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Found 182 results

  1. mandawithapanda

    Finally.

    Well, hello there everyone! My name is Amanda, I'm 23 and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have HPPD. At first, I didn't really know what I was going through. When I was 15 I had taken LSD for the first time and had a wonderful time. Then when I was 18 I experimented with some RC's. I started to notice that from time to time I'd start to see visuals on the floor and walls but I thought it was pretty cool at the time..hah. Then finally at age 19 was when I took some LSD that was from the Grateful dead family and that's just when things took a turn for the worst..I took 2 tabs of it and let's just say it was the strongest freaking acid I've ever had. I also smoked a really fat bowl and shortly after I seriously thought that I was going to die. My tracers weren't as colorful and making me happy as they usually would and the room felt like it was enclosing on me. I actually started to lose my mind and my grip on reality..which wasn't even that tight to begin with. Scared me enough to never touch acid again. So here I am today, 4 years later and that trip still comes back to haunt me. When I roll on MDMA and even smoke weed the visuals come back and my heart starts pounding extremely hard and the room feels like it's enclosing on me. Sometimes, when I'm in my room in the dark I still feel like I'm tripping. It keeps me up at night and I just can't help but think to myself...is this really gonna happen to me for the rest of my life? How can I do anything for myself if this is all I can ever think about? I honestly thought that I was the only one going through this because a lot of my friends are acid heads and when I try to explain to them what's going on in my head..they just think I'm crazy. But then I found this wonderful website thanks to Reddit! It makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one going through this. I really hope to find different ways to help me either let this fade away or learn how to cope. For whomever took the time to read this, thank you so much. I really hope I get to hear back from some of you it would help me a lot.
  2. I've had what i believe to be HPPD for about 3 years now, after a slew of mushroom trips around age 15. I cant pinpoint exactly when i started showing symptoms because i feel they came on very subtly and gradually, and after 3 long years, seem to still be worsening. I remember the first thing i noticed was a light visual snow or static fuzziness that i could only see at night or in dark places, then slowly it started becoming more noticeable with time. I would start then seeing the visual snow or static fuzziness during the day time, most noticeably when looking at something solid and with minimal detail, like a wall or a cloudless sky. The trend of it getting worse continued, i would start getting progressively stronger tracer vision, beginning with things like car and street lights at night. As before, over a few months these symptoms began to translate over to during the day time. Now its to the point where i get tracers as simply as slowly running my hand past my eyes, and the visual snow is strong like what you see on a television that isn't getting any signal. The visual snow even forms into psychedelic shapes sometimes, spirals and things that look like your phone screen when there is grease on it. This is most often at night and in the morning when i am tired, but is not limited to that. When i close my eyes all i can see are these weird colorful randomly moving shapes and images. If i do something like read a book or read something on my computer, when i close my eyes i just see randomly occurring letters and numbers, and this lasts for 15 minutes or so. Florescent lights make all the symptoms particularly strong, so you can imagine school was quite difficult.There are halos around almost everything i look at, especially letters and numbers. My memory and ability to think straight and clearly feels like its degenerating. I cant focus on anything, and having ADHD doesn't help aha. I've also dealt with things anxiety and depression and depersonalization and severe migraines so that cant be helping. Ive completely stopped all substances except alcohol, the occasional cigarette and the occasional joint to help deal with the stress. But i used all 3 of these things and more up until about a year ago. none of it was hallucinogenic though My point of posting this was not to for attention or plead my case on how hard it is to live with. I know there are people on here that have it worse than i do, but i rather just posted this to see if anybody can relate to my experience so far and has dealt with a similar situation. I haven't read many stories of people with HPPD that seems to be progressively getting worse, so i'm just seeing if someone can confirm its HPPD and not something else. I've been to countless doctors across Toronto and most of them have even heard of HPPD, let alone how to treat it haha, so i kind of gave up on the medical route. Ive had brain scans that all came back negative for anything so HPPD seems to be the only thing i have found that matches my symptoms. Its a scary thought thinking about what it might amount to if the symptoms keep exaggerating like they are doing now. Its only been three years so its pretty debilitating thinking about what it might be like after 10...20...years etc if it doesnt stop, as i only just turned 18 aha. This is my first post so any replies or support really helps, thanks. -Cal
  3. jeffy

    when it started - now

    Hello ladies and gents, my name is jeff, I'm 22 and I've had HPPD for about a year. this is my first post so i guess ill start from the beginning. i started off my tripping career with lsd when i was probably about 18-19. it was very rare that it would come around until one day when one of my friends met a kid at his job who we'll call the trippy guy. anyways as soon as he came along we started tripping on shrooms or acid like 2-3 times a week. one night after i had taken shrooms but before they had kicked in my friends convinced me to smoke dmt. it was the most magical fun thing ever but as soon as it wore off i felt different. i felt like i had changed my life and could never go back, (note i was not yet experiencing any symptoms of HPPD) the thought of being different was very scary for me. needless to say i had an awful trip on those shrooms. anyway at one point i came into a large free amount of shrooms, and was tripping almost every night. then i remember one night i took acid, and MDMA everything was normal, but when i woke up there was a film of rainbow static over my vision. i thought it was just that the acid hadn't worn off and it would be gone the next day. and believe it or not, it was gone the next day. so i thought nothing of it and continued to trip all the time. then there was one night, i was in a night club, and my friend said he could get me molly. i remember taking it but blacked out shortly after because of how drunk i was, but my friends told me i took acid later that night too. well anyway i don't know what i got in the club, (possibly an RC?) but i believe thats what lead to me having HPPD. i woke up on the floor all filthy from the night before, so i went home to shower but i remember feeling different, and the rainbow static was back. again i just figured it would go away after a while but this time it didn't. i also noticed my thinking patterns where different. all i could think about was everything being connected. like the whole universe. i wanted to know the origins of everything that exists so badly, and why our society, and all societies have developed into the way that they are. i began to think of humans as more of just animals that can talk, and have very conveniently capable bodies. as time went on, i noticed more and more symptoms. the normal ones, like after images, tracers, eye floaters, but never have i experienced halos, breathing walls, scrambled texts, geometric patterns or ghost images floating above things. i was scared and knew even before i looked it up that the drugs had done something. i completely stopped hallucinogen use, but continued to smoke weed, and drink very heavily. neither of which seemed to agitate my symptoms. I've noticed that my symptoms only seem to bother me when I'm alone, or if I'm doing some tedious task where I'm not talking, and my thoughts can just wander. i haven't gotten any anxiety from hppd, and actually prefer to be in social settings. anyways about 3 months after it started i tripped on acid again 2 days in one week. i didn't notice any new symptoms, or worsening of my current ones, and the trip felt just like it did before all this. however this past summer i did some MDMA with my friends, and the next day (luckily only for one day) my vision was absolutely f'd. the street was flashing black and white, the static was way worse, if i stared at a blank wall, or the sky it literally looked like i was going through a purple and blue vortex. well none the less i haven't done MDMA since, but i have done acid, shrooms, and even dmt once. one night i actually took acid, LSA, and shrooms and it did noting to my hppd. i have however noticed that after a weekend of drinking cheap booze with my friends in heavy amounts i'll feel really strange for a day or 2. like everything I've ever known about life that seemed normal at one point is extremely confusing. like i look at another person and just knowing that they're just as conscious as i am is like... impossible to grasp. I've noticed that i'm far more empathetic. i feel like when i look at a person now i have a much better understanding of the fact that even tho they appear as happy and normal, on the inside they might be a totally crushed spirit. I've also noticed that my fear of death has increased substantially, and i don't understand how death can even be a real thing. i also have a fear of bugs now which was non existent before. my dreams have also gotten pretty wacky, they're often about other planets that don't even exist, or something else crazy. but to sum everything up i guess id say i have very mild HPPD, and its more mental than visual. ill bet into more details in other posts i guess, this ones seems long enough. lol
  4. So after my first lsd trip I got hppd, but it was a VERY mild trip. My hppd is also mild. But ever since the trip I have felt just kind of off. Like things and colors look slightly different than before, and in a group of people the noises kind of sound different. I'm also pretty spaced out. I just feel a little different, but everyone says I act the same. It doesn't really fit the comategory of full blown depersonalization, but it could be minor dr or do or something... Is this just part of my hppd? Or is this what they call a "perspective change" from psychedelics. It kinda bothers me so I hope it's just part of hppd. Thx for responses
  5. I don't really know where to start and I'm not sure how long this is going to be so I apologise in advance lol. So I'll start at the beginning, I'm 19 and I've tried LSD 5 times in the past year. I first tried it with some family members as I had red ALOT on lsd. I've always wanted to know what I was getting into before I tried a drug (I've only actually smoked weed and done lsd). The experience was amazing, noting crazy but just chilled. I did this 3 more times with mates instead and they were all great as well, no HPPD at this point, until early October last year. I took a 120ug with some friends, nothing crazy happened and was actually a bit of a let down, so I managed to cut another tab into 4 (me and 3 others taking it). Nothing, so we met a friend to smoke a spliff as I heard it can kickstart a trip. That's when things went really, really bad for me. I started tripping like crazy and got really scared really fast. I'd red on what to do when going into a bad trip but all my knowledge at that point in time went straight out the window. It wasn't the actual visuals that freaked me out, it was a seriously intense fear of everything. I was generally petrified and thought my body was shutting down and I was going to die. I didn't even want to go to sleep (this went on till 4am) , the visuals were VERY intense though, swirls and some serious colour over my vision, I could barely walk, this went on for 6 hours but felt like a week. Worst experience of my life. After the bad trip that's when I started to notice changes in my vision and perception. I get halos, trails in lights, light burns on my vision and my general perception feels slightly off most of the time. I feel it comes In waves, when I'm distracted or with people/friends I don't tend to get the discontinued feeling or perception changes, but when I'm working or chilling by myself, I'm more aware of it. I've red so much on how long hppd can last and have not plucked up the courage to share my story to the community for advice until now. I sometimes go into an anxious mood and it's a slight feeling of what I had on the bad trip. I'm guessing my anxiety is tied with it so it relates back to it whenever I'm feeling anxious? If someone could confirm that, that would be good. I've got friends who want to smoke weed in the summer with me and I said I'd wait at least 8-9 months before trying a joint again. Do you guys think it's a good idea or what I should do. Honestly any advice on anything I've said would really help, or any comment on it at all. If you've red this far I really appreciate you for checking my story out, look forward to seeing some replies
  6. So after my first lsd trip I got hppd, but it was a VERY mild trip. My hppd is also mild. But ever since the trip I have felt just kind of off. Like things and colors look slightly different than before, and in a group of people the noises kind of sound different. I'm also pretty spaced out. I just feel a little different, but everyone says I act the same. It doesn't really fit the comategory of full blown depersonalization, but it could be minor dr or do or something... Is this just part of my hppd? Or is this what they call a "perspective change" from psychedelics. It kinda bothers me so I hope it's just part of hppd. Thx for responses
  7. So I got hppd from literally half a tab of lsd about 4-5 months ago. After I got it I smoked weed a little because I wasn't totally sure I had, but this made my symptoms worse. So about a month ago I decided to quit all drugs, and I will be quitting cigarettes soon too. My symptoms consist of: visual snow, mild afterimages, slight tracers, light sensitivity, anxiety and minor depression. I also have slight depersonalization but it's so minor to the point where I can ignore it. I was recently put on Zoloft for the anxiety, but I can't tell if it's making my visuals slightly worse. I would rate my hppd overall as mild, so I need an opinion on whether or not I should quit the Zoloft and go completely drug free for a year or so, because I'm really hoping if I do that the visuals will just go completely away on their own since my hppd is mild. Because I've heard some people's goes away with time if they quit drugs. Opinions?
  8. Hello folks, I just stood up as every morning and... still there's this shit. I don't want this anymore. Seriously. I'm from Germany, I'm 24 now and still in high school. I have been on leave for about 3 years because of my problems. I did LSD and several other drugs including MDMA, amphetamines, DXM and cannabis starting with cannabis at the age of about 18 for about 3 years. My last LSD trip was in 2013. I did LSD 5 times. I was in rehab for my drug abuse and I'm in a psychotherapy since about 1.5 years now. In 2015 I continued school and I will hopefully finish it this year. But I feel like I messed up my whole life. Seriously. Everyone in my age here is finishing university now while I havn't even started. They have good jobs and some are in an age where they raise a family. And what do I have? I have fucking nothing. Well it doesn't matter what I have now for sure. That's true. What matters is how I will be in 10 or 20 years you think? It's true but we all know what is in 10 or 20 years. I am still going to have this shit. And it's just fucking destroying my life. I can't concentrate, I can't learn. I can't anything. It's just not possible to do anything rather than sitting in front of my computer everyday. I'm glad there's the internet for sure so I can still talk to some guys on Skype. I'm not sure if it's really HPPD. My mother is schizophrenic and maybe it's just some form of schizophrenia. I have mainly visual hallucinations, brain-fog, depression.I don't have any other hallucinations but who knows. From the images on the internet I saw about HPPD it looks similar, but a little bit different. I'm also not sure if I should call my visual snow really visual snow because it's too intense somehow. I got a lot meds in rehab. Neuroleptics did nothing to me, benzodiazepines work well. The problem is: I also became a benzodiazpine addict in 2013 so I'm not even allowed to do benzodiazepines anymore. I just don't have any relief now. I'm on antidepressants and they help a little bit with sleep and anxiety. I sleep about 10-12 hours a day, sometimes I sleep even longer just to escape reality. I'm so scared of this shit I even dream about HPPD symptoms every night. I think about commiting suicide every day. Psychiatrists can't help me. A doctor even told me "What should I do? What have you thought what I can do about it before you visited me?". In Germany also no one knows anything about HPPD because here the ICD-10 classification system is used and there is no equivalent diagnosis for HPPD like in the DSM system. If you tell them you read something about it on the internet they think you're just hypochondric. Therapist can't help me. I even thought about I might be just hypochondric. Who knows. And please don't tell me to exercise, taking vitamins and eating good and all that stuff. We all know it doesn't help a shit, it's just a placebo effect. Just be honest. Maybe not even HPPD is the main problem. Maybe just my depression because HPPD always reminds me of my drug abuse. It's always somehow subversively "telling" me "Look you have been such an idiot... you deserve this shit. How could you do any drugs? Everyone knows they are harmful and know it's your responsibility you have to take. Don't cry you little bitch!". I can't accept it. I just want this nightmare to end, but it won't ever end. I want to go back in time and change everything. I can't accept I got this shit because I was stupid when I was younger and now I'm 24 and still have this shit and I'll be soon 30 years old, just in 6 short years and nothing changes. I don't know what I should do anymore. I just have messed up my life. I still want to study but I'm not sure if I will ever be able to function in life. I want a normal job where I can live from. And now we see this nationalist movements everywhere in the world and globalisiation. It's just a question of time and there probably won't even be any social security systems anymore. How will I live then when I'm not able to have job? HOW? Will a rob a bank to pay my rent because I have no other options and will end up in jail? Seriously, that's what I think about life and politics at the moment. I see I'm getting a little bit off topic. But that's how I feel at the moment. edit: I didn't do any drugs for about 2 years now, no alcohol and no nicotine by the way.
  9. Floaty

    Hppd help

    does anyone here have difficulty watching anything in motion? I have noticed ever since dxm last year anything that will fluidly be in motion normally seems to create a vibrating effect especially when watching something on tv such as someone walking from one spot to another. Instead of seeing their motion normally it seems like the frame rate slows down, I have also noticed extremely noticeable tracers when viewing any lightscource. Let's say I look at an LED clock and shift my focus to something else the LED clocks light follows my eyes focus and creates a very long streak of light, I have started to develop a sort of OCD over these issues ever since I noticed them. This has been like this the last year and a half. I have taken what I thought was lsd 10 times in a span of 2 years, dxm 2 times and mainly weed. What really sucks is that I do realize weed may effect this too but it is also my means of coping with this horrible issue. I'm just so confused on this situation and am wanting to know if anyone else here experiences something similar to this.
  10. hellogoodbye

    Do you think I have hppd?

    Hello. I wanted some advice to see if what I am experiencing is HPPD. Little bit of background, I did lsd almost 2 years ago. I only did it once and I always feel like such an idiot for doing it. I didn't even want to, but all of my friends peer pressured me into doing it and after awhile I finally caved in. (Not friends with them anymore.) Anyway, that was in about March/April of 2015. I felt fine, didn't have any symptoms that I know of. A few months later I got on heavy medicine for arthritis and then I had wisdom teeth surgery and that's when I started feeling weird. (Just lazy mostly, and anxious) I asked my brother and he told me about hppd, I read the symptoms and I remember saying "no way I don't have any of that". Later in the year (while taking 2 medicines for my arthritis I developed a ringing in my ear, a symptom of the medicine). My medicine also made me never hungry and I lost 30 pounds in just a few months! (Went to docs and they just kept me on) So then later about February of 2016 my brother and I were talking and this topic came up. I began freaking out and couldn't believe I ever did a drug. I started seeing static vision after rereading the symptoms. Then I had the worse week of my life to date: two people I cared about died in less than a week apart. I was in school so I couldn't leave, but my family left for one of the funerals states away. I was all alone and my anxiety got to extreme levels. I couldn't eat, and I kept throwing up. I took myself to the doctor and my blood pressure was so high she immediately put me on anxiety medicine. After a week on it, my eyes seemed to have gotten more sensitive to light. If I was exposed to super bright light for a long time I saw kind of like circles going into the center. I immediately got off that medicine but this weird thing kept going for awhile. It can still sometimes happen if it's super bright or I'm very very stressed (plus brightness). This was a year later. 2016 was so bad for me because I really believe my anxiety started giving me symptoms. I got off one of the medicines and my eyes and ears felt so much better. However, it is still slightly there. (And I'm still on one of the medicines). My current symptoms are: static vision only when looking at weird patterns or darkness, light sensitivity (plus the weird circle thing which only happens when bright), and in certain lighting I will see like hand trails in my peripheral vision, (I'm super pale, so only like with a dark background, not any colors, just like my skin tone) and eye floaters. However, I have asked my dad and he also has a hard time seeing certain patterns and a lot of people in my family see floaters. I also have always had bigger pupils and my eye doctor always has told me I had sensitive eyes. None of these symptoms started until a year after I took lsd and I had been on three different heavy medications. I feel a lot better today and the topic doesn't scare me as much, but do you think these lasting symptoms are from taking lsd once before? Or do you think it is because of the medicine I am on? (Which includes symptoms such as light sensitivity, dizziness, halos, blurry vision). Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to make sure I included all the details! Thank you in advance. Also any advice would be greatly appreciated!
  11. Dear Community, The initial results are public. Dr. Abraham presented the report at the Annual Meeting of the Biological Psychiatry Society earlier this year. I have included a copy of the Abstract in this post and providing a link to Dr. Abraham's additional discussion and graphs at the bottom. My emphasis added, but to restate Dr. Abraham's website: "This study is NOT the gold standard of proof that this approach works. . .These medications are not approved for use in HPPD. Any interest in them should be discussed with your physician." I know we have discussed COMT, genetic variations and watched the board's discussion move from the serotonin system to the dopaminergic system having originally focused on the GABAergic system. These are not systems locked in single compartments, single receptors and single cell types, but have complex interactions and as you are aware we are just touching the surface of Neural Science and Behavior/Perception. However, the basic discussion was on target: Dr. Abraham hypothesized that inhibition of COMT would reduce symptoms in HPPD. Consequently, COMT inhibitors were tolcapone and Sinemet Again, these are not approved for HPPD and should only be tried with a clinician. Here is the abstract from the conference: Catechol-O-Methyl Tranferase Inhibition Reduces Symptoms of Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder Henry D. Abraham, Psychiatry, Tufts University, Boston, MA Background: Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (HPPD) is a poorly understood disorder arising from the use of hallucinogens. It is characterized by continuous visual disturbances which can be lifelong. There is no known treatment. Studies of HPPD patients with qEEG mapping show that the disorder is represented by disinhibition in the cerebral cortex. Inhibition of catechol-O-methyl transferase (COMT) increases inhibition of sensory input in humans carrying the G/G polymorphism. Accordingly, I hypothesized that inhibition of COMT would reduce symptoms in HPPD. Methods: A single-dose, open label trial of a tolcapone, carbidopa, and L-dopa was conducted in 17 consecutive HPPD subjects. Visual symptoms in each subject were coded on a 0 to 7 Likert scale before, and two hours after, drug administration. A paired Student t-test was used to determine statistical significance. Results: The mean pre-drug visual symptom score for the entire sample was 4.7 +/- 2.6, compared to the post-drug score of 3.7 +/- 2.8 (P= .001). A post hoc median split of the percent response of each subject was 51% symptom reduction in the upper half of responders compared to 1% in the lower half, suggesting a bimodal sample. Conclusions: Inhibition of COMT is a novel approach in the treatment of HPPD. The bimodal treatment response is consistent with the action of a functional polymorphism in the COMT gene. Future directions include a double blind, placebo controlled trial of this treatment and a determination of COMT polymorphism in responders and non-responders. Keyword(s): HPPD, COMT, tolcapone, carbidopa, DOPA (Retrieved from Convention eBook downloaded from: http://www.sobp.org/...?pageid=345267; Kindle Locations 21096-21098. SOBP. Kindle Edition.) LINK TO Dr. Abraham's Web Page regarding this study: http://amrglobal.pow...atment-for-hppd Best wishes, - David Kozin
  12. Ok so one of my most terrifying symptoms usually happens when I am engaging in conversation and eye contact with a person. All of a sudden my perception will change and I wIll perceive the person I'm talking to as some sort of weird talking animal / alien. The colour of their face changes to normally an orange / yellow and all of their features become massively exaggerated. People with "unusual" faces or distinct features cause me the biggest problems. It's so hard to put into words but it really does freak me out and send me into a panic attack. It feels like there is a part in the brain that tells us we know that we are part of the same species as this person I am looking at and that it has been messed with. Anyone ever experience anything similar?
  13. LosAndreas36

    Hello, community!

    Hello people. I'm from Russia, yeah i know english, but not perfect, but i hope you can understand and help me okay, i tried some kind of psychedelic drug in january 2014. Dosage was 30 mg, white powder. Trip was nice but after i felt headache (often after effect of that drug). It was 2c i think or something, with beatiful visuals but not very deep. Then i started to experience some strange things. It was looking like my IQ droped down. I was slow, really easy stared at 1 point in front my eyes, it was really difficul to turn my sight away (like indica stone, you know). it was like in foggy dream i guess, i think it was derealization. subjectivly it was hard to concentrate and think. also when i was "stoned" (it really pissed me off because it's easy to get stone, even in toilet, or at traffic light. some visual noice, floaters, and shit was noticable, but i'll tell more about this later. but those symptoms gone, idk how and when. then i did some cubensis, but cake was moldy, and i thought my kidneys problem was about eating shrooms from moldy cake, but before cubensis i was in car accident, and i think that was kidney problem, but motuh ago i was in hospital for week, my kidneys are good so, i ate them, it was best trip in my life. i alwasy reministing about it, and i want almost to cry. then i ate them 3 times more (last time in june). in july, i tried euphoric stimulant, after that was few days very heavy hangover,(slowness, i guess even derealization, i was tired because no sleep, and even after sleep i was feeling like i was in hell and came back) i thought i did damage to my brain. but it was gone i guess, can't really remember. then i did shroms again (beggining of August), cake was moldy too (if you are don't know, it must be without any contamination, but in wild shrooms are growing with mold and other shrooms, so they are no sterile, i think that is not problem) trip was difficult, bad one, but after i felt myself good or neutral (can't really remember my feelings after trip)..then, in few weeks, smoothly started feel weird. some stone feelings, some slowness. after that i smoked marijuana, like 10 or more times in september, marijuana coming down and hangover was really weird, also very strange thoughts while high, like i'm fucking mental patient..then i did weed again (in middle october) with 17 cubensis shrooms, i did not remember alot, but it was not bad trip (even euphoric bcz of weed i guess) with hangover and headache next day (some experience hangover even from weed, like me in last mouths, and with shrooms it's not very surprising...)..so i'll tell what i feel now 1. slowness (but now not. after some coffeine i feel better and even can dance, but mind still slow or weird, like in smoke you know), slowed thinking (subjectivly) 2. feel myself like brain damaged or oligophrenic, while can speak even on philosophical themes, even not in my main language,(sorry guys, my english not ideal, i think i can practise with you guys) 3. visual things like floaters, some visual noice, afterimages when look at sky (sky seems bright, sometimes very), light, or even on just things, or when coming in dark room. also very strange feeling when i look on geometric things like exercise book (square sheet), a regular square tiles, sometimes wallpaper looks strange (wallpapers i think because of snow) , or even my jacket, sleeve on pereferic sight it can flash or look weird, i can't explain it, it can move or just look weird. i think some traces but not very heavy. almost everything, except afterimages and noice is when i'm stoned (look down what i mean by stoned) when i look at the some pages (websites with wavy structure or even if not wavy), and turn my eyes away, i can see wavy or fluted shit in few seconds, like 5 or about so. it's afterimage? if yes, i experience it often. it's like you watch the sun, and you can spot after it,. when i look at words, i notice them like they outlined or with halo, can't say if its visual noice or something else. blue field entopic, but i think it's normal. just tried to stare at wallpaper for few seconds, noice, and it's very strange, few of the pieces of wallpaper changes, it's maybe because of light, not everywhere i can see that. i think i experienced something like this while trippin shhroms 4. in centre of sight some little sparks sometimes, it's hard to notice, or that because of visual snow idk they are pretty same 5.memory is bad, can forget words or things, but i heard derealization may be reason 6. main, (with mind slow and bad memory, and staring in point in front of my eyes, like indica stone,) the derealization (or maybe it's not). world seems distant, mind is foggy, really foggy, everything is not like it have to be. like i'm under hood, not just visual perception is distant , mind is foggy and distant too. year ago i experienced shit like that, ( i even came to psychiatrist) and i was also experiencing feeling of no thought, "empty head" 7. sometimes hard to speak, idk why, voice seems weird, i can say shit inapposite, or say something without any reasons, so i'm very inapposite. sometimes forget words. (probably depersonalization? voice seems weird ) 8. hypochondria and paranoia, i think i'm brain damaged, oligophrenic, schizophrenia, and other mental disorders. people often say something against me, or wanted to call cops and shit (even if they are not, i think they are going to do bad things, or watch out for cars, even sometimes watch for cops. no hallucination just suspicion and mistrust. (there is reasons for worry, but not so paranoid) 9.after run (i started running, thought that this will help me) i felt myself really worse, stoned as fuck and fogged. it's getting worse after physical exercise. also i think i'm feeling myself better tonight than after waking up. 10. when stoned, and my eyes stare at 1 point, then can unfocus and it's really hard sometimes to move my body (even when my eyes stoned i can type, that what i'm doing now, sometimes hard to move in another pose, while can speak and do something, so body and sight are "nailed". also strange feeling in body (like i'm becoming stone, excatly stone, or froze) 11. some headaches but it's maybe bcz of smart drugs, they are dilates blood vessels so not sure. i'm sleeping from 5 to 7 hours, sometimes 8, somewhen 8-12, or more and i still feel myself foggy and slow. so it's not always easy to speak with other people, hard to concentrate bcz when i relax even on 1 second i start to stone. people just can notice i'm abit slow and that's all, if i don't tell them they probably will not notice my troubles, so i think maybe it's ALL subjectivly and i'm not brain damaged? even no IQ lose? hppd isn't brain damage, i want to know is this is hppd or i burn my brains bcz of drugs ? not heavy use it may looks like brain damage but i think the foggy mind, memory, and distant and strange perception it's worst, visual things not getting me sick. i think it's DP and DR, not encephalopathy. i did review of my head blood vessels is okay, some little troubles with venous drainage in one side, but it's not bad. i did smart drugs, lots of them, they maybe even helped me, but my mind and perception are still foggy and distant. i have seen neurologogist, i think i visited 3 or even more. they said, vasoneurosis, astenia, hypochondria (3 different diagnosis from 3 doctors), said sleep more get rest and shit, but it started in summer, i was sleeping alot when it started, so idk. sometimes it was even hard to read a book, but now i think i'm able to read. p.s sorry for my english, i want to go sleep now, and you know that i think i'm very stupid after that starts,,,so sorry.please tell me can be this HPPD ? in my opinion, i want it to be DP DR not braindamage p.s2 no depression when i think it's hppd and it will gone, when i think i will live with that, i feel myself bad. but still good mood at all, i try to keep it p.s3 The visual problems of HPPD can occur along with other mental ailments. Of these, the most prominent are anxiety, panic attacks, depersonalization disorder, and depression. p.s4 i really hope that is HPPD, because then i will not really worry about it. also i don't use drugs anymore. even weed. weed relax body but mind become paranoid as hell. if you can say something, please, help me, because doctors are don't know what is HPPD and they will put in me in a psychiatric hospital or drug treatment clinic, although I have no dependencies and I can exist in a society, even with foggy perception.
  14. More or less, I was wondering what everyone thought about taking MDMA after recovering from HPPD. If anyone has any of their own experiences as well that would be fantastic. I'll give some background information to my HPPD to help you decide whether you think I could take MDMA again, and just in case anyone is interested in my HPPD journey. I'm pretty sure my HPPD is primarily, if not exclusively weed related. My symptoms have been visual (visual snow, moving lines, and by far my biggest symptom was violent shaking of my peripheral vision), anxiety (largely caused by the vision symptoms), and small amounts of DP/DR. My HPPD began in March 2015 and in the year prior to this I smoked weed a few times a week and took LSD, MDMA and 2CB a few times as well. However from December 2014 - February 2015 whenever I got too high I would experience the violent shaking of my peripheral vision for the duration of my high. In February I stopped taking drugs, and then in March the visual shaking began happening while I was sober. I then experienced all of the symptoms permanently. Hence I believe weed caused my HPPD because my symptoms began while I was high on weed. Since getting HPPD I stopped all drugs use completely besides alcohol (which has little if any effect on my HPPD). The first few weeks were hell, constant panic attacks about my shaky vision. Over the next 3 months, until June, my symptoms became manageable but still very uncomfortable. Since July I have no longer experienced the shaking of my peripheral vision whatsoever. I would say that I have been cured since around the beginning of October or mid-October. My DP/DR is completely gone. My peripheral vision no longer shakes. My only lingering symptoms are visual snow (which is dying down, I no longer get this every day and when I do it's very minor) and small amounts of anxiety, which I probably had before HPPD anyway. Straight lines still wiggle a little bit, but my symptoms are now essentially unnoticeable unless I focus on them, so I consider myself cured. I imagine that my symptoms will have gone entirely within a few months from now. So, bearing all this in mind, does anyone have any thoughts on taking MDMA on a rare basis from now on? I have no intention to smoke weed or take psychedelics in the foreseeable future, but I'm desperate to take 200mg of MDMA this weekend. I have never reacted negatively to MDMA in the last and not have I ever had any open eye hallucinations on MDMA.
  15. Hi, hope you guys are doing well. I'm starting my blog as many others do .. I took LSD 8 weeks ago and have a couple of concerning symptoms I would like to share with you. The 2 - 3 weeks after I took acid I was very dizzy / had vertigo (when I walked around it felt like being on a boat). I went to a doctor and an ENT-specialist, but they didn't find anything. The dizzyness now almost disappeard, but I still have a blurry vision especially when things or me : ) are moving fast. I still have a constant headache, even though it is also already better than at the beginning (I had awful neck pain at the back of my head). I still feel like having a constant hangover though! When I'm outside a lot I can feel that all the impressions are a lot to process for my head. E.g. the front of my brain is working a lot/is struggling processing all the information. I also feel sick most of the time .. which I think is due to my blurry/dizzy vision! I don't have a lot of symptoms described in the blogs/forum though (e.g. trails, frames, etc.) This is why I'm questioning that I have HPPD. Did someone have a similar experience? Does this end anyday soon? The last couple of weeks I didn't notice that it's getting better. I'm therefore afraid that it isn't going away. I started to freak out a little bit last weekend as it seemed to get worse again. Would love to hear your opinions? I planned to go to the Neurologist in a few days .. I don't think though this will be very helpful. Many thanks in advance.
  16. Hi, I'm new to the forum. I have had HPPD symptoms for about 3 months now. I took a 150mg dose of BK-2cb powder (2c analogue) had an incredibly strong and terrifying trip that lasted 18 hours +. 3 weeks after the trip I had no problems at all except I got a bad ear infection and went to the doctor about that. She prescribed me a decongestant nasal spray which I used daily for about a week. I don't know if it was the spray that triggered it but after using that spray things turned very bad indeed. Anyway, the one thing that is causing me the most fear at the moment is the problems I am having with my vision changing into a slow frame rate version of reality. When I look at my hands moving they move like a flip book animation and then it happens to my whole vision, I get anxious and it just gets worse. I then have to go to the toilet at work to take deep breaths and calm myself down to make it stop. Has anyone else had any experiences like this? I'm just wondering if it's HPPD or if its a symptom of a Psychosis.
  17. Today I took 1.5 mg of klonopin. I feel so relieved right now. My dp/dr is virtually gone, i could care less about visuals, and im anxiety free right now. I was wondering if klonopin helps you guys this much. The problem though is that when it wears off i fall back into the dp/ anxiety cycle. And btw, is it normal to feel relief from klonopin for up to 2 days? Thats generally how long i feel relief from it for.
  18. brake

    Lyme & HPPD

    Just wondering if anyone of you survived Lyme and HPPD simultaneously?
  19. Hello! i write this thread for say all the possitive things i win through HPPD. I tart first with beginig: I meet HPPD in my first time with 25x NBome as the 15 years old (i ever was impulsive, just really bad set & setting) , after really bad trip i go to a hospital and after the administration of "medication" the bad trip loss anxiety but.... the visuals no left. I say before the trip with 25x Nbome i taste Salvia divinorum (very strong trip, to much respect now), coke , Benzo's and weed , but i not have any secuels for that (except the salvia , a seriously existencial doubt jeje ) really bad firsts months, with strong medication, i left that after 1 month, slowy, because i try left it fast and have a ugly abstinence syndrome (from antypsychotics and benzos) ,with a strong up from synthomps after that i tried with a long list of medication, but i left that and after it, i NOT go back to use medication, just benzos fro recreational use NOW , 1 3/4 year after left the medication, im feel good, really good, "taming" the hppd, the syntoms really back with the time, for moments was like never will progess , but the aceptation was the solution. After left the medication, i never will ahve anxiety, i really think the cause of the anxiety, is the medication, the fear to the future, u must just accept u life, like in salvia trip, i forget my self, i was think "who i am?" "whare are i am?" "what is this?" but in a moment i think "mmm.... ok, this my home now" or something like that, nothing of desesperation NOW i can smoke weed, six months ago i was know i cannot smoke weed ,the visuals are to stronger, but and i moment i think "i can with this, i can TAME this" , and in a real trip (i was in a trip for my country, travel picking up cars, i not know the traduction for that, backpag travelist? maybe) in a natural place, in 3 days, i managed to tame the weed, to tame the visuals, to tame my self, because with hppd, weed are really more psychedelic than before, The hppd was a advantage, why? because with DP/DR i was can decide what to do with my life without any conditioning, without the senses of "good or bad" "yes or not" "real or ilussion" , i was think in a neutral point, because the badtrip of 25x NBome was a real disconection of reality and a hard reset of my brain. Now i think , why live in this society? in this anti-natural place? in this not spiritual place, in this big folly? why this globalited people? product of the occidental society, in a little world, with limited posibilities, with conditionings , in a false world , fishbowl, snowbowl, i this matrix when the real world, the world with 100 milions years old, the natural world, that world which is being sacrificed to maintain modern Western society, because in 200 years of "modernity" we destroy most than the 100.000 years old of human existence, for maintein a little false world, than just exist humans and cities. Next year is time to let know the world, the real world, to travel, too feel,to learn, to discover... ...to live sorry if i use bad english, i speak spanish thanks for read Salut.
  20. Hi all :-) I'd like to give an account of my experience with HPPD and related anxiety. I apologize for the length of my post! I'm under the impression that many HPPD-sufferers (though by no means all) began experiencing noticeable symptoms of HPPD after only a few psychedelic experiences. This was not the case for me. I got very interested in psychedelic substances at the age of 16 and did a lot of reading before actually indulging. At the age of 17 I tried LSD for the first time, and had an enjoyable and interesting experience. After this, I began tripping frequently, and by age 18-19 I had gone through 1000mg of 2C-B (another psychedelic compound) and had somewhere in the vicinity of 50 LSD trips. I had noticed slight symptoms of HPPD after using 2C-B quite frequently for a few months (tripping perhaps once every fortnight, sometimes more frequently), but I didn't think much of it. I figured that the effects were probably transient. I then acquired a large amount of 2C-C and some Psilocybe Cubensis mushrooms, while continuing to do LSD once in a while. During the time I used 2C-C, I noticed that my HPPD symptoms were worsening, but I still attributed it to my frequent use of psychedelics, thinking that it would soon die down when I eventually decided to take a proper, long break from using these substances. During all this, I smoked cannabis intermittently, while never becoming a "heavy" smoker by any means. At age 20, I moved to a big city (or at least as big as they come here in Scandinavia) and began studying physics at university. At this time, I made a decision to use psychedelics and cannabis much less frequently. Over the course of the next year, I only tripped a couple of times, and only at somewhat low dosage levels. It was after this period that I realized that my HPPD symptoms (moving coloured splotches, lingering after-images and so on) had not gone away. They seemed to have lessened somewhat, and I paid less attention to them than before. Nonetheless they were clearly noticeable, and somewhat distracting at times. I felt no anxiety in relation to my HPPD symptoms, and decided that they weren't hindering me in my daily life. At this point I slowly began experimenting with psychedelic drugs once again, picking up pace after a few months. Apparently I had not learnt my lesson. A friend and I purchased a rather large amount of 4-HO-MiPT (a psychedelic tryptamine, somewhat akin to mushrooms in effects) and some 25C-NBOMe (a potent psychedelic). At this point we were tripping on a weekly basis. After a couple of months, it became increasingly clear to me that a long hiatus from all psychedelic substances would be needed at some point. But I postponed it. After our last exams we decided that we'd kick back and enjoy ourselves with a bit of newly-purchased 2C-C. I had slept poorly for a couple of days, and really should have gone home and laid down. Instead, I went ahead and ingested a dose of the 2C-C with my partner in crime. This turned out to be a mistake. After an hour, I began noticing that I was unable to have a simple conversation with our trip-sitter (a sober friend who, thankfully, was also present). I thought to myself "I really didn't imagine I would get this high from this stuff". About 15 minutes later it was becoming quite uncomfortable. I mentioned to my friend that it didn't feel like any 2C-C I'd ever had before, and he agreed that it was qualitatively different. I asked him if he thought it was something to worry about, and he responded that he wasn't sure, but that it would perhaps become a problem if it continued growing in strength. By this time I felt extremely hot and my heart was racing. We decided that, since this drug definitely did not resemble 2C-C, we had no idea what it was. We experienced some visuals, but mostly it was the physical effects which were completely different from what we expected. I said, that if we had ingested an unknown drug, which still seemed to be growing in intensity, we might have to go to an emergency room, since there was no way of knowing how long the effects would continue increasing in strength. First we decided to take a cold shower, to see if it would cool us down, as we were experiencing something akin to hyperthermia. It helped a little, but the relief was short-lived, and it did nothing to attenuate the tachycardia we were experiencing. To cut a long story short, we went to the emergency room, which was an unpleasant experience worthy of its own report. The nurse said that I had a resting pulse somewhere in the high 120's, which is definitely not life-threatening. By this time, the effects had died down a little. The next day, I felt very close to normal, albeit somewhat shocked. I paid a visit to another friend, who was smoking a potent synthetic cannabinoid called UR-144, but I chose not to partake in light of the events of the previous night. A few beers later, my judgement somewhat impaired, I chose to try some of the synthetic cannabinoid after all. This was perhaps my biggest mistake. A couple of minutes after smoking the cannabinoid I felt a surge through my body, a tingling sensation which spread to every part of my body. I started shaking somewhat, but I managed to ride it out, and within a few minutes I felt alright, albeit somewhat shaken and quite intoxicated. Soon after, I decided to call it a night and went to bed. I awoke the next morning, and this is where things got uncomfortable. As soon as I opened my eyes, I noticed that my surroundins appeared out of the ordinary. I felt quite high - almost as high as I had done the night before - and my HPPD was very noticeable. I hoped that this intoxication would subside quickly, as I had promised to visit my parents for a family get-together later that day. Upon arriving at my parents' in the evening, I still felt just as out of it. I had difficulty following the conversation, and I was beginning to become very anxious about the whole thing. I decided to tell my parents what had happened, as I felt unable to continue pretending. Soon after I went to lay down. Around midnight I went downstairs and watched some TV with my mom, still feeling very high and physically uncomfortable. I had been feeling a constant tingling sensation throughout my body the whole day. This is when I had my first panic attack, something I've never experienced before. It hit me very quickly, beginning with an sudden surge of intense "tingling" in my body. I jumped up from the couch, shaking and feeling as though I was about to lose all connection with reality. This state of sheer terror lasted for perhaps 2 minutes, after which I slowly returned to a less debilitating level of anxiety. The next day I was still in this highly uncomfortable state, and I had another panic attack. This one was different. It kept building for perhaps ten minutes, before climaxing in a severe panic attack. I was shaking uncontrollably, couldn't even stand up, and my mom even ended up calling the medical services, who had nothing useful to say. The next day I visited my doctor, who prescribed a benzodiazepine (Oxazepam) for the anxiety. This helped somewhat. I didn't have a full-blown panic attack after this. But I still spent more than a week in bed, completely unable to do the simplest things. Even watching TV proved too much. I felt over-stimulated by any sort of stimulus, and was plagued by strange bodily sensations (mostly the tingling feeling) and strong HPPD-like visuals. After being bedridden for well over a week, I managed to go for a few short walks, while still feeling very strange and anxious. I have been getting better very slowly since then, and it has now been five weeks since the night I smoked the cannabinoid (and since I ingested the unknown substance which landed me in the ER). I now only take benzodiazepines on some days, but I am still far from functioning normally. Most of the unpleasant physical sensations have lessened greatly (thank God for that). The most persistent one has been a strong sense of dizziness, but that is getting better as well. The only symptom which is still in full force is my visual HPPD, which has a tendency to bring out anxiety as well, since it reminds me of the state I'm in.
  21. I've been on the cloneazepam for about 1.75 months and the lamotrigine for about 3 weeks, increasing dosage by 25mg each week until a target dose of 175mg-200mg is achieved (started at 25mg so I'm at 75mg daily right now), after which treatment is to continue for at least 12 months. Here is a short report of what has been going on so far in terms of symptoms: Improvements: Anxiety/panic is almost non-existent (as expected with the clonazepam). I'm also much more social, and to be honest, I seem to be more bold, especially with regards to the opposite sex, you know flirting and whatnot (even went on a pseudo-date with a coworker whom I'm sort of pursuing as a romantic interest ) even though I'm not the most attractive fish in the sea. Social interactions no longer scare the living shit out of me. Eye strain used to severely increase symptoms, to the point of almost being blind after sitting at my computer for a few hours. Eye strain now, while it still increases symptoms, does not worsen symptoms as severely as it did. Ghosting/double-images are reduced in intensity and seem to be only concentrated around brightly lit or colored things now (gets worse when it's really sunny out). Also it seems I have to focus on something in order to get ghosting. Can also read text on a computer screen much more easily now. Depression. Significant improvements here, while I'm still fairly depressed, I'm nowhere near where I was about 2 months ago (constantly suicidal, self harming, engaging in purposefully risky behavior, etc.) Brain fog/confusion/cognitive impairment/concentration problems. Again, much improvement here. I can think much more clearly now and no longer get frustrated when presented with a hard problem. I'm also currently participating in a research internship and am able to understand the rather abstract and hard to grasp concepts fairly easily (coworkers not so much ) Somewhat related to the depression, but I have a much more positive outlook on things now and am more optimistic and accepting about my mental/neurological disorders, of which there are 4. Symptoms lacking improvement: Image trailing. Trailing is still constant and at the same level as it was when this all started. Oscillopsia/breathing objects. I still get visual jittering (things look like they're buzzing or otherwise moving) and when there are areas of high contrast gradients/edges (light to dark/dark to light), I still get severe breathing phenomena. Palinopsia/after-images. Still get both negative and positive after-images that last about the same time as before (a few seconds to a few minutes depending on image intensity). Light beaming/beams/star-bursting. Still get long beams of light that emanate from light sources and still get starbursting around highly concentrated points of light (headlights, streetlamps, LEDs, etc.) Visual snow. Same as before. Scotomas/auras. I still get the odd scotoma/aura every one in awhile, usually at random times and usually in the form of shapeless, colorless blobs. Ghosting/double images. While there has been some improvement, it is still not to the level I would like it to be Depersonalization/derealization. While the grounding/coping techniques my psychologist taught me (and ones I came up with by myself like breath holding and cognitive interaction with my environment) help to ease and stop an attack, I still get episodes of DP/DR. ​Negative side effects: Fatigue, though this is expected with the combo of lamotrigine and clonazepam. Drowsiness and oversleeping. I have, on more than one occasion since starting this course of treatment, overslept by a large margin and either ended missing class or being late to work. Some sexual dysfunction. It's kind of difficult for me to keep and get a you know what for you know what purpose (a man has needs ). Also difficult to *ahem* sow my seed in a timely manner. Decrease in motivation to do things. While I've always been kind of a lazy person, the fatigue and drowsiness from the meds just make me want to sit down and chillout for a few hours listening to some quality tunes. Sort of a stoned, couch lock feeling. Increased appetite, though this isn't that much of a bad thing. Also, question for those who have taken this combo, is having a beer or two here and there while on these meds harmful? I do know these meds when used with alcohol increase drowsiness and decrease tolerance to alcohol, but so far I've found that small amounts of alcohol, like a light beer, don't do much. The only sort of scary experience I had was when I stupidly drank a few shots worth of high quality bourbon in a homemade cocktail. Woke up naked on top of a pile of clothes in my laundry room and not having a clue where the hell I was or how I got there. I plan to continue treatment with the lamotrigine for the recommended time of 12 months. I know it seems long, but I think it will be the key to being rid of this disease. I would also suggest lamotrigine for the people of this board. It will take awhile for it to have any sort of significant improvements on symptoms, about 6-12 months at least. The improvements I described are minor, but nonetheless hopeful for me as they tell me the medication is working and having a positive effect. I do plan on tapering off the clonazepam though as I would rather not have to deal with benzo WD on top of all this. Anyways, that's my report so far and I'll probably post another report at the end of the summer since I should be at the full 175-200mg dose of lamotrigine by then. If you have any questions, feel free to ask!
  22. Hey guys, not sure if you remember me, but I was part of the old HPPDOnline.com before the site and all of it's data was lost. I recorded videos for that site as months went on talking about how life has been. Maybe you remember?? Jay and Merkan better. Anyways, so here I am. Why? ... Anyone? Because I was stupid enough to try smoking Marijuana again. I was curious to see how it would effect my symptoms. I missed the high as well, and wanted to feel it again. I wanted to feel unrestricted. If you remember, I got this lovely vision back in May of 2008 when I was 17, going on 18 in June. It was hella scary, and I must of went to every single doctor title ever created only to be told in a "professionally nice" way, I was crazy. I discovered HPPDOnline and the disorder itself through my mom after going a month of being completely frightened, clueless, house ridden, and suicidal. Google did the trick, and I met all of you inspirational guys. You would think I would of learned my lesson right? I mean I got all of this from Marijuana alone, never did any other drug, and got quite the list of shit vision. -Ghosting -Static -Trails -Afterimages -Awful trouble looking at anything white -Peripheral color distortion -Patterns, negative outlines, and flashes of light -Starbursting -Brain fog -Derealization -Depersonalization And never being able to see the moon correctly again. I always see 1 and a distorted half. Thanks ghosting... I never took medication because I didn't want to go through the scary withdrawal effects I have heard from some of you. Anyways I smoked Marijuana with some friends two nights in a row and had absolutely no after effects. It made me sort of cocky, happy, and felt free. Was I finally able to smoke again with no nightmare awaiting afterwards?? Not that Marijuana was a big thing for me, but it certainly since 2008, has been my biggest mystery. How can Marijuana do so much damage? I've never dropped an Acid tab in my life, but I am certainly seeing like it! ... Anyways so I was happy. Maybe my brain changed! I definitely knew my HPPD had significantly improved. Very slowly to the point of unnoticeable, but surely. So what did I do? I smoked a few nights later with a different friend. Different weed. While I was high, I started seeing trails when moving my hands and I said out loud, "No no no... not again." The trails never went away originally, but these ones while I was high was much more intense and lingered longer. I tried to stay calm, and I did. The visual static became more intense as well. When I finally went to bed, I woke up with pretty bad derealization vision, and a little static. I was still able to get out and go to job interviews, put on a damn good act, and ace a job. Two weeks later, (Now) HPPD has progressed significantly. -Very thick static that flashes fast like a strobe light -Ghosting -Awful vivid trails. Turning pages in a training binder is just disgusting. -Negative outlines of objects and people. -Flashing lights for no reason. -Detailed afterimages And looking at anything white is god awful. It's bright, flickery, blotchy with black and other colors mixed in. Just a mess... HPPD progressed for me the same way after onset in '08, and hit a baseline after about 3 months. This made me realize just how much I have healed since 2008. I think all I had left until two weeks ago, was trails and ghosting. I know I got used to a fair amount over the years, but the vividness of all of it certainly died down. So now I'm literally back to square one, but a square one with much more vividness. I'm scared, frightened, insecure as hell, and house riddden. Well, I do get my ass out to go to work overnight, but that's about it, and it's so hard to do. I don't want to go back out and do what I've been doing. I.E. watch TV, go to Baseball games, drive around, go to familiar places, because I know I'll be freaked and sad when I see just how much these joys have changed visually... I really hope I can still enjoy a Baseball game, but a lot of it is white, including the jerseys and ballpark soooooo . . . I just really needed to vent to you guys. For those who don't know me, hi! Nice to meet you. For those who do, it's been a long time. How are you? I'm just scared that my vision won't improve and this is what I'm left with. I smoked another time back in 2011, which is when I developed trails. Those never went away, but significantly decreased in vividness, and I got used to them, thus becoming part of my everyday life. Do you guys share the same symptoms? Especially the white color problems? What are your symptoms?? What would you rate my HPPD? Texting this story from my phone is quite fun let me tell you! Had to turn the brightness down. Regardless, I just really need to talk to someone who understands, and talking to you guys about this has made me feel a lot better. Thanks for listening, -GMAN P.S. Here's a fairly recent picture of me since the profile picture uploader isn't coded correctly. I lost all my hair! Bruce Willis or NAW???
  23. ok just bear with me on this one...my name is michael and i am 23 yrs old and i'm from austria. over 2 years ago i took 2-cb for the first time, 2 days in a row and then a massive dose ~50mg, i have been smoking weed everyday 2 years prior...it would not go away...constant tracers...visual snow and worst of all...the closed-eye-visuals and after images....i called them "epileptical triangles in a spiral of pixels" and they were worst in the morning, in ´the shower and generally if im tired or stressed. Oh and coffee did make it worse for sure. used to say to my friends "as long as my eyes are open, everythings fine" i stopped weed for a couple of weeks...it got worse...or i was noticing it more i guess. everytthing was moving and washed out...i had problems with edge recognition and depth perception. i didnt want to get behind the wheel without a joint or bong rip so to calm my brain i guess. when looking at a wall i would see sparkles and stars, halos around lights...it sucked. i comsumed a quarter blotter of LSD twice in the following months...symtoms worsend. ok so no more drugs except weed because that suppressed it i guess. ok this week i stopped smoking weed...and could not sleep for days...it gets so much worse without weed and SLEEP...ok i was looking for supplements because of another issue with my back muscles and stumbled upon traditional chinese medicine, Astragalus membranaceus its an adaptogen...They’re called adaptogens because of their unique ability to “adapt” their function according to your body’s specific needs...it improves the immune system, cardiovascular system, and just like ginseng or jiaogulan (5-leaf ginseng) it promotes "Homoestasis" in your body/brain and was good for muscles, so i ordered a bottle from amazon. ok so recommended dose in traditional-chinese-medicine is 9-30g/day - i took 1x470mg in the afternoon and 1 in the evening..no response...went to bed....next day i hadnt slept more than 4 hours and had a dr's appointment, so i got in the car....10 minutes later into the drive i said to myself "hey theres something different...everything was so much clearer...the last time i saw THAT clearly was ....on the come-up of an lsd-trip" now hold on...without sleep it gets so much worse....why was i now seeing so clearly..i wasnt used to this in over 2 years HOLY SHit the f**** pills<<< my train of thought that was 2 days ago...afterimages GONE, tracers GONE, no more looking through a dirty pair of glasses and no more epileptical triangles dancing with pixels =) Now i still have some minor disturbances when looking at text...like a 1mm thin visual snow line between the lines of text, but i didnt even go high with my first dose...so try everything HERBAL before you try pharms. it did wonders for me in 2 days DOnT Believe me....TRY IT. i can recommend amazon. here some infos i found, but PLEAse do your own research as it is not good for people with autoimmune-disease because it stimulates the immune-response. http://www.itmonline.org/arts/astragalus.htm http://www.meschinohealth.com/ArticleDirectory/Astragalus_A_Powerful_Daily_Supplement_for_the_Immune_System http://www.mdidea.com/products/herbextract/astragalus/data10.html << good site TRADITIONAL INDICATIONS FOR ASTRAGALUS In the book Chinese-English Manual of Commonly Used Herbs in Traditional Chinese Medicine (13), five major actions and associated uses are given, as well as some miscellaneous new uses (item 6): Invigorate qi and spleen (poor appetite, loose stools, fatigue, and bleeding). Invigorate qi to activate yang (prolapse of stomach, uterus, or rectum) Invigorate qi to strengthen the body (common cold in debilitated patients, profuse sweating due to weakness) Relieve skin infection and promote tissue regeneration (abscesses, skin erosion, unhealthy wound); also for erosion of stomach lining (ulcer, atrophic gastritis) Promote diuresis and relieve edema (spleen-deficiency type edema). Miscellaneous new uses: diabetes, hemiplegia, asthma, and leukocytopenia (low white blood cells); astragalus is indicated for these disorders in cases of qi deficiency or qi and yang deficiency. Astragalus mongholicus is used in china as neuroprotectant with psychological effects like anti-anxiety and anti-depressant properties. there are a couple species within the astragalus family...and theres a whole world of herbs...you just need to research them please do your research..please stop smoking weed and just begin a healthy lifestyle > eating, exercising now sorry for my english, as im from austria....and im tired now.....i will answer your questions tomorrow bye
  24. Did anyone find that quitting smoking helped with their visual symtoms at all? I'm a regular smoker and while I know I should quit, I've kind of got bigger concerns atm. However if I people found quitting eased their symtoms I might ensure the struggle
  25. So I have pretty moderate hppd. From what I know, people say it is only visual symptoms and stuff like that but to me it's much more. I'm sure plenty of us have had problems with brain fog and depersonalization, which may lead to some depression. For me, especially when I wake up in the mornings or from a nap, I even FEEL like I'm trippin. I've had days where I've woken up feeling like I took a hit of acid before I fell asleep or something. So I read on some forums about 5-htp, which is a vitamin that increases serotonin levels in the brain. I read somewhere else that one cause of hppd is not having enough serotonin, so I decided to give it a try. Literally the first pill I took I noticed a difference. As soon as I got back from the vitamin shoppe, I took a pill and that night I slept a full exact 8 hours (and had real dreams that weren't trippy) and when I woke up the next morning, I felt sober. Of course the visuals were still there, but I felt great!! I've continued taking them and continued to feel so much better. There was one day that I decided to wait until later to take a pill when normally I do it in the morning and got my schedule all messed up and in the process I felt the brain fog and depersonalization come right back up. To me, it makes enough of a difference that I can live my everyday life and not have to focus on my hppd as much. Also, because it helped me get better night's worth of sleep, indirectly it's even helping my visuals. Depersonalization wise, now when i look in the mirror i actually see myself and don't always feel like I'm living in a weird type of nightmare. I just wanted to get on here and let people know that this may be a good option worth trying, because I've seen so many threads putting 5-htp down. Also, it's really not that expensive for one a day! (I've also been taking lion's mane, but I read somewhere that it takes months to work so I doubt that's what making me feel better) my only concern is, I've read online that taking 5-htp everyday could have some negative consequences, but I kinda assumed that applied to normal people who didn't need the extra serotonin like I do. Should I be be worried about it? Idk what do you guys think?
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