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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

josht9210

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josht9210 last won the day on November 6

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  1. Interesting concoction, I hope its getting better. Ik how devastating it all is.
  2. The ego death and spiritual awakening is a big part of this, its the philosophy that got you here. Its a farse. You can now see that these things other people make claims to are actually just drug induced brain damage. All i can say is it takes time, no drugs, lots of therapy, jump on some sedative meds to help you cope for a bit. You have to kind of accept it and live with it, the more you fear it the more you feel it. Why? Because when you fear something you signal your amygdala to look for that threat, and since its there 24/7 and your amygdala will sense it 24/7 it wont leave until you decondition it as a threat.
  3. I'm sorry that you've been brainwashed by the psychadelic community into believing that garbage. There is hope though. Abstain from recreational drugs until further notice, including coffee/alcohol. Once your stress/anxiety go down the dpdr also decreases. Good luck, decondition yourself from that spiritual garbage.
  4. Both too high t/e2 and too low are bad. I raised my dosage to 250mg (just a test) and my head is very clear it actually gives me anxiety because I've gotten used to my brain fog
  5. Funny enough the prostate cancer is actually due to the estrogen. The issue with injecting test is the aromatase into estrogen. However if you are low t naturally you are most likely high e2, so either way you have potential to unlocking the prostate cancer gene all males have. As for cardiovascular diesease the only risk is the increase in hemocrat and hemoglobin, red blood cell count. It thickens the blood and if not monitored properly could cause the stroke/heart attack due to making the heart work harder. On the flip side low t and high e2 is also very toxic for the cardio vascular system. Atleast on trt you have access to constant labs and are given a hormone that increases energy instead of leaving you sedatary.
  6. omg thank you, you know how hard it was to get it prescribed as a 27 year old white male, jesus christ, I saw over 6 doctos who all said no, luckily I found a legal telemedicine clinic who treats tons of people so they have a broad spectrum of clients undergoing treatment, they are interventional endocrinologists who specialize in andrology
  7. I am not looking for a 'cure' to the symptoms, just something to help with anxiety as opposed to ssris. I've been on paxil 10mg for 10 years since hppd/panic/dpdr onset. I kind of shut up and took the pill and got really numb and passive to all stimuli. For example I got no pleasure or reward from anything, if I went to the beach or hiking with my ex, she would be so in awe and I was just like this is stupid lets leave. This became my new reality and I actually had no clue how numb I was too things until recently. I started off with 175mg per week, injecting daily based on my labs and advice from t nation forums. I'm currently using 250mg per week(just testing this for a bit, I will resume 175 soon)/daily shots to mimic the bodys natural production, plus 5-10mg of DHT per day. I have a new doctor prescribing it for me ( I was going underground before ) he told me my dht was low prior to trt. The first couple of weeks were rough, I had placebo anxiety wondering why I was getting anxiety and heart palps, I eventually just said whatever I'm too far in now. I would get glimpses of what I fealt was "Reality", things fealt clearer, colors looked brighter, sensations were more pleasing. These would come in short bursts and last couple hours. 4.5 weeks I had major anxiety, I was assuming it was from e2(estradial), but this is another reason daily injections help, less e2 aromatization. (blood levels fully stablize at week 6-8) The feeling of reality was intense, but overwhelming as I associated it with anxiety, when infact thats how real life feels without being on an ssri Week 7-9 (right now), I feel absolutely amazing. Everything is so clear. I literally feel like pre-mdma, I wake up in the morning and the sun shines the same way it did when I was a kid, I converse with people without brain fog and what not, I can legit keep a train of thought. (I am 27, been on ssris for 10 years) I actually get nervous anxiety like I used to as a kid before talking to a girl, I blush and everything again, these emotions stopped being accessable to me on paxil. My sex life has also improved. My 5 week blood panels were really good, better than pre-trt. I can't explain it but this is the first time I've fealt fully in my body without dpdr in years. This is not placebo or exaggeration. I almost feel paxil was causing more dpdr at a certain point. I def overstayed my welcome on paxil, it did help with anxiety for my onset, but was detrimental the last couple years. My docs new protocol for me is 26mg a day/182mg a week, 1 click of testosterone cream (converts mainly to dht when applied on scrotum) I also have access to all the underground hormones, so I am willing to experiment, if you know of any that can benefit anxiety let me know. Ik they have 19nor nandralones and what not, also a couple other dht derivatives, but they are pretty liver toxic, deca, winstrol, dianabol, trenbolone, equipose, anavar, if you know of any of their steroid profiles let me know which one would best help the case. The masteron(injecting) I'm using right now has done wonders but has kind of made my hair shed a bit. Currently weening off paxil, my conclusion is that the increase in testosterone bypassing the SERT system that ssris work on. SSRIS block the SERT (seretonin transporters) so that way more stays active in the system, increase in testosterone was observed to increase the amount of SERT's you have, this study was done in a women transitioning to a man, also explains why men have less anxiety than women anecdotally. There are tons of studies of testosterone effect on depression, and some of the effects on anxiety and confidence. I can't say its helped with the hppd symptoms, but it def has helped *SO FAR* with depression/anxiety/dpdr, I'm actually scared this good feeling will go away... p.s 10 years of hppd, no drug abuse since then, just alcohol on rare occasions
  8. Yes I do, along with palpitations etc, my chest pain gets relived with pressure. My cardiologist said my heart was fine so I have to take his word for it, it.may ease your anxiety to get it properly checked with a 48 hr holter.monitor. he says chest pain can usually correlate with acid reflux too. The only solution may be relaxing more though.
  9. I get it too, its pretty interesting. I feel it goes more hand in hand with the anxiety hppd causes. I've had it intensify etc. 1.) Why were you using recreational drugs if you so clearly worry about the repercussions? I hope you havent touched them since and have learned their dangers, "beautiful" trip or not, its not worth a life time of suffering, I've read 2 many hppd suicide induced threads to think lsds "beautiful trips" "ego-deaths" "spiritual awakenings" mumbo jumbo that all "psychonoughts" preach is worth it. What I would do to feel 100% NORMAL, like the average joe again. Your lsd won't be there to give you a good trip after hppd, your buddies you do lsd with won't give be there to pay for your 10 years of therapy after you have hppd etc. They will move on with their lives after their lsd phase, leaving you behind with the damage. Anyone who glorifies lsd or these ILLEGAL TOXIC drugs is promoting danger, they ruin lives. All because of a "beautiful trip".. 2.) Your filter is probably breaking, you're noticing things that usually the brain filters out much like us hppd suffers. Try not worrying or being anxious about it *easier said than done because its a constant feeling of heavier gravity on top of your head am i right* and see if it goes away when you're not paying attention. To test this theory pop a benzo and try to make your head ache worse, you probably couldn't because its most likely fed through anxiety, look up top of the head migraines, has to due with blood flow dilation etc.
  10. So hard to read.. Guys if you're new please understand it gets better.. Research is being done everyday, exhaust every option first, just keep busy and try your best every day, 1.minute.at.a.time. If you wanna end it, the world is your oyster and you have nothing to lose. Theres nothing holding you back from living once you are free from the fear of death. If you consider suicide you don't fear death, go do something stupid (not drugs), something fun, something to get your mind off of this. And maybe by the time you're done, you'll realize life is worth living. Theres nothing holding you back, not even death. Go do something great. It gets better. Die doing something great. Everytime I am at my wits end I do something drastic, something against my core, something that requires risk. I burn all my bridges as there is never going back. I lose all fear and anxiety in that moment, I then realize I am stronger than my fear, and I overcome.
  11. By bi-weekly I'm assuming he gets 1 200mg injection every 2 weeks, this is actually counter productive as the half life is 4.5 days. It takes 6-8 weeks to fully stablize in the blood. While increasing test does increase dopamine & seretonin, as well as increasing SERT the other hormones such as progesterone are.natural anticonvulsants, dht a testosterone dehrivitive is important for mood and well being as well as cognition. Injecting bi weekly is a recipe for disaster, he will peak 48 hours after first injection and then crash 4-5 days later and feel terrible for 2 weeks. I'm sure hes already informed you of this by now, a healthier protocol is 2x weekly injections every 3.5 days. I currently inject smaller doses daily to mimic my bodys natural production and to lower aromatase to estrogen a pro convulsant.
  12. http://www.neurogroup.org/hppd/treatment/ Thats hope1's site I believe
  13. I read that it can be dopamine related and helped with Tolcapone and Levocarb
  14. Being born with hppd is called Visual Snow Syndrome my good sir, they share pathologies. Common symptoms are noticing the ones you stated + anxiety disorder of some sort. Stress, anxiety and drug use probably just exasturbate the symptoms until its full blown hppd and your brain filter is destroyed
  15. I don't wanna advise you on which medication to use, however if I was you I would use a sedative that actually has been studied for hppd, I don't know if that one has but you should look it up. There are many sedatives out there, some are better for hppd than others. I know clonidine is a sedative/antihypertensive, so it will make you tired and lower your blood pressure also said to have helped lower hppd symptoms and anxiety. Be careful if your bp is already low though. It works on a2adren receptors so it basically lowers your adrenaline production, which You could imagine how that could make you feel.
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