I’ve been dealing with HPPD for about 5 years now. I got hppd from smoking synthetic cannibinoids from age 14 to 16. Then when I was 17 - 20, knowing something wasn’t right with my mental health, I continued drug use by taking LSD about 8 times , mushrooms 4 times , and Ecstasy about 4 times and smoking pot everyday multiple times a day for about 5 years. I understand my decisions weren’t wise considering I knew something was wrong. But honestly I was taking more drugs to numb myself from the feeling I was having sober. I tried telling family that I felt stuck in an lsd trip permanently. My family that has taken lsd couldn’t relate because they haven’t gotten hppd so they always shrugged it off. I met my current girlfriend in 2016 and luckily she is the strongest women in the world. I opened up to her about my symptoms last year and we looked together online for answers. I was severely suicidal at the end of last year and beginning of this year. Without her I probably wouldn’t be here today. Sorry if I’m all over the place with this , I am writing this on the fly while at work. My symptoms were light at first then over the years got worse and worse. Up until last year when they got so intense life seemed unbearable. Waking up every morning and the very first second of every day being static, or “visual snow” and then going to work and not feeling real, or my attention span being so shot I couldn’t focus on simple activities or duties at my job. My interactions with people are horrible as the whole time I’m speaking I’m panicking in my head . Over time I’ve learned that anxiety is the biggest trigger for my hppd. When I’m happy doing things I love like making music, hanging with family and friends, my hppd seems to be less bothersome. But sometimes even doing things I love don’t get rid of the feeling of me not being real. And in those times I feel hopeless. I’ve decided that I should go to the doctor and will tomorrow. I’m just nervous about it because I don’t want to be misdiagnosed or given the wrong medication. Then also reading these forums and hearing some people say keppra and clonzepam worked wonders , while others say it didn’t work at all makes me feel even more hopeless. At this point I have nothing to lose so I’m going to try anything I can. Just wanted to share my story and I will update when I can. I pray that you all and myself get better and can spread awareness of this disorder. Peace and love.
