Scrambled Brain

It is hell. But after 3-4 years have to find a way you become one with it you know. Not proud of my self but there it is.

I tell you what, mate, i have been feeling is insane dpdr especially when it started. Sudently woke up a day and realized im stuck in this mind prison. Foggy, feeling like a robot, feels like watching a movie through my own eyes. Feel like im on acid 24/7. Everything 2 dimensional and diffirent. Like being a 1st person shooter video game. The hardest (and still is ) is a bright lited big room like a shopping center with so many fucking lights from the shops shiny lited logos and lights and people and noise of children screaming and families chatting/laughing/arguing. Im experiencing this because i was managing a Small shop in thr shopping center and felt crazy every day. I had no choice but to keep doing it even though it was stressful and probably one of the triggers to my dpdr. Anyway got home so wreckd from tiredness and start smoking joint after joint. This has been going on untill today apart from 1 break this year of like 2 monthes without smoke! I just forces myself to live with the mental state although really hard. It is very true that what i was doing is probably masochistic. Smoking weed while you have hppd ir dpdr. Because it makes it worse.. it use to shut me so down in social events so hard i could almost not talk back to someone. I also use to do it because it made it easier for me to deal with the dpdr while im not stoned. Didnt plan to right so much. Im stoned right now.. Is there anyone else that convinced himself he likes this mindstate ? I am pretty good at lying to myself at least 70% of the week that i enjoy the permanent triping life.

I tell you what, mate, i have been feeling is insane dpdr especially when it started. Sudently woke up a day and realized im stuck in this mind prison. Foggy, feeling like a robot, feels like watching a movie through my own eyes. Feel like im on acid 24/7. Everything 2 dimensional and diffirent. Like being a 1st person shooter video game. The hardest (and still is ) is a bright lited big room like a shopping center with so many fucking lights from the shops shiny lited logos and lights and people and noise of children screaming and families chatting/laughing/arguing. Im experiencing this because i was managing a Small shop in thr shopping center and felt crazy every day. I had no choice but to keep doing it even though it was stressful and probably one of the triggers to my dpdr. Anyway got home so wreckd from tiredness and start smoking joint after joint. This has been going on untill today apart from 1 break this year of like 2 monthes without smoke! I just forces myself to live with the mental state although really hard. It is very true that what i was doing is probably masochistic. Smoking weed while you have hppd ir dpdr. Because it makes it worse.. it use to shut me so down in social events so hard i could almost not talk back to someone. I also use to do it because it made it easier for me to deal with the dpdr while im not stoned. Didnt plan to right so much. Im stoned right now.. Is there anyone else that convinced himself he likes this mindstate ? I am pretty good at lying to myself at least 70% of the week that i enjoy the permanent triping life.

Does anyone still like smoking weed and once in a while go to the forest to take some drugs during the dpdr/hppd or what not?

Im suffering for about 3 years. It took me about the first 6 monthes to google my feelings and slowly figure out what the hell is happening to me. I had no idea what it was. I just woke up one day and realized im hallucinating all the time. I got to the term "depersonalization derealization" googled that more found forums, and youtube videos with people describing how i feel. The thing was i felt really conected to the derealization part but not sure about the depersonalization. I got to the term hppd after researching after drug use. Of course i was mixing acid with k and mdma and weed and what not salad in the brain at a festival or two and couple of bush doofs. But only after one extreme festival in Australia 2014 Into couple of months after the festival into stressful work started feeling, i guess - depersenolized and derealized?

Im suffering for about 3 years. It took me about the first 6 monthes to google my feelings and slowly figure out what the hell is happening to me. I had no idea what it was. I just woke up one day and realized im hallucinating all the time. I got to the term "depersonalization derealization" googled that more found forums, and youtube videos with people describing how i feel. The thing was i felt really conected to the derealization part but not sure about the depersonalization. I got to the term hppd after researching after drug use. Of course i was mixing acid with k and mdma and weed and what not salad in the brain at a festival or two and couple of bush doofs. But only after one extreme festival in Australia 2014 Into couple of months after the festival into stressful work started feeling, i guess - depersenolized and derealized?