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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

cosmiccharlie

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cosmiccharlie last won the day on August 19

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  1. cosmiccharlie

    HPPD Story & Introduction

    What you describe in my opinion are ‘classic’ afterimages; these are really irritating and can be distracting. I have found that not focusing on them helps where as starting at something attempting to check if I see an afterimages or not tends to exacerbate it. Keep pushing forward and try to do everything you can to allow your body and mind to heal; they will if you let them. Don’t focus on the mistakes only focus on what you can control and what you want in life. Life does get better but it may take some time. Take care and let me know if you ever want to chat.
  2. cosmiccharlie

    HPPD Story & Introduction

    I can relate to exercising exasperating the symptoms but if you can get past that I think it ultimately helps. As I’m sure you know exercise stimulates brain growth/repair and of course improves your mood. As for the type of exercise whatever works best for you. I like cardio and body weight routines. Long low intensity cardio is supposed to be very good for your brain; for example jogging or bicycle. Strength training is good to prevent injury and balance your routine; swimming is also amazing. Try a few different things; the most important thing is consistency, and that goes for living healthy to move past hppd. If we consistently treat our mind and body with respect we can only improve. Be hopeful and things will get better. Let me know if you have any other questions. Good luck and stay strong!
  3. cosmiccharlie

    SSRI Experiment

    Hey, Yeah I know the lack of control thing can be a little misleading; I was feeling constant anxiety that was making it difficult for me to focus on my school work. Again it's only been about one month (Zoloft can take up to 6 weeks) but my thoughts appear to be less erratic. The sobriety was from weed and alcohol; I haven't tripped in about two months. Again it's difficult to say with certainty if anything other than anxiety has actually changed from day to day. I have also read that SSRIs can negatively impact hppd, but we shall see. We are all different that's why I wanted to give it a shot. This has been especially hard since I have previously recovered from HHPD due to an LSD binge about 10 years ago and started using mushrooms again in an attempt to reset myself. Binged on them for about two months (8 trips total with some micro dosing in between) and brought the previous symptoms back. It's especially irritating as I have started a PhD program one month ago in mathematics and NEED MY BRAIN TO WORK! But it seems to be okay, not what I was a few months ago but hope is what I'm clinging to; one day at a time. Acceptance is the answer. Let me know what you think. Keep on trucking
  4. cosmiccharlie

    HPPD Story & Introduction

    Hello, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through but know that there is always hope! First of all you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, know yourself and know your body and listen to them; sounds like you already are. Sobriety in my opinion is the best option, plus you are very young and the body/mind are resilient. Give it time, relax if possible and be as healthy as you can to aid in your recovery. I have found consistent sleep, regular exercise and a balanced diet all help. Like you said it will be slow, you might not even notice changes but it will get easier; find what works for you and keep doing it. We are here for your support; take care and good luck. Remember one day at a time.
  5. cosmiccharlie

    SSRI Experiment

    Hey guys, I thought I would let you know that I have been on a regiment of Zoloft SSRI for about two weeks now. I believe there has been a slight change in visual distortions but it could always be placebo or due to a reduction in anxiety. I don't think things are getting worse which is good, I feel a little more focused and less crazy. I'll let you know how things work out. As of now I am three weeks sober from everything except caffeine and feel more grounded. Good luck to everyone and hang in there; we can do this together!
  6. cosmiccharlie

    new here: my story-- a month into HPPD from heavy MDMA + K usage

    Hello, I hope you are well. I contracted HPPD about 8 years ago from acid had a period of abstinence in which it almost entirely went away with the exception of the occasional 'flare up' usually when I was feeling anxious. I then had a period of 7 strong mushroom trips in about 7 weeks that seem to have brought it back to some extent so i am stopping psychedelics for now. I too am very interested in their mechanisms, applications and pretty much everything about them. However they CAN induce a detachment from reality which scares the shit out of me. Life is amazing and for a time psychedelics made me feel this in a deeper fashion however there were breaking points where I felt like I wasn't myself, detached from everything and everybody. This is not where I want to be. Be careful. My advice would be to take a long beak and see if things get better. Exercise, sleep and meditation are excellent tools to use to get out of the funk. It sounds like you just have visual distortions and not DP/DR; I think that's a much more manageable situation than what a lot of other people are facing. Quit while you're ahead before you lose your sense of self and place in this world. Also I think that it can lay 'dormant' within your brain, in which it is susceptible to reactivation. The moral being if you think you're 'healed' and go back to tripping the previous effects can come roaring back. I have gained a lot from psychedelics however I paid some prices, I think that for a while I was deceived into thinking that they were the answer. I really don't think they are the answer to anything. They do allow you to see beyond yourself and feel/know there's something greater than you out there, that we are all one and love is paramount to everything. However, these conclusions and facts exist independent of drugs and can be realized through meditation and mindfulness. There's a great quote from Allan Watts about the use of psychedelics "...when you get the message you should hang up the phone" Anyway I wish you the best of luck, take care.
  7. cosmiccharlie

    I'm crazy

    Academia is not for everyone; not sure if it’s for me but we’ll see. There are some gems of people though; their love of math is almost tangible. Algebra is my weak area but I find it very beautiful; geometry and analysis are probably where I’d like to go. However I’m very excited to study Lie Groups. If you haven’t heard of them, they are groups that are also surfaces so you can apply all the tools of Riemannian Geometry and groups theory together. For example since we can identify the unit circle with the set of complex number of length one it is a Lie Group. The group elements being the numbers with the operation of multiplication and the surface being the circle. Anyway thank you for sharing your story; it has absolutely helped. Pulling yourself back together is hard and it’s so damn easy to take the easy way out; continue tripping and smoking. One day at a time is absolutely essential. I wish you the best.
  8. cosmiccharlie

    Suffering the Consequences

    I think often times we know the 'correct' course of action but yet don't take heed because of our egos, addiction, arrogance, chance or any other reason we can come up with. I totally hear you on that one, I can give great advice but often times cannot apply it to my own life. However fear can be a good tool for combating this. For example not tripping again for fear of consequences; I've decided to push that aside many times and am paying the price. Yet I still think about it; it's easy to say as an outsider that that is a terrible course of action but when you're in the midst of life it's not that simple. And of course a lot of life is random so many things are a gamble. Anyway giving others advice is always good because it forces us to reflect on ourselves; thats's why forums and groups like this one are so powerful. Together we are strong and can overcome anything. I wish you the best, if you ever want to chat let me know. Take care!
  9. cosmiccharlie

    I'm crazy

    Once again thank you for your thoughts; sobriety is probably the way for me too. It's hard to start, I've had periods of it which were both wonderful and extremely difficult. What type of math did you study? My semester starts next week; very excited although it's been a while so it's going to be tough. I'm taking measure theory, complex analysis and algebra. It is always about what we want; however sometimes we knowingly go against the grain seemingly against our will.
  10. cosmiccharlie

    I'm crazy

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. I have explored sobriety myself and have found solace in it although as you probably know it is NOT easy all the time. Ultimately it does lead to a better, deeper existence and I plan to return back to it shortly.
  11. cosmiccharlie

    Suffering the Consequences

    Hey, I'm sorry for what you are going through. My story is somewhat similar; I won't relay everything, I have it in the introductions section titled 'I'm Crazy'. I have found that psychedelics in some ways can really open doors and offer a glimpse at another reality that in many ways can positively affect our lives. They can make us more compassionate, more certain in spirituality however there's always some form of gambling that's going on. Some people can handle them some cannot. My personality is fairly addictive so when I started blasting off I just kept doing it and of course it loses its magic and can dig you deep into a pit of despair. There's a great quote from Allan Watts "...when you get the message you should hang up the phone". I have had the same thoughts of oneness and the nature consciousness and that love is supreme while tripping. That's still with me and I embrace it; you should embrace that too because that is the truth. We had to trade something to get to it and maybe it wasn't worth it but in the end you cannot undo past mistakes. What's done is done so the only thing to do is move on, have hope and take pride in the fact that you have been given a tiny glimpse of the light. Psychedelics can also trick you, or maybe it's just me that's tricking myself. But they are not the answer, they can lead you to the truth in some sense or help alleviate depression or other problems but ultimately it is ourselves and spirituality that will make the change. They can be a tool but great caution must be exercised. Anyway, hang in there do everything that you can to better your life and be healthy. Exercise regularly, meditate, eat well, stop all drugs and most importantly love others. Also don't be so hard on yourself, that can cause physical and psychological damage. The progress is slow but over time it will get better and remember that "we are not our bodies" so any damage done is only physical and therefore essentially meaningless. Our consciousness is eternal, that gives me hope and that helps me deal with the day to day struggle. Hope and love are two very powerful tools. I wish you the best, let me know if you ever want to talk.
  12. cosmiccharlie

    Hello Everyone :)

    You'll be fine, just stay away from psychedelics. Like Jay said exercise can really help with anxiety, self worth and overall health. Try and be as healthy as you can, eat well, exercise and get plenty of sleep. Be careful of becoming dependent on pills to take the edge off. Some people absolutely need it but I believe a lot of our society relies too heavily on them. Best of luck!
  13. cosmiccharlie

    I'm crazy

    So I'm very glad to have found this site; when people come together to support eachother the results can be incredible. Sometimes just expressing yourself can help you. I am almost 29, had a strong romp with psychedelics from 18-20 during which I probably consumed 60 hits of LSD, had at least 20 mushroom trips, smoked PCP once, countless salvia trips and a few DMT glimpses. Plus smoking weed almost everyday during that period. At the time I had just started college and was studying mathematics; my mind was very promising for understanding and seeing things a little differently. I grasped everything almost immediately, didn't really have to take notes and loved helping people who were struggling. All the while I was a huge pot head; I would tutor people in math and then smoke them up. Things were pretty good. I had slowed down on the psycs as well as I had met an amazing woman who would later become my wife; still is. Anyway the summer between freshman and sophomore year I ate a 5 strip of acid at a festival, freaked out started climbing the fence that enclosed the area and was taken to the hospital. I came to while they were taking blood tripping very hard. That was the last time I did acid. From then on I had the classic symptoms of HPPD, not just from the one 5 strip but everything I think caught up. So I stopped, weed seemed to exasperate it so I cut back and things really did get better. I got into meditation, started focusing more on school and did very well. Ultimately I joined the Navy and was commissioned at an officer after I graduated, (3.7 GPA with math). Just before I graduated and was commissioned I made the terrible mistake of hitting a blunt with SPICE. STAY THE FUCK AWAT FROM SYNTHETIC WEED!!! This really rocked me, I threw up, blacked out and the next day I didn't feel right. This 'feeling of being off' lasted a very long time; I don't know when it left however it did eventually leave thank God. But the crazy thing was I had to now start my 5 years in the Navy with feeling slow and not myself. I didn't mention that I signed up for submarine service! The next five years were crazy, I had to stop smoking because I was getting drug tested and I think that helped. Stared drinking a lot more but all in all it was okay, miserable and definitely would have been easier if I hadn't smoked the spice (fucking hate that shit). Anyway I finished my service (loved the fact that I had a little know secret of having eaten a 10 strip of acid and had the responsibility of supervising nuclear power plant operations or standing submerged officer of the deck; my fellow bubble heads will appreciate this). I had always wanted to get a PhD in math, so when I got out I applied and was accepted. After getting out I had started smoking weed again and then eventually ate mushrooms. I hadn't tripped in 8 years at that point. I then proceeded to have 7 mushroom trips in 7 weeks (not intentional) tripped on ayahuasca and ate 1/4 tab. I had actually purchased 2 ten strips (one for me one for my friend) with the intention of tripping a few times. Thank God I threw them both out after my buddy and I tripped on shrooms together. Anyway my HPPD is back and I'm about to start PhD level mathematics and my 6 year track to the doctorate. My thinking is a little distorted and I feel slower than I did a few months ago. But my mind is telling me to keep tripping!! I bought a San Pedro cactus last week thinking maybe it would help. I don't know I'm very worried about fucking my life up. I'm on the edge of living my dream and I still want to explore the psychedelic realm. Everything is going so well and I seem to be the one standing in the way of myself. I gained a lot from these trips I believe, I think I traded some intelligence (hopefully temporarily) for compassion. Anyway that's me, let me know what you guys think. I hope I can help you as well. Take care.
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