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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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About cosmiccharlie

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  1. cosmiccharlie

    I'm crazy

    Thank you for your words of wisdom. I have explored sobriety myself and have found solace in it although as you probably know it is NOT easy all the time. Ultimately it does lead to a better, deeper existence and I plan to return back to it shortly.
  2. cosmiccharlie

    Suffering the Consequences

    Hey, I'm sorry for what you are going through. My story is somewhat similar; I won't relay everything, I have it in the introductions section titled 'I'm Crazy'. I have found that psychedelics in some ways can really open doors and offer a glimpse at another reality that in many ways can positively affect our lives. They can make us more compassionate, more certain in spirituality however there's always some form of gambling that's going on. Some people can handle them some cannot. My personality is fairly addictive so when I started blasting off I just kept doing it and of course it loses its magic and can dig you deep into a pit of despair. There's a great quote from Allan Watts "...when you get the message you should hang up the phone". I have had the same thoughts of oneness and the nature consciousness and that love is supreme while tripping. That's still with me and I embrace it; you should embrace that too because that is the truth. We had to trade something to get to it and maybe it wasn't worth it but in the end you cannot undo past mistakes. What's done is done so the only thing to do is move on, have hope and take pride in the fact that you have been given a tiny glimpse of the light. Psychedelics can also trick you, or maybe it's just me that's tricking myself. But they are not the answer, they can lead you to the truth in some sense or help alleviate depression or other problems but ultimately it is ourselves and spirituality that will make the change. They can be a tool but great caution must be exercised. Anyway, hang in there do everything that you can to better your life and be healthy. Exercise regularly, meditate, eat well, stop all drugs and most importantly love others. Also don't be so hard on yourself, that can cause physical and psychological damage. The progress is slow but over time it will get better and remember that "we are not our bodies" so any damage done is only physical and therefore essentially meaningless. Our consciousness is eternal, that gives me hope and that helps me deal with the day to day struggle. Hope and love are two very powerful tools. I wish you the best, let me know if you ever want to talk.
  3. cosmiccharlie

    Hello Everyone :)

    You'll be fine, just stay away from psychedelics. Like Jay said exercise can really help with anxiety, self worth and overall health. Try and be as healthy as you can, eat well, exercise and get plenty of sleep. Be careful of becoming dependent on pills to take the edge off. Some people absolutely need it but I believe a lot of our society relies too heavily on them. Best of luck!
  4. cosmiccharlie

    I'm crazy

    So I'm very glad to have found this site; when people come together to support eachother the results can be incredible. Sometimes just expressing yourself can help you. I am almost 29, had a strong romp with psychedelics from 18-20 during which I probably consumed 60 hits of LSD, had at least 20 mushroom trips, smoked PCP once, countless salvia trips and a few DMT glimpses. Plus smoking weed almost everyday during that period. At the time I had just started college and was studying mathematics; my mind was very promising for understanding and seeing things a little differently. I grasped everything almost immediately, didn't really have to take notes and loved helping people who were struggling. All the while I was a huge pot head; I would tutor people in math and then smoke them up. Things were pretty good. I had slowed down on the psycs as well as I had met an amazing woman who would later become my wife; still is. Anyway the summer between freshman and sophomore year I ate a 5 strip of acid at a festival, freaked out started climbing the fence that enclosed the area and was taken to the hospital. I came to while they were taking blood tripping very hard. That was the last time I did acid. From then on I had the classic symptoms of HPPD, not just from the one 5 strip but everything I think caught up. So I stopped, weed seemed to exasperate it so I cut back and things really did get better. I got into meditation, started focusing more on school and did very well. Ultimately I joined the Navy and was commissioned at an officer after I graduated, (3.7 GPA with math). Just before I graduated and was commissioned I made the terrible mistake of hitting a blunt with SPICE. STAY THE FUCK AWAT FROM SYNTHETIC WEED!!! This really rocked me, I threw up, blacked out and the next day I didn't feel right. This 'feeling of being off' lasted a very long time; I don't know when it left however it did eventually leave thank God. But the crazy thing was I had to now start my 5 years in the Navy with feeling slow and not myself. I didn't mention that I signed up for submarine service! The next five years were crazy, I had to stop smoking because I was getting drug tested and I think that helped. Stared drinking a lot more but all in all it was okay, miserable and definitely would have been easier if I hadn't smoked the spice (fucking hate that shit). Anyway I finished my service (loved the fact that I had a little know secret of having eaten a 10 strip of acid and had the responsibility of supervising nuclear power plant operations or standing submerged officer of the deck; my fellow bubble heads will appreciate this). I had always wanted to get a PhD in math, so when I got out I applied and was accepted. After getting out I had started smoking weed again and then eventually ate mushrooms. I hadn't tripped in 8 years at that point. I then proceeded to have 7 mushroom trips in 7 weeks (not intentional) tripped on ayahuasca and ate 1/4 tab. I had actually purchased 2 ten strips (one for me one for my friend) with the intention of tripping a few times. Thank God I threw them both out after my buddy and I tripped on shrooms together. Anyway my HPPD is back and I'm about to start PhD level mathematics and my 6 year track to the doctorate. My thinking is a little distorted and I feel slower than I did a few months ago. But my mind is telling me to keep tripping!! I bought a San Pedro cactus last week thinking maybe it would help. I don't know I'm very worried about fucking my life up. I'm on the edge of living my dream and I still want to explore the psychedelic realm. Everything is going so well and I seem to be the one standing in the way of myself. I gained a lot from these trips I believe, I think I traded some intelligence (hopefully temporarily) for compassion. Anyway that's me, let me know what you guys think. I hope I can help you as well. Take care.

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