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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

LimeGreenKoolAid

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About LimeGreenKoolAid

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  1. Again thanks for your reply. Well DR is causing anxiety. So I guess you could say anxiety is getting the best of me. But root cause is DR. My visuals really aren't bad. Minor trails in low light and floaters. But feeling like I am living life through a TV has been very rough. And now that I am getting a little older my anxiety is getting the best of me. I'm having obsessive thoughts and I'm losing interest in my job. I dunno, I'm in a bad place right now. I've worked hard to build a life for myself and now I have people that depend on me and I'm not holding it together very well.
  2. Facts I have to accept my situation. There is no known cure or treatment for HPPD or DP/DR. For a lot of people it’s a lifelong condition. It’s a disability. I have to accept this. I can have and have had a happy and full life. I’ve been struggling with this for over 20 years. In that time my HPPD and DP/DR hasn’t changed much. My reaction to it has, which has resulted in periods of spiked anxiety and negative thinking as well as periods of great happiness and productivity. Since there is no cure or treatment for my root issue, I have to focus on the things I can treat - such as anxiety and negative thinking. Nobody knows what the future holds, there may be new treatments or medicines that can help me in the future. Things That Don’t Help Scouring the internet for stories similar to mine in an attempt to get reassurance. Reading forums about HPPD or DP/DR while searching for magical cures and panicking about the horror stories that other people post. Laying around and having unstructured time to ruminate. Feeling guilty or ashamed of my situation Panicking, obsessing, and catastrophizing about my situation Letting negative thoughts take over and distort my reality Feeling sorry for myself and crying about it Things That Do Help Distraction and staying busy. Having something to look forward to. Talking with my wife Clonazepam when things get really tough. CBD Oil for anxiety Hot baths
  3. Thanks for the reply. You would think after dealing with this for so long that I’d have better coping mechanisms but I guess I don't. Today was not good. Just going to set a goal of making it through work tomorrow without going home early. The derealization is the worst part for me. I get myself into trouble reading through this forum and stressing about all the horror stories people are struggling with. Some people seemed to have reached a level of acceptance where they can be happy even with their symptoms, I wish so very much I could get to that place. But I’m not sure I’m built that way. Can I be happy in a state of perpetual DR? Can I be happy if my visuals get worse? Can I maintain my job and support my family without letting this disorder consume me?
  4. When I was 16 I did one dose of LSD and smoked 1 joint a week later. After smoking that joint I started suffering DP/DR 24/7. After 4 years of struggling with DP/DR I began to notice slight trails behind objects, especially in dim lighting or if the foreground color contrasts with the background color. I know this is mild compared to what some of you are going through but these symptoms have caused me great stress over the course of my life. I have had a VERY hard time letting them go. Despite this, after some time I have been able to push the DR and visual issues into the background and live a normal life. I have a six figure job, college degree, and a family. Things seemed to be going ok but now I'm in my 40's and despite my success I've been having "spikes" of severe anxiety where I fall back into a pattern of obsessing and worrying about my symptoms. It's gotten to the point where I'm wondering if I can can cope anymore. I read these "old timer" threads and think to myself "there really isn't anything I can do to get better". I just have to work on acceptance. It's been a long tough road, but I have to admit this thing may get the best of me yet. The life I have worked very hard to build may collapse around me if I can't get past my anxiety. Sorry for the negativity, I'm tired and I just had to vent.
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