bobokokofulll

@K.B.Fante you are right about that i haven't been drug-free, however without xanax i would probably not be able cope with it on my own. I'm emotionally very unstable person. It's a bitter pill to swallow for a 18 year old, that i have a life-long condition. I also suffer from insomnia, and other sleep pills made me feel high (ambien,halcion etc.), so i ended up taking xanax. Im also living quite a repetitive way of life, so there are not many lifestyle changes in the last past few months, but I've had a lot of stress in life lately (life-long friend died in an accident last year) so who knows. @MadDoc exactly, try it and see what happens. In comparison to weed, i didn't get panic attack from ecstasy so i thought, wow! i've finally found a drug that i atually enjoy! I don't know about other countries, but in my country the drug education was something along these lines: "don't do drugs, you will become addicted, don't smoke weed, it's a gateway drug, bla bla.." if someone told me that after single use of certain drug it can have life-long consequences, i would probably think twice before doing it, but who knows, maybe i would risk it anyway. If I ever have children, i'll make sure they won't go the same path i went. I find it very impressive, that people can live productive lives despite this condition. Most of the time, i wake up at 11-12 and feel the rest of the day tired and end up doing pretty much nothing productive. @hope1 so how are you doing now? Thanks you all for replies!

if you haven't gotten HPPD after all those years, you will probably never get it. But i will gladly give you mine HPPD if you want it so desperately, i've had enough lol.

Hi, I'm new member to HPPD community, not a new member to HPPD sufferers however. I've been stuck with this condition since I was 17. I never did LSD, I got my HPPD from ecstasy pills. At that time, I used to do HUGE amounts of MDMA (up to 600mg). Why did i do it? No idea. I just liked the way it made me feel and I wanted to have some fun i guess. I don't quite remember what my symptoms of HPPD were back then, but they were significant enough to make me stop doing drugs altogether. I remember that if someone wore white shirt with black stripes on it, it would seem as if the shirt was "flickering" for a lack of a better term. Looking through a window with window blinds on them would make the same "flickering" effect. Fast forward 5 years, I'm turning 22 in april, pretty much living like a monk, paying for mistakes that 17 years old kid made. I still haven't told anybody about my condition, so you guys are the first. I've told my mother that I have visual snow, but i didn't mention other symptoms, I don't want her to worry about me too much. I've been xanax addict for 4 years now. I've lowered my dosage from 1mg to 0,75mg just a few days ago. Hoping to stop taking it altogether one day, but that's probably too ambitious. For the past few months, the visual symptoms were getting worse for me, even though i haven't touched drugs in years. Palinopsia has gotten significantly worse. when i close my eyes, i still see the objects i was looking at before closing my eyes for a split of a second. Afterimages are now visible also during the day. I sometimes close my eyes when im about to turn my head, so i don't see the trailing. I'm also feeling tired 24/7. Regarding DP/DR, i don't even know anymore. The first time i smoked weed, I got a terrible panic attack, and, as crazy as it may sound, i couldn't remember who i was. So i guess I know what dementia feels like. I was 14 back then. After that experience i developed dp/dr, but as i said, i sometimes feel "out-of-it" but it doesn't bother me. The only positive thing about HPPD is that it forced me to abstain from drugs, as i have very addictive personality. I don't know why I am writing this, i guess i just wanted to get it out. I'm just hoping it will stay the way it is, and won't progress any further.