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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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  1. So, its been a while since i'v logged onto this site, not to be rude, was kinda hoping i would never have to again. What happened: i just tried to get away from it all, i tried to ignore HPPD, DPDR, and all the other issues i was facing, but discovered that i would continue to ponder and question my mental state, reality, and the nature of existence no matter what. So, f**k it, i came back for maybe one or two more posts. I'm experiencing the same symptoms i described in earlier posts which are: - Feeling as though the reality im typing this and posting this in right now doesnt exist and is all a hallucination in my head created by a psychotic break and LSD, and that im still in the RV i took LSD in - Persistent Deja Vu throughout the day, ranging from mild to extreme in intensity - Visual Disturbances from HPPD (visual snow, after images, spots, trails, floaters, etc) - DPDR (derealization) - Brain Zaps The first in this list of symptoms is the one that i want to focus on, as im not sure whether its just HPPD in the form of flashbacks of my 1st trip, including smells, sensations, everything, or if its a symptom of Drug Induced Psychosis, or Schizoaffective disorder (this type in particular due to the fact my father had it, i wasnt aware until after the times i tripped) Im just so confused. I attempted to call Dr. Abraham, but he wasn't at the phone then, so i left a message. I'm seeing a psychiatrists regularly now and we're currently trying anti-depressants (currently Mirtazapine) then we'll move onto anti-psychotics, they cant prescribe me Benzodiazapines and i'v tried Lamotrigine, which made me even more depressed than i normally am. Im just- I want answers, but there doesnt seem to be any, can someone hopefully give me some insight on why i feel like im in a hallucination? At times, all i wanna do is wake back up in that RV so i can feel like im back in true reality.
  2. @TheWildWorld as if its still the day/night of your trip right?
  3. Hey all i'v been on here before, and i used LSD and that caused my HPPD, my visual symptoms (visual snow, tracers in low lighting, floaters, dots of light) arent nearly as bad as my other symptoms (derealization, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, depression, constant, unending deja vu) it makes me feel like im in a fake reality, and soon, ill wake up in my bad trips, not just like, the trip itself, but only the bad part, as if it actually happened. Any-who, i'm gonna make a visit to a psychiatrist and see if i can get help from them, and, while i know its not the best idea considering my age, i was wandering about any potential medication to take? I'v heard Lexapro, Keppra, and others have helped before, but i was wandering because of my age, which would be the best, and which could be the worst? Thank you guys for answers
  4. @hppdvictim92 Ive told my mom about it, yes, but, i wouldnt say its psychosis, as psychosis is complete loss of reality, if ive read up on it, properly. TBH, what i think is happening is DPDR related, the DPDR being where the deja vu comes from, and the derealization being where me having thoughts of this being fake, and still being in my 1st trip, it could have something to do with PTSD as well, im not sure, but i dont think its psychosis
  5. @hppdvictim92 I wish i could, but i dont have a means of payment, and my mothers insurance just wont cover it, what can i do?
  6. @MadDoc yea, it still feels as if this reality is just, some sort of image, something thats not real, but it is greatly less then it has been, this realization has helped me a lot, but i still question everything, i feel like a husk, a shell almost, of my former self
  7. Hey, I just wanted to thank k everyone so much for the support and for your advice and help, I can't believe it took me so long to realize just what happened. As I'm sure most of you know, LSD has been known to be a "literal mirror" of sorts, in a sense that it can show you your main faults and flaws, any underlying fears you may have, and well, that's what this was, and I just failed to realize it. On Friday is when I decided to look at all this as a message, I knew there would be answers in the actual issues, and as it turns out, there were. I'm afraid of letting people down, I'm afraid of humiliation, of people shaming and shunning me, I'm afraid of failure. LSD showed me this, and continued to show me until I was able to get it. After that realization, today, a LOT of my issues have been cleared up, their still there, and I know they still will be for a while, but I think I'm on an even better road to recovery because of this. Still though, I'm no longer taking LSD, as Alan Watts said "If you get the message, hang up the phone." So again, thank you guys so fucking much for your help.
  8. @olivier24445 dont worry, ive already thought about that, unfortunately, my mothers current insurance doesnt cover that, her insurance sucks
  9. @MadDoc @dayum_son It also feels like my dad is talking about be after the trip, in that reality, like, today he won $500 on a scratch ticket, and he said "Yea man, I had to do a double take, I looked at it and said Holy Shit!" Which, felt vaguely like, in another reality, he was talking about after him seeing me freak out on acid with the dog thing above, I'm just glad it didn't actually happen, but it still sucks hearing shit like this The Deja Vu also adds to this, it sucks, but I think I'll be ok, I think in a week or so I'll be feeling better
  10. @MadDoc It's strange that it doesn't even need a trigger or anything, one second I'm good, then the other I think I'm being arrested still, mainly because when this happens, if the colors blue and red show up next to each other, then, ya know, feels like the police lights shine through to this reality, the real reality, but I think I'll be fine in a few weeks, and if not fine, I'll be doing way better
  11. @dayum_son Ok, so this happened earlier Well, on Saturday night when I came back home after taking the acid, I was trying to sleep, but couldn't, but I had percieved that i had let go of reality or had a psychotic break (didn't actually have one, was the perception) and killed my dog, I imagined my parents woke up and came to my room, and well, when I percieved they did, my laptop came on and Illuminated the whole room, which made me think that they turned the lights on, and saw me in bed with my dead dog, kind of the same way with the police thing, but a different situation. Well, later on a day or two later, my brother told me about how one of his dogs back in Virginia got out and killed one of his ex's dogs, and well, it felt like he was talking about me in the other reality killing one of our dogs, i was a bit worried, but was able to let it go after a bit, and earlier today he was talking to Mom and I heard something along the lines of this What I percieved "When he came back at 3 I knew something was up, I asked him about it and I was like, aww damn, he's on acid" What he said Well I'm not to sure what he said, I had forgotten, but it was similar to the 1st sentence but not about me at all and he didn't bring up acid, but it feels like I'm in that reality now too, where I had a psychotic break, killed my dog, and now I'm stuck here, I know that this isn't the case though, it's just frightening, god damn
  12. @dayum_son dont worry, i dont like alcohol anyway, im taking, either a month or 2, break from weed, and ive been playing my guitar and singing to linkin park to get my mind off of it all, its surprising just how relatable the lyrics are
  13. @Onemorestep @dayum_son @Jagermeister I'm able to describe it better, its as if during my blackout, i was shown all of this, everything i'm doing now, and its like, as i'm going through this, in the "other reality" i'm just incoherent, flailing around, stumbling, not able to do shit, because i'm still in this reality, and i'm unable to operate in that one. it worries me because i can recall this too, kind of, i know it doesn't make much sense, but, if this is ego death, then does that mean this is the ego i need to let go of? is the reality where i'm being arrested, and psychotic the one i need to wake up to? i know its not, but it just keeps nagging at me how i seemingly remember everything i do now, but i saw it during my acid blackout, it feels like i'm explaining it to doctors and my parents right now, its strange, does that mean whenever i die here i'll wake up there? i also saw myself being put in a mental hospital then everything went black, this is so strange and confusing, im trying my best to ignore it and let it go like everyone tells me to do, but its hard, everytime i take acid (which i wont anymore, im done with it) it feels like im closer to waking up there, which is why i dont use it anymore, but, its just makes you wonder...
  14. @Jagermeister I am 16 years old, don't worry, I've written off psychedelics, I do smoke weed frequently but haven't since my trip on Saturday, I'm taking at least a month break before I try it again, I've also stopped drinking anything with caffeine in it. Today I've noticed after I woke up that I had a visual snow
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