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bpl4269

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bpl4269 last won the day on July 23 2014

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About bpl4269

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  1. Much appreciated. I may send a message your way in the near future. Sorry to hear you are feeling similarly.
  2. I appreciate the complimentary words of encouragement. Makes me feel slightly less useless. ha Unfortunately visual distortions are the least of my worries, and attempting to explain them in detail now would likely just be a redundancy. Considering I used to obsess over them and critically analyze every bit of minutiae 24/7 years ago; specifically here on this forum. Not to say I can't have a go at it if explication is truly desired. It just isn't entirely relevant on my end these days. Benzodiazepine withdrawals, Bartonella, Babesia, Lyme disease, and horrendous mold allergies are the main so
  3. I am and have been stretched so thin for so many years that explaining the intricacies of exactly why my life appears to be running on approximately .00001 hp seems utterly aimless. The only blood diamond here worth gleaning is, there is a cap on the stamina of the human body/"spirit", and given enough horrendous decisions and unlucky happenstance, you too can earn a place in a bracket of exhaustion and misery beyond the comprehension of most "normal" human beings. A purgatory unlike no other. Horrified of life and mortified of death, with absolutely no options left on the table
  4. Twitches/tremors can be, and are often indicative of infectious disease such as lyme disease/bartonella/babesia/etc.... Getting tested by IGENEX labs if possible, is your best bet at potentially eliminating that possibility, though it's still not a sure-fire way of knowing for certain. I have the diseases listed above, and without treating them, my hppd would have never improved. It would have continuously intensified. I have had a hunch for awhile that infectious disease is a common underlying precursor/catalyst to hppd, as it is downplayed by governments, (U.S. Government specifically), and
  5. At least for myself, they manifested as they do in this picture. They vary in intensity from time to time and person to person.
  6. Haven't been on this website or logged into this profile in years. I feel at home though. ha
  7. I think the pathology of HPPD is too case sensitive and complex to be cured with a "magic bullet" 5HT2-a receptor antagonist. I understand why you might believe this to be an option, but in my experience, approaching treatment with narrow vision, so to speak, (no pun intended), is doomed to fail. Most of the substances that have landed many of us in this predicament have complex pharmacological profiles, some of which, either are incomplete, or we are unaware that they are incomplete. There is still much to be learned. Looking at the situation with a broader perspective enveloping every single
  8. I am going to keep this post short and succinct. My life is a fallacy. I am a waste of money, time and resources. I desire nothing more than for my existence to cease. Yet, I do not have the heart, nor the courage to follow through with the act on my own accord. I simply feel as if I am waiting for death to sweep me off my feet, and take me to a tranquil place, where suffering of this magnitude cannot exist. I'm through with this life.
  9. Thanks so much for that inspirational post. I really do hope that things improve for me. Idk what else to say. I feel that I have said everything already.
  10. Thanks so much for that inspirational post. I really do hope that things improve for me. Idk what else to say. I feel that I have said everything already.
  11. Thanks so much for that inspirational post. I really do hope that things improve for me. Idk what else to say. I feel that I have said everything already.
  12. Yes, I have changed my diet. I eat all organic foods and I juice vegetables. I exercise when I can, but I work a lot; and I don't smoke, so thats not really a factor.
  13. And I have had this for over a year now and it has only become worse. What do I have to look forward to exactly? At this rate, I will be home bound within a year. Especially when I will inevitably be forced to withdraw from clonazepam.
  14. At the present moment I don't even care about the visuals. They no longer make me anxious in the slightest. The dp is what is eating me alive from the inside out. It makes the depression run far too deep. It makes me despise the thought of waking up in the morning. I am also extremely disappointed in myself for going the clonazepam route. It's all just a cluster fuck of issues culminating into the miserable existence I currently refer to as my "life." Though this is surely not living. It is simply existing.
  15. I know I have been fairly inactive lately on this web page. In fact, I don't believe I have logged on in a few months. Well, that's beside the point. Things have gotten increasingly more intense visual wise. My dp had almost gone until I took a cbd supplement derived from medical cannabis, which brought it back full force. I am at a present state of acceptance for the most part, but it is saddening that this has become my daily existence. I feel handicapped to an extent. Yet the only difference is that no one can visually recognize my handicap and empathise. So I am treated with the same disre
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