Did some LSD in the Navy during 1972 and then several days later, had a flashback of the trip. Never actually came down all the way...I seem to have gotten stuck. I spent the first 5 years frightened and anxious. Lots of alcohol. Lots of snow and tiny dots in front of my eyes. Things move in front of me, much like floaters. I think the roaring in my ears is the worst. Lots of noise. Never quiet...hard to sleep. Parts of my body seemed disconnected. Don't actually register. I could see my arms and legs but, never felt them in space much...if that makes sense. I think the hardest part is knowing there is something wrong with me. This seems to undermine my shaky sense of self. Loss of self esteem and worth...depression...worthlessness. Removes confidence. Never really found any medical staff that had a clue.
I've continued to spend much of my time deconstructing my entire childhood in the hopes I could find some emotional relief. Extremely helpful as my anxiety levels have been reduced, but never enough to eliminate symptoms...although after 45 years there has been some lessening. I've tried most of the anti anxiety medications. Most simply knock me out or rot my stomach. To be honest the only thing that has ever given any relief was alcohol. I eventually stopped drinking so much because it never stopped the symptoms. The best part seemed to happen the next day. I usually felt better. Still happens. There is some relief, noise lessens, things 'look' clearer, skin feels a bit more like skin instead of many layers. Symptoms return, but I often feel slightly better...not sure why, but in an effort to keep my liver functioning, I can imagine it's the answer. I try ever 5 years or so talking to someone in the medical profession, but never really gets me anywhere. HPPD isn't really on anyone's radar and most physicians seem to that have difficulty admitting they don't know the answer, or that I might have anything useful to say, etc. Anyway, I'm writing simply to introduce myself and share another experience with HPPD. It's good to know there is finally a site where people can go and share/read other experiences. Thanks