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alisa last won the day on March 22 2013

alisa had the most liked content!

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About alisa

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  • Birthday 11/16/1952

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    song writing, family, people,world peace
  1. I've taken clonidine for 5 yrs and I do think it helps. It's actually a heart and bp med. They found it helped some vietnam vets with ptsd and visual pxs. I have sort of pulsing geometric shapes I see on walls and surfaces and also hbp so it calms 2 birds with one stone. lol oh yeah shapes are much less noticeable . good luck I think part of it is I've also adjusted over time.
  2. Wow, I feel you brother, but I can't agree you're in hell alone. And good for you by being open and honest you've made the first step. It is f'd up that there is no one in my general acquaintance including so called specialists that comprehend this thing. I can just remember thinking not that long ago when My head was spinning in the midst of all these symptoms you describe. Then I went through some kind of raging thing I didn't understand. Neurontin and clonodine have helped me and no other drugs. Of course I'm 60 yrs old and I had to clean up my act or die long ago, but not without help along the way. Hey I'm a songwriter and I like your song a lot. Keep writing and tell just how you feel. That's another part of the healing process for me. You've gotta be brave as well, because most folks don't know how hard it is ti expose yourself to help others in this particular creative method. Oh yeah, my life is good today and there is peace today with this strange burden. Please keep writing. You helped me so much today!
  3. I have a feeling that many visual snow people just have never admitted to drug use or never been asked. Now it could get complicated between the lilly white visual snow sufferers and the trashy drug addict hppd people. I do believe in the migraine visual snow because I think there is some kind of damage that may come from migraines that causes visual snow. I can just see it now "How dare you! I have visual snow not that disgusting hppd". Hey I'm laughing while I'm writing this. Since acquiring hppd I also have a problem with not always knowing what is appropriate to say and it's even harder with all the different cultures on this site. Forgive me if I don't make sense sometimes. Honestly though I have had people say they don't follow what I'm saying, but that has kind of happened to me my whole life. alisa one of those trashy drug addict hppd people
  4. In my own experience I would make sure that any neurologist you go to has a good understanding of HPPD. There is nothing more horrible and damaging then being told this disease is all in your mind. And to be told this over and over by different so called experts in there fields could push anyone over the edge of sanity. When you know there is something wrong with your brain and everyone just pats you on the head and sends you to the psychiatrist and of course a shrink has many lovely diagnosises they can pull out of a hat and cause further damage. All this is done with the best intentions in the world. I am one of the lucky ones who after being hospitalized for so called psychosis I became a pt of the only MD at Vanderbilt Med Center who was aware of HPPD. I still have HPPD, but I can deal with it. I'm just so glad for my brave brothers and sisters on this website. Peace and love.
  5. There are also a bunch of different drugs they use for anesthesia and it takes a while for them to wear off. Hope you feel better.
  6. I'm always more depressed and anxious in the winter time. When Spring comes it's like a dark veil has been lifted.
  7. I'm 60 yo and pretty much out of the loop, but I relate to what everyone has said here. I think I would really be happy to meet another Hppder. It's kind of a lonely place to be at times. I have met very few people in my life who are truly understanding about the human condition. They are definitely out there though. The good thing is you have a chance to meet a more sober and together girl, because I think most of us don't party like we used to. Hopefully with a clear mind they have evolved to a place that is non-judgemental.
  8. Hello to everyone. I'm sure I'm the oldest HPPDer to comment on this subject, 60yo. The genetic idea is a complicated one and I doubt seriously if anyone can say it's absolutely positive that our kids could have hppd w/o a substance. Problems with childrens eyes can have other sources like adhd, nutrition, stress, needing glasses. I can say I was different than my friends who took acid back in the 60s. I had a bad trip almost evertime. I always got further out there than anyone else. For me I believe it was a combination of environment and genetics. My parents did the best they could but for them parenting meant beating ur kids and poor supervision, brutal really. So if I was born with a fragile brain chemistry and raised by mature loving adults maybe I wouldn't have tried drugs and wouldn't have developed HPPD. To make things worse think about the chemical aspect of thinking one of your parents may beat you to death. PTSD has definite permanent effects. Emily, sounds like your boy is great and he has a very loving Mom as well. Sounds like he has a super intellect, too. Over use of our brains can cause some strange things, too. You probably already know all this,but if I can be helpful in any way I will try.
  9. this is interesting. dark rooms give me an opaque backround that looks something like thousands of black birds flying around. I hate mirrors too cause i don't recognize myself half the time and in stores that have lots of mirrors and bright lights I get disoriented easily. As long as I know I can return to my quietly lit room and play my guitar I do fine.
  10. This is just my own experience. I don't know if it helps. I really think I had psych pxs as a kid. Then when I started using chemicals about 12 yo I liked the feeling, but I was also looking for something to change my incredible anxiety and lack of focus. For the next 20-30 yrs I tried everything in excess hoping it would make me like everyone else. Sometimes it worked, but my brain is also generally fried because of it. LSD in the 60s and 70s damaged my neurotransmitters, so HPPD is just the icing on the cake of my madness. No really I have PTSD and depression basically and I see an MD and therapist for these things. Hppd changed my whole life in other ways aside from the mental part, but having both is tough but manageable. This site is the best. Didn't mean to write a book.
  11. Thank you Jay.
  12. That sounds really interesting. Certainly sounds like that cop has HPPD. I may be wrong, but it seems there are more people on here from other countries. Also sounds like MDs from these countries also have a better knowledge of HPPD than in the US. Or at least I have seen a great deal of scepticism here. I know I can't be the only person in Nashville who has this. One MD said people may have it and suffer in silence because they don't want to admit drug use.
  13. I really hardly think about it at all. I think it took me a few years, but it really helped me to find this site. I felt like I was the only one who had this. I kept trying to explain it to people, but that just made me feel crazier. Man, I really have learned to take care of myself and I hardly notice it. If I get stressed it gets a little worse, but just knowing this is basically a problem with neurotransmitters in my brain being off and not something fabricated by my mind helps a lot. In the beginning I thought I was a goner, but I really enjoy my life now. No regrets. Take care
  14. Don't we mothers have enough to blame ourselves for. Kidding aside, I do see a lot of good points on this subject here. I talked to a geneticist at Duke regarding my sons heart defect. One of my questions was why does there seem to be an increase in defects in babies these days. He said it could be any number of things and to just look at the ozone layer and the millions of chemicals that have been added to our world. Anyway, I thought that was interesting