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scaredhuman

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  1. Hi there! I'm writing an essay for a neuro subject in my psychology degree entitled 'There is no normal'. Of course I thought the best thing for me to discuss would be HPPD, as our everyday 'normal' is different to others. I would be really grateful if anyone could describe to me their version of 'normal', or how they experience HPPD - not really a list of symptoms but a description of their 'experience' of it or the feeling that comes with it. It can be artistic/poetic/simple/logical/short/long, whatever Please only those who are comfortable discussing and thinking about their HPPD - I don't want to cause anyone who would be better off distracting themselves to fixate on it, as this could be harmful to you. Feel free to message me directly
  2. My visual symptoms have not gone away, unfortunately. But a lot of the mental stuff has, and the visuals have then gotten much, much easier to deal with - allowing me to live a pretty normal and fulfilling life. Everyone's experience is different though. Lots of people have had their symptoms fade or go away completely, so don't give up hope! Especially because it only just started out for you. A common piece of advice on here is to focus on your physical and mental health so you can put yourself at the best chance of healing, and (again) to distract yourself from the symptoms.
  3. I get that too but I don't know if it's just from looking directly at a light - not something I would've done or noticed prior to getting HPPD.
  4. Agreed with the others ^ Avoid focusing on it (as hard as that seems), searching for a fix at the moment will do just that and cause extra stress. The things that got me through those early days most were walking my dog in nature, watching comforting TV shows and meditating. Focus on any activities you enjoy - and definitely giving up caffeine and of course other drugs. If your mental health is poor and you can access it you could consider speaking to a therapist to deal with anxiety etc. Take care of yourself!
  5. Did not mean to make such a long post, sorry - haven’t posted in a while, obviously have a lot to say!
  6. I think it’s different for everyone - I think some visuals have gone and many haven’t. My visuals are pretty much the same as ever, but after 4 years I can now go days without even thinking about them at all, and when I notice them now they just dont give me the same bad feelings as they used to - and mine definitely are not mild! I really do believe that if you just keep trying to live your life, find your passions or enjoyable things you can do that can make you forget about it (even if only briefly at first - and no substances!), distract yourself from the visuals (as hard as that may seem, I remember that seemed impossible to me at the start too), perhaps get therapy, and surround yourself with people you like to be with, your brain will adjust and adapt to it. Eventually it will just start to look like a new normal, and the negative feelings associated with seeing the visuals will go away - this is the only part of it that can really hurt you. I know it’s a terrible analogy because the gravity of it is so much worse but it’s kind of like how you can get used to a really bad smell, your brain will get used to the extra noise The position you’re in sounds really awful I’m sorry, and it is really the mental health struggles that are the worst and most difficult part of this disorder, despite the visuals seeming to be the worst part. And these mental health problems can be addressed. Again I can’t speak for everyone, but I do believe that if you can learn to not focus on the visuals or feel negatively about them, they lose their power. I NEVER imagined I’d feel this way and be doing as well as I am when I was in your position. There are plenty of people on this forum that have gone through what you’re going through and have made it out pretty okay on the other side, so don’t lose faith.
  7. @Tekodu It's great that you're doing well. And even not having severe visuals, it tends to be the mental health problems that come with HPPD that are the worst for people so I feel you that your struggles are hard too. It's crazy how much just reading negativity about HPPD can effect your experience with it. It shows that a lot of it comes down to the mindset we have and anxiety around it. Definitely avoid reading anything like that if you can. I used to obsessively trawl these forums and now I can go ages without even coming on here anymore as sometimes it helps to just try and forget about HPPD and get on with life. The more you focus on it the more it gets to you. Yeah I mean it's just an artificial high anyway. There's so much more that you can get out of life. Getting HPPD made me interested in neuropsych and now I'm studying it so there are silver linings. It's awesome to hear you're making it positive, and all the best to you with your recovery.
  8. I'm probably wayyyy too late but would be happy to be involved if anything further is needed!
  9. Hi, it sounds like you're doing really well! From what I can see it seems as though your problem is more the anxiety around having these symptoms rather than actually having the symptoms themselves. I've had pretty severe visuals for over 3 years now and I know for certain they are there all the time, except they don't bother me so much when I'm not thinking about them/distracted by or involved in something else. Sometimes I can go a whole day or even days without thinking about them. Sorry to hear about your struggles with mental health. But you seem well on the track to recovery from HPPD, if you're already questioning whether the symptoms are there anymore after a month in then you'll be fine for sure! And it's awesome that you've been making really healthy life choices as a result of this, so maybe part of it could be a blessing in disguise. One piece of advice is if it does fully go away, I'd highly suggest continuing to avoid drugs and especially not trying anything new, hallucinogens or anything that caused your HPPD in the first place. When I first got HPPD from acid 4 years ago, my symptoms faded away to being barely noticeable after a year and then taking magic mushrooms completely ruined it all and made my visuals so, so much worse than they ever were originally, and maybe permanently as they haven't changed at all since then. But if that does happen don't lose hope either cause I still manage okay. So just be careful, because it's not worth it, keep making healthy choices and try not to focus too much on HPPD or you'll convince yourself you have symptoms that may not even exist. Try and get support for your depression and anxiety, surround yourself with people you care about, keep doing things you enjoy and try and keep moving on from HPPD so you can enjoy life!
  10. Hey there, hope you're well and staying safe! I'm wondering if you've tried seeing/do see a psychologist or therapist as it sounds like obsessive thoughts and negativity are a big concern for you. I know that might be difficult to coordinate at this time but it sounds like you're beating yourself up a lot for how things have panned out, which is something that can possibly be worked through in this capacity. This could be completely unhelpful and I too cannot give advice on meds and am entirely unsure how they react to different people. I've also gone for the natural route after trying different ones and have found that therapy, meditation, exercise and yoga have been the best method for me (and also distraction, which is very very key). Despite having some pretty hectic visuals its the mental stuff that comes with it (e.g. DPDR, catastrophic thoughts, panic) that really gets to you. But if the meds are needed to help you engage in these type of things then thats helpful for you too. Once again thats just my two cents. Please don't give up hope. I remember being 6 months along and I also thought I'd completely ruined my life, but I've overcome and done so much since then. And know there are lots of people out there like us who feel for you.
  11. Hey Jose, sorry to hear about your infection. my visual symptoms are severe compared to some I think, but other mental symptoms not so much. about 3 months ago I had to take a super strong dose of amoxicillin clavulanic acid for an excruciatingly painful abscess. i didn't notice any affect on my HPPD whatsoever from taking these antibiotics. Maybe I was just too preoccupied with the pain. But 3 months down the line im exactly the same as I was before taking them. although everyone reacts differently so I'd be cautious with anything.
  12. Great to hear it's working for you!! How's it going now? Considering trying it myself, and intense visual snow too is my worst symptom.
  13. Hey, hope you're doing okay. You seem to be in an okay frame of mind which is great. One thing I cannot overemphasise is to stay away from hallucinogens. I mean it's your choice but I was a regular MDMA user (and hadn't tried any hallucinogens) for a couple years until developing HPPD. I first noticed HPPD visual symptoms from my first acid trip. I never did acid again but continued to do MDMA regularly for a year after that, noticing no difference to my symptoms whatsoever, in fact within that year my symptoms faded to barely noticeable. Then I did magic mushrooms for the first and last time and everything changed, I woke up in a completely different world with my visual perception completely changed, intense DP/DR, etc. I now will never touch any drugs again, very sadly because I loved MDMA. But it is just not worth the risk. It's now been 6 months and my vision is exactly the same as the full-on HPPD onset, if not worse. I'm coping a lot better but there were a lot of suicidal thoughts in the beginning and I would give anything to take back that trip. Having said that you got your symptoms from MDMA so it may be worth avoiding that as well. I know that sucks to hear but it just isn't worth the risk from what I've experienced. Also, funnily enough I was the same as you with MDMA. When I was either really fucked, or coming down from being super fucked, I used to see fluorescent colours on everything and people's skin would look pink with yellow stars on it - something I see now on most people's faces in lowlight. Also whenever I shut my eyes on MDMA I'd have this square in the center of my vision with all kinds of weird, video game, cartoony shit playing through it. No one else who did MDMA with me would have these experiences, I wish now looking back that I could've known this was a sign somehow. Sorry if this is another lecture telling you what you don't want to hear but it really is worth knowing and considering whether it's worth the risks... Hope you're all good!
  14. Hey dasitmane, do you think anything helped your VS go away? or was it just random? Cause mine is quite bad and is probably the main symptom that bothers me at this point. Thanks
  15. Well I passed out due to being too drunk so I'm sure that was a terrible way to take psilocybin mushrooms and can't comment at all about the dreams, I'd pretty much forgotten even having taken the mushrooms when I woke up in a complete other dimension-like trip Funnily enough I actually felt a lot better for the few days after than I had in ages, felt like I'd worked some stuff out I'd needed to, then the HPPD hit and completely flipped - and did feel like i was in a dream-state or sort of purgatory Wish I'd been as knowledgeable as you are/in a good state at the time
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