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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Beefheartfan

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About Beefheartfan

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  1. This might not make any sense. I don’t know a lot about keppra. I guess manu here we familiar with “the keppra study.” Where I believe 24/27 became “flashback free”. This seems almost to good to be true - and when I search this website it certainly seems so. Only like 40% who try it have any good news, and mostly it’s to a limited degree. However, the study says that the subjects had HPPD for about 3 months. And a lot of th people here have had it for much longer. Maybe keprpa is more effective if it’s given sooner in the procedure, and not later. Just a thought. Feel free to prove me wrong
  2. Well, this is quite hard to write, and I think I'll try to keep it relatively short. I've never particularly enjoyed life. Already when I was 3-4 years old I would get depressive episodes. These have followed me throughout my life. As of the last year I haven't found much reason to live, really - I loathe almost everything about the world, and I don't really want to wake up in it. So, naturally my thoughts often came upon suicide. However, it was always more of a thought: "That is always a possibility." Suicidal ideation I think it's called. Queue my HPPD. So about 2 months ago I got a mild form of HPPD. I have light visual snow and blue field entropic phenomenon and ghosting of white things on dark backgrounds. Sometimes when I'm very tired linear thinking also gets very hard. This I feel was in a way the last straw. Now I feel a lot more suicidal as of late - I didn't enjoy life to begin with, but now it really seems like it's worthless. I don't know for how long I can handle this world. All I ever really experience is catastrophe. I know people with HPPD can learn to cope, I know you can still live normal lives, and I know some people get better by themselves, but I really can't see myself out of this. I'm starting to think about killing myself almost every night, and I don't know for how long I can have these thoughts. What makes it even harder is the fact that I can't even really get antidepressants because that'll just worsen the HPPD. I'm thinking of submitting myself to a psychiatric institution just so that I don't take my life and I get help. I feel like im constantly on the edgy of a nervous breakdown. I can't do this. It's not that I want to die, really, but more that I don't want to live like this. I really just can't bring myself to make my family and friends that sad. But, Jesus, I just want all this constant pain to end. I really don't know what to do. Thanks for reading. I just needed to say that.
  3. Pretty self-explanatory, really. Would be nice if it’s in the Copenhagen-area.
  4. Okay. I am hoping for full recovery. I talked to a guy that had one. I’ll try and remember to write if I, hopefully, do have one I want some anti anxiety, as I said, but I’m scared it’ll make it worse or permanent. Is that something you’ve seen with, for an example, SSRIs? i just have a very hard time being positive, and already struggled with depression before this.
  5. Pretty self explanatory. I’ve gotten what might be mild HPPD - but it might also just be extreme anxiety that creates the symptoms. I have a psychiatrist appointment, and wanted to look in to anti-anxiety medication. Are there types of meds you should avoid? Or others that are recommended? I just don’t want to worsen my HPPD, if I really do have that. Though, I admit it could be anxiety.
  6. Okay. Will look around. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon. I was wondering if there’s any medication I should stay away from? and is it possible to recover completely? I see a lot of different opinions on that. Got to admit I have a very hard time with all this right now. And I’m still not sure if I have HPPD. My cognitive behaviour therapist told my he thinks it’s anxiety. And he has dealt a lot with people who use and abuse drugs.
  7. Weird. I see people praising it, but at the same time I haven’t found a single rapport or person that says it has cured it.
  8. Also: someone recommended I take lion’ mane supplements. Is this actually recommended?
  9. And I don’t really detect movement on the speakers (and stuff like that). That’s mostly if I’m having a panic attack. It’s more that all the little irregularities on the surface sort of trigger the visual snow-ish symptoms.
  10. Okay, thanks a lot. Yes, I have had my eyes checked, and there wasn’t an issue. I believe Tim double vision is a biproduct of anxiety, since if I relax my eye in a special way it goes away. So it’s really just the snow that’s a problem. And I’m sure my anxiety is only making that worse. So some months is the usual, right? Before it, hopefully, goes away.
  11. Also, sorry that I write all the time, feel a slight discomfort(?) when looking at fine patterns. Like the fine mesh on a speaker (if you know what I mean.) It can be a bit like it's moving, but often its mostly because it's "flashing" because of the visual snow. Which is a terrible explanation really...
  12. And yes, I'm hoping that I can enjoy a bit to drink in the future - I'm still in my country's equivalent of high school (which is a bit later than the American one), so I'm hoping I can drink a bit in the future. If it is mild HPPD - what are the chances it will fade away and get better? Can I recover completely? I have, however, for a long time thought about turning my life around. Stop doing drugs and smoking weed. So it isn't hard to stay off that since I was already in that mindset, so to speak.
  13. Thanks soooo much. The only thing I've been able to find online when searching is disappointment. You gave me a little hope. So do you think it's anxiety or just passing HPPD or what? Is there anything I can do to help it? Because I am extremely anxious that my vision is permanently impaired. Again, thanks a lot for the response.
  14. Hello. I’ve done acid thrice. The first time I did about 100 ug. A pleasant experience, and I had no problems. Didn’t really trip - mostly pleasant colours and such. Second time was something like 130 ug. Was also quite fun, but I got a thought loop, and ended up with closed eyes floating in psychedelia. After that I heard of HPPD and decided to stop, because I didn’t want that shit. I then, accidentally infested a tiny amount of LSD at a concert by mistake. Maybe something like 15-25 ug. This is abort one and a half month ago . After that I have slight visual snow. It’s mostly on dark things, but I can notice it anywhere, if I’m so inclined. It definitely is worse when I’m “aware” of it or if I’m anxious. I also have slight double vision at times, but I’m pretty sure that’s just anxiety, since if i “relax” my eye that goes away. i have almost daily panic attacks, and I’m very sad that my vision is altered the panic attacks are mostly me being extremely sad. My psychologist, who deals a lot with people with drug related problems, is quite convinced that it’s anxiety, and nothing more. Especially considering my previous fear of HPPD. Also: since then I have been exercising regularly, stopped both caffeine, drugs, weed and alcohol. I’ve only had a cigarette or two. Do I have HPPD do you think? It’s quite mild if I do, right? What are the chances it will go away, and how fast?
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