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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Buddikaman82

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Everything posted by Buddikaman82

  1. So I haven't been to this forum in years. I think I joined over 12+ years ago. I used to be very active here. I am writing this for all the new generation eager for a possible solution. I never thought I would find a cure but I did. I suffered from severe LSD induced HPPD and DP/DR since I was 17 I am now 35. I have tried everything and nothing helped. I have read the research been to Boston you name it. It ruined my entire 20s and high school years, I always felt not myself and had massive floaters and tracers. It was like being on a low dose of LSD. Like a bad trip that never ended. I was living in a nightmare that no one understood. From 2010 to 2012 I decided I was gonna find a cure or end up killing my self. I heard some people mention mild sucess with Keppra and convinced my doc to script me. I tried generic and it didn't help made me feel worst, I had read reports on net about people who take Keppra and some mention of huge difference between name brand and generics. I tried every single generic of this drug that is out there and none helped at all and had bad side effects. As a last ditch effort in 2012 I gave name brand a try and BOOM not long after my symptoms of visual disturbance and feelings of depersonalization began to fade. I took x2 500mg tabs a day along with low dose xanax as needed. Long story short I am happy to say HPPD is a distant memory now and I get all my name brand Keppra free as part of a program they have for people that can't afford. I usually only take one 500mg tab a day and if I miss a few days the tracers start coming back and that feeling of being in another reality like I'm back in acid hits. Soon as I take a Keppra it relieves my symptoms 100% (benzo helps as a combo). So this is for anyone looking for a drug to try to help them as I litteraly never visit this site anymore. For those who tried Keppra generic with no luck I can't stress enough I had zero relief it has to be NAME BRAND!!!! Even though I have plenty of problems in my life now due to lasik surgery complications I can't tell you how fuking nice it is to be my old self again and not have HPPD! I am a completely different person and it's all thanks to Keppra name brand and small doses of benzo. I find you don't even need a high dose, 500mg a day and I'm good. But I can't stress enough this was not the case at all with the generics. Hope this post helps someone. One last thing is I am also able to smoke pot and drink alcohol again without aggrevating my symptoms like it used too, which I don't recommend but I use cannibus for neurapathy. If your smoking recreationally you need to quit. The Keppra name brand is litteraly like a magic pill for me. Hopefully it is for some of you guys suffering too. Find a way to give it a try. Best of luck!
  2. I started on x2 500mg tabs a day. I don't think we need more than that for HPPD because it's a low end dose for Keppra but now I take as needed which is either X1 500mg day or x2 but I would say start with x2 or atl at work your way up to that dose. I have zero side effects but initially I hear it can have some. Those will go away. Klonomopin or xanax both would work well since she might feel comfortable doing klonomopin over xanax I would say 1-2mg per day should be ok on either. print out the study's on this site showing her th science of it th xanax family of drugs affects the region of brain and calms the HPPD and together I find they managed my symptoms completely. I printed articles from this site showing the science and user experience to let my doc try maybe that will help you. Also for Keppra make sure you demand name brand. It's more expensive but makes world of difference. Worst case you can try for a while than try generic and see if still works. But if you try generic you will never know if bad effects are from generic or drug itself. Hope that helps good luck.
  3. Yeah that's great I hope you can sort it out. Honestly spiritual growth is something I always wanted to work on but never got around to fully embracing the lifestyle, I would be curious how you feel about it and how it affects your life and energy. I know how hard it can be to get a script for Keppra but I really feel it can help you so it's a shame swim might not be able to find out. Best of luck.
  4. Yeah one thing to keep in mind is hallucinogenic drugs even plant based can cause depersonalization and derealization which can accompany HPPD almost always according to Dr. Abraham. I actually am subbed to a YouTuber who did some Indian ritual type drug and after the trip was left with lingering severe DP/DR that still affects him to this day. Like Jim Morrison said once the doors of perception are open, they can never be closed. Sounds like you are describing almost exactly feelings of DP/DR so I would almost say for sure that's what you are experiencing right now. My visuals (tracers,floaters, light sensitivity, etc) were never what really debilitated me it was the horrid feeling of anxiety and racy mind and just not feeling 'myself' that went with them. Pretty much exactly what you described. Also of relevance to you I have a young friend who took 9 hits of highly potent LSD and it did not hit him untoll two weeks later when he was rushed to the ER and now also has DP/DR as like you said DP/DR feels like a form of PTSD which leaves your mind in a constant state of fight or flight. That's how this all began for me, with a bad trip in the 90s that caused me to lose control and experience a sort of out of body experience that freaked me out. The best thing anyone can have on hand when doing LSD is xanax or a benzo. I would argue it should be a requirement and I was told by another mid 20s friend who consumes and sells the stuff that is becoming a rule of thumb now days which is quite smart if you think about it because it could help calm the mind enough during these episodes that the trauma is not permanent since it clearly affects the same parts of the brain that hallucigens do science is now showing. With all that said I can't say if this is going to be permanent for you or not but you have to assume it very well could be. These things are not easily reversed. Your best bet is to try and somehow convince a doc to script you some Keppra (which is primarily for DP/DR btw) and a low dose benzo to calm the mind. It's possible that taking this treatment along with spiritual practice can re rewire your brain before things become permanent. Hope that helps.
  5. I can't speak for everyone but there is no question for me this is not going away, it will most defiantly be something that only manages symptoms along with a benzo. Together they seem to work really well, again I only had any sort of sucess with the name brand, I tried around 5 generics and each made me feel different and none helped symptoms (except for Teva which they discontinued). So yeah I would say it's life long treatment for sure, but your mileage may vary. If I quit taking it for a day or two I notice all my tracers and static noise coming back along with feelings of DP/DR.
  6. It was more around 2013 year I finally got established relief but basically because visiting this site is depressing as fuk and I was busy starting a business and raising a family along with dealing with new health complications that consumed my life and caused just as much pain and anguish as HPPD did due to lasik surgery complications. With that said who gives a chit why I'm posting now? Are you trying to imply something against my lack of character? It would have been easy to forget about this site all together instead of taking time to post my results in an effort to help someone who might benefit from this treetment as much as I have.
  7. This post has been promoted to an article
  8. So i wanted to say that I have been dealing with this since i was 17 (i am now 30) and over the past 5 years especially have tried alot of drugs to find releif from my HPPD, DP/DR, Depression, Anxiety, ect Im not going to list every drug here and my experience, honestly, because they are not worth writing about. I am currently not taking any medication except Xanax as a while back i got off my last anti- depressant Celexa. Sadly having tried a BUNCH of shit, none of these meds really helped. The ones that did i would feel minor releif for a few days or weeks and than they stopped working all together. The biggest of these was Lamictal. I remember taking Lamictal and there where days in the beginging where i felt absolutely great. I can specifcally remember feeling good, and thus my visuals decreased and i was able to function. Ahhh what a nice feeling..... Oddly enough, the buzz wore off completely the day i started a new job (i was unemployed) and all my old symptoms came back in force my first day of work. Needless to say, i lost the job shortly after, and eventually quit taking Lamictal to try something else. I am actually considering taking this med again. I am not sure what happened but god damnt, out of all the meds ive tried, its the only one that worked. Why would it just quit like that? Anyone else here have experience taking Lamictal? What did it do for you? Any reason why it would just poop out (when i needed it most!!!) ? Also, whats the deal with sinemet? Should i give this med a try, does it have properties similiar to Lamictal (dopamine) ? Thanks..
  9. This post has been promoted to an article
  10. I went to the doctor here in town to get some xanax. He basically refused to prescribe it to me because he is worried i will try to sell them for 5$ each..... fucking doctors. Instead he gave me some clonozapem, which i thought was better than nothing. This med is a joke, the effects are mild even with 2-3 mgs and it just made me really drowsy. Xanax is officially the best benzo out there, great effects for anxiety and doesnt make you drag ass all day and fall asleep while your working (like i did today). I cant see why people are so crazy about the klonopin, its a mediocre drug, especially when compared to Xanax.
  11. I only take it late in evening, you will feel calm and relaxed for a few hours than it will just knock you out. 1mg or .5mg is better to start. Three times a day is excessive, I would take one dose once every 1-2 days as you build a tolerance very fast. It's good for anxiety though you should def get some. I honestly prefer Xanax as kpins are just to sedating for me.
  12. Buddikaman82

    Klonopin Benefits

    I did not like it. Made me feel spaced out and tired. Always woke up next day very groggy. I much prefer Xanax since I wake up next day refreshed with no benzo hangover.
  13. Buddikaman82

    Meidcation, Take 2

    i think stress and anxiety make HPPD symptoms much much worst. SSRI's and mood stabilizers can be beneficial `if` you can find one that agrees with you. Ever since i got this 13 years ago ive slipped into a underlying depressive state as my vision is so distorted and dissasociation is so bad. I tried nearly every anti depressant i could get my hands on. The one that i had the most luck with was Celexa. It did not make my HPPD worst and `slightly` improved my mood and sleeping patterns. On the flip side it made me FAT as hell and worst yet it made me NOT CARE. I gained a ton of weight on it and when i finally quit i dropped like 20 pounds just within the first two weeks. Its like i was a balloon that deflated. It also gave me Libido problems, but i got over that after a year or so. When i quit Celexa i jumped straight to zoloft it made me feel HORRIBLE. My HPPD was on fire with that medication. My girlfriend however is on Zoloft and she has no issues and it helps her ALOT, she is completely sane and normal on it with a great mood and outlook, so it depends on the person.
  14. Buddikaman82

    FML I relapsed

    You will know within 1-3 days if the drug is a good fit. They say it takes weeks to reach full benefits but in my experience your body will either agree or disagree with it after first dose.
  15. Buddikaman82

    FML I relapsed

    Yeah I relapsed also a month or two ago, it did not help my visuals.. I've had this 13 years and have tried various meds. As for AD's they are hit or miss. The one I would recommend the most is celexa, it has good results for anxiety and did not aggravate my visuals at all. The worst one I've taken is Zoloft, it made me extremely nervous and increased visuals dramatically. Wellbutrin is worth trying, I took mine with celexa, but didn't notice alot good or bad. Lamictal is worth trying also, but it's not an AD and is somewhat mild. The thing about ADs are how you feel within a few days of taking them. My psychiatrist says you should feel a 'calming effect' shortly after starting and if you do, that's a good sign the drug is a good fit. If you feel worse after taking its not a good sign, and you are better off switching meds untill you find one that does. Good luck.
  16. Buddikaman82

    ANYONE TAKEN CELEXA?

    I took Celexa for over a year with mixed results. For a while i believe it was helping my depression and anxiety. At the least i did not feel `bad` from it. I felt like it was not helping me much toward the end, and the worst side effect i had was weight gain. If you have weight issues this can bloat you up pretty bad. I lost 20-40 pounds a few weeks after i stopped taking it and could not lose weight even with diet and excersise while on the drug. I had some pretty bad withdrawl symptoms and fell into a deep depression after i stopped taking it. I think its hit or miss but definatly one of the better SSRI's ive tried. Give it a shot it might help you, you will know soon after starting. 40mg is a good dose.
  17. Buddikaman82

    Age 30 with HPPD

    When i was 17 as a freshman in High School i dabbled a bit in drugs. At the time LSD was pretty popular so i took it a few times. One of those times i had a very `bad trip` where i lost my sence of self and became detatched from reality. I woke up the next day and felt like i was still on the drugs. Weeks past and i still could not shake the feeling. My best friends did not know who i was anymore, and i was hallucinating constantly (as in 24/7). I was very scared and confused, but did not know what to do so i just tried my best to hide it. I ended up dropping out of high school and became a hermit. I did nothing but play video games and smoke pot as a way to self medicate my LSD like symptoms. This went on for years. At age 21 i finnaly hit rock bottom and went to see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with Depression, Social Anxiety, Depersonalization, Derealization, and HPPD(Hallucagenic Perception Persistant Disorder). Everything was treatable but the HPPD, which currently there is no cure, and most doctors do not even know what it is. I began taking medications. None of them worked. I took over 12 different kinds of medicines. None of them gave me much releif. I was than diagnosed with Treatment Resistant Depression and my doctor basically told me he doesnt know what else to do. At age 24 i began making a huge effort to change. I started a new job, i worked out 6 days a week, i got in amazing shape, i went from 265 pounds to 180 in less than 6 months. I got a girlfriend. I started college. In the end though, i still felt absolutely depressed, and still Hallucinated constantly. It was a band aid over a flesh wound. Eventually i decided to join the military. Sadly in Boot Camp (Marines) the stress and anxiety became so overwelming i started to freak out. Especially Visually. My LSD HPPD symptoms were out of control. I could not even think straight, and felt like i was about to break down any minute. I had to get out. So i told the med staff i lied on my application and in fact had a variety of mental disorders. I was dismissed and sent home. I was age 25 and my life began crashing around me(again). After Boot Camp i was destroyed. I had no self confidence, no self esteem, no motivation to do anything. I did nothing for an entire year but contemplate where i was going next. Eventually I decided to persue a career as a 3D Artist making video games. I moved out of my parents(again) and started going to college(again). I did really good at being an artist and my teacher had high hopes. Sadly, the depression, anxiety, and HPPD were a constant weight on my shoulders. I could not hold a job. All the years of isolation and lack of social experience destroyed me at work. I could not relate to people and prefered to be by myself. This caused me extreme discomfort and i knew if i did not get it handled any hopes at a `career` job would be over. I did not get it handled. I got a job at a big game studio working on Star Wars. I was depressed and anxious. I started to rub people the wrong way at work, and started to isolate myself again, and a few months later i got fired. I have had over 10-15 jobs through out my life and have either been fired or quit from every single one. I just cannot function. I have been living with my parents for the past 2-3 years and my life is a wreck. No matter what i do, or what i try to do to better my situation, i have this lingering feeling of depression and hopelessness. I had a interview with a major game studio in california and am currently assigned to do an art test. If i pass the art test i get the job. I have 10 days to complete it and for the past 2 days i have not touched it. I just KNOW that if i get the job, move all the way to california, my depression, anxiety, and hallucinations will sabatoge whatever i do. I will get fired, and be left with an apartment lease and a vehicle with no way to pay for it. So i figure, why even try? For the first time ever i have been contemplating suicide. I know for a fact i do not want to live. At this point i cannot realistically hope for my symptoms of depression and anxiety to suddenly `go away` and especially not my HPPD, which is permanent and life altering. Sadly, i do not have the balls to **** myself. Atleast not right now. I figure if things do not improve within the next 5 years i will have no choice. All my dreams have been crushed. My life has been a living hell since i took that hit of LSD 13 years ago. Im not really sure what to do about it anymore. It seems like every time i try to better my situation, i get thrown to the ground and trampled on. No medication has worked. I sleep till 4pm. I have no motivation. I am a ******* vegetable. This world is not made for people with disabilitys. If you are not 100% healthy you are no use to anyone. For now i have the support of my parents, but what will happen when they are not here to help me? I will be destroyed, utterly and completely.
  18. Eh guys, I setup an appointment today with Dr Abraham in Boston, MA. Part of me is going for the trial medicine but since its not really a medicine you can take alot im mostly excited to be apart of the progressive research of HPPD. The real reason im going however is to get a proper treatment regime for this disorder. I have had HPPD and DP/DR for 13 years from LSD use. I have tried alot of things, including massive lifestyle change, no drinking, no smoking, excersise, nutrition, medications, ect ect to no relief to my HPPD and DP/DR. I should mention i have not tried some of the newer medications such as Keppra and Sinemet, which people are noticing some results with lessening there symptoms. Obviously there is no cure, but if i can even lessen my visuals and other symptoms related to the disorder 30-50% i will be doing good. I was wondering if anyone cared to share there experiences with visiting Dr Abraham? He said there are things that can be done to releive symptoms but would not disclose any such information over the phone. I asked him if he found Sinemet or Keppra beneficial in treatment to those suffering but he would not say. He hinted that there were non medication things that can be done such as lifestyle change that would help as well, which kind of has me worried thats the answer i will get. It is a big risk for me to spend what little money i have to fly across the country only to be told to excersise more and take a klonopin. I tried that. It didnt work. I want to try something new even if it is experimental and not garunteed. So i am not really sure what to expect in this area and it has me worried even though i am trying to keep an open mind. What are your guys experiences or thoughts on this? Thanks!
  19. I am trying to see a neurologist soon who my psychiatrist recommended me to. I am not really sure what meds to push for, for my HPPD and dp/dr. I have heard of success with sinemet and keppra and even lamictal. Which one or which combination should I push for first? Also if I see this neurologist and he has never heard of HPPD how do I convince him these meds will help? I could use some insight into this, I simply cannot live my life like this any longer, the visual snow is destroying me. I'm trying to get on one of these meds ASAP so any help is appreciated!
  20. Buddikaman82

    I am going to see Dr Abraham

    Thanks bud, Yeah i am hoping he can give me some effective treatment options, my life is basically on hold untill i get this handled. Its like a switch went off and im like "Ok, i cant live like this, im either going to find relief or die". I have tried coping with this shit for 13 years, it ruined my 20's and ill be damned if i live the rest of my life hallucinating like this.
  21. Buddikaman82

    IT ARRIVED. MY TEXTBOOK ON HPPD.

    Awesome David. What will you be using this for? School textbook or publicly sold?
  22. Buddikaman82

    Keppra vs sinemet vs lamictal- need advice!

    Do you know if by going to see dr a in Boston if he might be willing to work with me on a treatment regime? Or is it mostly a diagnosis + trial drug basis? I asked him but have not heard back, and I need to decide ASAP which course of action to take.
  23. Buddikaman82

    Keppra vs sinemet vs lamictal- need advice!

    My doctor assumes HPPD but Only because he had no idea what else it would be. I am 'dreading' seeing a neurologist I just know they will not want to give me sinemetic or keppra. I am talking to dr Abraham about a possible visit to Boston. I took 1mg of klonopin at a time for a few years. Yes I have focus issues and brain fog. Yeah sensory overload for sure. My memory is not to bad and I am ver articulate, just not so much face to face because of the visuals.
  24. Buddikaman82

    Keppra vs sinemet vs lamictal- need advice!

    I was always really social and athletic growing up. When I was 17 I took a hit of LSD and had a bad trip. Besides the HPPD I also felt detached from reality and lost a sence of who I was. I had a hard time relating and interacting with people and became very withdrawn and introverted. I dropped out of high school and hid in my room all day. This on top of my visuals made the world and the people in it a scarey place. Looking back I think my bad trip triggered a possible social phobia. During most of my 20s and to some extent even today I still have this feeling of being withdrawn and find it much less stressful to just avoid social interactions and public places all together. This is what triggered my depression and anxietys. My night vision is terrible, fluorescent lights give me a strong glare and I cannot have lights in my field of vision without grimacing. Sunlight is different. I have no problems with sunlight and often can have it shining in my eyes without any discomfort. I love sunlight. I cannot watch tv at all. I watch the walking dead once a week and it's all I can handle. It destroys my eyes and I can't figure out why. I DO have MAJOR tunnel vision. This one I can't stand, it makes it so hard to talk to people. Yes I would say I am hyper responsive to movement in my peripheral, sounds about right. Color distortions I'm not really sure. I can't say I see purple everywhere. I tried klonopin for years, it made me feel slightly better but would make me very tired and groggy the next day so I eventually switched to Xanax for the shorter half life. I can only take benzos at night. Thanks for your questions, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me out. Also what does all this mean? You are asking me questions that are dead on and have perplexed me for years.
  25. Buddikaman82

    Keppra vs sinemet vs lamictal- need advice!

    I do suffer from depression and anxiety but I'm convinced this is a result of my introverted lifestyle not a chemical imbalance. The real killer for me is the visuals and dp/dr. Visuals include massive visual snow, tracers, lingering geometric after images, sensitivity to light, and depth perception issues. My dp/dr can be described as tripping on a low dose of LSD. So I'm leaning on keppra or sinemet, which might you recommend starting off? I recently started lamictal but consider it a mild relief drug.
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