with visual snow like most people do with hppd. I posted here because, i know some of you have a lot of knowledge on how lsd acts on the brain, and was wondering if maybe, just maybe, there was a connection?
  17. Psycho

    My story

    Hey guys, i'm 18years, HPPD since 16y later drug abuses. My life completely changed with this. I never stopped with the drugs, i Smoke weed Every day... Yes, My life is a madness, but if isn't easy with drugs, imagine without drugs... The most important is = ever try to be happy...
  18. i can either tell my parents my brother has hppd or i can tell the me had a flashback whats better?
  19. I don't really know where else to vent about this, in all honesty, it's really bothering me that this could go on for so long, anyways let me begin. This is just a thought of mine I have, and I don't want anyone to judge me for it because I feel like it could make me kinda sound delusional. Let me begin, It's been about a year now since I first touched mdma, I remember when I first got my hands on it, I did it on Christmas eve and Christmas, lied to my family about where I was, i was doing it hours before work, there was a point when I did it something like 5 nights in a row. I picked up cocaine a few times which made me extremely suicidal, there was actually one time I had myself convinced i was going to spend all my money in my bank account on blow in hopes it would kill me(I don't know if it actually would have, and I still don't know if it would, I was just really reckless), it was a relatively rough period for me. I never had hppd during that period of time though. But mdma, I did stop doing it as I couldn't find pure stuff anymore. I ended up stumbling upon mushrooms and lsd, the first time I took acid, best experience I've ever had in my entire life. Mushroom trips while not good, always helped me with my other neurological disorder. Then I got hppd after a bad acid trip, I'm here now 7 months later, I think things have gotten better in terms of visuals, for the most part my anxiety is usually non-existent. But every time my hppd is beginning to show improvements, I find my drug addiction comes back harder and harder. I ask myself most times, is it even possible to truly have an addiction 9 months after the last time you even touched the drug? You wouldn't think so. Maybe it's just my mental state. I should correct myself, the last time I was doing hard drugs faithfully was 9 months ago, I did end up doing a Molly capsule back in June, that nobody even knows of, not my girlfriend not anyone in my family, only my nephew whose a few months younger than me. It definitely made my hppd worse, it has gotten better since, though my ghosting was virtually non existent before, and now while it's going away again, it's definitely a lot slower going away than it was before. Now, my hppd is finally getting better again, my mental capacity is so lacking, that I can't seem to get it through to myself that drugs put me here, mdma made it worse, but I find myself being drawn back into it. I have so much trouble fighting my urges. I know it's not a life to live, hppd or not hppd. My mom died back in 2010, and I'm relatively confident that I suffer from dp/dr because of it, my emotions are relatively numb, I feel like I don't care about my family like the normal person should. Drugs filled that void my mom left there when she died. It's been so long that I truly do not know wether or not if what i feel is normal, personally, something does feel off, and it did before hppd happened. Sometimes I kinda wonder, if my mom or even the universe for that matter, sees that I have some kind of purpose for good, which is why I was thrown into this mess with hppd to stop an addiction from getting worse, to fulfill something meaningful. Granted, it's very important to me to help someone, or change at least one person's life for good while I'm here, so maybe I'm just really lost in my own mind and this is all some weird ploy I came up with to comfort myself with this mess I'm in. I just really hope something in my life changes soon, because while my hppd may not be getting worse, something about my life is. I have a new job as a security guard, I work shift work, 7 days on and 7 days off, 12 hour shifts. And while it does pay decent, I just don't truly think it's for me. I want to do something meaningful. Sorry for the rant guys, haven't posted on here in a while and my urges and just my life all around have been coming in full swing, needed people I could relate to, to see this. Thank you.
  20. Spookysald

    A gist of my HPPD story

    I have had HPPD for about four months now. I know it's not a very long time for how long it can last but, it's so awful living with this every day. The only way I'm personally able to describe it is that the air around me is suffocating, like a have no space in an empty room filled with breathing walls, visual snow, static or tiny patterns. Another thing I have is very bad depersonalization and it's the whole reason why my anxiety comes out like it does. Before I had HPPD I have only had an anxiety attack 3-4 times but now I get one almost every other day and it's so hard to manage hanging out with people in fear that I will start freaking out of no where and have to be alone. Usually when I am inside of an attack everything is so colorful and it looks like I'm on mixtures of drugs and it can last anywhere from a couple of seconds to an hour or 2. The only thing I like so far about this whole situation is that I've been able to find myself through art. I've found that if I'm feeling anxious I can just draw something and it will really help me forget. Everyone always tells me that they like the things I do and how they love that I found a unique style that belongs to me. I'm very happy that those people are supporting me even though I still wish I hadn't done the things I did to get this way. It all started when I did 3 psychedelics in over the corse of 8 days including: LSD, LSA and DXM. It took a while for my symptoms to come through but I can tell that all 3 of these drugs made a huge difference in my life because I feel the things I felt to this day when I was in all of those trips. I have been on a few medications so far to help the visuals and depersonalization. Including Prozac, Busbar, Abilify and Gabapentin. All of these drugs made things worse for me and I wish I never took any of them. Except for Gabapentin because I have a feeling it might work in a higher dosage. I have talked to my psychiatrist about HPPD and she had no clue what it was and didn't seem interested. She just jumped the gun on antipsychotics and labeled me as "psychotic" (because she's an asshole) I've done enough research to know that only in very small cases do antipsychotics help HPPD because it isn't the same thing as Psychosis at all. In my research ive found that Primarily benzos including Klonopin, Valium and Xanax work the best for depersonalization and visuals. And levetiracetam has been able to just help visuals. I really want to find a psychiatrist who understands instead of one who asks me if Acid and LSA are both LSD. I need someone who actually knows about drugs but my mother won't let me switch. Is there anyway that I can get her to understand or believe me and get me the medications I need without seeming like I'm pharma-shopping?
  21. 801music

    Tremors with hppd

    So in the beginning of hppd I had tremors just in my fingers but now it's kinda spread to my hands they shake pretty bad some nights , and also I get twitches in my head and scalp like in my lips and eyelids and forehead. Also been having muscle tension in my arms and chest. Is this just hppd and anxiety ?
  22. Hey guys, My doctor prescribed me lamictal yesterday and as pretty much all of you know, it's one of the more highly regarded medication out there for this condition. My hppd is actually very bearable, the only time I struggle is when I'm alone in the house where the lsd trip happened, which leads me to a few questions. If I decide to take it, and my hppd gets better/worse/stays the same, if I stop taking it will I return to baseline? Has anyone else taken this med?
  23. slowdancinginaburningroom

    Please Help - HPPD at 17, is it worth continuing?

    Hi all, So on August 6, 2017, at around 10pm, my friend basically forced me into doing acid for the first and only time. I didn’t really want to take it, my girlfriend had just broken up with me, I had gotten blackout drunk the night before, I had just eaten, and I was also afraid of the drug because I had always been told it fries your brain. So anyways, I took one tab of tested (not synthetic [excuse my terminology I know nothing about this stuff]) in order to get high, which is the wrong reason to take the drug. I didn’t really feel anything until I started getting some minor visuals a few hours in. Then at about the 5 hour mark, the trip turned terrible. I started freaking out, I got constipated, and I began to freak out begging my friend to take me to the hospital. After about 4 more hours of this, we both agreed to take a single Xanax bar, and that helped me finally go to sleep. The next day I felt ok, things seemed a little different and I guess I knew to expect that temporarily. The day after that is when all my problems began to surface. I began to see an abnormal amount of floaters in my vision that move with my eyes, not on my own, and I also began to see afterimages of everything and I have also developed blue field entoptic phenomenon as well. These all pale in comparison to the anxiety which controls me. It’s now been 2 months (October 11, 2017) as I write this, and I haven’t been able to get good sleep on a consistent basis and I am extremely concerned that this is tearing my life apart. I can’t get the fact that I used acid out of my head. The floaters never subside unless I am in a dimly lit room, and I become extremely anxious and am not able to sleep easily at night. My social life has significantly deteriorated as well, as my friends love to smoke pot but I no longer do because I am afraid it will aggravate my HPPD. The girl who broke up with me the day of the trip gave me a second chance, but after acid I became completely obsessed with her to a point where it became necessary for her to remove me from her life, despite the fact that I was never like that with her before tripping, and I convinced myself that I could not live without her, which is downright creepy and not like the old me at all. She has called me psychotic on two different occasions since the breakup despite me not telling her anything I am suffering from. It has now been 3 weeks and my thoughts are still consumed by her and my HPPD. I haven’t smoked pot since 6 days before the trip, and since the trip I have taken one Xanax and drank on several occasions, which I have now stopped. I use an e cigarette every day and but I don’t drink caffeine. I have committed now to complete sobriety aside from the e cig, which I had quit previously for about 3 days, but did not alleviate any symptoms. I’m only 17 and I have my whole life ahead of me and right now I feel like it isn’t worth living if I have to deal with this. I made a mistake, one tab of acid, and I don’t know if I can deal with the reality that this may haunt me for the rest of my life. If this is truly permanent, I can’t see why I would want to continue to be a part of this world as it’s only been 2 months and the symptoms, however minor, are now unbearable. I cannot get professional help as my parents are non-believers in western medicine and would not send me to a psychiatrist unless I went full-blown insane. There is also no history of mental illness in my family. Any suggestion is welcome.
  24. Hello friends, I researched the topics about medications, but found few things about valerian. On some sites it says to be useful for hppd, but here I do not find people saying conclusively that valerian is really useful. In my case, I think that if improving my anxiety / depression will already be a lot of help. I await your reports, tnks .
  25. I came to talk to you about my symptoms a little bit. I'm Brazilian, so if I say something wrong, I apologize, but I'm still not fluent in English. About 11 months ago I tried lsd with a friend, after an hour we used weed, and after that I had a very bad trip. Only today I was able to find this forum, because until then I did not even know what I really have. After using lsd, I have never used lsd or weed again. Since then, I have a lot of anxiety, sometimes I feel very depressed, and I really feel some visual effects, such as sensitivity to light, things seem to vibrate a little, and it seems that sometimes I see traces in moving things. What makes me bad is that I can never stop thinking about it all, I try to fight against my own mind not to think about it, but it's very difficult, when I realize it, I'm thinking about it. From what I understand I have hppd, but is it normal for me to think about it constantly? Sometimes I think I'm going to go crazy. This site was very inspiring to me, until then I was very afraid of what happened to me, and not knowing that there are so many other people with the same problem. So, THANK YOU for making me a little calmer. I will accompany you always now, hoping that I will improve. Thank you.
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