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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

KrysaBelial

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About KrysaBelial

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  1. KrysaBelial

    Nervous and Confused

    I haven't really talked to anyone about this before and I'm not quite sure where I should start, so please bear with me. I'm 19, and I only started tripping very recently (March 26 was the first time I tried acid), but in the short time that's passed since then I've tripped somewhere around 10-12 times. I had my first bad trip because I was at the start of a very dufficult depressive episode and I thought that maybe I could escape if I just took all of the acid I had at once. I took 5 or 6 tabs, way more than i had ever done at the same time. Not only did I black out after hours of pacing around my room in a disorienting haze, but I had also just started prozac that week, so I started going into serotonin syndrome and had to be sent to the ER. After that I developed a healthy fear of psychedelics and swore never to touch them again. However, naturally, the very next week I came home after drinking way too much with my best friend and made the stupid choice to take 4 tabs. I have never felt such an intense and unwavering sense of existential dread. I was huddled up in a dark corner for what felt like a literal eternity, trying to decide whether I'd died or if I wished I were dead so it could just be over. I couldn't remember what it was supposed to feel like just to exist, but I knew that what I was feeling then was horribly wrong. I've tripped 3 times since then, and since the last two I've sometimes noticed textures on walls shifting, as well as some objects like lamps or windows seeming to subtly expand and retract like they're breathing. I'd already been dealing with dp/dr as symptoms of my depression, but those two bad trips only made that worse. I'm not panicking yet because it hasn't reached a point where it's crippling yet, but I'm getting kind of nervous. I'm afraid of getting sober and all the things that come with it, but I'm horrified of ending up stuck in that bad trip again. I just don't know what to do.
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