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Found 178 results

  1. So I got very minor hppd from an acid trip around 8 months ago. After the trip I smoked weed and drank a couple times, then I started noticing static and such in my vision... so I have been clean from all substances for 5 months. The anxiety/ depression is much better, and the visuals are pretty ignorable unless in bad lighting and not very bad. If I continue to be healthy and abstain from drug use, having recently quit nicotine as well, do I still have the possibility of recovering? I've heard plenty of cases of ppl recovering and having visuals go away within 1-2 years and that's what I'm hoping for! Is this a possibility? Hppd is minor and I plan on staying healthy as I am 17 and workout on daily basis
  2. So basically I've been using pot daily since I was 16/5 (19 now) and experimented with other drugs, LSD (probably 3 times), DMT (3 times, never broke through), E & "pure" mdma (5-6) times. When I was about 17, I took 2 acid tabs, and had a really bad trip, a huge panic attack and was left with really bad anxiety which lingered for along time, I stopped all other drugs and didn't touch anything, except prescribed medications and pot which I continued smoking heavily daily, I was prescribed Lexapro for the anxiety and used it for around 6 months, still smoked pot daily, It helped somewhat with my depression which i had been dealing with for an extended period of time as I had a fairly traumatic life between 13-17yro. I had taken prozac at 14 & ADHD meds (ritalin,concerta around the same time for no longer than a month). Anyways I continued to smoke pot and take my lexapro and was alright but I always had underlying anxiety, especially health anxiety. I decided to stop all medication at the end of 2017 and was clean from everything (except the daily pot smoking) and my depression was gone but I still had underlying anxieties although they weren't that bad, my health anxiety started to increase and around July this year I was experience what I thought was lung/chest pains due to smoking so I decided to stop my daily smoking habit of 2 years+ all together. So up until this point I'd been clean of any drugs except pot for over a year (since the bad LSD trip). Anyways I stopped smoking and my anxiety went through the roof completely I thought there was so many things wrong with me and I started noticing visual disturbances. An abundance of black floaters, ghosting when I look at street signs, especially at night, dark green/purple patches in vision sometimes, afterimages, especially when I close my eyes, and some other weird visual perceptions & I sometimes feel like im on a rocky boat in the water when I lay down / feel very off balance as well as some weird tingling over my face/scalp. I do get lost in my own thoughts a lot and they're usually pretty negative or me over analyzing my own health and the visual stuff, but I haven't had any "out of body" DR/DP, but then again could be the ADHD making me zone out. So I'm just curious to know is this HPPD? what should I do about it, its making my anxiety increase 10 fold and I feel like im going crazy sometimes, but I also am confused as to why it has only appeared 2 something years later after I;ve gone fully sober off everything (including the pot), and why I didn't notice or have these symptoms whilst I was on it. I don't wanna trick myself into thinking I have it if I really don't. (I haven't had MRI or any eye test's done as yet to rule out brain / ocular related issues) p.s sorry new to forums if this is in wrong place
  3. Hello everyone Last year in December, I had a really bad trip with two of my close friends. One of my friends geeked out and had ego death, but we were all tripping so hard we didn’t realize so we all thought he was being super weird. So me and my other friend left him to be because he wanted us to leave him so he can be alone and try to ground himself. After my friend and I dipped, we smoked a joint and rolled up a full gram of wax in it while I was coming down from the trip. I feel like this is what triggered some of my HPPD (if I even have it) Since then, Ive had somewhat foggy, grainy vision, mild tracers, and sometimes Id see halos around people when thered be a bright light behind them (for example during my HS graduation my principal was speaking and there were like 5 bright lights behind her and infront, causing a halo like effect around her). Besides my visual symptoms, I suddenly started having problems looking people in the eye which has significantly decreased ever since I stopped smoking weed 60 days ago. I feel like weed was making some stuff worse so I quit cold turkey aftwr 2 years of daily smoking. I dont know if Id have depersonalization but sometimes I just have nothing to say to people when they talk to me like Im just so much in my head that I dont care and tune out of what they say, though this has significantly decreased ever since I quit smoking weed. I still have some visual effecta though, and i dont know if thats hppd or not or just aftwr wffects from smoking a gram of wax and weed while coming down from an acid trip. Can someone please tell me if this is HPPD or not? Thanks for all your guys’ help.
  4. Hello everyone -- I have been experiencing symptoms of HPPD for about a month now so I figured it's time to find other people with this condition to tell my story and ask more specific questions -- that being said hello out there, nice to meet you and I'm happy this forum exists. Thanks in advance if you're about to take the time to read this.... I have been using psychedelic drugs on and off for about 10 years now. I've always been very careful and aware of harm reduction practices, and have never really had a "bad" trip before. This summer I spent about a month in Berlin and partied pretty hard, I used mainly MDMA, but also ketamine, speed, alcohol and weed. (from most used to least used) So, I didn't do any "proper" psychedelic drugs (I do think MDMA and especially ketamine are psychedelic). My most recent "proper" psychedelic trip was 7g of mushrooms about 6 months prior. I used to take a lot of MDMA but it has been quite a few years (3-4?) since I've taken so much of it over an extended period of time. While I was in Berlin I did a lot of MDMA, give or take about 4 days on and 3 days off for the month. Note that this is nothing compared to how some of the hardcore locals party, and I mention that to point out that I don't understand why this is happening to me and not other people? Obviously we don't know, but for real, why meee??Anyways if I take a large enough amount of MDMA (1/2 of a really good pill) I almost always experience psychedelic visuals. When I was in experiencing this in Berlin I would ask whoever I split a pill with if they were seeing the visuals that I was, and they never were. I only asked a handful of people but it's still a bit strange that they weren't seeing what I was when we took the same thing, and this ruled out my thinking that maybe I was given MDA, 2CB, or something more psychedelic instead of MDMA. The visuals are very similar to what I experience on acid/shrooms, but very gentle and more heavy on the geometric patterns. The first night I was there I took 2 pills of really good MDMA and I was super fucked up, sitting on a bench, trying to keep my eyes open so I didn't get kicked out of Berghain, all the while watching light reflections in the air flip from 3D and then to 2D, almost like a hologram glitching out. My depth perception was wonky and trippy and everyone I saw had thin, bright technicolor halos around their bodies with little swirls here and there around their features. When I'm tripping I always really pay attention to the patterns that show up in my skin and in the walls (also in the sky and certain kinds of organic formations). I describe this pattern to people as Aztec lace that kind of flows and pulses through everything. I've tried to draw it before because it looks as if it could be drawn, but it's elusive and moves around so it can't really be captured. I see this exact same "pattern" on acid, mushrooms and now on MDMA. One night in a club I got stuck in the bathroom watching these patterns on the wall of the stall, they were so vivid and I was also seeing animals and creatures showing themselves to me from within the walls which was new to me. I'll stop attempting to tell about all of the fun, trippy (crazy) stuff that I experience/d on MDMA but I am generally curious if this is common for people who use it who dont have hppd, (I do have some friends who don't have hppd who have had psychedelic visuals on MDMA) and also whether people who have hppd have had similar experiences on MDMA. I noticed my hppd symptoms one day towards the end of my stay in Berlin because this pattern that I see in my skin stopped going away. At this point in time I had started using a lot of speed and was a bit sleep deprived. One night I didn't sleep and still went out the next evening and took MDMA. (a lot of other people I was partying with do this kind of thing often and I don't think they've developed hppd) Ever since those few days I have constantly been able to look at my forearm and undeniably see the aztec lace. I continued to use MDMA for a few more times after noticing that the patterns weren't going away when I sobered up, and they would just fade a little and be less noticeable when I got sober and would get more intense when I was using. One of the mornings after going out I couldn't even tell if my pupils were still huge or if my perception was just fucked up and I wasn't able to tell if I was sober or not because at this point I had full on hppd symptoms. When using MDMA the visuals got a lot more intense, but maybe because I was paying a lot of attention to them. One of the last mornings after taking MDMA I literally saw "the pattern" slowly morph into a fucking portal in the wall next to my bed. It was beautiful and strange and spiritual-ish (?) but at this point I decided to stop giving it so much attention and that I needed to take a break and do a fucking detox. I did some research and I wasn't freaking out because I figured it would fade away and that I just did too much speed or something and it will all get out of my system. Well here I am today a month later and I can still see the pattern in my skin (and other people's skin, etc.) Note that I always see this pattern when I'm tripping on "proper" psychedelics and would aaalways wonder WHY the hell it can be so undeniably real, right there in my arm, but when I'm sober it's completely gone! I would wish that I could just see this beautiful interesting shit when I'm sober. Well, here I am... be careful what you wish for I guess. I've been reading a lot about this and i definitely think its a real disorder, but maybe manifests in different ways for different people. We do not understand the human brain very well, let alone what psychedelics are doing to them so no wonder a disorder like this is so elusive. What I do know for sure is that I was never able to notice this pattern when I was sober, no matter how fucking hard I tried to, and I really have tried to see it when I'm sober with no luck. Now trying not to see it can be difficult sometimes. This is new. The anxiety element is the only thing that worries me. I had my first panic attack last summer and haven't really had one since but now I feel it creeping in sometimes like it might take over and fuck me up which is really scary in itself. So I've avoided what felt like the beginnings of a few panic attacks since then. I got the panic attack in the first place because I had taken Kratom and then touched a wet vile of acid and thought I dosed myself -- so rightfully so I freaked out. It lasted an hour and I thought I was going to die but I didn't dose myself and everything was fine. I felt a bit of panic creeping in in the few days after I self-diagnosed with hppd but I'm mostly ok with it now that I've realized that my brain is mostly ok, from what I'm capable of noticing I haven't done any serious damage. The problem is that I feel like in the future it may be far more difficult for me to take psychedelics, and I worry I may give myself a panic attack and think I'll get stuck like this forever or whatever. I do NOT want to stop taking psychedelics, though. I've read that weed is the worst trigger and makes symptoms worse, and I rarely smoke weed so I have no serious problem with giving that up. I haven't smoked yet since getting hppd, though, and I wonder if it's worth it since I'm only a month in to see what happens. TLDR: MDMA bender gave me HPPD --> SYMPTOMS: "acid pattern" is undeniably noticeable in my skin and other things like walls and certain kinds of surfaces. It does come out more when I pay attention to it but it's distracting on other people's faces and I have to try not to pay attention to it when talking to people (especially people with freckles). I also have visual snow, trailing, and generally a bit of brain fog. It also really affects me on the computer when I'm reading (right this instant) because the letters are swaying. It gets much worse at night and with anxiety or attention, BUT this is NOT all in my head or purely because of anxiety/attention. I noticed one morning that the "acid pattern" didn't go away, and this is undeniable: It is still here and it wasn't here before. I have some other symptoms as well but I'll stop rambling here because Ive told the main points of my story and explained my symptoms. In conclusion : I'd like to hear what some of you think of my experience, if it's similar or different to yours, etc. Any suggestions or recommendations. As interesting as it is I would like to go back to normal, but am in the process of accepting that I might not and will have to be extra careful with my drug use in the future, which reeeally saddens me actually, now that I'm typing it out!! I am always so careful with drugs and usually really responsible but I just went a liiitle bit out of bounds and now I have fucking hppd, shit!! I also am just intellectually interested in all of this stuff... I like to speculate about what exactly happens within this particular kind of psychedelic pattern recognition and what it means in the big picture questions about reality and consciousness. Anyways.. thanks again if you read this and I hope to chat with some of you ~
  5. Hey guys, so recently I have been feeling very bad about where my life is at so I figured I would share my story, maybe I will feel better if I talk about it and in this day and age this is talking. Anyway, I have been a psychedelic user since the 11th grade, started with some gummy bears that had "LSD" dripped on them, they tasted like battery acid but I knew very little about the drug at the time. I ate about 10-12 of those in all on 3 separate occasions before I actually tripped, and to this day I can truthfully say it was the weirdest trip that I have ever experienced in my life, the feeling that I describe as synthetic. I then did LSD about 15 times and mushrooms about 20 different occasions. The last occasion that I tripped I ate mushrooms, i was at my friends house and we decided to eat 2 grams each, and we were gonna hangout there and smoke all night and just trip, and about 15 minutes after we ate them before we started tripping a group of my friends show up maybe 6-7 of them all telling us to come over to the one kids house to trip with them and party. I myself didn't want to go because i didn't like tripping with more than one or two people at a time, so I was already out of my comfort zone, but I ended up going. We got there and I knew every single person there but I was feeling a little social awkwardness due to the fact that maybe five out of the fifteen people there were tripping, at one point I had a friend come up to me and another kid and asked us if we just wanted to go down and smoke in his house, so we went and I started feeling a lot better. We will call the two friends i was with J and G, me and J get along very well and J was the friend i was with at the beginning of the night, G and I on the other hand don't get along as well but are still friends. We started watching Family Guy and G pulled out his dab rig and took a dab then proceeded to offer both me and J a dab, I of course accepted and this is where my night really started to go south, I started tripping really hard, and none of us were talking we were just watching an extremely old family guy episode, one of the ones where only one character moves at a time, and if they speak only their mouths move, and it just kinda weirded me out watching that, in fact it weirded us all out so we decided to go for a walk, G went back up to the party and me and J accompanied by two more friends who were NOT tripping, and started walking, we will call this friends B and A, so me J B and A were all walking down this back road in some Pennsylvania woods at 3 am. We started walking and B and A started asking me about my life overseas, as I started trying to explain what life was like i began to get stuck, I was trying to describe to them the feeling of being overseas and obviously they weren't able to perceive the depiction that I was providing, I got a little anxious and stopped talking about it, we continued to walk when me and J ended up being about 13 feet behind them, I felt some sort of psychological connection with J, we couldn't telepathically read each others minds or anything but we just felt the fact that we were both perceiving on a completely different level than the others. All the sudden I hear A and B talking, saying things like, "I feel like they are retarded, I feel like im talking to a third grader." and then laughing, I didn't take this lightly and said something like "hey how about you keep your mouth shut and quit talking shit", I really made things awkward now, and there was no talking. When we got back from our walk we were sitting on a few big rocks just hanging out, I had already apologized for my first out lash and everything is back to normal, as we are sitting there B says something very slightly provocative (i cannot remember verbatim what was said" and I snapped out, I couldn't control what I was doing or saying, but I was standing up pointing my finger at B and cussing at him telling him to shut the fuck up or fight me, what was really weird was the fact that I had no control over what I was doing, the whole time I was thinking in my head "what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I need to stop yelling at him and let it go. Whats happening to me. I'm never gonna stop tripping. After that night I was kinda weirded out by the whole incident so I stopped taking any type of psychedelic, after a few months I started noticing that I was tripping constantly, especially in situations that made me nervous, like going to a court hearing, i was looking at the floor and i was seeing waves everywhere and books sliding in and out of the shelves. This constant tripping lasted for a while, I became a different person, It was like i developed ADD and anxiety, and my depression had worsened a lot. Me and my girlfriend broke up while i was going through this as well and it was extremely hard for me, I plummeted into a deep depression and didn't think I had ever truly loved myself. I was a big time party freak before I met my girlfriend and kinda mellowed out the year we were together, so after we broke up I kinda jumped right back into it, I started doing a lot of benzos because they made me feel numb, in the HPPD state I feel everything and the feeling is multiplied, so these were a quick addiction for me, although my HPPD subsided. I continued partying and doing drugs until I went to my freshman semester of college at, you guessed it WVU. As soon as I got down there I made some bad friends and was robbing people and doing pills and smoking like never before, I eventually had a close call and dropped out and returned home, when I got home I did the same old thing, robbed people and did pills, and I really needed something to change my life around quick. Then one night I was staying in a motel with a friend when he pulls out an ounce of mushrooms, Ahhhhh my friends at last. He asked me if he cared if he ate some, and i said as long as I can eat some with you. It had been really long since i tripped and this friend was my best friend for the past two years so I decided i was in a good environment with one friend, fuck it. We started tripping, and it was a trip like I had never had before, I ate 4.3 grams of caps and we blasted off into the unknown, after a while of tripping and happy laughs good visuals, we had to go sell a half ounce to someone about 20 minutes away, so we drove there just talking, no music the whole time. We talked about life and about where we were at and if we were happy. On the way back i started to notice that my eyes were going lazy and i was seeing one road for each eye that I had, So I was double visioned basically. I found it extremely hard to fight this so I just focused on one road and drove perfectly all the way back, when we got there we were still conversing and heading to get food, all the sudden, epiphany after epiphany, my vision closed in and formed one extremely clear picture, like I have never seen anything before and It was while I was saying how I needed to quit doing drugs and focus on my body and spiritual health, My friend says we opened our third eye, and I believed it, my whole life changed that day and i started loving psychedelics again, buying and using daily, I would micro-dose, i would take .5 in the morning and .5 around 3-6 pm, even though i wasn't doing it right i thought i was okay because i was only micro-dosing. I started getting into meditation and yoga and all these spiritual things, I had a few epiphanies while meditating that were very radical, like one was I felt a telepathic connection with the universe and was thinking with consciousness, I say consciousness because the image that came along with the thought was telling me that consciousness is one, we are all the same, so the first thing i thought to ask was whats the point of life? The response; Love, the point of life is to love everything and everyone, because no matter if I am human and dog is dog, we are both alive, thriving on this planet together, so If i have the knowledge to care for life on this planet I must. This short lived high point in my life quickly faded weeks after when I noticed that I was tripping all the time again... It has been about 4 months since then and I am in the worst place ever, I cannot get myself to work, I cannot eat, I sleep surprisingly well though still. I have had crazy thoughts that pop into my head along with my visuals, like i saw visual snow, and i thought "well what if it is really something out there that I can see but nobody else can.." or "well if i believe that this room is moving then in my reality.. it really is moving.." And i become scared of these thoughts even though I don't believe them, It scares me to know that my brain is thinking them. I have debated suicide many nights, I consider myself a fuck up and a failure for all these evens that have happened, and now that Im thinking so much i begin to debate whether or not I am going crazy, I used to be such a smart kid, being able to off any teacher because I would find ways to prove them wrong, or being able to win any debate with friends because I knew more about the subject, I went from that to being the awkward kid who doesn't really talk a lot and has been sick twice in two weeks so he missed four days of work. I am beginning to fear that I can no longer do this. Hope this story was put together decently for you, I tend to get off topic sometimes, any thoughts comments would be appreciated dearly. -E
  6. olivier24445

    A visit to the neurologist

    A visit to the neurologist... So i tried most nootropics legal on sale over the internet, and none of them really had effects on my 20 Yo HPPD . I decided by then to see a proper neurologist to get a Keppra prescription. Mine o mine, i forgot how some people are stupid and narrow minded about drugs... So I picked up a random Neurologist on google map, nearby . After 45 days of wait (that's how long it take to have an appointment in Paris), I finally arrive to the long awaited appointment. The guy seems like a regular doctor, in his 50's...So i started telling him, i had one of a teenagehood , and did drugs a few times (LSD, MDMA and did smoke cannabis).. Then i described the whole thing, and how it started, just after one single very light second LSD take... Him : "Cut the crap" "what are you symptoms then". Me : "I don't do any drugs since 25 years now, i have a very healthy lifestyle, still I have left some visual snow and trails which makes patterns like flash also" Him : "Flash...You LSD don't really give flashback you know, it's in the movies" Me : "I know that perfectly....I'm not making this up. That's not what i'm talking about". I wait , and then he start to explain : Him : "You may have a permanent damage to your optical nerves, we need a scan to see if we can do anything, but i'm very pessimistic". Me : "mmmmmm.....really ? with LSD ????" In fact , there is no way any drug , specially LSD can fry you optical nerve. So i start wondering what level of competence he had, regarding drugs, appart from saying, like most of common people, he heard of "Flashbacks stories".... In the end, I figured out he was treating me in a very mean way, because of the "drug" topic, and because it made me look to him, like some kind of junkie, even if i look very normal and healthy... I was telling him a very painful story and he was just rejecting me because the hallucinogen topic was taboo to him. So I started telling him i doubted i had any damage of some sort, and then I pulled out the HPPD subject. Off course, it was first news to him, and I saw his face starting to decompose right in front of me, as, it happened that i knew a little bit about neurology and brain chemistry in general. The rest of the interview, i could feel he was ashamed of himself as I pulled out some medical reviews about the topic and what medication can be tried to help recovery. Him : "I know I don't know everything, but i will try to learn and figure it out i guess, please forward me the doc in you possession " Me : "That sound better, I'm sure many people do have this HPPD sickness and would be happy to be helped" Him, (sweating) : yes yes, sure, i will review this documents and will get back to you asap. Me : happy face, how much ? Oh 175$ ok there it is... One week later. No news, No prescription, No nothing. I guess, he had second thoughts on how a good christian must treat people who used drugs once in their life. I guess he sticked back to the "Good for you" he started with, after all. I guess he must be happy this way. I guess he wanted me to feel more sorry for myself because i did drugs once in a distant past. At least, HPPD, did elevate me in a place where i know no one should be treated like that, ever. Where i know a good doctor should help his patients and listen to them whatever their story is. Moral of the story : I made more research and found out a real HPPD specialist. I will not contact this B*¨*%* again to waste more of my time. Be warned, there are doctors out there, happy to put the stigma on you, and happy to see your soul bleed because after all, "doing drugs is bad", while they prescribe drugs all the time to other patients, that sometimes, might also fuck their brain and health even more badly. If you need help, don't listen to this doctors who want to bring doom and curse on you. Stay positive. Hppd can be cured already for some people, and will be cured 100% some day.
  7. HPPD-Recovery-Guide

    The HPPD Recovery Guide

    I apologize to those who have been hurt by this post.
  8. Hi friends — My experience with HPPD started about 4 1/2 years ago, with a single dose of MDMA. For me, my symptoms are: anxiety/panic, DP/DR, visual snow, flashing solid colors, some tinnitus, and seeing movement in geometric patterns. Also: I used to always be a “crier” and someone who feels their emotions very deeply. During the first few weeks of HPPD, I cried so much, some times out of misery, some times out of gratitude to still be alive, some times because I heard some beautiful music and felt connected to it. But then after a few weeks my emotionality faded, which I assume must have been a psychological coping mechanism. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that I had to shut down emotionally to stay sane. So no more tears or feelings of meaningful connection. I still want to feel those cry-feels so bad!. Over the next two years I got better at managing my symptoms, but saw little to no improvement in them. I was still smoking weed often (my bad) & still couldn’t really FEEL, and my anxiety was off the charts 24/7. It was absolute hell every waking day. A little over two years ago I started on 10mg Celexa, and the improvement I saw in my anxiety levels was life changing. Not gone completely, but I started feeling significantly better and my anxiety attacks became fewer and farther between. Worked my way up to 20mg, which is my current dose. A few months ago I finally found a neuro who is actually familiar with HPPD, who added Lamictal, ramping up VERY slowly (I only got up to 37.5mg/day). In the first month (2 weeks on 12.5, 2 weeks on 25) I started to notice my visual symptoms clearing up slightly and my brain feeling a bit clearer. It was actually the best I had felt since before HPPD and I was excited to continue ramping up on the lamictal, hoping it might help get me to a place where I can really feel emotions aside from anxiety again. After that first month though, things started to get unpleasant again. Bouts of anxiety attacks, some good days, some very bad. It felt like I had been consistently alright for a while, but now my worst symptoms are pushing their way back in. I also developed minor muscle twitches every few minutes, which was completely new. I was prescribed Klonopin after a particularly bad anxiety attack and now I take 0.25mg when I feel myself getting panicky. I don’t like it, but it does keep me from panic. I quit smoking weed then (a few months ago), but that hasn’t helped. My hopeful suspicion is that perhaps I’m experiencing SSRI “poop out” with my Celexa, and could therefore ideally switch SSRIs and continue with lamictal. My neuro says the only way to know that for sure is to come back off the lamictal and see how it feels to just be on the Celexa again. Back down to 25 from 37.5 lamictal and feeling a bit worse actually, but my neuro says I need to get down to zero and wait two months to see what the deal really is. I’d much rather keep my lamictal dosage as is, and try switching to a different SSRI, as that just feels more “right” to me - but she’s the professional so ... If it turns out that I’m actually not tolerating lamictal well, I am interested in looking into sinemet... it seems to have been a wonder drug for some people here, but I would be very worried about developing dyskinesia, as I work in a field where that could ruin my career. No targeted questions here really, just looking to share relevant experiences/advice with other HPPD’ers. ❤️ PS: for anyone doing the ol’ downward mental spiral in these forums and feeling hopeless (like I used to), things WILL get better. I’m still having struggles but I’m not in hell like I used to be, and life is very worth living for me right now! I have my bachelors and masters degrees, a solid career at 25, wonderful friendships, and going by objective criteria, am a fully functional human being. You will be okay! Keep advocating for yourself!
  9. Ive been accidently dosed like 8 tabs of liquid acid, and stupidly continued "tripping," even after that. So I started noticing a static over my vision, and I thought nothing of it at first. It has gotten much worse, and I haven't taken L.S.D in over a month. It especially gets worse if I'm smoking weed, it literally makes me have acid like visuals. Even without weed I get, tracers, halos around light, I get the pattern formation that forms when you take L, everything looks like it's shifting and melting, my anxiety has gotten progressively worse, I get visual snow, and I have pain behind my eyes sometimes, like a pressure almost, I have really bad after images, pretty much on anything bright, or lit up. Today for example I was driving, and looked at a stop sign when I looked down I saw the stop sign in my vision with my eyes open or closed. Does it ever get better, and is does it mean your brain is ruined?
  10. danjoking

    CoQ10 and vitamin D

    Hello guys , so i have been suffering for 2 months and half from hppd caussed by alcohol , i smoked weed 8 month ago had a bad trip and stopped using it i was not having hppd after the bad trip,so it’s maybe related to the cause of alcohol i have been sober until now,i don’t see any improvement, it’s getting worse at night especially. i want to hear your opinion about those 2 supplements CoQ10 and vitamin D , some pepole reportd good improvement with this 2 supplements as you can see here 1.what your thoughts about it 2.if you try it especially CoQ10 one https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/thosewithvisualsnow/a-discussion-with-dr-weatherall-the-leading-visual-t7745.html ” I had after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning, and of course, VS. I still had a headace after my initial onset and had to go to a doctor to get meds to relieve the headache. After I started taking 400 mgs of CoQ10 for some time, I suddenly noticed that the after images, halos around objects, trailers, bolts of lightning had ALL DISAPPEARED”
  11. I did mescaline two or three times when I was 16 years old but never again. No visuals or anything like that, I just had a great times laughing and hanging out with friends without feeling sleepy. Recently I tried DMT but no breakthroughs or visuals, everything just got really strange and beautiful. Below you will find some interesting things that happend to me while NOT taking any drugs which lead me to want to try DMT at this point in my life. Strange episode #1 At the age of 17 I was playing tempest at the Pizzeria, a game I was never really good at, in fact, I was never really good at any video game, but suddenly I was the best Tempest player ever. People piled into the Pizzeria and gathered around me because no one had ever been able to play as long as I did. Everyone was excited for me and talking about it. What I saw as I played the game was that I could easily see some sort of pattern and that the game was no longer a challenge, I had 3 lives, and I saw clearly that I could play forever. I became convinced that it must have been a bug in the game software because it was just too easy, so I asked one of the kids I knew to be a very good player to take over. As I walked away I heard three explosions. He did not last a minute. So it was real. I felt very strange and I looked into a mirror on the wall and I noticed my pupils were gigantic and my ears were red. As I sat down I noticed something else, I felt as I had this increased understanding of everyone around me and a feeling of love for everyone. It was like some sort of enlightenment that allowed me to see how people felt inside. I stayed there for hours and strangers seemed to be drawn to me and it was so easy to talk to everyone. I went home and the next day I was back to my old self, shitty at video games and just a regular kid. Strange episode #2 At the age of 20 I was laying down at around 1 in the afternoon when I noticed what looked like crop circles in 3-D, no colors, on my wall, as if bulging out of the wall. They started appearing and changing slowly and then picked up an incredible amount of speed, thousands of shapes. They disappeared, and then I saw sheep, deer, lamb, and other gentle animals laying next to me. They would appear and disappear all around me and I was not afraid. After that, I saw flocks of tiny birds inches from my eyes, they looked the way birds look when they are really high in the sky, there was a fluidity in their motion, but they were right in front of me. Next came spiders, coming down from the ceiling and now I was getting scared. I could not move for all this time until now, and I sat up and the spiders were still there for about 30 seconds and then disappeared. Fast forward...I am 51 years old. Nothing like what I described ever happened again but I definitely had this feeling all my life that there was something within me that I had a glimpse of in the past and that I wanted to experience again. I have been reading about DMT for about 10 years now and I ordered some. I took a little bit but no break through and no visuals, I just noticed that things got a little strange. My friend took the same amount and although he smoked it with skepticism (fireworks in your mind he thought) he later told me there is another place he visits, the same place each time he smokes, he sees buildings and beings and he feels he is receiving information. He returns from these experiences telling me he has worried too much about meaningless crap all his life. So now I purchased more DMT and a $350 mininail to make sure I do not burn the DMT, I am aiming to have an experience since up to now nothing has really happened for me. All this and today for the first time ever I hear of HPPD and now I am questioning if I should go forward with it as I am a concerned even though it is rare and seems to happen to people who use a lot of LSD and Shrooms. Just hoping for some feedback from others. What did you take that caused HPPD? how much and how often before it affected you? TL;DR I want to smoke DMT but I am afraid of HPPD. Has anyone here suffered from HPPD just by smoking DMT a few times and no other drugs? Thanks!!!!
  12. thelostreceptor

    BPC-157 helps

    "BPC-157 is a synthetic peptide that is being investigated for its regenerative effects. It shows high efficacy for rats suffering toxic or surgical trauma, but there is currently no evidence that it provides benefits for people." I stumbled upon this peptide after browsing some websites and then I found reddit posts of users claiming that they cured their anhedonia. This substance does not mask symptoms like traditional drugs, but really has some sort of a healing mechanism that rapidly undoes damage from the dopamine system, with almost no side effects reported. This got my interest and I decided to try it out. Here are the results: Dosage 250mcg in the morning and 250mcg in the evening, administered with subcutaneous injections. So far I have used a total of 10mg in around 10 days, and I'm planning to do extra cycles in the future. While injections offer the best bioavailability, it is reported that this substance is stable when taken oral. I cannot confirm this and I'd recommend to inject the substance, or use it sublingually (under the tongue). Subcutaneous injections are almost painless and you'll get used to it quickly. Benefits I'm experiencing permanent benefits from this trial. In general I feel much calmer with myself and my mind is so much clearer. My sense of time has changed back to normal. It feels like the world around me is moving normal again and I can get more done. I'm even boring myself when I'm free. Before this trial I would be able to do a lot less in an hour and it felt like the time shifted faster, and it felt I couldn't get a hold of the world moving around me. Cognitive functioning has improved a little, I mostly feel benefits from taking fish oil and I believe this substance has contributed to it Depersonalisation and derealisation has definitely improved. Most of the time, it doesn't even bother me and I feel more attached to myself My anhedonia has decreased, I didn't experience a huge improvement but it's still much better I feel generally less anxious - I haven't worried about my condition since My visuals have not changed in any way, but the substance helped me to handle them easier and they don't feel like a big annoyance anymore. Side effects I did not experience any side effects, which is good. There is some research suggesting that it increases tolerance to amphetamine, but it hasn't been tested on humans. I definitely recommend anyone with HPPD to try this substance. It might help you a lot with depersonalization and derealisation, as it did with mine.
  13. ----- This post is especially important for the Dutch guys out here on the forum ----- Recently I received a mail from Brijder Jeugd (rehab center) where they tell about a new upcoming research by a neurological department from a medical center about visual snow sufferers, and they're looking for people that want to participe in the research. This could be another opportunity to shred some light on the visual snow and HPPD. The research is targeted for Dutch people but I wouldn't hesitate contacting them in English if you're interested in the research. You can reach them by sending an e-mail to the address below: visualsnowonderzoek@lumc.nl If you're interested about the medical center, you can visit their website with the link below: Leiden University Medical Center https://www.lumc.nl/?setlanguage=English Thanks for your time Note: I'm not related to the LUMC in any way
  14. Hi guys, I’m a first timer here and I really need some help with this. I did shrooms 3 times over a 3-4 week span, I dont remember the exact time period (this was a little over a month ago like in april). Im prescribed vyvanse which I take daily and the only other things ive done are drink and smoke weed. Anyways, after my last shroom trip everything was fine and i haven’t done it since but i do drink all the time. about two days ago i smoked weed for the first time in two months and i saw the letters on my phones keyboard dramatically wiggling and getting bigger and smaller while i was high. This has never happened to me before when i have smoked, I have only ever seen this when im on shrooms so this freaked me out because of what ive read on hppd. The next day I was watching tv and noticed that words on the screen were wiggling a little bit. Ever since then, every time I focus on a words or letters for too long, I see them subtly wiggling, it comes and goes and it has been improving over the past few days and its pretty much gone now. its nothing too bad and I wouldn’t notice it unless i really stare at them but im afraid it might get worse over time and I’m starting med school in two months. what makes this weird is that Ive read of hppd happening and then getting better shortly after a trip but my thing started a month after. The good thing is that I dont see static, visual snow, or any of that other stuff, just a subtle letter wiggling. I was thinking that i had it the whole time but i didnt notice until i smoked but what is weird is that i drink all the time and it never made it worse or even apparent at all to the point that i didnt notice I even had anything but weed did. Is it possible that weed may have triggered a mild form of hppd from previous shroom use? Also im prescribed vyvanse which i take every day and i have noticed that i dont see things wiggle when im on it, which is weird becuase Ive read everywhere that stimulants make it worse. What worries me is that I need Vyvanse for school and cant stop taking it and according to what I have read amphetamines worsen HPPD. Im not sure if I have it or not and since hppd is not very well understood im not sure whats going on. At such a critical point in my life this is kind of freaking me out so I would appreciate if those who may have experience with this kind of stuff would help shed some light on what is going on. I apologize if I sound dumb and don’t mean to disrespect those who truly have it but this is making me really nervouse and don’t know who else to ask. As far as when I smoked weed that time it was different than other times and I didn’t like that the letters kept getting bigger and smaller because weed doesn’t do that. Thank you for your help guys.
  15. I finally saw Dr Plant at KCH (specialist in ophthalmology and neurology) in London yesterday. What he said to me surprised and kind of confused me, and as the appointment cost a lot (first time using private), I thought I'd share online with you guys so you don't have to cough up. He started by writing down my symptoms - visual snow, floaters, after images, constant low level migraine, tinnitus, anxiety, brain fog. Then I did a peripheral field of vision test. When I got the results for that (all normal, though I felt that the swooshing colours and snow that I got in the dark room had really damaged my score before he told me the result, interestingly enough) he told me what he knew about the condition. He said that he's seen hundreds of people with these symptoms, some who call it HPPD, some who consider it a migraine disorder (apparently there is a whole online community of these people - wish I could remember what he said the disorder was called), linked with the 'aura' that some people with migraines get, and some who have neither migraine problems, or have come into contact with psychedelic drugs. He said the most common group of people that he sees for this condition is people who just have moved out to college or university, and are living alone for the first time in their lives, studying a lot etc. As I developed my HPPD in early 2014, half way through my dark and depressing first year of university, this definitely resonates with me. With regards to treatment, he basically said that I have to take a holistic approach - treat my whole body right, put on some weight (I'm underweight), wake up early, go to the gym, make sure that I am living a healthy and active life. This will give me the platform upon which I can recover - by relaxing into the condition, accepting it and freeing myself of the anxiety and stress that it causes me. He poo-pooed the use of "those epilepsy drugs" by which I think he meant Keppra, and also advised that I steer clear of benzodiazepines. He said that many people who have the condition make a full recovery this way, while also ceding that some don't, and that some recover and then, years later, pick it up again (which sounds absolutely awful) I have strictly regimented my diet and lifestyle so that I do not consume any ethyl alcohol at all, even in cosmetics or food products (vinegar for example) in a desperate attempt to halt the progression of my HPPD - alcohol is as harmful as drugs like weed or MDMA to me in terms of exacerbating my condition. He said that this was unnecessary and that my "obsessive" behaviour was impeding my recovery, which left me confused as to his stance on drugs and alcohol - when I said that I felt I'd found some slowing in the progression of my HPPD as a result of this new lifestyle, he claimed it was a placebo effect. All in all I'm very confused about this. I think I will visit some NHS doctors and ask for Keppra to be completely honest, but maybe that's just my weakness after having been given no solid plan of action. Thought? Questions?
  16. After a lot of research, i came across this medical review : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3736944/Very interesting and rare hppd study. Overall, it seems that Lamotrigine has been able to cure long term HPPD like mine is , and for good, or significantly decrease visual disturbances and symptoms. I'm actually testing nootropics on many levels, but i'm willing to step-up to more epileptic oriented drugs. Anyone has more input about Lamotrigine on long lasted HPPD (mine is about 20 years old...) ?
  17. The DSM states about HPPD but my psychologist told me the depersonalisation/derealisation symptoms are not a part of the diagnosis. Furthermore, what is the mechanism for feeling emotional flattened out? If this is caused by anxiety, then shouldn't you be able to treat the anxiety, in order to get your emotions back?
  18. Henkneedshelp

    Hppd and some advice needed

    Hi guys, Im writing this after a week of research done about hppd on google. I couldn't find much about. But the reason i'm ending up here is because i need some advice. So a bit more then a week ago i took ecstasy for the first time. I took 1/4 of a pill and 3 hours later i took 1/4 again. I didn't feel too much about the "high". It feelt good and dance all night. When i walked came out of the club (7am) my vision was bit blurry (probably because of being in a dark club all night). Then I went home and my parents were awake. Someone told me to look into light to hide dilated pupils so i did. Now the next morning i was scared i damaged my brain so i went online and searched the internet. At somepoint i stumbled across hppd. I immediately got scared i had this so i checked if i had any of the symptoms. Since i read about hppd i have the "visual snow" all the time, except for when I'm busy with other things. but for the last week I've been obsessing about the visual snow a lot. I see a bit of a glare around lights but im not sure if i had that before. Some lights have a starshape I have after images only when i look to bright lights for a few seconds and the after images dont last long. That's about all the symptoms i have. I don't seem to have walls morph into shapes or anything. I also don't have any of the depersonalition or derealization nor do i have depression. Now my real question do I have hppd? I have OCD so i had anxiety before i did the drug and because of OCD i tend to obsess about a lot of issues, health or other. Also i want to mention that I have done cannabis and alcohol before and since i have my symptoms i tried it once and it didn't seem to worsen the symptoms during the "high" of cannabis or alcohol. I might be overthinking this but some advice would be appreciated. Thank you, Henkneedshelp
  19. Omega 3's are mentioned a lot for there importance for brain health. Vitamin D can also pass the blood-brain barrier, so it should be investigated for mental health also. I drove over some papers on vitamin D and depression since yesterday, so I will share some of those here. Depression impacts quality of life and it is usually implicated to be self-caused. According to science, depression can be biological, therefore depression is not always a lack of spiritual perspective or a case of "bad" vibes. My conclusion from these papers is that most cases of depression are very situational. Vitamin D deficiencies are not rare, and can potentially have a healing affect with some cases, similar to anti-depressants. The optimal ways to get vitamin D in my opinion, is sunshine and mushrooms. I would stay away from raw mushrooms due to carcinogens reported in the literature. heat destroys them though. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2132000 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3751336/ Efficacy of vitamin D supplementation in depression in adults: a systematic review protocol "The efficacy of vitamin D supplementation in depression has raised lots of concern. Vitamin D is considered as a neurosteroid [56], and now it is attested that vitamin D metabolites can cross the blood–brain barrier [34]. Because of the widespread presence of vitamin D receptor in areas of the brain including the hippocampus which is associated with the development of depression [23], it could be speculated that there is a clinical effect of vitamin D on depression." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26680471 Vitamin D in anxiety and affective disorders. "Reduced levels of vitamin or its metabolites have been reported in various psychiatric disorders. Insufficient levels of vitamin D in depressive patients have been confirmed by many authors. Significantly lower levels of calcidiol (vitamin D) were found in men and women with depression as well as in age matched patients with anxiety disorders. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25713056 Vitamin D and the omega-3 fatty acids control serotonin synthesis and action, part 2: relevance for ADHD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and impulsive behavior. "Serotonin regulates a wide variety of brain functions and behaviors. Here, we synthesize previous findings that serotonin regulates executive function, sensory gating, and social behavior and that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and impulsive behavior all share in common defects in these functions. It has remained unclear why supplementation with omega-3 fatty acids and vitamin D improve cognitive function and behavior in these brain disorder"
  20. Do you think we will or maybe some of us will get answers to this one day? I feel like not enough people know of it to consider trying to help us, especially now that Dr. Abraham is retired. I just want answers. I know the terminology drug induced psychosis is something that gets tossed around a lot which, maybe we have it all mixed up. Some claim damage to gaba receptors, which also doesn't make much sense to me considering there have been the odd case where people have cured their hppd with psychedelics. Why do some get rid of theirs using meds like lamotrigine and keppra, and others dont find success in meds at all. Im sure when RC's become more common, thats when more people will end up with it. Anyways, 11 months tomorrow with no end in sight, good times ahead.
  21. HDDeer

    Delayed onset?

    About two weeks ago i did pure mdma(i dont want any criticism i know its not smart to do it with hppd) Anyways this leads me to my question, as of recently ive noticed my hppd getting worse, the day after i did the molly it got really bad, but then i took my dose of lamotrigine and by the next day my hppd had been back to baseline, that was over two weeks ago. The last 3-4 days ive been having a few episodes of depersonalization. I should mention that up until last night i had been doing nofap for the last 21 days, because i suffer from PIED and i want it to get better. Last night i fapped three times and it ended up making me super paranoid and i couldnt fall asleep for hours. Anyways, my question is, can hppd not worsen until weeks after you consumed the drug? Like i said ive been fine up until the last few days, i assume last night fapping 3 times isnt helping my anxiety today but who knows. Sorry for going so off topic multiple times, but i think its best you know all the info thats been going on.
  22. danjoking

    ״Cant belive”

    So, just 20 minutes ago I jerking off and splitting all white off, after that i noticed that somthing in my eye sight as been changed I started seeing a ghost image on evrey fucking word , i did not have it before i jercking off
  23. Henkneedshelp

    HPPD, XTC and Anxiety.

    Hey guys.Im 19 and last weekend (4 days ago) i used ecstasy for the first time. I took less then 1/4 of a pill and 3 hours later 1/4 again. At most it was half a pill (not tested, i know thats really stupid). I have done weed before but between every smoke there was about 1 to 2 weeks break.Now my questions is do i have hppd?The moment i woke up the next day of taking ecstasy i was scared that something was wrong with me. I had some blurred vision and a bit of a headache. So i started looking online and found out about HPPD. Now i am trying to see if i have the symptomsbthey discribe and guess what? i do have some of the symptoms.I have the visual snow one but only if i focus on it but yea its still scaring me.I do have afterimages but only when i look in really bright lights and itbonly stays for 0.5 second. And some bright car light have like this star shape but i think i had that as a child aswell.So yeah what do you guys think?I also want to mention that during the trip i didnt halucinate so im not sure if i eveb can get hppd without having halucinated. And the trip was good.The thing im most scared about is that i will never be able to drink a beer and smoke weed again. (i read that people with hppd cant to that anymore cause it increase the symptoms).What i dont have is things morphing in stuff and i dont halucinate. I dont feel disconnected with myself.Am i overthinking stuff or what?Thanks for reading,Henkneedshelp
  24. Im sure not all of you suffer from this, but i wonder in some cases would it be something to consider? So im not extremely familiar with how lsd binds or acts on dopamine receptors, but ive read that the dopamine action can cause underlying psychiatric disorders to come out if you were disposed to them. I had a bad lsd trip a little over a year ago, my thoughts were really intrusive and clinged onto tv shows like they were trying to tell me stuff, like i was going to end up gay, that i was going to end up going crazy and attacking my family, and that i should practise some kind of faith, anyways, the trip was pretty traumatizing and bad but i think thats because of the events that led up to it, i dont need to get into that. I ended up with hppd due to it. Over the last year ive talked to one guy who said he suffers from pure ocd, which involves intrusive thoughts, examples for that disorder was actually what my lsd trip was based on. I also suffer from what i would call porn induced erectile dysfunction, as porn rewires your dopamine receptors and creates new pathways for your penis, causes anxiety which can cause ocd. So i wonder, if my dopamine receptors are wired due to a chemical imbalance due to porn which causes my anxiety etc, is it possible that my porn problem actually was an underlying influence as to why it turned my bad lsd trip into an actual nightmare? People who suffer from PIED and porn problems can end up with visual snow like most people do with hppd. I posted here because, i know some of you have a lot of knowledge on how lsd acts on the brain, and was wondering if maybe, just maybe, there was a connection?
  25. Psycho

    My story

    Hey guys, i'm 18years, HPPD since 16y later drug abuses. My life completely changed with this. I never stopped with the drugs, i Smoke weed Every day... Yes, My life is a madness, but if isn't easy with drugs, imagine without drugs... The most important is = ever try to be happy...
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