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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

thawhitetigerbby

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About thawhitetigerbby

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  1. thawhitetigerbby

    My Symptoms, Anybody Similar?

    After the two years there was a point where it did completely go away, I was also taking alprazolam (xanax) though and its been prescribed to reduce the HPPD effects and it works pretty well I guess so that was probably why it went away. And the second one came along because I decided to trip again, and I had actually opened up my third eye that night for a brief period of time on accident, I was just having so many epiphanies and it got to a point where I had an insane amount of pressure in the middle of my forehead and I realized what I needed to do with my life, I realized I needed to completely change how I lived and quit doing drugs and partying and not caring about life, I was going down a pretty bad path and had done some bad things. But anyway my life made a 180 degree turn for the best and I felt amazing, I was nicer to everyone, I wasnt acting in my ego as much, no more aggression, amazing things truly, and so I figured if the mushrooms made me better that night, then they would continue to make me better, so I tripped a few more times, and then microdosed for a week, .5 in the morning and .5 around 4:00, and after a great microdose I stopped doing them, and after a few months I had realized that It came back, I just started noticing it every so often, and it was honestly a little worse than before. But I just needed to realize that too much of a good thing, is bad. They really helped me mature and change my life around but the fact that I continued to take them was childish. It has been about 6 months now and Im beginning to realize its more of a fight with myself than anything. I basically control how I feel completely through my thoughts, not like "be happy" or "be sad" but If im thinking positively I begin to notice that I feel better and I have a warm sensation in my stomach, and if Im thinking negatively then I am more inclined to have headaches, and be fatigued. So for me its really just keeping a healthy mind, positive thoughts, knowing that everything is gonna be alright in the end, no matter what.
  2. thawhitetigerbby

    Suffering the Consequences

    Thankyou for the feedback, I agree very strongly with your statement about self reflection. More often than not when I am giving advice I relate it to my own life as well!
  3. thawhitetigerbby

    Lamotrigine withdrawal

    I would love to see an answer to this consodering I am going to the dr monday to find something to help my HPPD/ depression/ anxiety out.
  4. thawhitetigerbby

    My Symptoms, Anybody Similar?

    hey man I appreciate you for sharing and going through this, I can relate and say that it is tough. I had a 2 year session of HPPD and now im on another one and its been about 4 months, I cant say that I can relate to the 4k eyesight, my vision is worse than before, my depth perception also sucks. I get the intensified colors and light, but its almost like the intense lights and colors take away from my ability to see well, ive always had 20:20 vision, but nowadays its like if im looking i can really only focus on one small portion of what im looking at and i cant grasp fuller images, and for the hearing and seeing being connected, I believe they are in the sense that they are both ways of perceiving, if you see a dog bark in front of you then you expext to hear a dog bark, so if this dog in reality sounds a little bit weird your brain may shape the sound you hear so that you hear; a dog bark. You see what I mean? Anyway, I hope your situation evens out, there is a lot of us.. and we all have a way of perceiving life now that is different from the societal norm, so lets perceive the best lives that we can.
  5. thawhitetigerbby

    Suffering the Consequences

    I appreciate the reply dearly, really did help out, im also glad to know im not the only one out there who has gone through/ is going through, the same thing. Also I love the Alan Watts quote, he is one of my favorite speakers..! I will do better, i had kind of an uplifting experience yesterday so this only helps out more..! If you happen to read this also one of my big problems is having great advice, im a counselor among friends, but I can never take my own advice.. If I could I would be a million times better off..!
  6. Hey guys, so recently I have been feeling very bad about where my life is at so I figured I would share my story, maybe I will feel better if I talk about it and in this day and age this is talking. Anyway, I have been a psychedelic user since the 11th grade, started with some gummy bears that had "LSD" dripped on them, they tasted like battery acid but I knew very little about the drug at the time. I ate about 10-12 of those in all on 3 separate occasions before I actually tripped, and to this day I can truthfully say it was the weirdest trip that I have ever experienced in my life, the feeling that I describe as synthetic. I then did LSD about 15 times and mushrooms about 20 different occasions. The last occasion that I tripped I ate mushrooms, i was at my friends house and we decided to eat 2 grams each, and we were gonna hangout there and smoke all night and just trip, and about 15 minutes after we ate them before we started tripping a group of my friends show up maybe 6-7 of them all telling us to come over to the one kids house to trip with them and party. I myself didn't want to go because i didn't like tripping with more than one or two people at a time, so I was already out of my comfort zone, but I ended up going. We got there and I knew every single person there but I was feeling a little social awkwardness due to the fact that maybe five out of the fifteen people there were tripping, at one point I had a friend come up to me and another kid and asked us if we just wanted to go down and smoke in his house, so we went and I started feeling a lot better. We will call the two friends i was with J and G, me and J get along very well and J was the friend i was with at the beginning of the night, G and I on the other hand don't get along as well but are still friends. We started watching Family Guy and G pulled out his dab rig and took a dab then proceeded to offer both me and J a dab, I of course accepted and this is where my night really started to go south, I started tripping really hard, and none of us were talking we were just watching an extremely old family guy episode, one of the ones where only one character moves at a time, and if they speak only their mouths move, and it just kinda weirded me out watching that, in fact it weirded us all out so we decided to go for a walk, G went back up to the party and me and J accompanied by two more friends who were NOT tripping, and started walking, we will call this friends B and A, so me J B and A were all walking down this back road in some Pennsylvania woods at 3 am. We started walking and B and A started asking me about my life overseas, as I started trying to explain what life was like i began to get stuck, I was trying to describe to them the feeling of being overseas and obviously they weren't able to perceive the depiction that I was providing, I got a little anxious and stopped talking about it, we continued to walk when me and J ended up being about 13 feet behind them, I felt some sort of psychological connection with J, we couldn't telepathically read each others minds or anything but we just felt the fact that we were both perceiving on a completely different level than the others. All the sudden I hear A and B talking, saying things like, "I feel like they are retarded, I feel like im talking to a third grader." and then laughing, I didn't take this lightly and said something like "hey how about you keep your mouth shut and quit talking shit", I really made things awkward now, and there was no talking. When we got back from our walk we were sitting on a few big rocks just hanging out, I had already apologized for my first out lash and everything is back to normal, as we are sitting there B says something very slightly provocative (i cannot remember verbatim what was said" and I snapped out, I couldn't control what I was doing or saying, but I was standing up pointing my finger at B and cussing at him telling him to shut the fuck up or fight me, what was really weird was the fact that I had no control over what I was doing, the whole time I was thinking in my head "what am I doing? Why am I doing this? I need to stop yelling at him and let it go. Whats happening to me. I'm never gonna stop tripping. After that night I was kinda weirded out by the whole incident so I stopped taking any type of psychedelic, after a few months I started noticing that I was tripping constantly, especially in situations that made me nervous, like going to a court hearing, i was looking at the floor and i was seeing waves everywhere and books sliding in and out of the shelves. This constant tripping lasted for a while, I became a different person, It was like i developed ADD and anxiety, and my depression had worsened a lot. Me and my girlfriend broke up while i was going through this as well and it was extremely hard for me, I plummeted into a deep depression and didn't think I had ever truly loved myself. I was a big time party freak before I met my girlfriend and kinda mellowed out the year we were together, so after we broke up I kinda jumped right back into it, I started doing a lot of benzos because they made me feel numb, in the HPPD state I feel everything and the feeling is multiplied, so these were a quick addiction for me, although my HPPD subsided. I continued partying and doing drugs until I went to my freshman semester of college at, you guessed it WVU. As soon as I got down there I made some bad friends and was robbing people and doing pills and smoking like never before, I eventually had a close call and dropped out and returned home, when I got home I did the same old thing, robbed people and did pills, and I really needed something to change my life around quick. Then one night I was staying in a motel with a friend when he pulls out an ounce of mushrooms, Ahhhhh my friends at last. He asked me if he cared if he ate some, and i said as long as I can eat some with you. It had been really long since i tripped and this friend was my best friend for the past two years so I decided i was in a good environment with one friend, fuck it. We started tripping, and it was a trip like I had never had before, I ate 4.3 grams of caps and we blasted off into the unknown, after a while of tripping and happy laughs good visuals, we had to go sell a half ounce to someone about 20 minutes away, so we drove there just talking, no music the whole time. We talked about life and about where we were at and if we were happy. On the way back i started to notice that my eyes were going lazy and i was seeing one road for each eye that I had, So I was double visioned basically. I found it extremely hard to fight this so I just focused on one road and drove perfectly all the way back, when we got there we were still conversing and heading to get food, all the sudden, epiphany after epiphany, my vision closed in and formed one extremely clear picture, like I have never seen anything before and It was while I was saying how I needed to quit doing drugs and focus on my body and spiritual health, My friend says we opened our third eye, and I believed it, my whole life changed that day and i started loving psychedelics again, buying and using daily, I would micro-dose, i would take .5 in the morning and .5 around 3-6 pm, even though i wasn't doing it right i thought i was okay because i was only micro-dosing. I started getting into meditation and yoga and all these spiritual things, I had a few epiphanies while meditating that were very radical, like one was I felt a telepathic connection with the universe and was thinking with consciousness, I say consciousness because the image that came along with the thought was telling me that consciousness is one, we are all the same, so the first thing i thought to ask was whats the point of life? The response; Love, the point of life is to love everything and everyone, because no matter if I am human and dog is dog, we are both alive, thriving on this planet together, so If i have the knowledge to care for life on this planet I must. This short lived high point in my life quickly faded weeks after when I noticed that I was tripping all the time again... It has been about 4 months since then and I am in the worst place ever, I cannot get myself to work, I cannot eat, I sleep surprisingly well though still. I have had crazy thoughts that pop into my head along with my visuals, like i saw visual snow, and i thought "well what if it is really something out there that I can see but nobody else can.." or "well if i believe that this room is moving then in my reality.. it really is moving.." And i become scared of these thoughts even though I don't believe them, It scares me to know that my brain is thinking them. I have debated suicide many nights, I consider myself a fuck up and a failure for all these evens that have happened, and now that Im thinking so much i begin to debate whether or not I am going crazy, I used to be such a smart kid, being able to off any teacher because I would find ways to prove them wrong, or being able to win any debate with friends because I knew more about the subject, I went from that to being the awkward kid who doesn't really talk a lot and has been sick twice in two weeks so he missed four days of work. I am beginning to fear that I can no longer do this. Hope this story was put together decently for you, I tend to get off topic sometimes, any thoughts comments would be appreciated dearly. -E
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