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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

jerry sandusky

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About jerry sandusky

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  1. Oh and I'm prescribed klonopin 1mg which helps a little bit but I buy unprecribed xanax every once in awhile....It helps so much! But for me the opiaes did the trick
  2. For me, if you take a good dose of adderall but not too much (I took 30 mg for a short bit of time) it makes your depersonalization go away for a little bit and you don't notice the floaters or other visual symptoms because of the stimulation it does on the brain. However, when I crashed off it I felt like I was living in hell...static got worse, more floaters, back and neck was cracking and aching, and more DP. I would just recommend to stay off of it. But dude try some opiates! I bought 30 percs from this dude and it lasted me about 2 weeks, my vision symptoms drastically dissipated and depersonalization...GONE. I'm off of them now and I just feel normal like life is supposed to feel like. No withdrawal or anything or any increase of symptoms while i'm off of it.
  3. Everybody. Take some time to think about this. Please read my entire post and give me feedback. I want to share my knowledge with everyone who is lost in HPPD. I am no expert. I am only 16 years old and currently dealing with the setback of HPPD following cannabis use. Ok, First of all I wanted to reply to this topic because that's what I came here for. I do believe that the craneotomy report is true. I read the report, requested this dude on Facebook, instant messaged him and gave him my number,and within 5 minutes he called from Dallas, TX to hear my story. I talked to him for about 30 minutes and he was the nicest dude you'll ever talk to. He really does know a lot about HPPD than 95% of people of these forums and is set on helping people overcome this nightmare. I felt grounded for the first time in awhile because I had someone to talk to, express my feelings, and reaffirm that I will eventually beat HPPD. I know there are a lot of skeptics out there that probably won't believe a word that I say, but I can't really describe it in words, this dude is legitimate. He claims that a doctor who specializes in this field couldn't completely pinpoint the cause of HPPD (most likely because it was drug-related) but he said that Zac's symptoms matched up with a certain type of neuron damage that could be fixed by surgically removing a bone flap in the back of his head and inserting deep-brain stimulators. The stimulators rejuvenate the damaged neurons which in turn kills the perceived threat by the "flight or fight" response and GABA receptors in the brain. Zac said it was just like a light switch...gone. Now, although I am not an expert, I want to break this down. Please no mean criticism, I'm just giving food for thought and trying to help the community by sharing my knowledge. OK SO, EVERYBODY has different brain chemistry, right? That's why some people react different to medication than others...this is the SAME for drugs. Let's say your brain was wired a certain way that when you did LSD...your neurotransmitters (brainchemistry) started to become imbalanced. I mean LSD or any other given drug with some psychoactive effect can't be good for everyone, can it? After dropping acid several more times your brain will without question get damaged because you keep pushing your brain away from a healthy balance. Let's say for whatever reason you had excessive dopamine and low serotonin (just an example) and you kept taking a drug that rapidly increases dopamine. You're stressed out and really want to get high...so you take a large dose of some drug that further unbalances this high dopamine-low serotonin brain chemistry. You don't realize that you're brain can not possibly handle this large of a dose, let alone the drug in general. You then start to feel as if you are retarded because of the effects on the neurotransmitters...then you peak and your brain is scared shitless because it can't handle the unnatural (drugs are unnatural) change in chemistry. As a response to this perceived "life or death" threat, your "fight or flight" responses turn on...you're heart starts pumping extremely fast while also releasing adrenaline...your body is using up vital resources to attempt to save your life...You begin to lose sense of reality while still conscious...BUT it's not a saber tooth tiger, it's an internal problem that you keep making worse every time you try to prove to yourself that you can smoke that joint or drop some acid or eat those shrooms! The next morning, you're not high on the drug anymore and you thank God that you are still alive, but now you have HPPD symptoms that you are going to have to deal with until you give your brain a rest from all psychoactive substances, including tobacco. Last night changed your brain chemistry for awhile and your brain is still on high alert because the threat is still with you. This manifests itself into the anxiety problems that HPPDers deal with. In nature balance is key. Imbalances lead to corruption, chaos, and in your case DAMAGE. This is just my logic and it's somewhat general. The brain is infinitely complex and saying that this is the only cause would be a bold claim. I did hear that the GABA receptors could also be responsible for some on this HPPD nonsense but I haven't done any in-depth research on that...That would be something to look at. PLEASE REPLY WITH CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, AGREEMENT/DISAGREEMENT, OR ANY OTHER INSIGHTS YOU MAY HAVE FOUND. -MUCH LOVE PEOPLE AND THE BEST OF LUCK
  4. I have the same thing man...I thought the tension was from a bad mattress too but it's gotta be from HPPD. My neck and back are the worst because I can feel so much tension if I don't crack it....and when I crack my neck it's the most disgusting thing i've ever heard. It gets me scared because this started happening with the onset of HPPD and even when people hear me crack my neck they assume that something is wrong with me and say that I should get that checked out. This isn't normal but it's interesting that HPPD can cause these types of symptoms. Maybe thats something to look into. It could be related to blood pressure..although my pressure reads normal at the doctors...it might be a pressure problem in the head. I know I have a lot of pressure in the head but I can't really "feel" it if you know what I mean. Like when you have headaches you have pressure in your head and you can feel it..but this seems like it's so much pressure that you can't feel (if that makes any sense) and it manifests itself into other problems that you can feel like the visuals, depression, anxiety, etc.
  5. Anxiety can also cause a person to grind their teeth and the tension will start to move down into the neck and eventually the back. That could be why everybody has so much pressure in their jaw and where the jaw meets the skull. Nobody can really know exactly what they do when they fall asleep and everybody that has HPPD definitely has some sort of anxiety problem. I would suggest researching TMJ
  6. I'm 16 right now, a junior in high school and my HPPD starts the summer of me going into freshman year. I smoked for the first time with one of my close friends and it was some cheap mids.Took about 8-10 decent hits out of a soda can and didn't feel much until i went inside and it hit me. The lights were really bright an I felt like a marshmallow on the couch. It took me awhile to get used to the feeling and at first I was really paranoid but later I ended up having a great time. I remember smoking a few more times soon after that and getting really dazed and didn't really do much but think to myself which stopped me from socializing and having a good time with my friends. Every time I would smoke it took me a little bit and then it would hit me, "I remember this feeling", "I feel like I'm in a dream". This is started me down a bad path in my future and I didn't really want to do much with myself except for experiment with weed. I graduated middle school with 10 kids in my class and I had a few REALLY close friends that I hung onto and all we wanted to do is light up, but I did not smoke a lot at all...I'd say on average like once a week. We eventually split up and went to different high schools but we still chilled on weekends and were really close. A whole year goes by very quickly and I slowly start to realize some static vision, floaters, and a bit of a detached feeling. But I thought this was all normal because of the marijuana despite some very unusual experiences/thoughts I've had in the past. I thought maybe my friends were having the same thing but they just didn't worry about it like I did. I remember opening up to one of my friends at the beach and he assured me that it wasn't permanent and it would go away in a month if I stopped using. He said that it was just normal and I shouldn't worry about. At this point, all my friends I had were very close to me and they all smoked so I decided I was going to hold onto it and just enjoy myself...all of my experiences weren't bad and I actually had a lot of exciting, adventurous highs. As the years rolled on I've came across some unusual experiences that I still remember to this day. It just seemed like sometimes I would have a bad reaction off of as little as 2 or 3 hits...Everything just kind of fades away from reality....my friends look like holograms...Everything is static and dreamlike...I lose myself and don't have an idea who I am anyone...I feel like an alien, generic, empty consciousness. I thought I was in some sort of serious danger... My hearts beating extremely fast and I don't want to die...I was stuck like this forever...I thought people viewed me as weird...I begin questioning if the world is real or just an illusion...I think really deeply and my thoughts, mostly negative, begin to manifest themselves on an unfathomable level...I would just tell my friends that I'm tired and don't feel well and go inside to lay down. When I wake up the next morning I'm fine but a bit foggy and depersonalized. This was such a serious self conflict that I couldn't call quits on the weed. The experiences were so surreal that I could not grasp or understand in my sober mind what this was..It was like waking up from a nightmare and feeling a sense of relief but you keep having the same nightmare all the time. Ok so now couple years go by and I'm now a junior in high school. I actually just recently quit smoking but that was because I absolutely had to. I really wish I stopped smoking earlier on but it was a bad case of depression combined with an inner conflict, which I would call anxiety, that led me to keep doing it. HPPD became so intense that every time I smoked pot I would get intense feelings of discomfort. I would cry because I just didn't feel the same anymore and I felt detached from the people who I knew I loved like my mom and dad. The feelings would take me further and further outside reality and into a life where emotions don't exist. These feelings started very small from when I first starting smoking pot and gradually got bigger and bigger to what they are now. My symptoms now are as follows: chronic neck, back, joint pain. Static vision, sparkly shimmering air and walls. Random spots of color and light flashing in my peripherals for a split second then goes away. Afterimages. Extremely bad depersonalization...the derealization seemed to go away after the first year. Pretty bad depression, lack of confidence (mostly because I feel different, stupid). Unable to feel pleasure. Social anxiety. This still is a burden for me but I'm trying to get myself well grounded. Everyone needs something to live for so I'm trying my best to pursue that to get my mind off of things. I'm keeping an optimistic mind and I KNOW that one day I WILL get better from all of this. I just need to think logically and stop making quick decisions that lead me into trouble. The cure for HPPD is just to forget about it completely. It's like a bee that won't sting you if you just ignore it. I've learned many things from this hellish disorder that will change my life for the better when I finally beat HPPD. Having a grasp on reality is priceless, don't ever take it for granted, I still don't understand why so many people want to escape it by doing drugs. Knowledge and wisdom stem from our understanding of the world...and that truly defines who you are. Always keep a positive mind. Thoughts truly have an enormous impact on our lives. Thoughts control moods/feeling which control actions. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones and they won't haunt you as much because a more positive outlook will be embedded into your subconscious. Thoughts are the way in which we perceive reality...that is why every single one of us is unique, like 1/6,000,000,000 unique...letting negative thoughts engulf you will cause you to truly believe in them because they are so deeply embedded and will make your reality hopeless, full of depression, and fearful...positive thoughts will inspire you to do more things, get active, and live in the present and enjoy life. I think reading a book helps so much because it takes my mind off things and allows me to explore my mind. For those who have trouble with sleeping, I suggest you start reading...it calms your anxiety and shuts down the thinking processes of the mind, allowing you to fall asleep easier. Things that are helpful to know: -Yes you can HPPD from just marijuana, I am 100% positive it wasn't laced and that this led to my problem. -Reading and exercise are very good for the anxiety related issues. But make sure you don't overdo your exercise... I wrestled for a couple months for school and the over exertion made me go through a period of hell on earth for a few weeks. My symptoms magnified like x3. -No SSRIs, my theory is that HPPD comes from an imbalance in the neurotransmitters and if you take the wrong drug it will continue to put an adverse effect on the unbalanced neurotransmitters and worsen HPPD. SSRI inhibit the reuptake of Serotonin. -Clonazepam (klonopin) will decrease anxiety and has been proven to be very helpful in treating HPPD but not curing it. The Benzo class drugs have an effect on the GABA receptors in the brain and the amygdala which controls anxiety and flight or fight response in the brain. -Accept it, move on, forget. It WONT go away unless to make an effort to stop it. RESPECT TO EVERYONE GOING THROUGH HPPD, I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY. JUST KNOW THAT YOU WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY! MUCH LOVE
  7. Ok so I know that this is a weird topic. Please don't judge me...but in all seriousness, for as long I can remember I have had a dramatic increase in sexual desire since I got HPPD. Does anyone have this same thing? It's like I feel like I have to. I've tried to stop for awhile because I thought maybe masturbating made it worse but when I do I just get really panicky, racing thoughts, and increase of anxiety. I know masturbation has a lot to do with neurotransmitters in the brain. It releases dopamine and also does something with the acetylcholine receptors...so my question is can anybody relate to this? Does anyone feel that it makes them feel worse or better? For me, I can't tell...I tend to associate whackin off as a negative thing and I usually acquire some psychological guilt with it, mainly because I simply don't know if it's pulling me in the right direction or not, but I also feel that it does relieve some of the stress and anxiety. I feel that if I have an increased sexual desire than my body's telling me that it needs dopamine and those extra hormones to deal with the stress in order to deal with HPPD. ANY INSIGHTS?
  8. I have that too! theres a lot of pressure and pain in my jaw so i have a tendency to play with it but when you snap that part where your jaw meets the skull its very painful and is sore for a very long time. I'm not 100% sure if this is related but it sure seems like it started with HPPD...but i have cracking joints everywhere! My neck and back are like in a vice...even when i breath sometimes i can hear my upper back popping
  9. Hey man, I got a pretty awful case of HPPD going on and I'd love to meet someone in person. I live in the suburbs 20-25 min outside of phila...and I'm right by the PA=DE border. I'm only sixteen, but I have my license. You guys seem a little old but I'm sure theres a way it could work.
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