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Found 178 results

  1. TheSoberPotato

    HPPD from DXM, Spice, Inhalants.

    Sorry, I accidentally posted up my story twice.
  2. I got unconscious on the floor during the trip that gave me HPPD. Did anyone else experience this?
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  5. So, how long time did you live as normal after you hallucination? I had a totally normal life for three weeks after my hallucination, then one evening, all hell broke loose. Best wishes, Erik.
  6. ok so I'm pretty new to HPPD, I've only had it for a couple of weeks and let me just start out by saying that i am SO thankful to this site, it was the best feeling just to realize that I'm not the only one. my question is with HPPD, is my psychedelic journey of mind expansion and finding of ones inner self over? my symptoms as of now are not unbelievably horrible: intensified contrast, occasional Floatie. the only ones that are bad is my sensitivity to light and blurred vision. I have a doctors appointment set up this week to see if i can get on Sinemet (BTW is there anything i need to know about talking to my doctor about trying to get drugs for our condition?) Ive only been using psychedelics for a couple of months and i feel like its all being taken away from me very abruptly. I have stopped doing everything, including weed, since my symptoms developed and I'm not hinting about starting up at least a couple weeks after i start doing Sinemet if i can get a prescription for it, just to see how that helps. Can i never do LSD again? or Shrooms?Ive always wanted to try DMT, and i know that if i ever get my hands on it, curiosity will prevail and i will try it but she is an exemption to the rule. I was thinking that drugs that work differently on your system would be okay because they wouldn't effect our condition like Datura which works by blocking the neurotransmitter acetylcholine(don't talk about the dangers of Datura, i know it is dangerous, i was just using it as an example)
  7. Hi so I don't even know where to start. I don't know how many of you here know me, or if you've seen any of my videos, but I got HPPD about 6 years ago now (wow time flies) when I was 16. I posted some videos awhile back to try and help people and to document what helped me through dealing with HPPD and how I got it. I get messages still almost every day from people trying to ask me for advice and it can be overwhelming at times but I try my best to help. I thought it would be cool if I came here and answered some questions for anyone that wanted some help and is struggling with this. I know how hard it can be. Here is one of the first videos I posted if you haven't seen it already I use to come on this forum quite a bit, it didn't look anything like this and the community was much much smaller, the website is looking great but it sucks to see so many people suffering from this. I will say right now that it does get better, and you can definitely beat this! So ask away! I will try my best to answer every question, its kind of late right now so I may go to bed within the next few hours, I'll be back though! I added a picture just to prove its me, cause ya know, the internet.
  8. Hello everyone, I just need to get this off my chest. For the first time ever I was going to smoke weed by using a bong. (Have only smoken weed, never done any other drugs besides that.) It took me one big puff and then.. my world was torn apart. I survived HELL, I was in 3-5 different demensions, I kept falling from one to another and so on.. (It's like when you fall in a dream and get this kind of a tug when you wake up.) It went on for an eternity.. or it felt like that. The worst day in my entire 18year old life. When I woke up the next morning I could see that something was wrong, because white walls had many small black dots on them.. It was like "snow".. I couldn't focus on the entirety of the room, only in the objects. But when I focused on them the background was so disturbing.. It made it hard to see.. :c And everything leaves traces after itselves.. It's like those pictures that you can stare at for like 25-40 seconds and then look at a plain wall or something and you will se the picture there. But now.. it doesn't even take me 1 second to do this.. I see.. traces. :c My sleep has gotten worse, I wake up many times a night. But before my bad trip on weed I slept like a baby.. <: It was one of the best feelings ever.. to go to bed. But now I am just worried. Eh.. I have problems reading now, because of the traces. My white paper has like.. black dots on it.. They change possition every little second.. You with HPPD surely know what I mean. SO, I have been having it this way since 14 april 2012, at 1 am.. What should I do to make it kind of better? (I'm keeping myself from weed and alkohol from now on) Are there any tips on how to make it better/gone? How long time have you had yours? + I just need people who understands me. :c I am a little worried. But... I think I can manage to live with it. It just sucks not seeing things the same as before. It gets you that feeling that you are a bit "distant" from your body. But.. at the same point not. Because you know that everything is just like it used to be.. It's just... weird and new. :c Please help. <3
  9. Ghgg99

    Random thoughts

    Have any of you thought we could just be having flashbacks, but we went OCD about it for one reason or another and it keeps it saying there? Maybe we were scared of being schizophrenic so when we would have these flashbacks we would check, and due to checking so much they just sort of stayed? Just a thought because I never really noticed this too much until I personally got scared and started checking and now it is always there. Also, while I know the difference between reality and the weird visions or snow effect. What if we just accepted it as reality? For example, I feel much happier when I feel like I'm dreaming and I just say that I am, even thought I know I can go jump off a building, I feel less self conscious and I am more willing to talk to people than I was before.... What if like really is just but a dream?
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  11. jerry sandusky

    Masturbation

    Ok so I know that this is a weird topic. Please don't judge me...but in all seriousness, for as long I can remember I have had a dramatic increase in sexual desire since I got HPPD. Does anyone have this same thing? It's like I feel like I have to. I've tried to stop for awhile because I thought maybe masturbating made it worse but when I do I just get really panicky, racing thoughts, and increase of anxiety. I know masturbation has a lot to do with neurotransmitters in the brain. It releases dopamine and also does something with the acetylcholine receptors...so my question is can anybody relate to this? Does anyone feel that it makes them feel worse or better? For me, I can't tell...I tend to associate whackin off as a negative thing and I usually acquire some psychological guilt with it, mainly because I simply don't know if it's pulling me in the right direction or not, but I also feel that it does relieve some of the stress and anxiety. I feel that if I have an increased sexual desire than my body's telling me that it needs dopamine and those extra hormones to deal with the stress in order to deal with HPPD. ANY INSIGHTS?
  12. Hello. I've just joined this forum. I am from Germany and therefore my English might be bad sometimes, because I am not familiar with terms and words to use when talking about drugs in English. But I hope you are going to understand what I am trying to explain. I am not even sure, if the things I experience are really to be called HPPD. But I've read a lot about this topic and wrote in another german community (Land der Träume) about it, and I guess everything points into this direction. I started taking Hawaiian Baby Woodrose in December 2010. I had four trips in total. The last one was at 27th January 2011 and it never stopped. I mean, since then I feel different. This last trip was a spontaneous one, just chewing two or three seeds and then my family interrupted me before it could really start for dinner. I already felt it coming up, but then I needed to hide. Other drugs I took before Woodrose are Kratom,Syrian rue (Pegganum harmalal) and Nutmeg. After a while (maybe 2 months) I took some Kratom to "cure" the woodrose-feelings. It felt like heaven. The woodrose parted my inner thoughts and Kratom melted it all together again. But when the effect went away, I felt worse than before. I took about 80 grams of Kratom in two weeks. and then for a long time nothing. I just coped with the symptoms somehow. But about 2 months ago,I started again with Kratom and Tramadol. The last one has a immense effect on me, I need very less to get the feeling. My HPPD-like symptoms come and go. Well, actually they are always there, but sometimes it is very hard for me to get along with them. About a week ago it started to be hard again. Since yesterday evening they go away slowly, and therefore I am only able to write about it, before I could not concentrate on typing and stuff like that, because my keyboard looked like a dancehall for letters. Today I tried to not notice the things I see. And that made it more creative. There were bright white rectangle flying through my field of vision or blue stripes following me. The shade of blue was like water in typical carribean beaches. I also notice halos around objects. As already said, letters are dancing with each other, and when reading texts the black color melts together, I see patterns in it, these patters are moving and changing colours, mostly it becomes a dark green or violet or blue. Often there is something like a grey dust above everything, like static on TV, but in grey and with smaller grains. I also see afterimages sometimes, and I have always Closed-Eye-Visions. They are annoying when they don't let me fall asleep. I mean, how can someone sleep, when seeing a firework or a giraffe eating leaves? I see floaters on the blue sky and on walls, no need to look there for long time, they com imidiatly A few months ago I was in the theatre. There I saw trails of the actors. Actually there have been around 5 people on stage but for me there were lots more. I still saw where they stood before. The stage was mostly white with less prop on it. And it feels like objects are moving but they don't do it for real. Often there are moving colourful objects in my field of vision. They always have the same colour, but this colour can change. I want to say, that at a time there are some balls in the same colour, but the next day they all have another colour. I am pretty sure, I forgot many many things. Some even have gone already. I feel like that for more than a year... For example I don't have that much pseudo-hallucinations anymore. At the beginning I saw a special type of snails everywhere I went. (I guess it was a hallucination, I can't imagine that there are 30 snails in my room really) Now there are only the colours and wrong movements. When I want to push everything away, it intensifies for more attention. In summer it seems worse than in winter. When I have lots of stress it gets worse too and it also worsens when I am hungry and tired. right now my black keyboard looks very green. and the edges blur. When listening to special kinds of music, I feel better. Music like Pink Floyd or Jefferson Airplane or other psychedelic stuff. ----- So, to people who know more about HPPD, does that sound like it? If there are questions, please feel free to ask me. Or if my phrasing is not good enough. Another thing: A while ago, while taking Kratom, I painted my lamp with blue colour. I also have a blue cloth in front of my window against the sunlight. And somehow I feel finer in this blue light than in other lightbulb-light. Is there somewhere something about that? and does anyone know about if Kratom is good for stuff like this or if it "harms" me more? I also want to learn riding motorbike. But I am afraid of it with all these colorful balls in my Field of vision. Anyone has experience with that? I reallly want to feel this freedom,but I guess it could be hard... Thanks for reading and I hope you could understand, what I am trying to say Greetings
  13. okay guys, a year or so ago i developed hppd after over doing it on MDMA and smoking too much marijuana for me to handle, had my very first trip which was the most terrifying thing i have ever experienced, both because it was completely unexpected, and completely out of the ordinary. any tripper i have ever talked to has never experienced anything as out of control as what i did that night and i feel like something just snapped in me, you know? i feel like i am in a coma most of the time. intact i panic about maybe being stuck in one, or a dream sometimes. i can't focus on anything anymore, i zone out completely all of the time unintentionally, whether it be auditory or visually, everything just becomes on big mashed together blur. anyway. as far as hppd goes i have every single symptom in the 'checklist' as well as occasional auditory hallucinations, an actual tripping sensation at times, DPD, DRD, social phobia disorder, anxiety disorder. my visual symptoms are very prominent, and while I've been adjusting to them for quite some time now i feel like every time i start getting used to something, something new pops up that i haven't noticed before. visual snow(very bad, can't not notice it) size distortion peripheral vision distortions(these are almost impossible to deal with, if i look even an inch over to what is in my direct vision everything starts to morph and melt, 'blend in' to one another etc. etc.)-i find it difficult to even look in the mirror or at someone anymore because even with making full contact with the image i am focusing on, the rest of what i see will begin to melt and become disfigured. tinneus sparks air sensitivity(seeing 'walls' of air, almost like collected static creating barriers' geometric patters floaters tracers in vision(little fluorescent sparks flying around, most noticeable when looking to the sky) almost like tiny fireworks. after images(negative and positive) trails, to the point where is some one walks past me i will see their after image trail behind them. images in other images i can't read without having to devote extreme amounts of concentration to the text because the words shift around all over the page. halos auras blue field entropic phenomenon phosphenes sometimes when i am looking at something e.g. a blank wall the paint and texture of the wall will look like it is being sucked into itself(imagine sand being sucked into the bottom half of an hourglass) extreme sensitivity to lights, no matter natural or synthetic, typically overall worse in dark lighting. moving static that seems to 'bounce' (e.g. someone is standing in front of me speaking, the entire background of that person will look like the air is literally bouncing or jumping in flashes) closed eye hallucinations(random images, geometric patterns, distorted after images) in a darkened or completely dark room is when i experience to their full effect, i am virtually completely blinded and distracted by all of the colours(mostly neon purples, greens, blues(often appearing in circles that get larger to smaller,almost pulsating), shapes, phosphenes and visual snow i see in the dark. i also continuously get 'stuck' thoughts, whether it be a random sentence(even random words put together that don't make sense), words i have heard through song, or just over hearing from a distant conversation, and my own thoughts will just repeat to themselves all day long, even if it is just a sentence that i have thought in my head. i feel like i am always having to thing over these stuck thoughts or words. i know that many of you have these symptoms, but anyone to this extreme? and anyone else ever endure the tripping feeling on occasion? i get this off putting metallic taste in my mouth too when i feel like I'm tripping, which i thing might just be a side effect of my body perhaps defending itself in 'fight or flight' mode. i'm sure that I'm missing a few things too. Does anyone know of any medications(natural or pharmaceutical) that have eased their symptoms? i've heard st. johns wort has elevated symptoms for some, anyone had any luck? getting desperate guys, this is effecting my life in every aspect imaginable and i feel like i am just pacing in circles here.
  14. andrea267

    There is hope!

    This post has been promoted to an article
  15. I was just curious because ever since I got HPPD my dreams have been very vivid, but weird. Before HPPD my dreams were normal, they made pretty good sense and were through my eyes. And now my dreams are wild, sometimes it feels like I'm watching a movie, like I'm having an out of body experience in my dream. And the weirdest thing is that my dreams usually don't make sense, at all. They're like a billion random movie clips put together as one, and sometimes I'm the main actress and sometimes I'm not.
  16. Alfa_spring

    Hey!! i need 911 help!!

    Hello everyone!! i am 19 i am from ecuador... time here is 3 am...i am really worried about my situation i really want to quit with all this issue.. i am here for some advices..! i have heard that hppd is incurable! but could be manage.. So please give me some advice about what can i do for anxiety? to reduce hallucinations? i have 4 months in this problems! i had quit from college.. i want to concentrate in my future... PLease i really need help and i am really glad to find this community.. Please what can i take? what can reduce my hppd? Every day i regret taking LSD! Its really hard to live everyday with this! SO please HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  18. Hi my name is Corey, I am 22 years old and from Sydney, Aus. This is my first post so i'll try to be as thorough about my HPPD as i can be, From the age of 16 i was a recreational drug user i would go to raves, parties drink heavily and pop "Ecstasy" every weekend when i was 17 i had my first 2-cb based pill which i fell in love with and began abusing. ( taking every weekend and seeking the drug out specifically) After 2 months of 2-cb use, i had my first "Bad trip" It was an awfully long and bad experience, i came down as normal and decided to not touch that particular drug. I continued to drink and pop ecstasy, always asking people if it had 2-cb in it or "trippy shit" as i would say, needless to say i got another 2-cb pill by accident under the impression it had no 2-cb in it, i had 2 upon leaving a day club and yep i freaked out again. I recovered once more and decided to swear off drugs completley, In my own stupidity i popped irregularlly and used Speed because i thought it was a bit cleaner and i knew what i was gettting, this continued till i was 21 when i was at a club and decided to have half a pill at a friends birthday apparently it was 2-ci or 2-cb based, i did not know that at the time. I took the pill which seemed normal got quite smacky, when i awoke from my munt i was tripping, i told my friend that i don't handle this well and they immediatley took me back to the hotel and watched over me as i went to sleep to avoid the freakout, i woke up scattered and stupidly i decided to drink the whole next day to ease the comedown. This was in June of last year. All was good until about 4 days after the last freakout, i was at work and suddenly noticed i couldnt see out of my left eye and it was gradually getting worse, It was a migraine. My sight returned and i felt quite bad the rest of the day with the pounding headache. After that day is when i started to notice things i never seen before, I will try to list my symptoms that i had when it began. Floaters- Small specs and silvery lines floating through my vision at all times and a lot of them Flashers - Shooting stars that fly across my vision and dissapear Auras - When i would be reading i could notice a slight aura around things that i was reading or around the edges of people After images - Wherever i look, if i stared for too long and looked away i would be able to see the shape of that object for about 5-10 secs usually a purplely colour A feeling of off balance - When it first began i would always feel dizzy, like i was still tripping it was odd and i couldnt pin point why i felt like this Visual Snow - Static on everything, notice it more in the dark or when look at a pattern like carpet, i later found if i would wake up during the night and look at my phone with only my right eye open, i would see intensely thick static like a tv with terrible reception. Anxiety - This was awful in the first few months, it has gotten slighty better over time. I would throw up every morning, have panic attacks at work ( intense feeling of fear) Warping and breathing - If i stare and focus on anything for too long not only do i get the after images, Stuff starts to appear to breathe and dissapear from my peripheral vision, i have to blink and re focus my vision to get it back to "Normal" Ghosting - When reading i can see and identical copy of the letter above sometimes it gets so bad like as if i were looking at 3d screen but without the glasses, usually at its worst in the morning or when i am squinting, This doesn't just appear on writing it has gotten worse in the last few months and there are now ghosted copies of everything, people cars etc. Blinking usually resets my vision to a more bearable level. Reflections - I am really bugged out by my own reflection, i also constantly see double in the mirror when up close. Star bursting - This is a symptom that has increased within the last few months, at night it is car headlights and streetlights, i will see a star type formation on the light with rays shooting off in different directions, in daylight it is the worst, sunlight reflecting off cars are like camera flashes. I notice this from very far distances. Trails - If im looking at something and the background behind it is bright say white, if something moves across it i see a shape move across with it like fog. Also one other strange thing is when i look at the bright blue sky i see all this tiny silver dots flying around in my vision, not sure what this would be called but i never used to see it until this hppd started. Since it began i have sort medical advice by seeing a neurologist who sent me to have an MRI and Blood work done, both came back negative to anything physically serious, i was then reffered to a neuro opthamoligist which said my eyes are perfectly fine, that was this week i have ceased going to these doctors as it is clear they have no idea what they are dealing with or how to help other then to tell me hopefully time will heal it. Basically what i hope to achieve with this post is get some advice such as How do most people cope with it a little better? Is there anything known that i could take to alleviate some of these visual symptoms? Do you find it gets worse or better over time? Any advice at all. I'd like to say thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this and give me their input. I apologise if my post is not clear or thorough enough as its my first time posting. thank you
  19. Reading through the posts on this board reminds of myself a while ago 9 years or so ago a DXM experience gone bad thrust into a world of anxiety, memory problems, depersonalization, and ridiculously annoying visual problems. Today, other than an occasional halo, and very occasional squiggly lines (which only seem to occur during intense stress/hardcore workouts) I don't really have any problems. Time heals all wounds as they say. What I did notice: 1. Working out hardcore and getting involved in "contact" sports was immensely helpful. It helped reestablish the connection to my body. I really felt out of place in my own skin for a while, but its kind of hard to feel like that when every part of you is incredibly sore. 2. Doing Math, so this sounds pretty arbitrary, but I found activities which hyperfocused and challenged my mind got me to help ignore the symptoms and additionally provided confidence in my intelligence. One thing i've noticed about folks with HPPD is they are almost universally also folks with ADD. 3. Owning the perceptual disorders. I really hated walls with separators or rows, or things like shades anything really with vertical or horizontal divider lines, or tiles. as they would cause me extremely annoyances in how they "Shifted" my vision in clicks - if that makes any sense. So I finally got fed up and forced myself to count the number of dividers. I made this a habit, when taking a bath i would repeatedly count the tiles forcing myself to to slowly shift my vision between each tile and forcing my perception to focus without skipping. This helped immensely. With Trails I would blink a lot and follow the object that was the cause- sound stupid - but it helped Visual Artifacts pretty much required ignoring, they will eventually go away, it does however take a while. The psychological symptoms were the hardest to deal with. I was never really a particularly confident, or well grounded in reality person prior to having the HPPD hit so when it did anxiety and detachedness was particularly bad. I was forced to rebuild my ego essentially. For a while nothing worked, I was resigned to the fact that this was it, i had "ruined myself" for life. What turned it all around for me was something pretty ridiculous - I got into a fight. I was coming out of a club and walking to my car and all of a sudden something hit me in the back of the head and i fell in pain and felt two people going through my back pocket. For a very brief few seconds I forgot about all the anxiety, all the little reminders of hppd (even while looking at the static night sky) and everything else. I was just afraid of losing my life. So I fought, and i'm by no means a big guy hell at the time i was a wimp, but I swung and hit one of my attackers and managed to create some distance, picked up a rock and threw it the other one narrowly avoiding getting hit by the bottle that had not broken on my head (which they had hit me with previously). I knocked the other one to the ground again out of sheer desperation and he got up and pulled out a knife. I was afraid but luckily for me a few other people were leaving the club and saw this and started to come over to where I was and my would be muggers ran away. I sat down, bleeding, concussed but (at least in my own mind) victorious, and more importantly I had clarity for a few minutes. The fear and pain i had felt reintroduced me to my body and my mind/spirit, the feeling of victory to my ego. From there on in, I was driven, I didn't want to lose to anyone, i didn't want to feel afraid of anything, HPPD be damned. I did a ton of brain tests, IQ tests, brain visual tests, video game tests etc. and I joined a regular gym, and also started taking maui thai lessons. I researched and tried out a lot of brain oriented substances. All the Racetam's (PIracetam worked amazingly the first time I took it - I remember because i was taking a shower and all of a sudden the fog I had lived with faded away and I could every perceive every drop of water). I also worked hard at trying to learn new things, languages, medical info, math, computer programming etc. The hppd didn't go away 100% instantly, but i started to not care about it anymore, and it faded into the background, and gradually it disappeared. This may not be the case for anyone else, but this is how my life unfolded. This may be the wrong advice but based on my experiences: Force yourself to have intense natural experiences that connect you to your body/mind. Adrenaline rushes, things that you will remember with an intensity that the fog cannot deny. Train the body hardcore - be able to run 10 miles non stop at a fast pace, be able to bench your weight + 100lbs, get fit, get cut, get strong. Train your mind, try some brain software which focuses on visual perception, utilize IQ tests, mensa tests, try hard logic problems, do math! Gain confidence - Learn to defend yourself, learn to take care of yourself, learn to compete and win at something, games, sports etc. Feed your ego - Become really good at something - Art, Music, Computers, Architecture Try some Brain boosting sup's - PIracetam, Rhodiola, document how they effect you. View HPPD as the enemy, conquer your mind then conquer it = no more HPPD. -Dsync
  20. This post has been promoted to an article
  21. jerry sandusky

    My HPPD story

    I'm 16 right now, a junior in high school and my HPPD starts the summer of me going into freshman year. I smoked for the first time with one of my close friends and it was some cheap mids.Took about 8-10 decent hits out of a soda can and didn't feel much until i went inside and it hit me. The lights were really bright an I felt like a marshmallow on the couch. It took me awhile to get used to the feeling and at first I was really paranoid but later I ended up having a great time. I remember smoking a few more times soon after that and getting really dazed and didn't really do much but think to myself which stopped me from socializing and having a good time with my friends. Every time I would smoke it took me a little bit and then it would hit me, "I remember this feeling", "I feel like I'm in a dream". This is started me down a bad path in my future and I didn't really want to do much with myself except for experiment with weed. I graduated middle school with 10 kids in my class and I had a few REALLY close friends that I hung onto and all we wanted to do is light up, but I did not smoke a lot at all...I'd say on average like once a week. We eventually split up and went to different high schools but we still chilled on weekends and were really close. A whole year goes by very quickly and I slowly start to realize some static vision, floaters, and a bit of a detached feeling. But I thought this was all normal because of the marijuana despite some very unusual experiences/thoughts I've had in the past. I thought maybe my friends were having the same thing but they just didn't worry about it like I did. I remember opening up to one of my friends at the beach and he assured me that it wasn't permanent and it would go away in a month if I stopped using. He said that it was just normal and I shouldn't worry about. At this point, all my friends I had were very close to me and they all smoked so I decided I was going to hold onto it and just enjoy myself...all of my experiences weren't bad and I actually had a lot of exciting, adventurous highs. As the years rolled on I've came across some unusual experiences that I still remember to this day. It just seemed like sometimes I would have a bad reaction off of as little as 2 or 3 hits...Everything just kind of fades away from reality....my friends look like holograms...Everything is static and dreamlike...I lose myself and don't have an idea who I am anyone...I feel like an alien, generic, empty consciousness. I thought I was in some sort of serious danger... My hearts beating extremely fast and I don't want to die...I was stuck like this forever...I thought people viewed me as weird...I begin questioning if the world is real or just an illusion...I think really deeply and my thoughts, mostly negative, begin to manifest themselves on an unfathomable level...I would just tell my friends that I'm tired and don't feel well and go inside to lay down. When I wake up the next morning I'm fine but a bit foggy and depersonalized. This was such a serious self conflict that I couldn't call quits on the weed. The experiences were so surreal that I could not grasp or understand in my sober mind what this was..It was like waking up from a nightmare and feeling a sense of relief but you keep having the same nightmare all the time. Ok so now couple years go by and I'm now a junior in high school. I actually just recently quit smoking but that was because I absolutely had to. I really wish I stopped smoking earlier on but it was a bad case of depression combined with an inner conflict, which I would call anxiety, that led me to keep doing it. HPPD became so intense that every time I smoked pot I would get intense feelings of discomfort. I would cry because I just didn't feel the same anymore and I felt detached from the people who I knew I loved like my mom and dad. The feelings would take me further and further outside reality and into a life where emotions don't exist. These feelings started very small from when I first starting smoking pot and gradually got bigger and bigger to what they are now. My symptoms now are as follows: chronic neck, back, joint pain. Static vision, sparkly shimmering air and walls. Random spots of color and light flashing in my peripherals for a split second then goes away. Afterimages. Extremely bad depersonalization...the derealization seemed to go away after the first year. Pretty bad depression, lack of confidence (mostly because I feel different, stupid). Unable to feel pleasure. Social anxiety. This still is a burden for me but I'm trying to get myself well grounded. Everyone needs something to live for so I'm trying my best to pursue that to get my mind off of things. I'm keeping an optimistic mind and I KNOW that one day I WILL get better from all of this. I just need to think logically and stop making quick decisions that lead me into trouble. The cure for HPPD is just to forget about it completely. It's like a bee that won't sting you if you just ignore it. I've learned many things from this hellish disorder that will change my life for the better when I finally beat HPPD. Having a grasp on reality is priceless, don't ever take it for granted, I still don't understand why so many people want to escape it by doing drugs. Knowledge and wisdom stem from our understanding of the world...and that truly defines who you are. Always keep a positive mind. Thoughts truly have an enormous impact on our lives. Thoughts control moods/feeling which control actions. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and they won't haunt you as much because a more positive outlook will be embedded into your subconscious. Thoughts are the way in which we perceive reality...that is why every single one of us is unique, like 1/6,000,000,000 unique...letting negative thoughts engulf you will cause you to truly believe in them because they are so deeply embedded and will make your reality hopeless, full of depression, and fearful...positive thoughts will inspire you to do more things, get active, and live in the present and enjoy life. I think reading a book helps so much because it takes my mind off things and allows me to explore my mind. For those who have trouble with sleeping, I suggest you start reading...it calms your anxiety and shuts down the thinking processes of the mind, allowing you to fall asleep easier. Things that are helpful to know: -Yes you can HPPD from just marijuana, I am 100% positive it wasn't laced and that this led to my problem. -Reading and exercise are very good for the anxiety related issues. But make sure you don't overdo your exercise... I wrestled for a couple months for school and the over exertion made me go through a period of hell on earth for a few weeks. My symptoms magnified like x3. -No SSRIs, my theory is that HPPD comes from an imbalance in the neurotransmitters and if you take the wrong drug it will continue to put an adverse effect on the unbalanced neurotransmitters and worsen HPPD. SSRI inhibit the reuptake of Serotonin. -Clonazepam (klonopin) will decrease anxiety and has been proven to be very helpful in treating HPPD but not curing it. The Benzo class drugs have an effect on the GABA receptors in the brain and the amygdala which controls anxiety and flight or fight response in the brain. -Accept it, move on, forget. It WONT go away unless to make an effort to stop it. RESPECT TO EVERYONE GOING THROUGH HPPD, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY. JUST KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY! MUCH LOVE
  22. Hello guys, i already posted a bit of this text as a guest, (also DTrooper), just thought let´s make a new topic to introduce myself: ...I´m 19 years Old, male, born in spain living in germany now...I have a Job, a Flat, everything´s going well....Before 2 Months i tripped some LSD...i think (really don´t know) i also have HPPD, after taking lsd 2 times...it´s not like you think, everything is (almost) normal...i can cause flashbacks when i want and stop them when i want....it´s really strange, if i stare at a grafitti, nothing happens...if i wish myself it should move it does...if i wish myself it should stop, it stop´s.... I can control it completely....I just lived a month like always, without making a flashback, now after a month without flashbacks i still can cause them, but how said i can completely control it....So i´m really lucky about that i can control it, i won´t take it anymore, i don´t have to, i can cause it anytime i want, and stop it anytime i want...sounds stupid, you may won´t believe, i had alot of luck.....anyways i know it could have been worse, just fucking happy about it all happened like this, i won´t take hard drugs anymore. I only tripped LSD twice, after first taking i just got HDDP on my Grafitti-wall: two days after my first trip i still saw the grafitti moving...i just thought ok just a wall, it will go away... the second trip got me to my level now: i can cause Flashs when i want, just noticed it a week after consuming. seriously i´m not annyoed by it because it doesn´t influences me, if i dont´want the flash it doen´t comes, i dont wake up and instantly a flash is starting, everything is normal like always just that i can give myself a flash... i´m going crazy about this, just have to realize its HPPD, maybe it will get worse, who knows. So here´s the list of my symptoms: Flashback only starts if i wish myself a flashback. I can stop it immediatly when i want. The Flashback causes: Flag-movíng, (also to music) Kind of "doubling" the object. Kind of looking deeper and deeper to the object. No changes on hearing music, or intensed colours No depersonalization, Floaters or derealization. No changes about my charakteristics, just asked my friends everything like always, i also feel like always. No Panik-attacks or anything like that. It´s moving like this: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/gallery/image/8-demonstrationg-image/ I only have Visual aftereffects from it, nothing else.... I will consider a NeuroDoc in the next week, hopefully theyll know what is going on... Anyone having the same?....
  23. WOLF70M

    Regression

    Hey guys, lately things have been getting worse for me. I have had HPPD for about 8 months now and by months 4 and 5 I thought I had it under control. I have been drug free since month 2, and for the past 5 weeks things have been getting progressively worse to the point where today and yesterday were probably the worst things have ever been for me HPPD wise. I can't get the HPPD off my mind and its making me so anxious. I feel hungry, but I can't eat it don't know if this has anything to do with the HPPD. Worst of all the techniques that used to help me cope have not been working very well. Has something like this happened to anyone else? if so how did you cope with it?
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