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Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder (HPPD) Support Forum

Kaleidoscope

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Kaleidoscope last won the day on April 18

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  1. Kaleidoscope

    School Children

    Dayum_son, I am afraid you are right. I had heard of the dangers of LSD before I took it. People learn the hard way too often! The pressure to belong to something daring and cool is very hard to resist when you are young. There may be some who heed the warnings.
  2. Kaleidoscope

    For a lifetime.

    In my case, I took Psychedelics for 10 months, mostly on weekends. I was a mere 12 years old and barely that. Then, I got HPPD and completely stopped any drug use. I have wondered if age makes one more susceptible? I was so young!
  3. Seeking life...the description of not feeling right outside is exactly how I felt at early onset of HPPD. It was a sense of not being fully present and As I have mentioned elsewhere this sense was the very worst symptom of HPPD. Perhaps it is helpful just to realize that this is a true symptom that others of us also have experienced. Give yourself time. Let your brain find another pathway. Zoom in on what interests you outdoors, a tree, the ferns the water, the moon and stars. Then the sense of having your feet on the ground will come closer. That is my experience anyway.
  4. Kaleidoscope

    Is HPPD toxic anoxia?

    KB Fante....I think you are on target! I suffered a concussion many years after onset of HPPD that resulted in visual and sensory disturbances other than what I had from HPPD. The very trauma of damage causes emotional and psychological effects as well which can include depression and anxiety. One can treat the symptoms but the core matter is the brain damage. Sometimes the brain repairs itself, sometimes the damage heals or the brain simply rewires! I believe, like you, that it is imperative to look at HPPD FIRST as brain damage from a chemical substance. Layaside the stigmas associated with the whole psychedelic aspect. So, we discover the chemical alterations and the symptoms they produce? If we were accidently poisoned by a substance, no doubt research would take a priority. This is how we must look at Psychedelics minus all the culture surrounding it's history and use. Take away the aspect that HPPD is self inflicted. Take away the fact that the very substances that cause HPPD are and have been illegal. Then perhaps there would be a greater concern. Who are these mad sorcerers who make these potions to begin with? And why? Can we talk about that??
  5. Kaleidoscope

    The Alchemy of Guilt

    I myself indeed am guilty for using drugs that harmed me. I accept that guilt and do what I can now to make reparations to myself and others. I believe it is very liberating and healing to admit our mistake especially one that has caused so much harm.
  6. Kaleidoscope

    Permafry or HPPD

    We termed this as becoming a mushmind or burned out, like Mad doc said,in the late 60's early 70's, or that their brains were fryed, or they were carried off to the assylum. But, like Mad doc, I was the lone soul who never came down. We survivors really must warn others especially the young folk of these tricky drugs!
  7. When I was a mere thirteen years old and 1 year into full blown HPPD, two ex drug users came and gave a lecture at school and showed a film of what can go wrong with hitting up intrevenously. It was rather graphic, showing users whose veins came stringing out of their arm and infected ulcers. It scared me terribly, though I was never a drug needle user. I had already scared myself away from drugs because of HPPD that basically ruined my life as far as I was concerned then. But the fear element was a powerful teacher too late for me. At the age of 12 in 1969, drugs, especially psychedelics were glorified in the Rock music world. Teachers, parents, law enforcement all warned us of the dangers of using LSD especially. This was when little was yet known about long term harmful effects. We were warned but encouraged through a youthful rebellious culture. Had there been the long term experiences we now know of, perhaps some of us would have heeded the warning. The warning label should read, if you take this drug there is a real chance you will stay high for the rest of your life! And so...I would like to see such a warning for the younger generation now. When I go back in time and think of my responses back then when I was warned, I thought that there is always a remedy, always a fix. But this is not always true. This is the reality warning that folks need to hear before they consider using psychedelics. It seems that these mind altering drugs open pathways that may never close again. It is like a lost innocence. I think the most important thing I can do is to warn others not to take drugs, especially psychedelics. Can you recover with strict diet and lifestyle? Perhaps so, after time and much effort. But perhaps not. All this being said, I think it would be very worthy to find ways to warn others. Perhaps to go into schools or even make ads online via social media. Were we tricked by the offer of cheap thrills so drug pushers could make money? Were we encouraged by musicians who made us feel we belonged to something new happening? There are many very serious questions. Why we follow harmful trends. Why we gample our one and only life for a few hours of pleasure. I don't think I can answer without taking serious responsibility. Back in the day I introduced others to drugs too. I'm sorry. It was foolish. Many in my high school have suffered terrible fates due to drug use, including suicide. If you are using psychedelics...., I would like to scare you with reality. There is a huge risk and some of us were so very young to take such stupid risks! I'm wanting to speak out and speak plainly. Maybe some young soul will be forewarned enough to never experiment. Experiment? Our youth became the world's guinea pigs? Love and peace to all. Any ideas in how to warn our youth?
  8. Kaleidoscope

    Can it come back?

    Dr. Ocir...Be of good cheer! Let's just say our life is alittle more colorful...alittle more animated than others. I think...or I have come to think by experience, that HPPD can be well "managed" firstly by accepting it's reality! Everyone here on this forum has a fantastic edge that many of us never had from the 60's til now and that is HPPD is identified and described in great detail! So...at least the element of this being an imaginary problem is solved! For myself I knew not one other person who had this....since 1970! I suffered this totally alone all these years, even after describing it to Drs. and friends! We have a good beginning just with this forum bringing out the varied experiences and details of HPPD. This calls for realism and transparency for the sake of true discovery! Please don't be discouraged but take a pioneers spirit!!!! I hope my own frank testimony will show that life is good and worth living, albeit delicate! Carry on!
  9. Kaleidoscope

    Question to those suffering for many years

    Hi all. I am 60... HPPD came on me at age 12. That makes 48 years! I still have all the symptoms though they do not seem as strong depending on several factors like sleep deprivation, caffeine, diet,environment and stress. Just recently experienced the de-realization moments that is the worst symptom of HPPD for me. I was tired and stressed. I do not use any pharmaceuticals for this. Maybe they have discovered remedy's but I sure am not too willing to take anything that affects my mind. In my own case I have learned to maintain and live around my altered perceptions. I just gravitate towards a natural quiet way of life. I believe drugs of the mind altering kind assault the endocrine system by too much stimuli in the form of colors, trails, pulsating, floaters,snow, noise etc...a plain white wall is never boring! Somehow the brain learns to filter past these symptoms and cut through to a norm. At least this is in my experience, however, if I focus on the symptoms, I will find myself "tripping". ?
  10. Kaleidoscope

    Can it come back?

    It has been my own experience, having HPPD for 48 years now, that there are long stretches of time when the symptoms seem not so strong or not obvious enough to notice. Then, a time of stress, or perhaps sleep deprivation, or for no such reason at all the symptoms will come again more pronounced. The most unsettling of these symptoms is the feeling that I just arrived on the scene while I've actually been there all along doing whatever Im doing. It is like a second me awakens. I do think this must be what is called de-realization or de-personalization. That particular symptom was what I did not like while on LSD in 1969-70 and what really makes me feel 'spacey'.( 48 years later!) I stay away from situations and places that seem to heighten these symptoms, for instance noisy places with lots of people. Places with alot of electric lights and tech. These sorts of environs seem to trigger symptoms in my case. By the way, one of my biggest fears when I first experienced HPPD at the age of 12 years old was whether or not I would ever get AS high as on a full blown LSD trip! I never had that happen. I suppose it still could happen though.
  11. Kaleidoscope

    Genetic testing

    I am also interested in this topic. Back in late sixties the rumor was that LSD caused mutations in chromosomes. But I too would like to know if some are predisposed to acquiring HPPD. I'm going to guess so.
  12. Kaleidoscope

    Please Help - HPPD at 17, is it worth continuing?

    Im learning from this forum that HPPD is not simply our distorted perception but that actual change in the brain takes place. So, let me clarify my previous comment to Slowmovinginaburningroom....The walls aren't really melting or breathing and the good thing is we have presence still to know that! The walls really aren't decorated with floating pink and blue Paisleys and we also know this. What is hard to "filter" is de-personalization and de-realization episodes. I still experience these and there are definitely triggers. Even so, just "knowing" that these are just part of HPPD keeps my boat steady and moving onward, whereas for most my years, 48 years with this, I never even heard these terms described. I so agree with Jay about avoiding certain prescriptions unwary Drs give.Also, Because it seems we are bombarded with stimuli ie. Colors movements, halos ,white noise etc etc , a calm life is essential. Things such as strobe lights, loud fast music, crowds, send me hiding in the woods! I wonder if other HPPD folks have sensory overload? God bless us all.
  13. Hello! Kaleidoscope here. I am wondering if different activity shows in brain scans of HPPD patients? I find this forum so interesting! Thank you.
  14. Kaleidoscope

    Please Help - HPPD at 17, is it worth continuing?

    If you do in fact have HPPD, just realize it is your perception. Go to school, or whatever you need to do! Stay away from drugs. Yes, life is every bit worth living! The brain is quite remarkable at re-routing, just give yourself time and don't panic. That was my first reaction also. Survive!!
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