I guess first things first, My names Jason and im pretty damn positive i have hppd.
a little background on me, i am 23. I still go out and do things sometimes, just not as much. i work at a lumber mill and usually keeps me distracted, and i am currently not on any medications and dont plan on being on any.
ill try to keep it short and sweet but i want to get involved in the community considering ive been reading posts on here for the past month and you all have helped me greatly with coming to terms with living with this condition. probably about a year ago i was on a acid binge dropping two times a weak as well as taking ecstasy once in a while, i would say my highest dosage would have been about 10g of shrooms and two tabs of acid at once and lemme tell you that was an experience. granted its something that ive never wanted to do again, my binge lasted approximately 3 months and ended december of 2017. life was great for me after that i never noticed any symptoms that i can recall until about two months ago where i got this terrible brain fog and horrible fatigue and that lasted about three weeks straight and somewhere in the middle of that i started getting trails in my vision, light became a lot more bright you could say, i dont see auras around people like others but when i look at like a light bulb it seems just a lot brighter with a fiery shaped halo around it, but i kinda see the beauty in it. i do see after images once in a while, usually when looking at a lit sceen for too long or a picture on a wall, not very distracting but at times it can just pull all my focus when i notice it. lately ive been feeling just an odd kinda, light headed/ disoriented feeling in my head (especially when standing up), and not to mention it can be a bitch and a half to focus on one thing for to long (like reading text on my phone or a computer; sorry for the long introduction ?) the one thing that still trips me out a bit is when i make a fist of my hand i see just a 1 sec after image of my fingers that are somewhat translucent but i know thats just apart of the the trails in my vision that i see. visual snow is almost non existent, it pitch black theirs like a 5% visibly noticeable snow but definitely not something that grabs my attention.
at first i thought i was going crazy, but i kinda had an idea what was behind it cause ive always been worried my reckless use of acid and such would come back to haunt me, and man it hit me like a brick wall covered in spikes. i had thoughts of suicide and sometimes what i see doesnt always click in my head cause it doesnt really seem like its real, but that has sorta gone away after a month of realizing i had it along with the immense fatigue and brain fog that was accompanied by mental confusion. all in all im struggling but im also coping at the same time, ive always been fairly good with being able to calm myself through breathing and meditation due to anger issues in the past (ironically i dont get angry anymore since the symptoms really kicked in), i only really had one panic attack and i was able to pull myself out of it within minutes so id say im fairly lucky cause that was an awful experience.
so probably the worst things are my heart rate always seems to spike and when it does i can usually calm down but it stays a bit higher than usual, and the disoriented sensation thats a constant but ive stopped drinking all together as soon as i figured it was hppd, i havent smoked weed 9 months (its weird i smoked after i quit acid, and my high never felt any different than it did before i did acid and shrooms). the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around was this is how my life is forever but i try not to focus on that and just accept it, and also why is it that my symptoms just started a month ago when i havent any drugs other than alcohol in over a year (i did take 1 ambien 5mg, about 2 months ago) maybe ive always just had it ever so mild and never realized it, but thats my story and im glad to have found this page with members who are just here to help others and to talk to, no one knows ive been dealing with this and i dont plan on telling anyone so for me being able to talk with you guys when i really need help with it or to help others would definitely help me get through some rough times ahead.