Ming Xiao

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Everything posted by Ming Xiao

  1. Hi, I've been on this forums few years ago and some users may still remember me. I would like to start from my symptoms which are not exactly the same like the other users. I'm depressed, anxious especially in social situations,also I have diagnosed personality disorder from many years. I was treated for this condition for very long time, since now and never felt any relief. Last time when I visited my doctor I told him that I no longer believe in that my personality is my only problem. He's about to prescribe me clonozopinum and he states that this have to work, although only klonopin was giving me some relief in my entire life. The good news is that he is going to check what HPPD is. During writing this post I'm experiencing pain of my muscles of my jaw which shakes 24h per day as if I was coming out of from cold water I really struggle to write something sensible, especially not in my native language. I have problems with understanding, focus, reading and have this feeling that I could beat all these weird things which are ruining my life if I could focus, concentrate. but to be honest I'm not sure of anything I'm not sure if description of my last trip would be useful, as for now I would like to avoid it. Tell me guys what do you think about this because I don't feel as good to be a doctor for myself. What pills should I try at the beginning. I doubt that he would prescribe me klonopin since I was addicted to it. Also my EEG shows some unwanted anomalies, I was treated for epilepsy in some part of my life which I don't have. EDIT: I'm taking amisulpryd and finlepsin. The only thing that is taking me out from these feelings for an hour or more is gym. Every time I exercise I feel relief and I recover my mind. I experience afterimages Kind Regards
  2. First of all thank you for the answer. I will consider changing doctor but since it is my doc from 2016 I would like to prove him somehow that HPPD exists and it's treated by other meds than anti psychotic(he thinks it's the same condition which he learned in medical school). Are there solid proofs of exisiting HPPD? Are there any studies of the treatment? I would like to be extremely prepared for the next visit to avoid treatment for conditions which are not related to me.
  3. I have just came from my doc, he prescribed me biggers dosages of finlepsin and aimsulpryd. Next visit will be after a month, he claims that I'm close to psychotic state. I'm not sure about anything, going to do whatever he recommends because I don't see any alternative.
  4. What kind of meditation helps you? I have no clue about it, pm me.

    1. OldSchoolAr


      www.centerpointe.com take a peek and free trial, feel free to PM me

    2. morbide


      Humming meditation helped every now and then, practiced it in the shower haha.

    3. Ming Xiao
  5. Hi guys, Some of you would agree for brain surgery. I respect that, I know what hell is. I'm desperate too. I have defect of the spine, I feel uncomfortable in my body, it has big impact on my mental state and I started seriously thinking about the surgery. The thing is it will be hard to find a doc who will perform a surgery of my spine, In what country should I start seeking. There must be a place where everything is possible, any suggestions? I'm certain that is my only chance to recovery
  6. Thanks for cheering me up but none of docs doesn't want to do the surgery, that's the issue. Besides I have to find a surgeon abroad because it's quite expensive here.
  7. Obviously my spine has nothing to do with hppd. I hope for psychic health recovery, would be much easier to deal with HPPD kyphoscoliosis, but the curvature is small, doesn't hurt so much and will not proceed.
  8. I have been on lamotrigine for 6 months, high dosages had no affect on me. I would like to try Keppra but it is too expensive. Maybe some of you have a source where can I buy it cheaper. Eventually since I have anomalies in EEG I could convince a psychiatrist to prescribe me Keppra. I mean that I could trick a doc that I am an epileptic and get keppra refunded.
  9. Hi guys, what would you reccommend? What are your favorites? for the moment I propose Adam's Apples http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0418455/ The Road http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0898367/ I could not find such topic, I hope that's the first one.
  10. I think more clearly on benzo, I can not focus on anything, according to psychological test I do not have insight on my emotions(it was the time when I could not find out what is my disease) I am taking less benzo than my doc recommended me, and I mix klonopin with zomiren, even though I still have sypmtoms such as pulsation of my body, jaws shaking - since really strong anxiety attack, 3 years ago maybe. I am in shitty situation good luck people
  11. my doc recommendation - 2mg at the morning and 2mg at the night
  12. Bjork - all is full of love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1TsCud9QhU Faithless - Mass Destruction
  13. My life never 'began' and i'm 24. I am going alone abroad to work on Scotish farm, I will be living in a container with 3-7 unknown people because I need money for treatment. relationship with my family is over. No one ever believed me that I am ill, although EEG showed anomalies. It looks like, that I will need a lot of klono. Always look on the bright side of life...
  14. Guys, I'm looking for a seasonal or permanent job in Scandinavia(especially in Norway). Does any of you have some ideas where should I look for it, names of companies, jobs agencies. as to the type of work it might be everything. PM me!
  15. I tried to pass the driving test in my condition. After one hour driving around the city I couldn't even say two words properly.
  16. Vikings http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2306299/
  17. No, I have been there once(Bromolla). I found this band on youtube.
  18. rather unknown heavy metal band from Sweden.
  19. As you mentioned the irish band another great music group from this country came to my mind. enjoy
  20. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2243973/ For fans of "Silence of the Lambs" or other movies about Hannibal Lecter. I watched 2 episodes and promises to be interesting
  21. Hi guys. I do not notice any of HPPD symptoms like you, except: anxiety syndrome light in dark room seems for me diffrent? breathing walls Normally my jaw is shaking whole day. EEG showed some anomalies. According to other labs my brain is not damaged. When I concentrate my eyes on one point (I can't do this too long, tears come to my eyes, my pupils are growing, bloodshot eyes, I hear my brain ) I'm sure, that I notice auras around objects, visual snow, strange flavor( I felt it when I took the drug, I also felt fluids flowing down from my left temple ), CEV(as long as I concentrate on one point I notice CEVs and others more clearly) and probably others. I'm able to feel anxiety(definietly caused by drugs) after waking up. According to psychological test I lost insight on my emotions. What do you think? I was writing this topic an hour although my English is not so bad. EDIT: I will try high dose of klonopin as soon as I get prescription. if I'm so nervous that I don't realize it klono will help me. Which of the symptoms klonopin reduces and to what extent? That is my question for this moment. I need your support guys, I don't remember when I last time felt good. I'm suffering very long. I was thinking about euthanasia. I even bought a cylinder of helium but I can't do this to my mother. I tried to live with that. I found a job but I could not handle in my condition. Somehow I started trade but it will not last too long.
  22. Thanks bpl4268 for quick reply. I'm going to start a small business which requires hard manual work. Surely that will help with anxiety and keep me away from high doses of benzo. Good luck to you too!
  23. Two Steps From Hell, soundtracks from movies, Rock, punk rock , hard rock, rap, yass, hardcore psycho rap