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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

bpl4269

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bpl4269 last won the day on July 23 2014

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About bpl4269

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  1. Much appreciated. I may send a message your way in the near future. Sorry to hear you are feeling similarly.
  2. I appreciate the complimentary words of encouragement. Makes me feel slightly less useless. ha Unfortunately visual distortions are the least of my worries, and attempting to explain them in detail now would likely just be a redundancy. Considering I used to obsess over them and critically analyze every bit of minutiae 24/7 years ago; specifically here on this forum. Not to say I can't have a go at it if explication is truly desired. It just isn't entirely relevant on my end these days. Benzodiazepine withdrawals, Bartonella, Babesia, Lyme disease, and horrendous mold allergies are the main sources of my complaints as of late. Benzodiazepine withdrawal being the most egregious offender.
  3. I am and have been stretched so thin for so many years that explaining the intricacies of exactly why my life appears to be running on approximately .00001 hp seems utterly aimless. The only blood diamond here worth gleaning is, there is a cap on the stamina of the human body/"spirit", and given enough horrendous decisions and unlucky happenstance, you too can earn a place in a bracket of exhaustion and misery beyond the comprehension of most "normal" human beings. A purgatory unlike no other. Horrified of life and mortified of death, with absolutely no options left on the table that do not induce exponentially more suffering on top of the already existing hell to the hundredth power in the short term for the purpose of "long term gain" that is not even close to being guaranteed. And I thought classic HPPD with co-morbid disassociation was bad back in the day... ha... ha... The sheer naiveté... I am creatively and intellectually bereft of valuable content after all of these years of damage though, so maybe I'm just breathing in soot because I can't find the oxygen mask. You tell me.
  4. Twitches/tremors can be, and are often indicative of infectious disease such as lyme disease/bartonella/babesia/etc.... Getting tested by IGENEX labs if possible, is your best bet at potentially eliminating that possibility, though it's still not a sure-fire way of knowing for certain. I have the diseases listed above, and without treating them, my hppd would have never improved. It would have continuously intensified. I have had a hunch for awhile that infectious disease is a common underlying precursor/catalyst to hppd, as it is downplayed by governments, (U.S. Government specifically), and it is so common/easy to contract, as it is often passed by either insect bites, blood transfusions, or sexual contact. Many of them cause severe neurological issues, (Stemming from physical damage done to the brain), or they cause very subtle neurological issues, which are amplified by drugs ingested by the unfortunate host, causing what we know as "hppd." Please heed my words. I have met several other individuals experiencing HPPD whom I believed to be infected, who made miraculous progress once I convinced them to get tested/treat the above said diseases. If I can help spread the word again, and help lead someone else on the right path, I'd be ecstatic. - Cheers
  5. At least for myself, they manifested as they do in this picture. They vary in intensity from time to time and person to person.
  6. Haven't been on this website or logged into this profile in years. I feel at home though. ha
  7. I think the pathology of HPPD is too case sensitive and complex to be cured with a "magic bullet" 5HT2-a receptor antagonist. I understand why you might believe this to be an option, but in my experience, approaching treatment with narrow vision, so to speak, (no pun intended), is doomed to fail. Most of the substances that have landed many of us in this predicament have complex pharmacological profiles, some of which, either are incomplete, or we are unaware that they are incomplete. There is still much to be learned. Looking at the situation with a broader perspective enveloping every single receptor system affected, and possible/existing downstream effects of each individual drug, compiling that data, cross-referencing symptoms, drawing corresponding similarities, and creating a possible causative profile for each individual drug should be the goal. Though I have another theory, albeit, also case sensitive, but I believe it to possibly be applicable to the situations of some other individuals. Quick summation - Infectious disease, undiscovered or otherwise (lyme disease, bartonella, babesiosis, etc...) may be an induction precursor/catalyst to HPPD. The idea being that the brain's neurochemistry and the body's CNS is already weakened/unstable, and the ingestion of a drug, (especially neurotoxic RC's), can further the damage done to the brain/CNS by the illness, causing further and much more significant chaos to ensue. The reason I have so much invested in this particular theory is because I personally suffer from Lyme disease/bartonella, and it became abundantly clear to me that my HPPD would have never occurred had I been disease-free. I don't feel like going into too much more detail, but suffice to say, treating those diseases vastly improved my HPPD, and I'm certain that if I weren't such a late stage patient, and I wasn't ingesting cannabis, coffee and tobacco on a regular basis, my hppd would be entirely gone. I have come close to ridding it entirely in the past, but it has become less and less of a priority, as it is not nearly as severe as it used to be, and I have simply gotten used to it. Just my half baked thoughts. ha Take it as you will.
  8. I am going to keep this post short and succinct. My life is a fallacy. I am a waste of money, time and resources. I desire nothing more than for my existence to cease. Yet, I do not have the heart, nor the courage to follow through with the act on my own accord. I simply feel as if I am waiting for death to sweep me off my feet, and take me to a tranquil place, where suffering of this magnitude cannot exist. I'm through with this life.
  9. Thanks so much for that inspirational post. I really do hope that things improve for me. Idk what else to say. I feel that I have said everything already.
  10. Thanks so much for that inspirational post. I really do hope that things improve for me. Idk what else to say. I feel that I have said everything already.
  11. Thanks so much for that inspirational post. I really do hope that things improve for me. Idk what else to say. I feel that I have said everything already.
  12. Yes, I have changed my diet. I eat all organic foods and I juice vegetables. I exercise when I can, but I work a lot; and I don't smoke, so thats not really a factor.
  13. And I have had this for over a year now and it has only become worse. What do I have to look forward to exactly? At this rate, I will be home bound within a year. Especially when I will inevitably be forced to withdraw from clonazepam.
  14. At the present moment I don't even care about the visuals. They no longer make me anxious in the slightest. The dp is what is eating me alive from the inside out. It makes the depression run far too deep. It makes me despise the thought of waking up in the morning. I am also extremely disappointed in myself for going the clonazepam route. It's all just a cluster fuck of issues culminating into the miserable existence I currently refer to as my "life." Though this is surely not living. It is simply existing.
  15. I know I have been fairly inactive lately on this web page. In fact, I don't believe I have logged on in a few months. Well, that's beside the point. Things have gotten increasingly more intense visual wise. My dp had almost gone until I took a cbd supplement derived from medical cannabis, which brought it back full force. I am at a present state of acceptance for the most part, but it is saddening that this has become my daily existence. I feel handicapped to an extent. Yet the only difference is that no one can visually recognize my handicap and empathise. So I am treated with the same disrespect as any other employee at my job, and my parents never cut me a break. In short, life is miserable. I have lost hope. My lyme disease continues to exacerbate my hpod, and I am dependent on clonazepam. I am also taking lamotrigine which has done nothing. I have tried levetiracetam as well, to no avail. I am at a loss. Death seems to be the only logical path. I don't know what to do or where to turn anymore. My life is a wreck.
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