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WOLF70M last won the day on March 4

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About WOLF70M

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  • Birthday 09/08/1991

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  1. Hey guys, I haven't been on this site in quite some time, but I was reflecting on the past 6 years of perceptual disturbances and thought that I would write a post that may shed a different light on HPPD. I am very thankful that HPPD has become a part of my life(yes, even when I start melting or the room keeps changing sizes). I'm sure by this point many of you are thinking "wow, this guy is fucked in the head" , but let me elaborate a bit more. At this point in my life I am happy, I love who I am, and I am in a great place despite my visual and tactile disturbances not wavering in the slightest. Pre-HPPD, however, I could say none of the good things I listed above. I lived my life constantly brushing my anxiety, depression, and insomnia under the rug like it didn't exist. HPPD amplified these problems to a point where I could no longer just pass them off. It forced me to change. I had to open up to people about myself and my problems like I never had to before. I had to focus on the things that I could control (anxiety, depression) rather than the things that were out of my hands(perceptual disturbances). This was not an easy process at all. I struggled immensely for a year before I developed the coping skills I needed to allow myself to be happy. One of the biggest turning points for me was when I was finally able to forgive myself for the long series of decisions I made to get myself caught up in in everything. I fortunately haven't had any other trauma in my life, but that almost made it harder to forgive myself for creating such a traumatic event for myself all because I wanted to get high. I also thin that it was important that I accepted the fact that HPPD was a part of me; this is the way I see things now and that ok. In fact its more than ok! I have a hugely different perspective on life than I did before and I think that is one of my biggest assets in life. I couldn't imagine where I would be if HPPD didn't come into my life (probably still getting high off of stupid shit all of the time with no future plans). HPPD helped me figure out what I wanted to do with my life (though I almost dropped out because of it) HPPD is the reason I became a social worker and have a great job that I love HPPD helped me learn the communication skills I needed to open up to someone and have an actual meaningful relationship with someone HPPD stopped me from doing drugs allowing me to eventually become an all-american in cross country. HPPD taught me how to enjoy life while coping with insomnia, depression, and anxiety HPPD made me the man I am today I used to blame HPPD for making my life miserable, but now I see it as an integral part of my life. Wish you guys all the best. - Josh
  2. Dreams are totally fucked for me. I have 3 - 5 extremely vivid dreams every night. I also can recall dreams I have had years before getting HPPD at random times. I also sometimes get this thing where I'm like half asleep, dreaming, but I can still move around the dream gets integrated with reality for a while. I don't particularly mind the dreams it just gets to be taxing at times.
  3. 2 - Mushroom trips caused the onset of symptoms Prior to mushrooms 7 - 10 salvia trips A lot of K2 A lot of weed A lot of alcohol
  4. Hey ferret, I have similar stuff happen to me at night. The majority of the problems I face with HPPD are when trying to sleep. I get the same weird dreams/thoughts that you are experiencing. The only way I have really found to combat this is to keep a strict sleep schedule and really just getting used to it. Sounds like you are pretty new to this if you have any questions you can ask me or read some of my posts.
  5. Shannon - YES. The lines in the static when you move your hand across your visual field. Jay - I did have a decent amount of salvia use. I used it probably about 7 times a year before I actually started getting HPPD symptoms although I think it really does have a lot to do with my HPPD. I think it set me up for the mushroom trip that triggered most of my HPPD symptoms. In hindsight it is a pretty scary drug. Even though it is only a 10 minute trip it does some weird shit to your brain. The main thing I noticed when tripping on salvia was that there was less hallucination for me and more of my thoughts and reality started blending into one. Im also surprised at how little it gets brought up on this site, I feel like it could cause a lot of problems.
  6. I get static pretty bad and the best way I can describe it is being somewhere between what I see and my thoughts. Along with static I have been seeing trippy stuff in this same plane of consciousness. Its like hallucinations that seem to fall short of reaching into my vision. Its like little pixels in my static are arranged into pictures that I can see overlapping my normal eyesight. I also feel like afterimages fit in this same place. I kind of think it is intertwined with my DP/DR, Its like I get so far dissociated from myself. These thoughts and visions are so powerful and out of my control that it can be pretty scary and overwhelming at times, but it really makes me wonder about the insane potential of the human brain.
  7. Its a really tough call doing any type of drug and having HPPD. Obviously they are all going to effect people differently, but for me almost anything seems to make things worse and trip me out. Since having HPPD I have drank, smoked weed, and did cocaine; these all seemed to make things worse (cocaine affected me the least). Aside from street drugs things like not getting enough sleep or not being able to eat when I'm hungry also make things worse. I also even had a times where after a hard run I would trip out (running is good though just don't do too much like me). In my case I cut out everything but alcohol for a couple months and just recently stopped drinking all together. I could probably get away with doing a lot of other things, but lately I have been feeling high all the time and now that old need to feel high has become a need to feel sober. If things don't make anything worse I dont see why you can't do them.
  8. Adriana, what you are describing sounds almost exactly like what I am going through. My symptoms have been progressing as well and it sounds to me like you have HPPD. I have experienced everything you described and its not getting any easier for me. Sounds like you are having a tough time with it as well. I'm just holding on to the hope that it will get better in time. If you ever need anyone to talk to about this stuff just let me know, I think I could relate to you extremely well.
  9. Thanks Visual and ComfortablyNumb. My visuals and DP/DR are still pretty bad and getting slowly worse, but I have gotten my anxiety under control. The anxiety is really the worst symptom because it makes you so much more aware of everything else. Today and yesterday I was very relaxed even when my visuals were pretty bad so at least in that aspect things are getting better.
  10. Thanks a lot for the input Lee, I haven't really had a big change in my life at all which is kinda why I was freaking out about some of my symptoms getting worse. I do think though that I am dwelling on this shit way too much. I have been trying to think that it can't hurt me which works pretty well, but sometimes my anxiety makes me forget that and starts going off.
  11. Thanks for the input LS-Me, I'm starting to think that maybe some sort of mild flu is bringing some of these terrible feelings. Have you yourself had any problems with sickness making things worse? The past 2 weeks have been awful and they feel like an eternity. I'm just holding on for dear life that things will stop progressing each day, but it seems like as the days go by things slowly get worse. Has anyone else experience anything like this with any sickness? or at all?
  12. This might be the worst symptom for me. In the dark these images seem like full blown hallucinations and really freak me out. It makes it really hard to sleep and when I don't get good sleep everything else gets worse. Such a shitty cycle.
  13. Hey guys, lately things have been getting worse for me. I have had HPPD for about 8 months now and by months 4 and 5 I thought I had it under control. I have been drug free since month 2, and for the past 5 weeks things have been getting progressively worse to the point where today and yesterday were probably the worst things have ever been for me HPPD wise. I can't get the HPPD off my mind and its making me so anxious. I feel hungry, but I can't eat it don't know if this has anything to do with the HPPD. Worst of all the techniques that used to help me cope have not been working very well. Has something like this happened to anyone else? if so how did you cope with it?
  14. Snow has been pretty bad lately, normally I just ignore it, but even when the lights are just dim its hard to see. Also on normal days my snow is colored purple and teal, a few mornings ago it started to shimmer gold. It is getting pretty annoying, but I haven't been feeling my anxiety lately, I guess its an ok trade.