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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

olivier24445

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Everything posted by olivier24445

  1. Thanks much for your answer, Still, any good energy is welcome, you're right. On my point of view, this is how hppd / VS evolves in time , and how it ressemble a lot to Visual snow, and why this similitude should be researched in priority : - Brutal outburst, Day 0 to year 1 : generates a lot of panic, anxiety and can worsen any pre existant mental condition - For HPPD in fact, versus VS, the difference is the sudden outburst, more brutal and that can come with trip "flashbacks" - This is the main difference between VS and HPPD. Most people will recover from that episode spontaneously, and consider it as a mental breakdown, or mild teenage psychosis If at that point, it does not go away during the next 6 month : - settling Year +1 to +5 - the symptoms shared by both HPPD and visual snow settle, and start do look identical - how people react to that psychologically may vary a lot depending on individual. I believe many VS patient go into depression and suicidal tendencies too. This phase is crucial. Any wrong diagnostic or wrong medical orientation at that point can totally compromise phase 3 and literally freeze all chances of recovering a normal social life. It might seem very naive, to say so, but at that point, all is needed is : love, support, understanding, confort and a very very healthy lifestyle. I would not recommend any form of psychiatric medication at all, or any kind of psychiatric diagnostic. - acceptance : year 5 to ...99: Once accepted, only the cognition disorder will remain, and fluctuate, until the old days. Once the symptoms are fully accepted, most of individuals will have normal lifes and no further need of psychological support. This period, to me, match at 100% to what patients with visual snow experience from day 0 to 99. in fact i really believe the cure sits in the same place as the one for visual snow, same as Lamictal works on both pathologies in the very exact same way. Once Visual snow is cured, and there is a lot of attention on it, these days, we will probably make a lot of progress too. I'm sorry about my epidermic reaction , I know you have good willing intention , it's also deeply anchored in my own beliefs that psychiatry can provide precious help, but can also focus unproductive attention on the wrong patterns and consequences of this neurological disorder.
  2. I have to disagree profoundly on the "mental disorder" qualification and also ranking HPPD in the field of "addiction disorders" Visual Snow Syndrome is not a "mental disorder" also up to this day. HPPD can be acquired on one single substance intake, means it does not relate specifically to the world of drug "addictions" The cognition disorder in fact can have a serious and negative effect on individuals, and therefore, create mood and mental disorders as a consequence. I strongly believe the cause behind HPPD and Visual Snow Syndrome is more of a functional neurological dysfunction to start with. Still, i'm not scientist, and proof has to be made. I understand that many good willing psychologists and psychiatrists have to be involved in the research, but i believe precious time and misleading info will spread if we try to solve the problem by only observing the various and very real "mental" consequences. I have to agree with K.B.Fante that researchers should in all cases team up with the Visual Snow Syndrome community (some recent studies already are like, the one conducted currently at the University of Sussex, UK)
  3. Yes, i check that too, but in the end, after that hellish triggering phase ( last not more than a few months ), the condition is totally similar as VS it seems. Also, i believe Visual Snowers who wake up with this shit suddenly must go into the same psychic trauma, horrible anxiety, depersonalisation , depression phase. Once it's all gone , what's left is just the same syndrome.
  4. In fact, you might want to check doctor Abraham following interview on this Visual Snow channel : https://youtu.be/a5Ghxo1jdQM
  5. Why the terms hallucinogen persisting perception disorder is misleading about the condition HPPD : Hallucinogen persisting perception disorder (HPPD) is a disorder in which a person has flashbacks of visual hallucinations or distortions experienced during a previous hallucinogenic drug experience, sometimes with the same feelings experienced before, which cause distress or impairment in work or everyday life. (very poor definition ; 70's pop culture, cliché. There is no such thing as Flashbacks, for exemple). People don't get stuck into flashbacks/trips, except the few unlucky ones who got schizophrenia triggered with the use of drugs. The so called "HPPD" symptoms most of us fight every days , have nothing to do with that. What if i correct with the following definition : HPPD is a Neurological disorder characterized by a continuous visual disturbance that occupies the entire visual field and is described as tiny flickering dots that resemble the noise of a detuned analogue television. In addition to the static, affected individuals can experience additional visual symptoms such as visual images that persist or recur after the image has been removed (palinopsia); sensitivity to light (photophobia); visual effects originating from within the eye itself (entoptic phenomena) and impaired night vision (nyctalopia). >Non-visualsymptoms such as tinnitus, depersonalization-derealization, fatigue, ... This is the definition of the visual snow syndrome. Clearly, this is the same pathology. To me , HPPD can be misleading, as it's a "perception disorder" equal to the "visual snow" condition. We don't have persisting hallucinations as a matter of fact, same as "visualsnowers" dont have them either. "Hallucinations" , in fact ( perception of non existing things) are irrelevant to describe our condition that has nothing to do with psychiatry I actually try to have the wikipedia page changed, as it states HPPD main symptoms are ?? "flashbacks" ?? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallucinogen_persisting_perception_disorder Probably written by casual psychiatrists.... I believe "flashbacks" can occur to psychedelic users, but it's absolutely unrelated to the main syndrome we experience. The main characteristic and most annoying, being actual "visual snow" Any one who agree, upvote this and , anyone documented enough to try to contribute to this wikipedia definition. However, my addition was off course removed. I also publish this in the edits that was left (yet) : Visual Snow Syndrome similitudes[edit] I added a paragraph on the exact similitudes regarding both pathologies and why it's important to differentiate HPPD symptomatology from the actual "flashback" pop culture urban myth -- Thanks for removing my contribution but the definition here is really wrong and should be updated. flashbacks have nothing to do with HPPD and is not the main symptom of it.
  6. Kind of the same story for me, i lived 20 years thinking I had some kind of breakdown or psychotic episode that left me this symptoms, except, i've always been very sound and healthy since that time (had a massive shroom dosage when i was 18) , and actually very grounded and successfull in my adult life..So something did not match the puzzle. After i did 10 years of psychotherapy with not results, I just stopped looking, and did not care any more...until I heard of HPPD on youtube, it all made sense and I finally knew that was IT ! And by then i could search for a relief, finally, after all those years. I tried almost all the supplements around (the usual and the non usual) - no results, only placebo. Finally I decieded to try Lamictal first, because Keppra "rage" and mood did scare me a little. Results at 50mg/day, yet : Much better ! Brain fog/dream like feeling (i was so use to , that i forgot I had it) gone - Social interactions improved drastically : I'm not always over forcing my attention to focus on the situation / pay attention or get interest in what people are saying - Visual : slight improvement (my computer screen really less messed up, when i work) - less sparkle and glitters (i guess this might improve much more at higher dosage) So i will keep rising the dosage. I had 0 side effects only benefits. I believe a PTSD therapy like EMDR or other may give good results, but the practicians here in my city know nothing about HPPD or are not willing to help/try experiment on it...So the chemical way is still good to take for now.
  7. how long ago did you do that " mdma and lsd and 40mg 2cb," ?
  8. I think , like dreams, the traumatic moment of the trip can be washed out of your memories on the morning, and you will just think it was all amazing. That would also justify the traumatic resurgence of hppd symptoms at any moment coming in the next days or months following the experience. Your unconscious self will URGE you , doing so, to pay attention to that condition. I think most of us, who had a strong hppd burst at first, had a complete phobia of hallucinogenic drugs after. That was my case. That's why POT , when you smoke it, bring back the fear of loosing your mind/dying , and will bring you back to that mindset, making it impossible to enjoy it anymore. After all, we experienced "DEATH" in some ways , with hallucinogens, isn'it ? How can that, not be considered, as traumatic as a real death threat by your brain IRL ? Or in fact, the "experience" whatever it will be, might have a chance on some individuals, to start a very similar process in the brain as a traumatic disorder We are not equal facing traumas. During war time, some soldiers will have their brain all messed up, some will have nothing at all.
  9. yes, agree, anyone who has hppd should try Lamictal or Keppra, they both work. Me i had good results since now with Lamictal. My HPPD is 20 years old almost. Forget about nutropics, i bought and experimented most of them, nothing works. Just take a step to real medication. There is hope , really.
  10. Again, i stand by my analysis that HPPD has a very similar brain chemistry process as PTSD and both belongs to the same family. Drugs can trigger in the brain the creation of the same alternative neural pathways as PTSD does. Can be definitive for some people, we are not all equal ; Makes you 24/24 hyper-vigilant/active and create more or less visual distortions (more in cas of drug use). But brain can be trained to reverse most of this effects. Try Lamotrigine already to 100mg daily. It's working for me, and for many other people. Don't waste your time.
  11. I tried to lower the dose for a few days, to test it , and the so said "withdrawal" is really really mild. I would not listen anymore to people comments. Even if there is a whidrawal, the positive effects are MAJOR ! So it worth it The good thing with this little interruption, is that a could have a better measure on the positive effects of Lamictal on me, as on lower dosage, i felt back right away to my old self, bit spaced out, living in a dream feeling, flashy visuals, drifiting lights and all that shit that make you feel in weirdo land 24/24 ----the classic hppd things i'm enduring since 20 years from now) . So , this med has a fantastic effect so far. I feel great, my anxiety is really gone, i feel good in the crowd, and i'm able to really connect with people. My mind is so clear that i want for the first time ever, to really interact with people to enjoy it. I will by then increase slowly the dosage to see if i can improve even more.
  12. I think they are different degrees of experience and many ways to endure it, as we all have our own psychology and approach to the symptoms and how we perceived the whole drug experience, including with MDMA that can also be very intense at high dosage. Like I said, I think HPPD is first of all, an anxiety disorder, and that's why benzos, alchool, drugs, can reduce it, because they distract you from the symptoms and the permanent state of awareness/anxiety you are in. And PTSD does show an abnormal ECG too : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21960258 The bain chemistry change is also linked to the condition, but not at the source of it. Still, it's my position, i'm not pretending i own the truth, but that's the theory that makes more sense to me. I would ad the following as clues : -PTSD has visual snow and palinopsia actually in the symptomatology. -Lamictal and Keppra are used also to cure refractory PTSD.
  13. After all, this is what I think : My Hppd is a post traumatic stress disorder caused by the use of one time very high dosage hallucinogen, Most of the time it happens to you because during the trip, you become scared to death to never come back normal (pretty common). It match the PTSD chronology, like it does not occur immediately, but after a certain delay 2 to 3 month, Starts with Flashbacks, images of the trauma, depression, depersonalisation, social withdrawal and so on..Intense anxiety/awareness that stays to an abnormal level as "normal condition" I believe the visuals (snow, palinopsia, in my case), are probably created by this permanent state of anxiety and specially they exist in our very case, more than in other PTSD traumas, because of the hallucinogen drug induced experience at the origin of it (instead of a car crash, terrorist attack, and other traumatic events - does not have to be a profound bad trip). To me, there is no brain damage. It's purely anxiety and trauma that get anchored. That's why it gets better when you don't focus on it (like when you're in love / or feel deeply loved, holidays, and so on) The best way to cure it, is to work on this anxiety, understand that we can reverse it completely by doing so. Follow a PTSD healing protocol. Specially, understand that we did NOT destroy/damage our brains. That's my conclusion.
  14. I'm currently testing Lamictal with good results so far (feeling more stable, more grounded in reality) still i'm on very low dosage (about 35 mg/daily) and I'm not sure if it impacts on my visual snow and palinopsia ...Sometime i fell it does a little...Today i came across some horrible posts about withdrawal symptoms... Some people mention it take weeks, and they feel headheache, depresonalisation, moods..So it seems like there is a price to pay in the end ? Would all the benefits go away and things get super worse when we stop ? Anyone has experience of the drug to let us know ?
  15. I'm not sure HPPD has a psychological origin, but i surely had this negative "enmeshment" with my mother. In fact, my worst moments of depersonalisation got triggered by her presence, words, letters, any form of contact or communication. I guess she completely abused me psychologically as a child. I actually don't see her anymore since 20 years, for that reason. Sad, but depersonalisation is a f.... horrible thing, so, that's all i can say. I never had depersonalisation since, only when i got letters, or stuff that made me think about it. At that time, it felt like my emotions where so overwhelming and contradictory (strong love/strong hate) that my mind was just shutting down. I can say drugs at that time were a way to discover myself and the world, but also an escape door.
  16. Following this , you can say now you don't have visual snow anymore at all ?? This could make sense to me, it's like training the brain again to eliminate the noise. Like all training , it needs practice to work, question is, can you make it definitive.
  17. just relax and calm down, it's temporary and need patience. You're not going crazy, it's just a vision disturbance
  18. if not, please try to look for help in one of your real worlds, not on internet. Please.
  19. sure. About Flunarizine, it seems that it's very risky (Parkinson...) so, bad idea...
  20. Anyone knows where is the user who wrote this post gone ? It seems the medication worked very well for him . Any one knows more about Flunarizine or has tried it ?
  21. Worst case scenario, you'll end up with full blown schizophrenia...seen a few exemples recently, and it's not very recreational to this people i believe... If you really want to meet Jesus or Buddha, well, maybe better to wait for your last day on this earth. Enjoy your life , love and stay healthy, bro.
  22. https://www.cell.com/cell-reports/fulltext/S2211-1247(18)30755-1
  23. yes they are some real ignorant people out there, bounded by narrow morals and sheep minded...I guess if you are not conformist, one day or another, you will have to explore drugs, because after all, drugs, when they are not recreational, are a true way to get closer to what we really are and test our body limits. Steve Jobs did it , and see what he came up with...
  24. A visit to the neurologist... So i tried most nootropics legal on sale over the internet, and none of them really had effects on my 20 Yo HPPD . I decided by then to see a proper neurologist to get a Keppra prescription. Mine o mine, i forgot how some people are stupid and narrow minded about drugs... So I picked up a random Neurologist on google map, nearby . After 45 days of wait (that's how long it take to have an appointment in Paris), I finally arrive to the long awaited appointment. The guy seems like a regular doctor, in his 50's...So i started telling him, i had one of a teenagehood , and did drugs a few times (LSD, MDMA and did smoke cannabis).. Then i described the whole thing, and how it started, just after one single very light second LSD take... Him : "Cut the crap" "what are you symptoms then". Me : "I don't do any drugs since 25 years now, i have a very healthy lifestyle, still I have left some visual snow and trails which makes patterns like flash also" Him : "Flash...You LSD don't really give flashback you know, it's in the movies" Me : "I know that perfectly....I'm not making this up. That's not what i'm talking about". I wait , and then he start to explain : Him : "You may have a permanent damage to your optical nerves, we need a scan to see if we can do anything, but i'm very pessimistic". Me : "mmmmmm.....really ? with LSD ????" In fact , there is no way any drug , specially LSD can fry you optical nerve. So i start wondering what level of competence he had, regarding drugs, appart from saying, like most of common people, he heard of "Flashbacks stories".... In the end, I figured out he was treating me in a very mean way, because of the "drug" topic, and because it made me look to him, like some kind of junkie, even if i look very normal and healthy... I was telling him a very painful story and he was just rejecting me because the hallucinogen topic was taboo to him. So I started telling him i doubted i had any damage of some sort, and then I pulled out the HPPD subject. Off course, it was first news to him, and I saw his face starting to decompose right in front of me, as, it happened that i knew a little bit about neurology and brain chemistry in general. The rest of the interview, i could feel he was ashamed of himself as I pulled out some medical reviews about the topic and what medication can be tried to help recovery. Him : "I know I don't know everything, but i will try to learn and figure it out i guess, please forward me the doc in you possession " Me : "That sound better, I'm sure many people do have this HPPD sickness and would be happy to be helped" Him, (sweating) : yes yes, sure, i will review this documents and will get back to you asap. Me : happy face, how much ? Oh 175$ ok there it is... One week later. No news, No prescription, No nothing. I guess, he had second thoughts on how a good christian must treat people who used drugs once in their life. I guess he sticked back to the "Good for you" he started with, after all. I guess he must be happy this way. I guess he wanted me to feel more sorry for myself because i did drugs once in a distant past. At least, HPPD, did elevate me in a place where i know no one should be treated like that, ever. Where i know a good doctor should help his patients and listen to them whatever their story is. Moral of the story : I made more research and found out a real HPPD specialist. I will not contact this B*¨*%* again to waste more of my time. Be warned, there are doctors out there, happy to put the stigma on you, and happy to see your soul bleed because after all, "doing drugs is bad", while they prescribe drugs all the time to other patients, that sometimes, might also fuck their brain and health even more badly. If you need help, don't listen to this doctors who want to bring doom and curse on you. Stay positive. Hppd can be cured already for some people, and will be cured 100% some day.
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