eshade9

@Maik Rus I understand you very well. Can you explain what caused this to happen to you, what it’s like for you, what’s changed about your vision, and how you’ve been dealing with it / treating it?

@josht9210 Regardless if it was a spiritual awakening or ego death, something occurred that caused me to experience the sensations I would eventually experience in a later point in time as a sort of passenger / observer. What can I do to stop this retrieval of memory / recognizing the present moment as the sensations I had during the drug trips? FYI I would rather take the plunge into the waters that wait for us after death than to have to deal with this 24/7 recognition for the rest of my life.

I’ve had multiple clairvoyant experiences that were induced by marijuana. The first one happened after my first spiritual awakening / ego death. I thought I died, but as I got up and walked around, tons of information started flooding into my mind and I guess I came to the realization/conclusion that I was (of) God, it’s only the present, everything is much more connected than we realize, and that I as (first name, last name) really don’t exist as a definite THING. So here’s where my problem lies: Normal existing as a person is like sitting in the drivers seat of a car. The driver (the observing presence which you are) controls the car (your body). What I experienced was being a passenger in the car, observing what I, as the driver, was doing. Basically, I had to experience over a year of my life as the passenger with all sensory experiences and the ability to hear my own thoughts. Eventually this experience came to an end, and I woke up back in my body at the time and place where the experience began, this time as the driver again. I created memories while being the passenger, seeing what I would eventually experience as the driver. So now that I’m the driver, I constantly have things that are like deja vus but they’re different because I can remember “experiencing” them multiple times in the past during these clairvoyant experiences. No matter what I “choose” to do with my “free will”, recognition that this event is one of the millions of things that I experienced during the clairvoyant experience. This is driving me crazy because I can’t do anything to stop it or calm it down. I feel like a robot with scripted actions and that everything is predetermined. This lack of perceived control is causing anger and anxiety with no where to put it. I can’t enjoy anything in life anymore because it feels like the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time I’ve had to experience it. Which leads me to my next point: I’m paranoid that my consciousness is stuck in a casual loop throughout the past couple of years and won’t ever be able to get out and “progress” forward in time where I can live normally again. What the hell can I do? I need some sort of coping mechanism. Also, I don’t smoke anymore. It’s been over a year since I have. I'm currently taking 100mg of Zoloft a day and increasing 25mg a week to deal with what my psychiatrist and therapist have diagnosed as OCD. I know it's more than that though because I can remember my agony and thoughts during the drug trips. I'm sure I have PTSD too because I've been emotionally flat for over 2 years.  Any help / advice?

I’ve had multiple psychedelic / out of body experiences that were induced by marijuana. The first one happened after some type of ego death or shift in awareness. I thought I died, but as I got up and walked around, tons of information started flooding into my mind and I guess I came to the realization/conclusion that I was (of) God / the Universe, it’s only the present, everything is much more connected than we realize, and that I as (first name, last name) really don’t exist as a definite THING. So here’s where my problem lies: Normal existing as a person is like sitting in the drivers seat of a car. The driver (the observing presence which you are) controls the car (your body). What I experienced was being a passenger in the car, observing what I, as the driver, was doing. Basically, I had to experience over a year of my life as the passenger with all sensory experiences and the ability to hear my own thoughts. Eventually this experience came to an end, and I woke up back in my body at the time and place where the experience began, this time as the driver again. I created memories while being the passenger, seeing what I would eventually experience as the driver. So now that I’m the driver, I constantly have things that are like deja vu's but they’re different because I can remember “experiencing” them multiple times in the past during these clairvoyant like experiences. No matter what I “choose” to do with my “free will”, recognition that this event is one of the millions of things that I experienced during the clairvoyant experience. This is driving me crazy because I can’t do anything to stop it or calm it down. I feel like a robot with scripted actions and that everything is predetermined. This lack of perceived control is causing anger and anxiety with no way to disperse of it. I barely enjoy anything in life anymore because it feels like the 3rd, 4th, or 5th time I’ve had to experience it. Which leads me to my next point: I’m afraid that my consciousness is stuck in a casual loop consisting of the past couple of years and won’t ever be able to get out and “progress” forward in time where I can live the way I did before I had marijuana. Also, I don’t smoke anymore. It’s been over a year since I have. I'm currently taking 100mg of Zoloft a day and increasing 25mg a week to deal with what my psychiatrist and therapist have diagnosed as OCD. I know it's more than that though because I can remember my agony and thoughts during the drug trips. I'm sure I have PTSD too because I've been emotionally flat for over 2 years. Any help / advice?

I'm interested in talking with you for your project. I'm located in Pittsburgh