hollyef

Hey Ashley, This sounds ridiculous but it's really nice to see another female on this forum; don't you think it feels very male? I'm Holly, I'm 25 and based in London. I developed HPPD in January after taking MDMA and I've struggled with static, constant glares, moving words on screens, a kind of 'pulsating' of objects or geometric patterns like stripes or checks. I didn't think I had any symptoms of depersonalisation or anxiety at first but I'm pretty sure this had developed since as I've been feeling a strange kind of emptiness this year. It's interesting to hear that your HPPD has gone away at times since you developed it - I really hope mine does but it feels like it's been getting worse. I also really like ketamine and thought this was a safe drug to take, so I've done it about five times since January. It hasn't majorly made my visuals worse, but I know should really stop. What's the longest you've gone without ket or coke? Have you found that quitting has helped? Medication wise, I haven't tried anything yet but might experiment with valium recreationally. I also would really like to try CBT but the hospital couldn't refer me, so I fear there may be a long waiting list. I haven't told my family yet and I'm really nervous about it. How did you tell them? I'd love to chat more about ways to deal with this, hopefully we can find a way! From an also very anxious Holly xx