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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Cbc53

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  1. When i first got hppd i didn’t know it was a thing around last october. From then til recently I would still trip, roll, do k, coke, dmt even though i never broke through, and smoke weed daily. During that time i definitely was doing drugs more frequently then i’d like to admit looking back i can definitely see I should have done more research as well as take longer breaks in between substances and not combine so much at festivals specifically. Before that time though for the span of like may to august first tried mdma and was doing it almost once a week, sometimes 2 times a weekend but that wasn’t as often. Fast forward to know i discovered this forum and have read many stories on reddit and such but my experience isn’t really that similar to anyone elses. When i’m sober all i really get is visual snow and i don’t even think about it. I work a full time job as a salesmen (I’m 19 btw) and I am learning to produce music as well i just got FL studios. I have been a daily smoker for 3 years mainly cus it just chills me out and really helps w my OCD. Now when i smoke i do have to be careful because if i smoke too much i will get pretty intense visuals my head kinda just feels weird and trippy and if i smoke like a whole lot i’ll get paranoid but if i just smoke a lil i’m normally fine and not even bothered by the visuals. The visuals don’t look like I just dosed a tab they look outta place and just ugly tbh maybe like CEVs sorta there goemetric but there just there whether or not my eyes are open or closed and the more i smoke the harder they come but there only like real distracting in a super dark room with no T.V. on or anything. But when the high passes they just fade back to visual snow mainly. I obviously want to get rid of this I am abstaining from psychedelics for the foreseeable future i really hope this does go away so I can trip responsibly once again maybe in the future. But I am trying to even cut out weed as well just so that my life is more productive anyway it’s just not easy because it’s been so long. But what I mean really asking advice on is, If i don’t completely cut out all drugs for good is there any chance i have of recovering or at least not getting any worse because rn it doesn’t really bother me unless a I smoke too much weed (or take acid my last few trips before i figured out what hppd was were just getting less and less enjoyable and i would always start to throwup which I never did before and then my last trip after i got home from a hippie sabotage show i felt like some type of entity possessed a poster of an alien in my room and was warning me i need to stop and i felt like it trying to pull me into another reality to see my death it got dark) But my main question is If i cut down on my drug use hugely, but still maybe once every few months take a low dose of mdma or k or something like that at a festival do I still have a chance? I really do not wanna fuck myself up worse but I am also still really young and having to cut any and all drug use forever just sucks i wish i was a lot more responsible from the beginning but i also know people that have done 3x as much as what I ever have with no hppd whatsoever so I really don’t get it. Any advice would be appreciated as my parents are old fashioned asf and none of my friends know anything about this condition so I really don’t get much help.
  2. Cbc53

    Help haha

    thank you guys for the replies it really is nice to be able to talk about this considering i’m the only one out of most of my friends in the scene that has this, they don’t understand me when i try and talk to them about it haha. but i am definitely taking a much needed break from drugs i slowed down a lot since the new year honestly but i’m gonna try and not do anything at all for a few months at least. I’ve been smoking daily most of the time since i’ve realized i have hppd and it definitely gets intense in dark rooms and if i smoke too much i’ll ger paranoid pretty quick but if i don’t overdue it i’m usually good. But i’m working on knocking that habit as well. I start a new full time job tomorrow so hopefully it keeps me distracted. it’s sad because i’ve never even been able to fully break through on dmt yet and i’ve wanted to, but i think avoiding psychedelics is the most important thing for me rn. I am supposed to be going to a festival during the end of may and i may attempt to roll only with a lower dose because normally rolling doesn’t bother it too much i just dislike tripping with it. But if i do roll it’ll only be on very special and rare occasions from now on. Are there any physically dangerous conditions hppd ,can cause? because honestly for the most part i don’t really mind living with it as long as i keep a tv on in a dark room or whatever it’s pretty easy for me to ignore what i see. If anyone knows any type of method of reversing the effects it would be much appreciated because i do miss tripping and would love to be able to have a normal trip again one day..:( coming to terms with all this is really a struggle for me haha. i’m just gonna attempt to throw myself into producing though like one of you suggested. thanks again :)
  3. Cbc53

    Help haha

    Hello, this is my first time posting to this forum i actually just discovered it and it’s already been helping me quite a bit. So, I am a 19 rn and my first trip ever was at 17, I used to only trip once every few months when i first got into lsd, then i turned 18 and got into the rave scene really heavy with the wrong people and i started doing mdma basically weekly for 2/3 months til i finally realized i was being a fucking idiot and i chilled out but still rolled at least 1 time every month bc i still went to lots of festivals and stuff but at these festivals i would not only roll i would candy flip and do ketamine and sometimes more all in the same weekend but after a my first 2cb trip since then when i smoke weed (im a daily smoker) i started to notice visual snow, auras around lights, and floaters, that was back in october but back then it was so minor it didn’t really bother me. But now honestly when i’m sober during the day time i can barely even tell and i’ve already learned to just accept that it’s my reality but when i smoke weed now or after a night out if i do a few bumps of k or blow in a dark room shit gets crazy but it doesn’t look anything like a beautiful acid trip it just is like patterns and colors and just weird ass visuals that feel like they don’t belong. I’ve been a daily weed smoker for 3 years now i’ve been wanting to quit for a while maybe i’ll just try and use this as my motivation because weed helps w my anxiety and OCD and anger problems a whole lot. Another challenge is quitting all drugs for good bc as i said i’m heavy into the rave scene from being a glover to trying to learn to produce music i love be scene but i’ve realized it’s reallt hard for me to go out and stay sober completely while doing it idk i’ve still tripped and rolled since i’ve realized i have hppd but tripping is definitely not the same anymore i can tell the difference during my trips between the trips current visuals and the clusterfuck of whatever hppd visuals i’m seeing at the time that are always there whether or not i close my eyes. But I honestly really don’t want i never ever use drug again..,festivals are my favorite thing on the planet and to think i can never fully experience one again even though i’m this young just sucks but i’m asking for advice bc i don’t wanna fuck myself up worse then i already have as of now if i stay sober and go to work or something i don’t even notice/think about it and i feel normal. If you made it this far I want to for one apologize for my spelling and grammar and also thank you for reading this far
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