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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

cosmiccharlie

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About cosmiccharlie

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  1. I agree with MadDoc. One practice that helped me in the beginning was counting the breath from 1 to 10 then repeat, 1 on the inhale 2 on the exhale and so on. I like this because it's simple and gives you a small task. It also helps to have a timer, start where ever you feel comfortable, even 1 minute is good. Overtime you can increase the duration as you get more comfortable. Also there's no right way to go about it, and like MadDoc said the benefits will take time so it's important to stick with it. Good luck!
  2. Hey, I hope you're well. I do meditate and find it to be very helpful. For me it reduces anxiety and anything that does that will help with my HPPD. I have found that sticking to a regular schedule (at least once per day) with a comfortable position, over time provided some wonderful benefits. These include increased feelings of wellbeing, better memory and increased energy to name a few. As far as whether it will aggravate the symptoms, I wouldn't worry about that. If it does it's only temporary and in the long run is likely to do more good than harm. Also I have found that a comfortable cushion is a big help. https://www.amazon.com/REEHUT-Meditation-Bolster-Pillow-Cushion/dp/B06Y65PYWS/ref=pd_sbs_121_6/132-9045627-1997828?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B07T9DY6HV&pd_rd_r=b54f4e97-a8d2-4cde-9cb2-d1ae91c8667e&pd_rd_w=3vAIL&pd_rd_wg=YHWWE&pf_rd_p=bdc67ba8-ab69-42ee-b8d8-8f5336b36a83&pf_rd_r=JN0NK9A510H3V36C5RT1&psc=1&refRID=JN0NK9A510H3V36C5RT1 Good luck! Nick
  3. This is a difficult topic. I am a recovering alcoholic, about 2 years into sobriety and overall pretty happy. Alcohol is a tricky friend that can cause major damage if left untethered for long enough. That being said, I'm not claiming that you are an alcoholic but I think it's worth evaluating ones relationship with alcohol. I think this is good practice for just about everyone. Try asking yourself the following questions: 1) Do I drink when I don't want to drink? 2)Do I usually regret drinking? 3)Do I think about drinking to get through the day? 4) Is it hard for me to go a few days without a drink? There are many other signs that alcohol could be an issue. And the subject itself is quite complicated as it's intimately tied to social interaction, culture etc... it's not always cut and dry. What many people recommend is to try reducing the intake, frequency and see how it goes for them. Of course that's going to have a positive effect on your symptoms and probably your state of mind (and your wallet :)) Anyway, for me it came down to choosing between my relationship with booze and drugs and my career and wife. I couldn't seem to manage both so I tried sobriety and over time realized that I was an alcoholic through and through. Additionally, it was my alcoholic thinking that allowed me to contract HPPD; 30 hits of LSD over one week period plus many other trips. My relationship with booze and drugs has never been manageable so I chose to end it and so far so good. I am not here to tell you what to do but the best advice I can give you is be honest with yourself. That's how I was able to see that I had a problem. Plus I still have friends who drink and use drugs and I have no problem with them enjoying themselves around me. This is my choice and it's really no one else's business and honestly I'm having way more fun being sober than before. Take Care!
  4. Hey everyone, I hope all is well. I have been doing pretty well but I have a nagging fear that the supplements I take are not trustworthy. I will first off say that this fear is really not based on anything other than my own obsessive personalty. I find it difficult to vet online retailers, even if they provide a certificate of analysis of their product. I currently take: Curcumin from Nootropics Depot Fish Oil+ Vitamin D from Life Extension. As far as what the internet has to say both of these vendors are apparently legitimate. I am curious whether anyone has experience with them or recommend any others. I feel like both of these products help me but I want to make sure I'm not being reckless. I very much trust this forum. Take care!
  5. I agree whole heartedly with what's been said. All I have to add is try not to get too wrapped around worrying about whether you have it or not. Like Jay said, stay sober for a few months and see what happens, chances are you will make a full recovery. However try not to make the same mistake many of us have, going back to the drugs once the symptoms have cleared up. I have made that mistake more than once and each time the recovery was more difficult. You can take this experience as a warning sign that you may be a member of the population that is susceptible to this condition. Anyway take care and stay positive!
  6. I am also in AA and fairly young (30 years old). Please feel free to contact me at any point; I am willing to give you my phone number. Anyway, hang in there. A day at a time is the way you'll get through this, if it's any consolation from my own experience I don't think hppd affects intelligence. But rather produces serious anxiety, social and self disconnection and of course visual distortions. All of which are correctable (maybe not visuals) if you put some work in. I know it might seem like things are hopeless now but give it a few months,.... then a few years and you'll look back with tremendous relief that the hopeless feelings were due to distorted thinking. Anyway, take care. Nick
  7. Also were you prescribed abilify for a reason other than depression? That can take some time to recover from but you will. I personally have never been on it but a close friend was and he said the recovery time was a few months but things eventually got better. Make sure to consult your doctor and give time for the meds to work, also if you were on Abilify or anything for longer than a few weeks make sure to taper slowly.
  8. Hello, For me a standard dose 100mg of Zoloft helped in the beginning when dealing with HPPD. I like to think of them as a stepping stone to recovery. It's hard to say if it made symptoms worse but it definitely helped with anxiety which can exacerbate HPPD symptoms. It's tough though because most people don't want to be on it forever myself included but my situation required some type of external help and I am now doing really well. The catch is getting off antidepressants can be hard but that's a bridge I will cross later. Two years since I started the Zoloft and about the same amount of time since my last trip and my symptoms are wayyy wayyy better. Time is the thing that's going to heal you, and of course stopping drugs to include pot. I love weed but I had to choose and my sanity and mental clarity were more important to me. Over time things clear up incrementally and today I can say I am a happy person. Meditation has also helped. Let me know if you have any other questions. Take care.
  9. Glad you're here. As MadDoc mentioned we are not qualified physicians but only able to share our personal experience. For me, I am also currently sober (going on 2 years) and have been on Zoloft for about that amount of time after having a relapse of strong hppd symptoms due to reverting back to psychedelics. I believe the Zoloft really helped me but that's not to say it's going to be the same for you. Unfortunately with these meds you sort of have to try a few different ones until something responds well with you. I also had the issue of starting a challenging new life endeavor; I am currently getting my PhD in mathematics and doing well. The beginning was rough and the difficulty of course amplified by the hppd. What I will say to you is try and create a healthy routing for yourself; sobriety is a great start. Exercise, sleep and a healthy diet also seem to help. Maybe the meds are not a terrible idea for the time being; they may help ease your mind while it heals. Time has been a great healing mechanism for me and like MadDoc said meditation is a fantastic resource. The most important thing is to stop using drugs and over time things will almost certainly get better. Have hope, this disorder is a bump in the road but it can be overcome with some work and life style adjustments. Anyway, hang in there it'll get better and know we are here for you. Take care
  10. Hi friend. Please believe that it will get better. Incrementally day by day your brain will repair itself. Try not to focus on the visuals, they don't deserve your attention; I know this is easier said than done. Hope is the beacon that helped me wade through the dark times when I had similar thoughts to yours. I am here today to say that recovery is possible from the most dire of circumstances but you have to believe it. I'm not sure if you are still using drugs but abstinence from psychedelics including weed is a key component to recovering. Please keep reaching out to this forum; we are here for you. Take Care, Nick
  11. I actually had a fair amount of success with SSRIs. It's difficult to say what the exact impact on visuals was but they certainly helped me deal with the anxiety associated with them. For me anxiety always made things worse, and then over time the visuals have diminished likely due to being completely sober. I have heard some people report that they directly effect their visual field so who knows. We are all different, my advice is to stay sober and find a routine that works for you. Eventually life will get better and your symptoms will diminish or at least become more manageable. Take Care, Nick
  12. Welcome, I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. A few comments: First, life WILL get better I promise if you give it some time and stay away from drugs. I too deal with anxiety that is a separate issue from my HPPD however the two intermingle quite dramatically. Meaning one can cause the other and vice versa. Anxiety can be absolutely debilitating and when you have something literally staring at you through your vision it is fucking scary. That being said you can learn to deal with it and eventually the effects will begin to fade. For me what worked is staying busy. I threw myself in my school work, went to the gym almost everyday, meditated, ate well and tried to sleep as much as could. To me this just made sense since my body and mind needed to heal. Staying away from drugs is key. I guarantee they will make it worse. One thing that came to mind when I read your post was the amount of weed that you said you were smoking. That alone can cause anxiety. I've had periods where I smoked that much and I was always on edge, perhaps the acid just pushed you over past your breaking point. Anyway, try not to be hard on yourself, what's done is done and you can take what you learned and move on and grow. Take care and please keep reaching out. You are not alone in this!
  13. Hi Tyler and welcome to our little community. First I know it can be daunting to try and come to terms with this condition; it is scary stuff and can be very debilitating. With that said a healthy fear is probably a good thing to keep us from making the same mistakes. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and are aware of the best actions you can take i.e. exercise, sleep, eating healthy... Definitely keep that up. Time is another friend of yours, the longer you abstain from drugs the better you will get, believe that and it will happen. I also recommend trying to learn meditation. For me, my condition is often brought out by some anxiety or fear. I have found that meditation has a way of neutralizing anxiety and helps me live in the moment and be grateful for all that I have. Positive thinking is an excellent tool to combat HPPD. You can also take solace that your drug history doesn't seem to be as excessive as it can be and many people on this forum are not so lucky. I myself took more than 15 hits of good acid in one night. That certainly did a number on me. And I kept tripping for another year before I realized I had to stop or I would never be the same. That's one of the more terrifying aspects of this disorder for me; I can forget how to be me! You will find as your progress that HPPD intensity varies and discover the things that cause it to flare up. For some its caffeine, for me its sugar and lack of sleep as some examples. The point is it is very possible to live a normal productive happy life with this condition. It may very well leave you entirely or become barely noticeable over time. The major factor in recovery is not using psychedelics, it's almost guaranteed to make things worse. I myself abstained for about 8 years, pretty much completely recovered and then I started smoking weed again. This worked to alleviate my anxiety for several months but then I started tripping again and it brought my symptoms back with force. I had 7 mushroom trips in about 7 weeks and one DMT breakthrough. I have since stopped and things are much much better. I have almost one year completely sober and doing really well but I had to pick the pieces up and start from the basics. I don't want anyone to make that same mistake. But sometimes we have to fall down to learn. Anyway, I'm sort of rambling now. Welcome to the site. We are here for you. Try and stay positive and off drugs and life will open up again. I wish you the best. Nick
  14. Hello, I’m sorry to hear about all you have gone through; life can be very difficult and each of us have our own battles. From my experience if we focus on our problems they only get bigger. In the age of the internet this can have terrible results because there is an endless stream of information available that can make us feel worse about ourselves. My advice to you is to try and not focus on your condition or the troubles from your past. Therapy can be very good with the right person to address what’s troubling you. Meditation is also an incredible tool that is free and can be very effective for treating depression, anxiety and other issues. The important thing with meditating is consistency; it’s like working out. You will not reap the benefits unless you put in the time and energy. It also is a subtle business that comes only after a few weeks of practice but then eventually one day you realize everything is okay and as it should be. For mediation it’s always worth investing in some course to help learn the basic techniques and ask all of your questions. These are typically pretty cheap and you only really need to attend a few classes. Anyway it sounds like you’re on the right path. Remember the ‘here and now’ is all we can influence and all that matters. It’s so easy to forget that. Keep pushing forward and believe things will get better and they will. Keep seeking peace and you will find it. I’ve messed up so many times but those low points provide lessons. Also hope is essential to keeping a good additude. Take care and keep posting on this forum. Nick
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