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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum


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Everything posted by olivier24445

  1. After all, this is what I think : My Hppd is a post traumatic stress disorder caused by the use of one time very high dosage hallucinogen, Most of the time it happens to you because during the trip, you become scared to death to never come back normal (pretty common). It match the PTSD chronology, like it does not occur immediately, but after a certain delay 2 to 3 month, Starts with Flashbacks, images of the trauma, depression, depersonalisation, social withdrawal and so on..Intense anxiety/awareness that stays to an abnormal level as "normal condition" I believe the visuals (snow, palinopsia, in my case), are probably created by this permanent state of anxiety and specially they exist in our very case, more than in other PTSD traumas, because of the hallucinogen drug induced experience at the origin of it (instead of a car crash, terrorist attack, and other traumatic events - does not have to be a profound bad trip). To me, there is no brain damage. It's purely anxiety and trauma that get anchored. That's why it gets better when you don't focus on it (like when you're in love / or feel deeply loved, holidays, and so on) The best way to cure it, is to work on this anxiety, understand that we can reverse it completely by doing so. Follow a PTSD healing protocol. Specially, understand that we did NOT destroy/damage our brains. That's my conclusion.
  2. Kind of the same story for me, i lived 20 years thinking I had some kind of breakdown or psychotic episode that left me this symptoms, except, i've always been very sound and healthy since that time (had a massive shroom dosage when i was 18) , and actually very grounded and successfull in my adult life..So something did not match the puzzle. After i did 10 years of psychotherapy with not results, I just stopped looking, and did not care any more...until I heard of HPPD on youtube, it all made sense and I finally knew that was IT ! And by then i could search for a relief, finally, after all those years. I tried almost all the supplements around (the usual and the non usual) - no results, only placebo. Finally I decieded to try Lamictal first, because Keppra "rage" and mood did scare me a little. Results at 50mg/day, yet : Much better ! Brain fog/dream like feeling (i was so use to , that i forgot I had it) gone - Social interactions improved drastically : I'm not always over forcing my attention to focus on the situation / pay attention or get interest in what people are saying - Visual : slight improvement (my computer screen really less messed up, when i work) - less sparkle and glitters (i guess this might improve much more at higher dosage) So i will keep rising the dosage. I had 0 side effects only benefits. I believe a PTSD therapy like EMDR or other may give good results, but the practicians here in my city know nothing about HPPD or are not willing to help/try experiment on it...So the chemical way is still good to take for now.
  3. olivier24445

    macropsia, pelopsia and metamorphopsia symptoms outt

    how long ago did you do that " mdma and lsd and 40mg 2cb," ?
  4. olivier24445

    My theory : HPPD is PTSD induced by hallucinogens

    I think , like dreams, the traumatic moment of the trip can be washed out of your memories on the morning, and you will just think it was all amazing. That would also justify the traumatic resurgence of hppd symptoms at any moment coming in the next days or months following the experience. Your unconscious self will URGE you , doing so, to pay attention to that condition. I think most of us, who had a strong hppd burst at first, had a complete phobia of hallucinogenic drugs after. That was my case. That's why POT , when you smoke it, bring back the fear of loosing your mind/dying , and will bring you back to that mindset, making it impossible to enjoy it anymore. After all, we experienced "DEATH" in some ways , with hallucinogens, isn'it ? How can that, not be considered, as traumatic as a real death threat by your brain IRL ? Or in fact, the "experience" whatever it will be, might have a chance on some individuals, to start a very similar process in the brain as a traumatic disorder We are not equal facing traumas. During war time, some soldiers will have their brain all messed up, some will have nothing at all.
  5. yes, agree, anyone who has hppd should try Lamictal or Keppra, they both work. Me i had good results since now with Lamictal. My HPPD is 20 years old almost. Forget about nutropics, i bought and experimented most of them, nothing works. Just take a step to real medication. There is hope , really.
  6. olivier24445

    Almost 9 months..

    Again, i stand by my analysis that HPPD has a very similar brain chemistry process as PTSD and both belongs to the same family. Drugs can trigger in the brain the creation of the same alternative neural pathways as PTSD does. Can be definitive for some people, we are not all equal ; Makes you 24/24 hyper-vigilant/active and create more or less visual distortions (more in cas of drug use). But brain can be trained to reverse most of this effects. Try Lamotrigine already to 100mg daily. It's working for me, and for many other people. Don't waste your time.
  7. I'm currently testing Lamictal with good results so far (feeling more stable, more grounded in reality) still i'm on very low dosage (about 35 mg/daily) and I'm not sure if it impacts on my visual snow and palinopsia ...Sometime i fell it does a little...Today i came across some horrible posts about withdrawal symptoms... Some people mention it take weeks, and they feel headheache, depresonalisation, moods..So it seems like there is a price to pay in the end ? Would all the benefits go away and things get super worse when we stop ? Anyone has experience of the drug to let us know ?
  8. olivier24445

    Lamotrigine withdrawal

    I tried to lower the dose for a few days, to test it , and the so said "withdrawal" is really really mild. I would not listen anymore to people comments. Even if there is a whidrawal, the positive effects are MAJOR ! So it worth it The good thing with this little interruption, is that a could have a better measure on the positive effects of Lamictal on me, as on lower dosage, i felt back right away to my old self, bit spaced out, living in a dream feeling, flashy visuals, drifiting lights and all that shit that make you feel in weirdo land 24/24 ----the classic hppd things i'm enduring since 20 years from now) . So , this med has a fantastic effect so far. I feel great, my anxiety is really gone, i feel good in the crowd, and i'm able to really connect with people. My mind is so clear that i want for the first time ever, to really interact with people to enjoy it. I will by then increase slowly the dosage to see if i can improve even more.
  9. olivier24445

    My theory : HPPD is PTSD induced by hallucinogens

    I think they are different degrees of experience and many ways to endure it, as we all have our own psychology and approach to the symptoms and how we perceived the whole drug experience, including with MDMA that can also be very intense at high dosage. Like I said, I think HPPD is first of all, an anxiety disorder, and that's why benzos, alchool, drugs, can reduce it, because they distract you from the symptoms and the permanent state of awareness/anxiety you are in. And PTSD does show an abnormal ECG too : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21960258 The bain chemistry change is also linked to the condition, but not at the source of it. Still, it's my position, i'm not pretending i own the truth, but that's the theory that makes more sense to me. I would ad the following as clues : -PTSD has visual snow and palinopsia actually in the symptomatology. -Lamictal and Keppra are used also to cure refractory PTSD.
  10. olivier24445

    A visit to the neurologist

    A visit to the neurologist... So i tried most nootropics legal on sale over the internet, and none of them really had effects on my 20 Yo HPPD . I decided by then to see a proper neurologist to get a Keppra prescription. Mine o mine, i forgot how some people are stupid and narrow minded about drugs... So I picked up a random Neurologist on google map, nearby . After 45 days of wait (that's how long it take to have an appointment in Paris), I finally arrive to the long awaited appointment. The guy seems like a regular doctor, in his 50's...So i started telling him, i had one of a teenagehood , and did drugs a few times (LSD, MDMA and did smoke cannabis).. Then i described the whole thing, and how it started, just after one single very light second LSD take... Him : "Cut the crap" "what are you symptoms then". Me : "I don't do any drugs since 25 years now, i have a very healthy lifestyle, still I have left some visual snow and trails which makes patterns like flash also" Him : "Flash...You LSD don't really give flashback you know, it's in the movies" Me : "I know that perfectly....I'm not making this up. That's not what i'm talking about". I wait , and then he start to explain : Him : "You may have a permanent damage to your optical nerves, we need a scan to see if we can do anything, but i'm very pessimistic". Me : "mmmmmm.....really ? with LSD ????" In fact , there is no way any drug , specially LSD can fry you optical nerve. So i start wondering what level of competence he had, regarding drugs, appart from saying, like most of common people, he heard of "Flashbacks stories".... In the end, I figured out he was treating me in a very mean way, because of the "drug" topic, and because it made me look to him, like some kind of junkie, even if i look very normal and healthy... I was telling him a very painful story and he was just rejecting me because the hallucinogen topic was taboo to him. So I started telling him i doubted i had any damage of some sort, and then I pulled out the HPPD subject. Off course, it was first news to him, and I saw his face starting to decompose right in front of me, as, it happened that i knew a little bit about neurology and brain chemistry in general. The rest of the interview, i could feel he was ashamed of himself as I pulled out some medical reviews about the topic and what medication can be tried to help recovery. Him : "I know I don't know everything, but i will try to learn and figure it out i guess, please forward me the doc in you possession " Me : "That sound better, I'm sure many people do have this HPPD sickness and would be happy to be helped" Him, (sweating) : yes yes, sure, i will review this documents and will get back to you asap. Me : happy face, how much ? Oh 175$ ok there it is... One week later. No news, No prescription, No nothing. I guess, he had second thoughts on how a good christian must treat people who used drugs once in their life. I guess he sticked back to the "Good for you" he started with, after all. I guess he must be happy this way. I guess he wanted me to feel more sorry for myself because i did drugs once in a distant past. At least, HPPD, did elevate me in a place where i know no one should be treated like that, ever. Where i know a good doctor should help his patients and listen to them whatever their story is. Moral of the story : I made more research and found out a real HPPD specialist. I will not contact this B*¨*%* again to waste more of my time. Be warned, there are doctors out there, happy to put the stigma on you, and happy to see your soul bleed because after all, "doing drugs is bad", while they prescribe drugs all the time to other patients, that sometimes, might also fuck their brain and health even more badly. If you need help, don't listen to this doctors who want to bring doom and curse on you. Stay positive. Hppd can be cured already for some people, and will be cured 100% some day.
  11. I'm not sure HPPD has a psychological origin, but i surely had this negative "enmeshment" with my mother. In fact, my worst moments of depersonalisation got triggered by her presence, words, letters, any form of contact or communication. I guess she completely abused me psychologically as a child. I actually don't see her anymore since 20 years, for that reason. Sad, but depersonalisation is a f.... horrible thing, so, that's all i can say. I never had depersonalisation since, only when i got letters, or stuff that made me think about it. At that time, it felt like my emotions where so overwhelming and contradictory (strong love/strong hate) that my mind was just shutting down. I can say drugs at that time were a way to discover myself and the world, but also an escape door.
  12. olivier24445

    Cure for Palinopsia

    Following this , you can say now you don't have visual snow anymore at all ?? This could make sense to me, it's like training the brain again to eliminate the noise. Like all training , it needs practice to work, question is, can you make it definitive.
  13. olivier24445

    Light Flickering, NEED HELP!

    just relax and calm down, it's temporary and need patience. You're not going crazy, it's just a vision disturbance
  14. olivier24445

    2 realities? (urgent, already in Symptoms)

    if not, please try to look for help in one of your real worlds, not on internet. Please.
  15. Anyone knows where is the user who wrote this post gone ? It seems the medication worked very well for him . Any one knows more about Flunarizine or has tried it ?
  16. olivier24445

    Flunarizine+Keppra old post question

    sure. About Flunarizine, it seems that it's very risky (Parkinson...) so, bad idea...
  17. olivier24445

    School Children

    Worst case scenario, you'll end up with full blown schizophrenia...seen a few exemples recently, and it's not very recreational to this people i believe... If you really want to meet Jesus or Buddha, well, maybe better to wait for your last day on this earth. Enjoy your life , love and stay healthy, bro.
  18. https://www.cell.com/cell-reports/fulltext/S2211-1247(18)30755-1
  19. olivier24445

    A visit to the neurologist

    yes they are some real ignorant people out there, bounded by narrow morals and sheep minded...I guess if you are not conformist, one day or another, you will have to explore drugs, because after all, drugs, when they are not recreational, are a true way to get closer to what we really are and test our body limits. Steve Jobs did it , and see what he came up with...
  20. olivier24445

    HPPD Non Profit Status Update

    The website looks great ! it really has all the informations one person should know. it deserve a better ranking on Google . I could not find it easily at first. Thanks again for the great work
  21. The cognitive disturbance is the result of permanent sensorial desinhibition created by psychedelics. It's some sort, of gift, the substance let you. Your brain does not process the noise anymore. Maybe what it feels like to have some light autism. Visuals and cognitive disturbance create anxiety loop. So it's a good start to break the loop. Anything can do, work, yoga , sport. Anything. So, i don't know if it's a sickness in itself, because we all become wiser once we tame the anxiety. But still, i'm convinced they are chemicals out there capable to reverse the process. It's a matter of time.
  22. olivier24445

    Vertigo/Motion issues

    yeah, the during my first year of HPPD, i had pretty intense vertigo problem, with also orthostatic hypotension ( feel super dizzy when standing up). I would recommend checking your diet and exercise , it helped, but also time and patience did fix it. Off course i recovered because i completely stopped using any drugs at that time. I would strongly recommend to stay away from any drugs or alcool during the recovery time.
  23. interesting thread...Please keep us informed. I just wonder, what's the interaction then between hallucinogens and the auto-immune encephalitis ? how come one could trigger a reaction that was non existent before ? . I'm not sur to understand the whole statement here.
  24. olivier24445

    HPPD question for who had been recovered

    same question, and same issue, my visual snow is the last symptom really really still present this day

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